I stood up, wreathed in the magical flames that had washed over me, yet completely indifferent to their existence. I walked towards the body laying on the floor, as it slowly started bleeding out, desperately using magic to keep itself alive if only just a little bit longer. As I got close, a blade came barreling towards my chest, but I made no move to stop it. There was no point in stopping it. The tip of the sword failed to puncture through the white hoodie I was wearing, and while the impact throughout my body certainly wasn’t light, I was tough enough to handle it. I gently pushed the sword down, as X asked, “How did you know?”

“When you and I had that duel, I gave Ash a certain homework assignment. Do you remember?” I asked lightly.

X nodded, “The secret fourth aspect of fighting against people.” His words came out strained, and a little broken, but still perfectly legible.

“She never figured out the answer to that question, but I’ll tell it to you. Distance, timing, and angle of attack, these are the three basics of fighting that I taught Ash, and that your teacher probably taught to you. But the secret fourth basic aspect of fighting, that’s only applicable when you’re fighting people, is…deception.”

Rewinding just a little bit. I was sitting on the ground, keeping my vision locked on my various knives that I was controlling. I had told Lord Xavier two things. The first thing that I told him, is that I would be actively flying three objects into the sky. The second thing that I told him, is that due to me dividing my attention between the maximum number of objects that I could control, I would lose the ability to pay attention to my surroundings. Both of these were true statements, as I have no idea what information Ash has given to X, but they did fail to take into account one crucial detail. My maximum limit is not three. It is five.

When I had been setting up my preparations inside the house while X was standing guard, I had placed two knives on the ground near the doorway. I then set everything up for that one moment, for Xavier to draw his sword, and announce,

“You have been witnessed falsely accusing the Kingdom of inciting rebellion. In accordance with the laws of the Kingdom, I sentence you to death. May the Gods have mercy on your soul.”

And as he swung his blade upwards to decapitate me, I flew the two knives I had prepared directly into his back, causing him to howl in surprise and pain. I then pushed him away, and he used his fire magic to attack me, before crumpling to the ground, but who am I? Who is my wife? His pitiful fire magic stood no chance at harming the husband of Desire’s Flame, a man who survived the baptism of a semi-divine being of Fire.

“To be perfectly honest, I had my suspicions about you from the moment Duke told me about your ‘sixth sense’.”

X widened his eyes, “Since so long ago?...”

I nodded. “Sure, it could be possible that you always knew about incoming bandit attacks from some sort of danger sense, but wouldn’t it also be possible that it was because you had some kind of information about the bandits that no one else had? That thought was the origin of my suspicion that you were a corrupt noble in league with the bandits.

“And then there was the fact that you kept getting closer to us. Sure, maybe you genuinely do like Ash, I’d understand why. But according to Sophia, a lot of the conversations the two of you shared were about me and Soph. Now, this could just be a case of a man taking interest in the people around the girl he likes, trying to get to know her better through getting to know the people she cares about, but it could also be a case of one of the Lords of the Kingdom, keeping an eye on a certain powerful individual who recently came to town, and who may end up inadvertently get caught up and interfere with their plans.” I gestured to myself as I said this.

“The third piece of evidence was in the plan that the Royal Family had come up with. The Royal Family would split into two, and the local lords would back up the ‘liberator’ half of the Royal family as they fought against the ‘tyrannical’ half of the Royal Family. But something didn’t add up. How could the Royal Family be so confident that the local lords would back the ‘liberator’ half of them? If the Royal Family became tyrannical, wouldn’t they grow suspicious of any member of the Royal Family? How could they be certain that the town leaders would play ball?”

I asked, as I sat down across from X. He may have tried to kill me, but…I understood why he had to do it. Honestly, I couldn’t even really blame the guy. Not to mention…he had waited for Ash to be out of the danger zone before he sprang into action. Of the two of us, he’s the hero, and I’m the foreign force who’s invading with the intention to destabilize a foreign nation. My country would be proud of me, I chuckled as I continued with my explanation.

“The only way that the Royal Family could be sure that their plan would work the way that they want it to is if they had various City Lords and town leaders in the loop, who knew what was actually going on, and were supporting the plan. This meant, that there was a slight chance that you and your family were one of them, though I didn’t know for certain.

“Now all of this together only paints a picture of suspicion, not a picture of guilt. Sure, I believed that you were in on the plan, but that was all just theory, the only facts that I had access to just painted you as a guy who’s romantically and/or sexually attracted to Ash. But all of that changed when I told you guys what the Kingdom was plotting.

“Something I’m sure that you don’t know, because I have not yet told it to Ash due to my suspicions about you, is that I recently acquired an…interesting ability. When I look at a person, I can see their subconscious mind. I can see the notions, the shapes of the memories that subtly guide the route in which your thoughts end up. And whenever I look at you, you know what I see?”

X coughed out blood as he replied, “What?”

“Loyalty. Such a strong level of loyalty, I’m actually impressed. Loyalty that didn’t even fluctuate for a second when I told you about what the Kingdom had planned. Normally, when a person finds out that their country has been committing atrocities behind their back, that person would have doubts, and their loyalty would come into question. But yours? Yours never wavered for even a moment, confirming that you knew what was going on the whole time. And the fact that your actions were driven by loyalty is what makes this hard. Because I can literally see that at the end of the day, you’re a decent guy, just doing the right thing for your country.”

“Then why do this? If you know that what I’m doing is the right thing to do?” X demanded weakly.

“Well, I did tell Ash. Whatever she decided, I would support. I don’t really have the ability to care either way, so if she does, of course I’m gonna help her.”

His eyes widened in understanding, as he coughed out, “Partners in life huh.”

I nodded, “But I do agree that what you tried to do is the smart play here, that’s why I’m telling you all of this, and why I’ll wait for you to die before I carry out the plan. You’re too good a person for me to let you die alone. Unfortunately you ended up getting stuck with me as the last person you ever talk to, but for what it’s worth, I definitely respect the hell out of you.”

X let out a pained, broken laugh, and coughed out more blood. “Thanks for that. Believe it or not, I’ve actually had worse company.”

I chuckled in response, “Worse company than the guy who’s threatening your kingdom and literally killed you?”

“Well, maybe more like comparable company.”

X started telling me a story about a man he once met, a con man who tried to swindle his family out of their fortune. The pair of us laughed, and started sharing stories. Inconsequential stories, funny anecdotes, that kind of thing. Nothing we said actually mattered at all, but the moment did. The moment where two men were sitting in a room, a killer and his victim, talking like old friends, as the victim slowly ran out of time, scared to die, but being spared the fear of dying alone, and the killer sat with his victim, a man he respected, and offered him the chance to die with a smile on his face.

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I could picture an alternate reality where the two of us were friends. Where there was no plot by the kingdom to conduct population control to avoid potential famine, where there were no sides, no need for us to fight. Just two grown men, adventuring side by side, respecting each other, and having each other’s backs. Two men who would get along, traveling the world, engaging in countless battles, and taking in innumerable new sights. Alas…that wasn’t the reality that we were born into.

In this life, there are no do-overs. Despite the fact that magic exists, it can’t fix everything. If it could, the Kingdom wouldn’t be facing a potential famine within the next generation or two. The Kingdom wouldn’t need to kill millions of its own citizens just to keep itself stable. And X and I wouldn’t have had to be enemies. I wouldn’t have had to kill him. As we talked, X’s mana, the one thing that was keeping his blood inside of his body, ran out, and he started bleeding out at a visible pace. His face went from a healthy bronze, to a faded muddled beige, and was on its way towards ashen gray as I watched.

“Leo, do me a favor.” X demanded, his voice somehow both powerful, and full of will, yet weak, lacking the life and energy that it had previously possessed.

“What is it buddy?” I asked, thinking that the favor he was about to ask was something that I wouldn’t be able to do, and debating whether I should let him die with a beautiful lie, or an ugly truth.

“Tell Ash I just used her. Tell her… Tell her I never cared. You know she’ll blame herself otherwise. Tell her…Tell her I’m not..I’m” his voice started fading, as he coughed out more blood. “Tell her, I’m not Sam.” His words finally rang out, as his coughs grew quieter, and his body shook harder, until, eventually…they stopped.

Tell her I’m not Sam.

This sentence rang in my head. This meant something important, didn’t it? How does he know about Sam?

What did he mean?

What does THIS mean??

Did…Did Ash tell him?

She must have, right? Otherwise, there’s no way that he should have known that name.

Wait, when did Ash tell X about Sam? She didn’t even tell me about her sister until we’d traveled together for a year?! The only reason I know about Sam is because Mike started that conversation!! Mike…

Does this…does this mean…

What does this mean?

Did…Did Ash…Was Ash…In love with X?

Did I…Did I kill the man that Ash fell in love with?

What the hell have I done?

I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves I killed the man Ash loves

“It’s okay Leo, it’s alright, I forgive you, just calm down” I heard Ash’s voice in my head but…No, that’s a hallucination. My brain is playing tricks on me because it doesn’t want to face the cruel reality that I’m the one who did something that’s going to BREAK Ash. Guardian My Ass. I’m no Guardian, I’m a…I’m a…

MurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopathMurdererTraitorBetrayerPsychopath

How could I have done this? How could I? How…How? What should I do?

I felt a hand around my throat, and my mother’s hoarse scream in my ears. I heard my sister screaming, crying, begging her to stop. I smelled…cumin…the Mexican food that my sister had spilled on the floor, that I had told my parents that I spilled, taking the blame for her. I saw my father standing behind my mother, backing up her words.

“When you do something wrong, you APOLOGIZE.”

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry”

But sorry doesn’t cut it. Sorry can’t fix what’s already been broken. Sorry is a useless fucking word that shouldn’t even exist in the English Language, because the only thing it brings about is more pain, more suffering, when the person you’re apologizing to doesn’t believe you. Sorry won’t bring back X, or make me not the person who murdered the man that Ash Fell In Love With.

Ash’s POV

I ran, following the directions that Sophia was giving me. As I ran, she gave me the rundown of what had happened.

“I told Leo he should have come to you first, but he didn’t want to hurt you more than necessary. X knew about the Royal Family’s plot the whole time. Leo has had his suspicions for a while, but confirmed it when he told the pair of you about it. After getting you to safety, Leo gave X the perfect window to betray him and stop the plot, and X took it, not realizing that Leo had given it to him as bait. Leo’s fine, but…he killed X Ash.”

Shock, horror, regret, betrayal, guilt. I couldn’t decide which one I was feeling more intensely. Why the hell hadn’t Leo told me? I could have done something, I could have avoided getting close to Xavier this whole damn time!!

“Don’t blame Leo for not telling you. He didn’t even tell me until last night, and he mentioned that he didn’t tell you his suspicions because he is aware that he is a very paranoid person. Hell, he’s still waiting for the day that one of us turns on him, despite the fact that we’ve given him no reason to believe that we ever will. It’s one of his flaws that he knows about, but can’t figure out how to fix. And once he did find out about X for certain, you two were already so close.”

“Weren’t you the one who said that he should tell me? Why are you backtracking on that now?”

“I told him that he should tell you that he was going to need to kill X. Because as much as I understand where Leo’s coming from, what he didn’t know is just how close the two of you were, because you didn’t tell him the same things that you told me. And that’s why Leo needs your help now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean X’s last words were, ‘Tell Ash I just used her, I never cared. You know she’ll blame herself otherwise. Tell Ash I’m not Sam.’ Leo didn’t know that you told him about Sam, and is currently taking that to mean that you were in love with X, and is currently driving himself to the brink of fucking insanity because ‘I killed the man Ash loves’ You’re the only one who can snap him out of it Ash, so hurry.”

I tried sending Leo messages through telepathy, but he ignored them. I picked up the pace, hoping he wouldn’t do anything too stupid before I got there. As I ran, I couldn’t help feeling anger rising in my chest. I’m the one who was betrayed, I’m the one who lost both of the men I had feelings for in one goddamn day, and I’m the one who had no idea what the hell was going on, but Leo’s the one who can’t handle it? The hell kind of bull-

And all at once, the anger faded. I had arrived at the house where Leo was, and I saw…I saw…

X’s body laid face down on the floor, his back completely crimson, with streaks of blood running down the sides towards the floor. Curled up beside him, on his knees, rocking back and forth, was…Leo. His once beautiful white clothing now completely stained red, as he kept cupping his hands on the floor, picking up X’s blood, and spilling it into the stab wounds, pressing his trembling hands down as though trying to put X’s corpse back together. As he ‘worked’ a constant murmuring was leaking through his lips.

I killed the man Ash loves

Murderer, Traitor, Betrayer, Psychopath

I didn’t know

I’m sorry

Sorry is useless

These words were looping chaotically, as though the primary train of thought that Leo’s mind was trying to take was bouncing all over the place, incapable of deciding which tracks to go down. All the while, he was scooping up X’s blood with his bare hands, trying to put it back where it belongs, trying to fix what he broke. The black and red cracks on his face were almost glowing, giving off the illusion that he was the one who was bleeding out all over the floor.

Seeing him like this, I just…I couldn’t be angry. I couldn’t hate anything about him. The only things that I could feel were overwhelming grief, guilt, and pain. I tried to call out to him,

“Leo, I’m here, it’s okay-”

But he wouldn’t accept reality. He was too lost in whatever delusion he had trapped himself in. His hands went over his ears and he yelled,

“shutupShutupShutUpSHUTUP, Shewon’tforgiveme, Ikilledhim, Ikilledthemansheloves, IkilledhimIKilledHimIKILLEDHIM!!!”

Tears streamed down my face as I slapped him, I grabbed his shoulders and started shaking him violently, desperate to do anything to wake him up, get him to register that I was right in front of him, but…

“Yes Mom, I’m sorry”

Mom? Does he think that I’m his mother? What kind of hallucination is he having right now? Why is he thinking about his mother at a time like this? Whatever the reason, he’s too far gone for me to help him on my own.

“Sophia, you need to get us to the subspace right now.”

“You need to get him out of the house first. When you guys go back, it’ll be right there in that same spot, only this time, that spot will be a crime scene crawling with City Guards. You need to get him outside of the Capital before I can get you here.”

I looked at the broken shell of a man that used to be Leo, and the other broken shell of a man that used to be X. In my head, and in my heart, I bid farewell to the battle chef, Lord Xavier, and everything that could have been, then I turned to Leo still muttering apologies under his breath, forcing me to realize the true reason he was always so against them, and said, “I’m really sorry about this Leo.”

I used magic to knock him unconscious. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t have worked, but he was in no condition to use defensive magic. I then covered us both with an invisibility spell, and I ran back to where I started, to the woods outside of the Capital, so that Sophia could get us into the subspace.