Carl dipped his hands into the cauldron, then lathered the Elixir of Luscious Growth over his bald pate. Dave did the same, a look of ecstasy on the man’s face as he rubbed the liquid all over his head. Orion looked on in amusement, entertained enough by the spectacle to not be annoyed at Carl overselling what seemed to be a hair-growth elixir.

Wisps of steam billowed from the two bald heads in the room, and before long, the steam was no longer rising, the potion fully absorbed into their skin.

“Here it comes, brother!” Carl stared into Dave’s eyes.

“I can feel it! Our hairlines will rival that of the gods!”

“I… I can feel it too!”

“Heeeeeere iiiit cooooomes!”

There was a popping noise as a bubble of air burst away from the two old men.

Orion stared, face flat, as before him stood two sentient beards. The thick white-whiskers of the two men now engulfed their entire torsos and lower bodies, with only a pair of arms and their faces poking out from the bush-like beards. Crowned atop these glorious, luscious beards were two perfectly shiny heads with not a single hair atop them.

“You moron!” Dave ran both his hands over his exposed pate.

“Moron? I’m the brains of this operation, you overgrown hairball!” Carl threw a punch that bounced harmlessly off Dave’s beard armor.

Dave began throwing punches back that were similarly rebounded by the bushy beard of Carl.

Orion let out an exasperated breath.

He didn’t see an issue as long as they weren’t throwing punches at each other’s heads, so he made his way out of the workshop. He could still hear the heated exchange of words and blows as he closed the trapdoor behind him.

Trying to shake the memory of what he’d just witnessed, he opened up his friend list to find a series of increasingly worried messages from his party. The last message he’d received was from Arika.

Arika: This is getting ridiculous, Orion. Please let us know you’re okay… we can see you haven’t lost any health at least, and you’re still in range, but we’re all getting worried. Shadow is a nervous wreck, and Honeypot is in serious danger—from me. I might murder him if you don’t return soon. We’re all back at our place tonight. Please, at least let us know you’re safe.

He sent a quick message back to Arika, letting her know he was on his way, and would explain everything when he got there. He arrived a short while later, announcing his arrival with a knock on the door. Not even a second later, the door burst open and Arika came flying out, wrapping him in a tight hug.

“I was seriously worried. Don’t do that again!”

“S—sorry.” Orion was lost for words, the sensation of Arika’s body against him robbing his brain of coherent thought.

“Hey! You didn’t hug me when I came back.” Honeypot said, his mouth agape and hand to his chest in mock affront.

As if realizing what she was doing, Arika tensed up and removed herself from Orion’s arms, a fierce blush creeping onto her face.

“Shut up, Honeypot. You’re lucky I don’t hug you to death with an Explosion.”

“Woah!” Honeypot wiggled his eyebrows at Arika. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“Welcome back!” Shadow put himself between the bickering pair and smiled down at Orion. “We’ve got a lot to catch you up on. Hungry? Dinner’s almost ready.”

A feeling of delight rushed through Orion at both the familiarity of his friend’s company and the prospect of Shadow’s cooking.

“For your food, Shadow, I’m always hungry. I’ve got a lot to catch you guys up on, too.”

As they sat and ate dinner, Orion recounted his entire experience over the last few days. He skimmed the tedious details, and his friends were suitably surprised and awed at all the right places. When he revealed that he’d made Journeyman, Arika let out an annoyed noise.

“Of course you invented a miracle potion. I suppose it was too much to hope to overtake you.” She sat back and let out a sigh, but Orion could tell that she was playing it up, and wasn’t nearly as annoyed as she pretended to be.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“What do you mean?” Orion asked.

“I’ll tell you after, finish your story.”

And so, Orion told them everything.

“I can’t believe you actually found something to heal them,” Arika said. “We can get directions to the final dungeon then, right?”

“Forget that!” Honeypot’s eyes were intent on Orion. “Tell me everything about the hair growth potion.”

“The Elixir of Luscious Growth?” Orion asked.

“Yeah, that, whatever—tell me everything.”

“I… kind of already did? There’s not much else to say.”

“You didn’t get the recipe?”

“No, I didn’t get the recipe. What would you even—” Orion cut himself off, throwing his hands up. “Forget it. I don’t want to know.”

Honeypot rubbed his chin.

“Maybe I need to speak to this teacher of yours…”

“Before Honeypot monologues for the next few hours,” Arika said, “I’ll tell you why I was annoyed you got Journeyman.”

She got comfortable on the sofa.

“I got Enchanting, and leveled it Apprentice 6 by enchanting gear for free so long as people provided the materials—I’d hoped to have overtaken you.”

Orion felt his eyebrows raise.

“Damn. That’s some explosive growth.”

“Orion…” Honeypot leaned in, narrowing his eyes.. “Was that pun intended?”

Orion grinned back, and Honeypot roared a laugh.

Arika rolled her eyes, but a smile played at her lips.

“I’m surrounded by idiots. For my second profession, I learned Arcane Gathering. It’s a gathering skill akin to Herbalism, but you get the materials by killing things and looting them. I haven’t killed anything, so it’s still Apprentice zero.”

“So…” Honeypot had a downright malicious smile on his face. “… no title, then?”

Arika just shook her head, not giving Honeypot the reaction he’d hoped for.

“Unfortunately, no. Others clearly learned the profession before me. We can’t all be as fortunate as our ‘glorious leader,’ as you’d call him.”

“I didn’t manage to learn another profession,” Shadow said, wincing. “I did spend the last few days with the chefs in town, though, and they taught me a bunch of low-level buffing recipes in exchange for work.”

He shrugged.

“I’m not sure I was actually much use to them. They only seemed interested in helping me once I told them I learned the profession organically, and they were constantly hinting that they would exchange their recipes now for mine if I discover any new ones in the future. It’s a shame I couldn’t get an additional profession, but I wouldn’t trade my cooking for the world.”

Honeypot grinned.

“I wouldn’t either.”

Finally, it was Honeypot’s turn to share.

“This should be good.” Arika rolled her eyes. “He’s been hyping up his progress for the last two days, refusing to say anything until you were back, Orion.”

“Shadow in particular will love my choice of profession,” Honeypot said.

“I will?” Shadow looked at Honeypot with a childlike sense of wonder.

“You will. It will lead to some seriously cool-rogue-shit.”

A smile spread across Shadow’s face, and Orion thought he could physically see the anticipation welling up in the man.

“My profession… is…” Honeypot paused, looking around the room and building suspense.

“For the love of god, Honeypot.” Arika glowered at him. “Just say the damn—”

“Fishing!” He struck his hands back and looked to the sky, his dramatic flair as present as ever.

“Fishing?” Arika almost fell out of her chair. “You hyped us up for fishing? How in the world will that lead to cool-rogue-shit?”

“Shadow.” Honeypot drew the attention of the room. “What can you do with fish?”

“Er… eat them?”

“No, no, I mean yes.” Honeypot both shook and nodded his head. “What I mean is, what can you, Shadow, do with fish?”

“I… I can cook with it?”

“Right! And after you cook with it, we all eat it, right?”

“Right!” Shadow nodded along, drawn in by Honeypot’s charisma.

“The fish provided by me and cooked by you will be the energy, nay, the lifeblood that courses through our veins—the very source of fuel for more cool-rogue-shit than you can even imagine! It’s all fish, brother! Fish all the way down!”

“The possibilities are endless!” Shadow let out a burst of laughter, then got serious in a moment. “I’ll have to get different spices. The flavor profile is completely different with fish. Such delicate meat and taste—do they have citrus here? Maybe something like lemon grass will do…” Shadow trailed off, his words becoming incomprehensible as he muttered to himself.

Arika put her head in her hands and let out a pained groan. “I should have stuck with Felsteg.”

***

The party beat a swift return to the clearing where they’d met Azeria, the fox boss.

It was only a brief wait in the clearing before the lithe form of Azeria came running from between the trees.

“Do you have it?” she asked, any trace of the jovial glint in her eye from their previous encounter absent.

Orion was taken aback by the look leveled at them. Azeria appeared even more like a predator than the first time they’d met. Her eyes were piercing, and her body was poised to respond.

He nodded.

“Come then. Things are dire.” She turned and dashed back through the trees from where she’d come.

The party looked at each other for but a moment before following the swift fox.

They tailed her at a breakneck pace, covering an astounding amount of distance as they barely took in the surrounding landscape. There was no time for appreciation, all of their focus on not losing their footing as they traversed the forest in the wake of Azeria.

Orion could hear the roar of water approaching, and they soon emerged from the trees to see a lake. The roar he’d heard was coming from a wide waterfall, the torrent falling thirty meters before crashing into and rejoining the waters below. Orion recognized the beauty of the scene despite their haste, but he didn’t have time to take in the picturesque sight.

Bounding over a series of rocks, Azeria looked back at the party before walking through the waterfall. Orion was stunned for a second as the fox seemed to walk through solid stone. As he got closer, he could see there was a gap between the wall of water and the solid cliff behind it. They followed Azeria’s steps and passed through a wall of mist, emerging slightly dampened into a cavernous space hidden by the waterfall.

The hair on the back of Orion’s neck stood up as a foreboding sense of danger struck him.