A pantless form brought an end to everyone’s indecision.
Honeypot, who was now back to full health thanks to his tentacled hat, appeared behind the creature again, stunning it. All three heads of the dangerous monster, which were poised to attack, suddenly went limp.
The party wasted no time, raining down blows on the creature. Even Femera, whose Flying Fox ability was still on cooldown, hung from a leg by her tiny, sharp teeth, still looking shockingly adorable given the circumstance.
The creature died unceremoniously, knotted limbs and vines falling to the ground in a boneless heap.
“Honeypot, what happened to your pants?” Orion asked.
“That thing ate them! That blow was a critical hit. I guess it did double the damage to my pants, too. The durability hit zero.”
“So they just… disappear?” Shadow touched his breastplate with a look of horror. “My armor is halfway to broken!”
“It disappeared into my inventory. If I look at them now, I can have them repaired. Until then, no pants. Do you have any of those trash pants we looted previously, Shadow? I’m a big fan of the breeze, but I worry that Arika will sneak glances if I’m not properly attired.”
“It doesn’t seem like there’s much to look at.” Arika squinted, pretending to look for something tiny.
“Oh. Was that actual banter? From Arika?” Honeypot raised both eyebrows. “I should take my pants off more often!”
Shadow, who had been checking his inventory for Honeypot, suddenly returned his focus from his menu.
“Alright, Honeypot. There’s good news, and there’s bad news.”
“Hit me.”
Gizmo, who was standing next to the priest, hit Honeypot in the leg with a meaty thud.
“Ahhh! I didn’t mean literally, you little goblin.”
“Hmmm.” Gizmo cocked his head and hummed. “You asked to be hit. I am confused as to what else you could mean.”
“I meant for Shadow to hit me with the good and bad news.” Honeypot rubbed his leg, wincing. “I just regenerated that skin. You couldn’t whack me anywhere else?”
“Where would you like to be whacked?” Gizmo stepped forward, looking eager.
“Nowhere, you little maniac.” Honeypot turned to Shadow. “Can you please tell me the good and bad news?”
“Well, the good news is that I have something you can wear. The bad news is that it’s a skirt.”
Arika and Orion both snorted a laugh.
“Wait, what’s the bad news?” Honeypot asked. “That’s double good news! Now I can have both the breeze and Arika won’t be able to steal any glances.” Honeypot narrowed his eyes at Arika. “Unless you try steal an up-skirt peek, you deviant...”
“The only thing I’ll be stealing if I get a peek at that is a hose to wash out my eyes.”
“Guys!” Shadow yelled.
“What?” Arika and Honeypot both answered in unison, then glared at each other.
“There’s… there’s loot!”
Orion had seen the soft light of the drop forming, the purple light impossible for him to miss. Seeing Shadow’s infectious excitement bubble up again, he knew it had been the right call to let the loot-hungry Warrior ‘discover’ it.
“Go for it, Shadow.”
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Not needing any further prompting, Shadow sprinted at the drop. He quickly returned with a smile as big as Orion had ever seen.
“Look at this!” Shadow shoved the item into Orion’s hands.
Iron Leaf Dome Protector
Epic
Plate
Helmet
A helmet crafted out of the iron leaves of a Flytrap Hydra. The leaves are created out of trace iron removed from the ground and their victim’s blood. Grants +3 Strength and +4 Armor.
“Do you think I should wear it? Or is the tentacle helmet better?” Shadow looked around as if doing math in the air.
Orion looked up at the tentacle hat Shadow was wearing, then back down to the helmet in his hands.
“The stats on this thing are crazy, Shadow. I’d imagine the stats would provide more survivability right now than the tentacle hat, but the hat would be better if your other equipment granted more stats. You don’t have much bonus to Strength and Defense on your gear, do you?”
While Shadow checked his character sheet and equipment, Honeypot came over and grabbed the helmet, inspecting it.
“Holy shit. This thing gives only one less stat point than the entire set I looted from Felsteg.”
Closing his interface, Shadow confirmed that he only got +3 Armor and +1 Defense from his entire armor set.
“Just as I thought.” Orion handed the helmet back to Shadow. “I’d say the iron leaf helmet will be more effective while your other gear gives you minimal stats, but the tentacle hat will be much more viable later if you get a lot of stats from the rest of your equipment. Hang onto the tentacle hat, but equip the leaf helmet.”
“Can our resident tin-can wear the hat for now?” Arika nudged Gizmo with her foot.
Gizmo hummed. “Harder please, mistress.”
“Can you wear equipment?” Orion felt like an idiot for not asking earlier, but it had been a long few days.
“I do not require equipment. My superior metal body upgrades as I and you increase levels and abilities.”
Shadow put the helmet on, the mismatching set he had on looking almost as ridiculous as the tentacle hats the rest of the party were still wearing.
Arika squinted at the helmet.
“Can you hear with the tin-can covering your ears?”
“I think I can hear better with it in…” Shadow flicked the side of his helmet lightly but flinched even with the soft touch. “It’s sort of tinny, but it’s like when you hold your hand to your ear.”
“Sweet hat,” Honeypot said. “Can I borrow it later for, uh, reasons?”
“What, you can’t perv effectively enough as is?” Arika asked.
“How dare you! I intended to use it to scout out for danger, of course.”
Arika rolled her eyes and turned away.
Honeypot leaned in and whispered to Orion, “Psst. I’m totally gonna use it to perv. Now I just need a bush made of metal leaves to hide in…”
Too exhausted and anxious to enjoy Honeypot’s antics, Orion steered the conversation back to the task at hand.
“I think we should proceed with more caution. That thing made us use one of our healing fall-backs already, and I’m still not feeling completely myself.”
“I saw you almost fall.” Arika made a half step toward Orion before stopping. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just a little lingering pain from last night.”
“You know, we can just camp here if you aren’t well enough to travel—”
“No.” Orion said with too harsh a tone. “We have to advance. Even if slowly, we need to keep moving forward.”
“I was just trying to help…”
Orion took a deep breath and exhaled. “I know. I’m sorry. The pressure of this quest is getting to me.”
“I know you’re feeling pressured to move forward, but…” Honeypot held his hands up defensively as Orion looked at him. “If you aren’t well enough to continue—which, to be clear, I’m not saying you aren’t—there’s no point plowing forward. That’s just going to get us killed, which, if I’ve done the math correctly, is extremely detrimental to us finishing this quest on time.”
“Would you like me to run the math?” Gizmo asked.
“No…” Honeypot paused, looking contemplative. “Actually, sure. Run it.”
Gizmo buzzed for half a second.
“According to my calculations, dying here would indeed be counterproductive to us finishing the quest in the allocated time.”
“See?” Honeypot gestured at Gizmo emphatically with both hands. “Dying is bad!”
“I see what you’re saying, but really, I’m alright to continue. Even if my abilities didn’t give me headaches right now, caution would be needed. We go slow, scout ahead, and get the jump on any would-be attackers with Arika’s Explosion.”
“Explosion?” Honeypot asked. “Won’t that risk bringing more creatures in?”
“We don’t have a choice!” Orion snapped. “Have you checked the map and the quest list? We have less than five days left on this damn quest, and we’re still nowhere near the center of this forest!”
Honeypot’s eyes went wide, then he narrowed them.
“I’ll forgive you this outburst, as you’re clearly going through some shit, but yelling at us isn’t helping the situation.”
“We can’t all be as flippant and non-caring as you, Honeypot.” Orion closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. “Please… just go invisible and scout ahead. Alert us if you find any more creatures.”
Honeypot walked forward a few steps, then turned on his heal. Orion expected hatred or anger from him, but he had a kind smile on his face.
“I do care,” Honeypot said. “I’m not a monster, and just because I’m not yelling about it doesn’t mean I don’t want to save the people in town just as much as you do—if not even more so.” He grinned and started fading into invisibility. “Besides, who would I conduct my mischief on if they were all dead?”