Amidst the sea of white essence, a spill of purple floated. Like a rash, plenty of colorful dots populated my soul. Worry invaded me as I recalled how I had gained the gratitude of the Lady of the River. I was no longer an untainted soul, as she had called me.

Did that mean I had lost her favor? I would hate it if it was so. While she hadn’t given me anything else apart from a new life, which was still a lot, I wouldn’t like to be despised by her.

The Lady wouldn’t retaliate because I had lost my status, that was for sure. She had already stated that she had no power beyond the river. And she didn’t strike me as an uncompassionate and vengeful person. I may not have her grace with me anymore, but that didn’t mean I was directly on her blacklist.

Suddenly, I felt a force yanking my soul, breaking my train of thought. It wasn’t a hypnotic, compulsive one as the River of the Damned had pressured onto me, but a force in the most literal sense of the word.

Then I remembered about Alatea Decourse and our private lesson. I had totally forgotten about casting the Soul Touch spell as I became entranced by my own soul. To be honest, it was like seeing a well-liked relative that you haven’t seen for years. Or in my case, decades.

I didn’t resist Alatea’s embrace, as I suspected she had become worried after spending so much time in my soul. I quickly ascended out of my introspection, ending my meditative state.

“Edrie!” Nurse Decourse called before me. She was grabbing me by the shoulders, her face close to mine. Too close in fact. “Are you alright?”

I blinked repeatedly. The nursery’s light felt oppressive after being too long in the void that was my soul space.

“Yes.” I responded taciturnly.

My head was tumbling, a feeling very akin to getting up from the sofa after spending countless hours laying on it. As if the cosmos itself tumbled around chaotically.

“What happened?” Concern was emitted from her face. She had clearly been affected by my actions. “You were out for minutes! I was dead worried!”

“Oh, sorry.” While I was out, she had suffered because of me. “My soul had distracted me.”

“You soul distracted you? What do you mean?” Oh, damn, I had been distracted because I had seen my soul previously. There’s no way I can tell that to her.

“Emm…” I need to say any excuse now. “Well… my soul was pretty white, so it surprised me. I was enthralled by it.”

“Let me get this right. You were unconscious all this time because you were looking at your own soul?” I nodded to her explanation. “Mighty be the High Arcanist!” Alatea sighed in relief. “I thought you were in danger all this time! If that’s the case, then all is fine.”

“Aren’t you mad?” I asked with puppy eyes, as a child who had misbehaved.

“Oh, no, Edrie. I’m not. I’m actually thankful.” She patted my head. “If you were only looking at your soul, there’s no problem. I can understand the attraction towards it, especially when it’s your first time. Souls are a wonderful thing, after all.”

If the adult in the room said that it was fine, then I wouldn’t question it. But still, I felt bad after making her suffer as she did. You wouldn’t like to find the child you are tutoring to pass out in front of you.

After some deep breaths, Alatea regained her composure. “Did you manage to cast Soul Touch at least?”

“No, I didn’t.” Now I also felt useless.

“No problem.” She answered. “The cantrip doesn’t need you to meditate so you can cast it. I only wanted you to examine your soul so you could have a better image and grasp of the spell.” Alatea corrected her posture on the chair and took another sip from the cup. The infusion was already cold. “Take as much time as you like, patience is but the mother of learning.”

I read the messy framework from the book once again. I was able to understand all the individual components apart, but once they were put together, they were nothing but nonsense to me.

Maybe I was overthinking it too much. Sorcery, at its core foundation, was the channeling of magic through emotions and willpower. And this spell was a two-star.

In the end, I decided that I would be more productive casting the spell by the means of trial and error instead of making the first cast perfect. Why search for logic where there wasn’t any?

One thing I did notice was that when I conjured a spell, the mana of the element of the spell begins to accumulate. That was a mandatory part of the framework that every spell required. But I had an abnormal accumulation rate, probably related to my elemental affinity.

As that, firstly I accumulated soul mana before casting Soul Touch. It wasn’t difficult as the cantrip needed Magic Chip quantities of mana, i.e. not a lot.

After a minute of flowing my mana without letting it out of my body, I had a sizeable amount in my reserves. I began casting Soul Touch, following the framework stated by the book and the imagery Alatea had given me. The necessary mana was a tenth of what I had gathered from my mana pool and the ambient.

Following the name of the spell, Soul Touch was a touch-range spell. The gathered mana flowed from my whole body to the index finger in my left hand. There were some problems as I wasn’t used to work with soul mana. As I moved my finger to touch my right hand, the spell fizzled away.

“Don’t worry.” Alatea recomforted me. “You can try again.” Her patience was noteworthy, I have already stolen two hours from her life at this point, and she wasn’t even displeased by it.

The spell was extremely simple, I had only failed because… well, because it was my first time doing soul magic. This time I was more careful with the mana the spell was supplied with.

I felt a tingling sensation when the finger touched the back of my hand. A pleasurable one. Alike when someone scratches your back when it’s itchy, the closest to heaven one will ever be. An exaggeration on my part, but it indeed felt good.

“Well done!” Alatea congratulated me as she noticed I managed to cast Soul Touch on the second try.

After I had successfully casted Soul Touch, we finished our teacups and left the lesson there. Alatea promised to give me a soul spellbook so I could practice more spells, and also, we would have a weekly lesson every second day of the week.

She had explained to me how soul magic worked differently than other elements. While there were some differences between arcane and wind magic, they were similar enough that Marissa and I had no problem exchanging information about spells.

Soul magic was more primitive on that subject. Spiritual meditation took most of the time when practicing, as the strengthening of the soul had greater importance than affinity in terms of power.

“Why aren’t there more soul practitioners then?” This is a question that I had asked nurse Decourse. Her response, while saddening, almost made me laugh. “Sloth.” Her answer was resumed in that word.

Ellari culture was heavily focused on elemental affinities, so practicing a school of magic you weren’t born good at made no sense to them. I wasn’t a stranger to the classism presented by the ellari society (an advanced society was by no means a utopic one), but it angered me how people felt that they shouldn’t do something just because they weren’t directly suitable at birth.

Sure, affinity gave an enormous advantage, and it was a requirement in some cases like time magic, but as far as I know, it wasn’t an unsurpassable wall. Especially in situations like with soul magic when elemental affinity was nothing more than a suggestion rather than an obligation.

It made me really angry. As a seeker of knowledge, I couldn’t put into words how horrible it was to limit one’s path of study. Yes, the elemental affinity was propaganda. Just education and indoctrination.

The more I thought about it, the more my head began to hurt. My soul was crying aloud. This wasn’t Edrie talking, but my previous incarnation. Fathomless indignation assaulted me.

I casted Soul Touch, again and again, trying to soothe my scorching soul to no avail. This was the first time I felt anything like it. Not even in the river, I sensed a connection so hard to my soul. Was this an aftereffect of soul magic?

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I was trapped between a rock and a hard place. Should I stop casting Soul Touch and take on my soul, or maybe continue doing so and risk greater consequences in the future?

The heat was appalling, my head began to spin. I didn’t know if it was a conscious act or if my mind decided for me, but I continued casting Soul Touches. It was the only way I knew that I could soothe my soul.

My legs were numb, my throat dry. Even when in my room, I wasn’t sure if I should ask my mother for help. She had no idea about magic, let alone the soul. I continued casting and casting, my mana pool draining with each motion. The low-cost spell was taking its toll after tens of casts. Maybe hundreds? I lost the count.

With my mana pool at my last stand, I did the only thing I knew about soul magic. Eyes closed, I got myself into a spiritual meditation. Mana flowed across my body as if it were a spider wrapping its prey, my soul, with its web, in this metaphor was also web.

Slowly, I deepened myself into concentration, getting a closer connection to my soul. Why was it screaming like it was? That didn’t seem like something a pure soul would do. Did I really end up hurting my soul, even after Alatea had confirmed everything was fine?

It took time to go back to the endless void where my soul resided. Unlike before at the nursery, when I felt an attraction to my soul, it was now repelling me. Refusing me.

Then I saw it.

The previous minuscule spots of purple had grown severely fast, akin to a tumor. Energy crackled through them, recreating violet lightning tentacles. The energy manifestation swayed back and forth, although all of them had their own tempo. It was a chaotic field where every grass blade moved wherever they wanted, ignoring the wind that pushed them.

How had it expanded so fast? One could assume that the arcane freckles had appeared a long time ago since I began practicing magic. But then, how did they triplicate their size in a matter of hours?

Was this caused by when I channeled arcane mana to my soul to practice spiritual meditation? But that didn’t seem likely. I had dissipated all of the gathered mana back then.

It was as if my elemental affinities were colliding, fighting each other in a way to overtake the other. I continued flowing soul mana through my body, and then soul, impeding the arcane scourge from advancing further at my soul.

I had no idea what was going on. How would I know? Did I open a seal that avoided the arcane from growing onto me? My knowledge about souls was extremely basic, more advanced that the common population, but not advanced enough.

My acquired knowledge from what I had read over the whole shelf of Soul affinity at the library agreed with me that the soul was supposed to be only that, one’s soul. It may be grey, or black, maybe even white. But that monochrome scale was the own soul coloring after one’s karma. The arcane energy now circulating through my soul was a stranger, an invader.

After a continuous struggle, flooding my soul with mana, the growing spots began to recede. I was strengthening my soul as I reinforced it with soul mana, that was what spiritual meditation basically was. As my soul expanded at unnoticeable slow rates, the arcane tumors decrease at a faster pace.

This was not a definitive solution. I was only keeping my arcane affinity from invading my soul, though I couldn’t end it. This would need immediate help from Alatea.

I couldn’t trust any doctor or mystic to help me as I believe this was tightly related to my unique elemental affinity situation. Doctor-patient confidence wasn’t reliable when you had such a secret in your hands.

While it wasn’t the best solution, I could trust Alatea with the truth if it reached it. She was everything I could wish for at the moment, a nurse and soul practitioner. If she didn’t know how to solve my predicament, I may be screwed for all I knew.

****

I was able to hold my soul corruption at bay with spiritual meditation after dinner. Normally I would do an hour of daily practice to strengthen my soul, but today I needed around three as I waited until the arcane motes disappeared from my white soul.

I knew they hadn’t disappeared for real, I could feel it in my soul. The arcane essence lingered, even if it wasn’t visible.

It was incredibly easy to fall asleep as the meditation had tired me greatly. Before I noticed, I had woken up to the pain creeping inside of me. The rays of light showed me that the sun was rising, so I slept for a reasonable amount of time.

Although the tendrils of purple energy had spawned once again, they weren’t as big as before. I sighed in the inner void of my spiritual meditation, the corruption receding as it did before.

“At least the problem is manageable.” I joked as if it wasn’t really a great deal. Something told me that the arcane expansion was doing nothing but increasing, a rate faster and faster as time went on.

When it was time to go to school, I had vanished the small traces of arcane influence in my soul. And while I felt like I was dying inside, Marissa had noticed nothing wrong with me when we met up on the way to school.

There were some moments during class when the grip of the arcane on my soul became harder, so I had cast Soul Touch stealthy. Ellari were sensitive to mana movement, more so with arcane practitioners, so I couldn’t meditate using the mana from the ambiance, limiting my resources to my mana pool. Yet we are especially sensitive to our elemental affinity, so it was no surprise that no one, not even professor Accord noticed the channeling of soul mana through my body and soul.

Soul Touch had a low consumption and adding the fact that the mana never left my body, I would be amazed if someone managed to notice my casting.

I had to ration my mana as I had a few hours of classes before playground time when I would be able to visit nurse Decourse without triggering alarms. A part of me told me that I should just go to the nursery, that the risk of getting caught wasn’t worthy of the consequences. Another part simply stated that I should be able to hold the pain.

The mana spots located in my soul were nothing more than a rash, a spiritual one at that, or so I told to myself. An itch that would subside if I got diagnosed by a medic as if it were a placebo effect.

Thankfully, we didn’t have magical training in the morning today, so I could dedicate all my scarce mana pool to casting Soul Touch whenever I sensed the grasp of the arcane was too tight.

In these few hours, I had casted the spell so many times that my proficiency with it advanced in astronomical proportions. I was able to use the soul mana more efficiently than before, surpassing in optimization of the Magic Chip.

For a moment, the thought of sustaining the status quo passed through my mind. While it was likely possible to permanently cast Soul Touch to keep the affinities in equilibrium, it wasn’t a sustainable option.

“Are we going?” Marissa asked at my side.

I hadn’t noticed that the class has already ended, and playground time had begun. I must have switched off after such fruitless classes and the monotony of casting.

“Oh sorry, I’m a bit distracted.” I told her.

“Are you alright?” The girl asked me, her light blue her falling from her shoulders as she bowed down to get closer to me. “You look sick.”

I gazed at my hands which had lost a shade of color, closer to lavender than violet. I couldn’t imagine how my face must look if even my hands were affected.

“Now that you say it, I don’t feel well.” I told her. “I will go to the nursery. Go to the playground without me.”

Marissa seemed like she wanted to protest, probably because she wanted to accompany me, but as she had another glance to my sickly self, she respected my wishes.

With haste, I made my way toward the nursery. In my unstable state of mind, I had forgotten about knocking on the door, but there wasn’t anyone inside except the nurse.

“Alatea, I need your help!” That came out rather aggressive. I was too agitated.

“Edrie?” Her eyes opened like plates as she looked at me. “What happened? You are so pallid.”

“My soul, Alatea. My soul.” I responded in pain. I began cycling more soul mana through my system.

“What happens with your soul?” The nurse asked as she proceeded to examine me herself.

“There are purple dots at my soul that are expanding, creeping on my very being.” I explained with a low voice.

“Purple dots at your soul?” She closed her eyes as she thought, quickly realizing something. “Of course, how could I have forgotten?" Alatea suddenly shouted. "You said you had a considerable Arcane affinity besides your Soul affinity, right?

As I suspected, the root of the problem was with my abnormal elemental affinities. I nodded to her words, then elaborated further.

“I have a high Arcane affinity.” I told her.

“As I feared.” Alatea said as she pierced my soul with her gaze, and I wasn’t talking in metaphors. “Lay down while I treat you.”

I moved toward the bed and allowed my tired body to rest. My eyelids felt so heavy that I couldn’t keep them open.

“It’s a rare phenomenon in soul practitioners.” She explained as she put her hands on my chest, to then pour some of her mana into me. “Normally soul practitioners only have an affinity to Soul, as their own soul overtakes any chance at other elements. But sometimes, people’s affinity are too strong to be dominated by the soul, so they enter into conflict.”

Even though I wasn’t in a state of meditation, I could sense my soul with ease as Alatea interacted with it, overpowering it without difficulty. Her soul mana directed mine in an effort to guide it across my soul.

“This is exactly what happened to you, Edrie. I should’ve expected it.” Her voice was caught by my sensitive ears, a pinch of guilt into it. “Your Arcane and Soul affinities are so strong that they fight for control, therefore damaging your very spirit in the process. I have never seen the process in action, though it’s nothing beyond my capabilities.” The last part was added to reassure me.

Whatever the nurse was doing, she was being careful, I could sense how she removed the arcane mana from my soul, but there was no pain as she did so. The treatment lasted for a quarter more of an hour.

“Are you awake, Edrie?” Alatea asked once she had finished.

“Yes…” I responded a bit groggy after opening my eyes after all this time, even if I hadn’t managed to fall asleep at any point. “Am I healthy now?”

“Not exactly, but yes.” Nurse Decourse got up and picked up her leather-bound book. “What you are experiencing right now isn’t an illness, but negative feedback from your conflicting affinities.”

“How can I solve it, nurse?” I referred to her as the nurse rather than my teacher.

“You need to stabilize your soul first.” She eyed through the pages as to look for something. “I’m not familiar with the process as I haven’t experienced it, but it should be no harder than spiritual meditation.” She let out some soul mana into the air. “Right now, the conflict between your affinities is influencing your mana, whether it may be soul or arcane one, so you must be able to control your soul as if it was your own physical body. Alike a second body.”

She lent the book to me, leaving it on my thighs. I raised my back to be able to have a better look.

“There should be everything you need here. But to summarize, instead of affecting your soul with soul mana, you have to learn to manipulate your soul directly. Practice by yourself some of the exercises present in the book, though I fear I cannot help you more than that as this isn’t strictly magic, but more like stretching before doing excessive physical work.”

We ended up talking for a few more minutes before we agreed that I would come back today in the afternoon to pick up the book, instead of carrying it around to class.