Barra da Tijuca, Rio de Janeiro

Friday, 10:00 PM. Barra da Tijuca. Enzo was returning to Lake after a busy night. Vini would spend the weekend with his aunt in São Paulo, so he had to distract himself in some other way. That day he went to the pub in the Downtown Shopping Center, hoping to find someone he could connect with and maybe achieve something. But his search was fruitless, because Enzo couldn't find anyone interesting that night. Who he wanted was already unavailable. The same old story.

As Enzo passed the playground in the condominium, he noticed a small figure moving around on the plastic toys. And not only that. A human figure moving on the colorful toys in the playground.

- What the fuck? - Enzo was confused.

In fact, his suspicions were confirmed. It was indeed a child, alone, unattended, late at night. Enzo didn't even wonder. He took the baby in his arms, even if not very gently, and carried him in his arms to his apartment. He locked the door and put the baby on the table. For some bizarre reason, the child really did look like a doll. It moved very little and didn't look like a real child.

- Okay, baby, what shall I call you?

Obviously, he didn't answer. But at least the child started to act like a human being. To start things off, the little one crawled on the glass table. Enzo's eyes widened and he had to run to avoid falling.

- Holy crap! - Enzo complained. - Do you want to die, kid?

Then the child began to laugh. And, of course, Enzo started giggling too.

Well, with a new child in the area, Enzo suddenly saw a unique opportunity to educate and teach the essentials of life. And there was no better time to start, as he turned on the television and a car race appeared on the screen.

- That, baby, is a car race. See that nice red car? That's a Ferrari. Cheer for that car. The driver is Charles Leclerc from Monaco, but previously this car was driven by Sebastian Vettel, a German driver. So, baby, if you want to know the history of Germany, it is very simple. Luxury cars, Bayern München, Autobahns, Michael Schumacher, hot beer, caused two wars, lost both of them.

And it didn't stop there.

- Phil Collins is the greatest of all time, alongside Elton John. They both play the piano and have 3 Oscars and 13 Grammys. The best sports car is the Honda Civic, but the drivers are absolute asses, but the car is outstanding. Don't hate anything or anyone, except the Toyota Prius. Hate that piece of shit.

Gradually, Enzo got to enjoy taking care of someone other than himself. And finally he could notice how beautiful the baby was. Enzo often says that " pretty mom, pretty kid". Whoever the mother was, even if she was negligent in leaving a child unattended in a playground at night, she was very beautiful. Just one small detail was missing:

- So, Phil, what's your food? - Okay, two details. - You already have teeth, so I guess you should eat what I eat. Right?

Sure. That makes perfect sense. Nevertheless, Enzo was still hesitant. So he went to the kitchen and mashed a banana with a fork. Of course, he ate one in the traditional way and used the other to feed little Phil. And the young boy seemed to like it.

- I am a genius! - Enzo boasted.

The next morning Enzo went to the market to buy some baby food. Usually he normally goes with Vini, but without his pal, he was left to go alone to the place he hated the most. Still, it could be worse.

- Oh, holy hell. - Enzo complained when he smelled baby food. - What a fucking stench! Do you eat this stuff?

Phil, of course, didn't answer. Because of those moments, Enzo missed Vini, because he would always have something to say. Phil, on the other hand, just smiled at Enzo's nonsense.

- Do you prefer plum porridge or carrot porridge? Well, no difference, they both smell like puke.

It didn't take long for the trouble to escalate even more. In line, Enzo was dragging his cart with some difficulty. But he was soon rewarded, as people recognized his struggles and soon allowed Enzo to pass.

- Oh no, he's... - Enzo stopped talking and used his brain. - My son. My son Phil.

As it turned out, people like children and will do anything to make life simpler. At least that's what Enzo thought. And it couldn't get any better. Or could it? Well, with Enzo, every time. Because as soon as he headed for the exit, two very attractive women, blond and wearing high heels, stopped their walk to make funny faces and gestures to Enzo's baby.

- Wow, what a beautiful baby. - said one of them. - What is his name?

- Phil. - Enzo replied.

- Wow, you're from Europe?

- It's in honor of Phil Collins. I'm a big fan.

- Wow, a loving father, likes music, and a handsome son. What else can you do?

- I know a lot about cars too. - Enzo added. - I would take your card to... to talk about the challenges of fatherhood.

- Not for anything, but I think you're cute.

Enzo smiled, for he didn't even have to bait the hook. Phil was the bait.

As Enzo returned to Lake, he shut the door and placed Phil on the couch to watch more cartoons. Enzo turned on the TV and quickly put a random episode on.

- That's SpongeBob Square Pants. It is one of the greatest cartoons in the history. Unfortunately, it has gone shit in quality, but the old episodes are great, Phil. SpongeBob works in a fast-food restaurant and lives in the Bikini Bottom, on the same street as his best friend, Patrick Star and Squidward.

After a few more explanations about the Spongebob universe, Phil started to cry. Maybe he had chosen the wrong TV show to watch. Or maybe it was something else.

- Holy shit! What a horrible smell!

Phil's tear-filled eyes could only mean one thing.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

- Did he clog his diaper?

Yes. As soon as Enzo took the opening out, a huge smell of poop and other mixed substances began to contaminate the apartment. Then, another problem arose.

- I don't have a diaper. - Enzo was aware that he couldn't pee just anywhere. - How am I supposed to do this?

Well, Enzo had to think fast, because Phil was demanding. But the truth was that he had to think on his own, which could lead to disaster. Nevertheless, Enzo had a brilliant idea. He remembered that as a child he used to lie on a kind of cloth, which was nothing more than an old diaper. Therefore, Enzo ran to his room and brought the cloth. But there was still one detail missing. Clean the remaining area.

- Oh, shit. This is gonna suck.

But everything went smoothly. Enzo put a brooch in his nose so he wouldn't get intoxicated and cleaned up the area affected by the poo. Soon, Phil stopped making a scandal. Finally, Enzo took the diaper and wrapped it around Phil's buttocks. And you know what? It worked like a charm.

- We survived, Phil!

And so it went until Monday. Enzo skipped his morning class to be with Phil. The two of them visited the playground, the pool and the park. It was a very, very fun day. At least until Vini returned from his trip that day.

- Hello, Enzo. - said Vini. - What a surprise, you are still alive and Lake has not caught fire even after my trip. You deserve congratulations.

- You can mock me, Vini. But I really should be congratulated. I did an amazing thing.

- Really?

It depends on the point of view.

- Look! - Enzo pointed to Phil, watching the cartoons on TV. More precisely Tom and Jerry.

- You made a child? You don't surprise me anymore, Enzo.

- No, no. I found him.

- Yeah, right. You found him? I don't know, Enzo, but this child is familiar to me...

- You don't know bollocks what you're saying.

- No, no, Enzo. He looks familiar. Isn't he Sabrina and Fabio's son? From 804? He looks a lot like that kid.

- No, dumbass! There are plenty of kids in Barra da Tijuca with light eyes and beautiful faces!

Enzo strangely had a point.

- I just think you should go there to check it out. Imagine if you took the baby from your own mother, Enzo! Considering your history, it is very likely that you did.

- Vini, you moron, the baby was alone on the playground at night. I protected him from being eaten by... I don't know, lions!

- Lions? In Lake Buena Vista?

- Okay, that part I overdid. But I'm telling you that I found him alone.

- Still, make sure it's not their baby. The mother must be desperate.

So, Enzo did as Vini suggested. With Phil on his arms, he made his way to the eighth floor and knocked on the door of apartment 804. A blond woman answered and was very happy to see both of them.

- Bruno, you're in here!

- Bruno?

- You found him!

- Yes, I found him. - Enzo shook his head. - Maybe he responds for Phil.

- Why?

- I don't know, just an intuition.

- Anyway, thanks for bringing him back.

- No problem. Oh, and one more thing, try not to leave him alone in the playground again.

Sabrina was shocked.

- What?

- Nothing, nothing. Have a nice day.

In the elevator, Enzo began to think on his own. How unfair. He did everything right. He took good care of the child. All this to have the boy taken away from him. He felt an emptiness inside him. Although he didn't want to admit it out loud, the weekend with Phil had been one of the best in a long, long time. It was then, as he entered his empty apartment, that something inside him snapped. Enzo couldn't tell exactly what the Universe was saying, but considering those very specific circumstances, there was only one rational thing to do.

Enzo ran to the condominium of the Europe Sisters. He was already sort of known to the doormen, so they didn't even bother to call Mr. Banks' house and warn him that Enzo was going to do something with his daughters. So, Enzo went to the door and knocked three times. Fortunately, Italy answered it. At first she was a little surprised to see him.

- Enzo? What are you doing here?

- Hi, Italy. I would like a word with you.

Uh-oh. If you take the major moments in the History of Mankind, nothing good came out after an "I would like a word with you".

- What is it? And why are you sweating?

- It doesn't matter. Actually, I wanted to say that I am a complete idiot.

- That's okay.

Not that she didn't already know this information.

- What I wanted to say is very simple. And I don't understand why I didn't see it before.

- Enzo, you should tell me right away.

Then it happened. Enzo knelt down. Italy's two blue eyes widened in surprise. And nervousness. What would come next might cause World War III or a Netflix stock crash.

- Italy, let's have a baby. - Enzo said.

- Enzo. - Italy didn't know where to start. At first, she opened the door. - I'm having a family meeting.

Oh, dear.

- Hello, Europe Family. - Enzo waved to all Italy's family members who were staring back at him. And he smiled nervously.

- Why is Enzo such an idiot? - Albania asked.

- And why are you a slut? - Russia, strangely enough, defended Enzo.