“Did you guys advance anything in that fight?” Orion asked. “I took Dark Vision to level four and Swap to level five.”

“I did,” Arika answered. “Invoke to level four and Explosion to level six.”

“Well, that’s a bunch of bullshit!” Honeypot turned to Shadow. “You didn’t get any either, did you?”

“Nope. We executed a fair few monkeys, though… weird.”

Orion’s brow furrowed.

“Maybe because you guys didn’t hit the boss, or because Gileal did most of the damage by launching his subordinates at the wall?”

“Just as I said—bullshit.” Honeypot turned to Shadow again. “Next time, we gotta make sure we sneak some hits on the boss—otherwise, these two goofs are just gonna steal all the experience!”

They spent that night working on their respective professions.

Orion looked up after completing another Bountiful Potion of Miraculous Healing from the Stim Leaf he’d been concentrating.

He hoped his Alchemy would advance again as a result, but to no avail.

“Apprentice nine!” Honeypot yelled, his voice cutting through the night. “I’ll be a fishing master-baiter yet, just you wait and see, Arika.”

She made a disgusted face at him, but he ignored her, passing the large fish he’d caught to Shadow.

“Just so you’re aware, Orion…” Arika looked at him, then indicated Honeypot with her head. “He’s been stashing small fish he catches—keep an eye on your pockets.”

“Arika! I have never!” He leaned back from the pond he fished in, his mouth agape in mock horror. “To think you’d suspect me of such tomfoolery—for shame, I say.”

“Just to be clear, Honeypot,” Arika said, “there will be serious ramifications if any of them make their way into my clothing or equipment.

“Don’t worry.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “There won’t be any… fishy business.”

Honeypot giggled as he ran from the flaming form of Femera, dashing after him at Arika’s behest.

The following night, a rush of light and a wave of euphoria radiated from Shadow.

“Apprentice ten!” he bellowed. “One more to Journeyman!”

Orion smiled along with the giant man.

“Proud of you, buddy. What are you going to cook for your push to Journeyman?”

“I’m actually not too sure…” Shadow rubbed his chin. “If what your Alchemy guy said about progression is true, I’ll have to make something pretty crazy…”

“Worry not, my inspired friend,” Honeypot said, laying a hand on Shadow’s shoulder. “I shall catch you the mightiest of fish befitting a master of cooking like yourself.”

“Can I see all your weapons?” Arika cut in. “I just had an idea with the reagents we looted from the monkeys…”

Honeypot made a dismissive noise with his mouth.

“Geez, read the room, lady—the fellas are having a touching moment.”

She gave him a flat stare.

“Do you want me to enchant your weapon or not, Honeypot?”

“Oh… yes, please.” He bowed. “My apologies, mistress—this lowly servant was unaware of your enchanting prowess.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Just give me the damn scimitar.”

***

Orion, Shadow, and Honeypot watched Arika work with their weapons. When she was doing the last one—Honeypot’s, of course—a now-familiar light and euphoria came from her.

She let out a laugh as stood and stretched.

“And?” Honeypot asked. “Did you make my stabby-stabby even stabbier?”

She sighed with contentment.

“I did,” she said with a sigh of contentment. “It has +2 Agility. Yours has +2 Strength, Shadow.”

“Did ours work, too?” Orion asked.

“Of course.” She grinned. “+2 Intelligence on each, and I went to Apprentice eight.”

***

They arrived back at the gates to Valbrand in the early morning.

The sun was just poking over the top of the trees behind them as they approached, lighting up the wooden walls with a serene light. There was no one else in sight—an oddity, given the time of day.

As they ventured through the gates and into the town, the distinct lack of adventurers was even more apparent. Townsfolk were milling around, but their body language seemed… off. They were skittish, and none would meet Orion’s eyes.

He attempted to approach a lady he saw brushing off a mat, but when she saw his approach, she quickly darted into her house. The sound of a deadbolt slamming into place let Orion knew it would be fruitless attempting to talk to her.

“What’s going on?” Arika asked.

“I have no idea… I think we may have missed something.” Orion looked at his teammates with a worried expression. “Come on, let’s go see Captain Blanc.”

They made their way over to the entrance of the western gatehouse. They heard nothing, so let themselves in. As they made their way toward Captain Blanc’s office, they could hear unintelligible muttering coming from within.

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Orion crossed the threshold into the Captain’s office and was met with a look of such disdain that he almost missed a step. Captain Blanc was leaning over his desk, glaring up at the party that had just entered the room.

“You’re back. Good, I suppose. Not that it helps our situation.”

Honeypot stepped forward, genuine affront on his countenance. “I think the words you’re looking for are ‘welcome home, oh strong and well-endowed adventurers that have just saved my town’… or something a little less modest.”

“Saved the town?” Captain Blanc stood to his full height. “You tentacle-headed idiots defeated the monsters out of the western gate. One of four gates. Would you like to know what’s going on with the others? Your fellow adventurers have been killing and stealing from each other, instead of the monsters knocking on our walls. There are even reports of townsfolk being killed. Unlike you freaks, we don’t return from the dead!” He roared the last statement before rubbing his temples and falling into his chair with a sigh. “You adventurers are the actual monsters, as far as I am concerned… we might have been better off without you.”

Orion felt the Captain’s words sink into his chest, shame and anger washing away any feeling of excitement he had at finishing the quest. Lost for words, he looked to Honeypot. He expected the sharpest tongue of them all to prevail, but the Priest was similarly tongue tied, his face blank and losing color.

“Will you tell us what you know?” Shadow asked, breaking the silence.

Captain Blanc let out a bone-weary sigh. “From the reports I’ve received, other adventurers sabotaged the efforts to defend the northern and eastern gates. Somehow, townsfolk were among the groups trying to kill the monsters. The betrayal by you—” Captain Blanc took a deep breath, centering himself. “No, that’s not fair. The betrayal by some of you adventurers cost them their lives. There’s also speculation that they lured them out of town with the express goal of killing them, and as a result, monster incursions from that direction are imminent. There’s a team advancing on the monsters out of the southern gate, and from what I’ve heard, they’re almost at the heart of their Critical Quest. However… they’re a team of pyromaniac, bomb-lobbing, stimulant addicts by all accounts, so they’re just as likely to join the monsters as defeat them.”

Orion’s face brightened with recognition. “You don’t have to worry about the southern gate team, Captain Blanc. If the ‘pyromaniac, bomb-lobbing, stimulant addicts’ you’re talking about are who I think they are, the Bomb Squad are good people.”

“Oh! Good!” Captain Blanc shot back, sarcasm dripping. “The Bomb Squad are good people! So if they manage to defeat the monsters, and don’t fail because of ineptitude or betrayal, we’ll only get attacked from half of the gates by bloodthirsty monsters that have had time to grow their strength!”

“Well, we can sit here all day, pissing and moaning about things we can’t change, or you can tell us what we can do to help,” Honeypot said, shock having given way to his barbed tongue. “I get that you’re pissed off at what other adventurers have done. We are too, believe me.” Honeypot pointed at Arika. “Within thirty minutes of seeing her for the first time, I had to kill her to save her from being tortured on an infinite-loop by adventurers. People who were members of her own party, killing and torturing her for the crime of not wanting to murder our glorious leader Orion here, whom they’d lured out of town. Those same adventurers then tried to kill our entire party. Twice. Those same adventurers, I’d wager, that are now killing other adventurers and townsfolk.” A look of visceral anger came over Honeypot’s face that was horribly jarring on his usually jolly visage. “So… don’t you dare compare or equate us to them. They aren’t adventurers… they’re monsters, and we have just as much reason to despise them as you do.”

Honeypot’s words hung in the air, somehow making the room feel bigger to Orion, as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

“I’m… sorry.” Captain Blanc deflated. “I’m under an immense amount of pressure here. I have a family. This town is my home. You adventurers were supposed to be our salvation, but some of you have been actively sabotaging each other and us. Many of you see us as pawns—as disposable beings that are beneath you. If I hear one more adventurer call the citizens of Valbrand ‘NPCs’, I will lose my fucking mind.” Captain Blanc let out another sigh and slumped in his chair. “This isn’t a game. We are real. My family is real, and unlike you, death is permanent to us—everyone we have ever known will all die if the town falls to the incoming monster attacks.”

A silence crept through the room, the words having found hold. Captain Blanc’s assertions reinforced something Orion had been thinking since first interacting with the townsfolk of Valbrand.

Even if the citizens aren’t real, which I don’t believe is the case, there’s no way they wouldn’t pass a Turing test. They’re as human as we are—maybe more so, considering how we adventurers arrived on this world.

Despite the inconsistencies and his lack of comprehension surrounding this world’s inception, he knew that each of the townsfolk had a soul. He couldn’t say exactly how he knew—but he did.

“I know you’re real—we know you’re real.” Orion gave a weak smile. “I’m sorry if some of us look down on you or say otherwise.”

“It’s fine.” Captain Blanc rubbed tired eyes. “It’s not your fault, and like I said, I’m sorry for taking it out on you.”

“What can we do to help? Should we go to the northern or eastern gate first? Just point us in a direction, and we’ll set off.”

“Neither.”

“… neither?”

“You’ll understand when you get the next quest. Here, let me complete this one first.”

A flood of notifications hit Orion, which along with the euphoric light and feeling of leveling up, brought a smile to his face despite the air of the room.

Unique Quest complete: Cull the Doc.

You have successfully reported your completion to Captain Blanc at the Western guard tower. Your party has successfully defeated all sources of corruption spread by Doc the Destroyer on the western side of Valbrand.

Seeing as though you played such a pivotal part in securing the safety of Valbrand, people might actually like you… spoiler: they won’t, but you can always hope, and hope is a powerful thing—especially for someone as hopeless as you.

Reward: 100 gold, mythological party box, title

You have received a mythological party box! As the leader of the party, you have received this party-wide reward.

Use this box to receive what your party needs most… other than a competent leader, of course.

You have earned a new title! Congratulations!

For being the first party to complete a Critical Quest in this world, you have earned the title: Cutting-Edge Conqueror.

Title: Cutting-Edge Conqueror has been automatically equipped.

You have advanced from level 7 to level 8. Congratulations!

You have advanced from level 8 to level 9. Congratulations!

Myth… Mythological? Holy shit.

He checked the new title.

Active title: Cutting-Edge Conqueror

Earned by being the first party to complete a Critical Quest in this world.

Bonus: +10% to all stats.

Bonus is doubled for active title.

Hooooly. Shit. A twenty percent modifier to… everything?

When he got to the customary italicized-snark from the system, something about it lodged itself under his skin, like a splinter left to fester. He finally snapped, sick of the system constantly taking snipes at them despite overcoming every obstacle hurled their way.

“Sick loot and title aside,” he said, “is anyone else getting sick of the sassy System notifications? We keep killing monsters, overcoming everything with only a party of four, and it just never stops with the insults.”

He was met with a sea of blank faces. Even Captain Blanc looked at him in contemplation.

“… what do you mean?” Arika tilted her head.

“The—the messages after item descriptions… wait, you guys seriously don’t get them?”

Honeypot burst into laughter.

“Your system messages talk shit to you? That’s fantastic! Where do I sign up? I haven’t received a single snarky comment. I feel left out. What does it say?”

He told them.

“I’d keep that to yourself, if I were you.” Captain Blanc squinted at Orion as if struggling to reach a decision. “I think you’re a good sort, but that doesn’t bode well for the System to take that sort of interest in you. Some might jump to the wrong conclusions if they knew…”

“Why me?” Orion let out a sigh. “Forget I said anything.”

“Yeah, forget that!” Shadow beamed. “We have loot! It said we got a bonus mythological party box, Orion! Let’s bust that sucker open! If it’s for all of us, it must be something good!”

Orion smiled, removing the box from his inventory. It was small, but extremely heavy. There was a healthy golden light and enticing warmth radiating from the box.

“Wait!” Captain Blanc’s eyes went wide and his body rigid.