It took a while before Ash stopped blushing every time she looked at me. These past couple of weeks, she treated me mostly the same, and we still spoke semi-constantly, however the tone her face would take when interacting with me was downright Scarlet. X would frequently look between the two of us, clearly noticing that something had happened, but he’d yet to ask about it. Perhaps he determined that it was none of his business, or perhaps he simply didn’t care to know, I couldn’t really tell. People were already difficult enough for me to read after all, and X’s whole ‘stoic warrior’ schtick didn’t exactly make it any easier on me. Duke however, was very easy for me to read. He simply did not give enough of a shit about anything that wasn’t related to enchanting to even notice that anything weird was going on with Ash. An attitude I could both fully respect and appreciate if I’m being perfectly honest.
It’s been about a month since we arrived in the Capital, and for the most part, Ash and I had settled into a routine. We’d wake up, meet up with X and Duke, potentially running into Mike waiting for Liz, or Liz and the merchant discussing things in hushed tones, seemingly preparing for the upcoming Bazaar in the communal area on the way. Then, we’d spend a good few hours just exploring the Capital. X always seemed to know about something going on in the area, so we ended up doing a lot of random things, mostly various local recreational activities. There were a lot of games here that I’d never seen before, and I ended up learning the rules of several so that they could be included in our game nights.
Today, we were supposedly going to some kind of concert that a local bard was putting on in the same arena that we went to a week ago to watch people murder each other. I couldn’t deny being interested, as a classically trained musician, it would be quite interesting to hear the music from another world. Ash and I left our room as usual, and made our way downstairs to where X and Duke would be waiting. When we reached the communal area however, instead of finding the two of them immediately, the first thing that caught my eyes was a large group huddled together next to the wall.
There were about 15 people, and they looked…ragged. Their clothes were torn and dirty, their hair was an absolute mess. They didn’t have armor on though, and I didn’t notice a single weapon in any of their hands, so they most likely weren’t adventurers returning from a difficult job. Their clothes, before they ended up torn and dirty, seemed to be loose and not particularly suited for efficient movement, indicating that they were not farmers or crafters either. If I had to guess, these people were merchants who came to the Capital for the Bazaar. And judging by the tattered appearance of the group, I assumed that they were attacked by bandits.
“Hey.” X called out, grabbing my attention away from the group. He turned to look where I was paying attention to before he called out. “Damn, another one huh?”
His response seemed a bit odd to me for some reason. “Bandit attack?” I asked, to which he nodded.
“According to my father, there are more bandits than usual this year, and reports of attacks have been coming in at least two times a week. Things are getting pretty bad.”
“Yeah, and even worse once you look past the selection bias.” I mentioned casually. Ash looked at me in confusion and asked, “What’s selection bias?” I took a second to figure out the best way to explain it.
“Selection bias is something like an inherent flaw that exists in information that’s reported. It’s basically a specific kind of misunderstanding you could get based on who is actually giving you information. For example, X just said that roughly two bandit attacks have been reported every week right? Well, you might take that sentence and misunderstand it to mean that there are two bandit attacks every week, which probably isn’t true.”
“Are you saying that the merchants are lying to us? Or that my father is wrong?” X asked, his voice lowering, and eyes squinting at me. Is he offended? Does he think I’m doubting his family? I carried on. Since I can’t really tell exactly what misunderstanding X seemed to be having, I may as well just finish making my point, and if he still has a problem with it, well, I’ll figure it out then.
“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that you only get a ‘reported’ two bandit attacks every week. However, you also have to make sure you’re considering the possibility that there are attacks that weren’t reported.” X’s and Ash’s eyes seemed to widen in understanding, but Duke, overhearing our conversation asked,
“Why would there be unreported bandit attacks?”
I turned to the gnome and responded, “You can’t report anything if you’re dead. That’s the selection bias that I’m talking about. Two per week is the amount of bandit attacks where there were survivors. Attacks where there were no survivors? Well, who knows how many of those there are?”
After my ominous question, we all started making our way towards the arena for the concert. As we walked, I couldn’t help questioning to myself why so many bandit attacks were taking place. Sure, humans are inherently greedy individuals, so there being so many bandits makes sense. However, by my calculations, there were more than enough royal guards to sweep through the streets that merchants traveled. Couldn’t the Kingdom have greatly reduced the number of bandits whenever they wanted? Why didn’t they? Was it just not worth it from an economic standpoint? Or a military one? Was their lack of action intentional, or were they just negligent with the safety of their citizens? If it was the second option, then why have such an exaggerated presence within their own Capital, and why would X, someone who supposedly had ties with the Royal Family, be an adventurer specializing in hunting down bandits?
This whole situation only served to confuse me, but no matter how I phrased my questions, or what angle I tried to look at it, nothing seemed to make sense. Sure, the merchants would probably end up costing a lot of Spectral Quartz, but at the same time, they also serve to move the money around, creating the entire basis of the economy. Without the merchants, the Capital wouldn’t be able to even exist. So from an economic standpoint, even though it would be expensive for them to deploy their army to route out the bandits, isn’t it better in the long run for them to do so? Not to mention that their short term costs could be covered at least partially by whatever Spectral Quartz disengaged from the souls of the bandits when they died.
From a military standpoint, while it’s true that potentially several soldiers would end up dying during the battles with the bandits, the lack of merchants would end up constituting a lack of goods and food wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t this lack of goods lead to weakening the military even more than whatever lives ended up being lost in the fight against the bandits? After all, armies still need to eat, and they also need equipment. I’m uncertain what kind of yield the Kingdom’s mine has, but as far as I’m aware it’s primarily stone and Spectral Quartz, so it’s not like they produce their own iron, steel, or leather for weapons and armor.
If their lack of action is intentional, then why? What possible reason could the Kingdom have to keep these bandits alive and killing? If they were simply negligent, then again, why was there at least one City Guard visible no matter where you were in the Capital? They clearly care about public safety, so why wouldn’t they consider sending half of the guard outside of the Capital to police the roads? And wouldn’t that be better anyways from an economic standpoint? They could build inns along the stretches of road and collect fares for their use, or guard stations that doubled as toll booths. After all, the roads also had to be maintained, right? So wouldn’t having some sort of police presence on the streets leading from the towns to the Capital allow them to notice any issues that the roads were having?
From what I could tell, there were three likely answers:
1. The bandit problem is even worse than I thought. Rather than hundreds or thousands, perhaps there were hundreds of thousands of bandits, or perhaps they were all working together and being led by a particularly powerful person. Perhaps the Kingdom knows about this person and is allowing them to continue existing as a way to prevent an all-out war.
2. The bandit problem is not nearly as bad as I think it is. Sure, potentially more than two attacks a week sounds bad, but when compared to the sheer number of people flooding into the Capital, the proportion of lives lost is probably very low, leading the Royal Family to not view the bandits as worth the effort of removing them.
3. There is a very serious issue that the Kingdom is facing, whether a policy issue, or an outside force, that they have to prioritize. Compared to this issue, the bandits are seen as a secondary matter, something to be handled in the future, once the biggest problem is finally resolved.
As for figuring out which one it was…to be honest, I don’t particularly care. This is all just theoretical after all, and I’m only here for the Bazaar, and then me, Ash, Mike, Liz, and the merchant will all leave this Kingdom for the beastkin town that we’re escorting him to. Whatever issue that the Kingdom is facing right now, it has literally nothing to do with us, and the only reason I’m even considering it so much is that it’s interesting. Like a puzzle you can’t help but want to solve.
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Is this callous of me? Does this make me an irredeemable monster, considering the lives of others nothing more than pieces in a fun little puzzle? Perhaps. However, a couple months after I first arrived in this world, when I was attacked by bandits myself for the first time, when I murdered another human for the first time, I rediscovered something about myself. Something that I’d always suspected somewhere in the back of my head, but due to the laws and order of the world in which I’d lived, I’d never truly been able to fully accept.
As I looked at the carnage I’d wrought, the ripped out throats, the tendons caught up in the jagged ends of splintered bone tearing through skin, the multiple stab wounds, far more than necessary to bring down my attackers, I felt…nothing. Now, you may confuse that for what I normally experience, so allow me to clarify. Normally, I do experience Something, but I have no way to access or understand what that Something is. It’s almost like being underneath several layers of blankets, and trying to guess what objects are placed on top of you by their approximate sizes, shapes, and weights. It may be formless, and unknowable, but it is still a distinct Something.
When I looked at the bodies of the men whose lives I’d taken however, there was just…nothing. A complete absence of any emotion relating to them. Sure I’d felt a certain Something at the time, but looking back at it, it was all about me. It was shame that I’d lost control, or disappointment that I had forgotten all of the enchantments I’d made specifically for a self defense kind of situation, or even maybe annoyance that I’d completely forsaken rational thought and just behaved impulsively, like some sort of primal beast. But as for the men themselves? Nothing. No guilt, no shame, no empathy.
What I had rediscovered about myself is that I do not have it in me to care about people in general. You could be an absolute monster, a tyrant, a truly horrible person, or you could be the purest and gentlest saint in the world. Either way, I do not particularly give a shit about you. It’s honestly a miracle that I ended up caring about Ash. To this day, I don’t really understand myself why I bonded with her so fast, or what caused me to genuinely care for this girl the way I do. Is it just that she reminds me of my old little sister? Do I just want someone I can take care of? Or is it something particularly about her that makes me feel the way I do? To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t say.
The important thing, however, is at the end of the day I do. No matter why, no matter how, I care about Sophia, and Ash. Everyone else? Well, if they end up becoming super successful, does that in any way interfere with my life? Likewise, if they end up dying, is my existence in any way impacted? To both, the answer is a resounding ‘No.’. Therefore, as callous as it is, as insensitive, as completely horrible as it is to say, it is physically impossible for me to care less about the lives of anyone other than Ash and Sophia.
I’m sure if I was back on my old world, there would be some kind of diagnosis for this particular thought process of mine. Doctors who would treat it as some kind of mental illness or personality disorder, and try to pump my brain full of chemicals in an attempt to ‘fix’ me. However…I’m not on my old world anymore. In this new world, in this new life of mine, things are…crueler. More chaotic. But also, in a way…far more genuine. Far more simple. In my old world, everyone was equal. However, humans have an innate desire to not be equal. We want to be better, we have a drive to improve, to excel. We want to stand not next to our peers, but above them. We want to proclaim to the world that we are the best, and allow the mountain of our accomplishments to back our words.
In short, it is written into the damn genetic code of humanity that we operate within a social hierarchy. In a way, the old feudal system of Kings and Peasants, while significantly worse for the common man, was far more accurate to human nature. However, we grew past that, into the age of ‘equality’. And in this equality, mankind found stagnation. All of a sudden, whether you won or lost, everyone was awarded simply for participating. All of a sudden, no matter how you excelled, or how you fell behind, you were welcomed. A tone of ‘acceptance no matter what’ flooded through humanity.
After all, it was a world of equality. If one person received something, it was only right that everyone else should be able to receive it too right? It didn’t matter how hard you worked for what you received, or how hard your parents or grandparents had worked to give it to you. If you received something, then the entire world felt that they were justified to have it as well. All in the name of Equality.
Here though? Here things were different. Here, everyone had power, sure, but here, everyone also had threats. True, genuine threats against their lives. And so, here, people needed to fight for what was theirs. Rather than demanding acceptance for just showing up, the people of this world demanded acceptance by putting in the appropriate amount of work, whether crafting, or fighting, to earn the acceptance of the world. They honed their crafts, whether they were blacksmiths, warriors, or bandits. They put in the work to become skilled at what they do, and in doing so, carved out their own place in the world.
And in such a world, was my personality still something bad? Something that had to be ‘fixed’? After all, the lie of Acceptance wasn’t here, Entitlement under the guise of Equality wasn’t here, there were no doctors, no therapists who would pretend that someone cared, that someone would be looking out for me. Here, in this world, the only person anyone has to truly rely on is themselves. Maybe the one or two people closest to them could also be relied on, but at the end of the day, those people will look after themselves as well. In this world, I am not a monster, a sociopath, or whatever diagnosis people would try to brand me with in my past life.
In this world I’m simply an honest man, who is looking out for the two people I care about, in a sea of other people only looking out for the people that they care about. The only apparent exception to this rule that I’ve found? The Kingdom. The people in this Kingdom, they look to the guards, they look to the castle up on the mountain side, and they expect things. They expect to be protected, they expect to be able to live in safety that is provided for them by another. In many ways, this kingdom reminds me of the world I came from, and it is for those reasons especially that I care not what happens to them.
Ash’s POV
Walking around with everyone for the past month has been a lot of fun. I always enjoy spending time with Leo after all, and he and Duke will regularly get into stupid fights that are highly entertaining to listen to. One example is what constitutes a ‘bard’. According to Leo, a bard is one individual who performs the entirety of a musical piece by themselves, both the instrument/s and the vocals, whereas Duke argued that a group of people who all worked together to perform a musical piece are all collectively one bard. My particular favorite line of that fight was Leo screaming “A GROUP OF MUSICIANS IS A FUCKING BAND, NOT A BARD YOU GODDAMN MIDGET”, causing people with absolutely zero context of the fight they were having to stare confusedly at the apparently massive knight in a full set of armor, asking themselves how he could possibly be referred to as a ‘midget’.
I also got a lot closer with Xavier over these past couple weeks. Normally, Leo and Duke hang back whenever we walk, Leo teaching the gnome about his language, or about ‘science stuff’, leaving the two of us alone up front. X was…charming wasn’t quite the right word. He was quiet, with a sort of easy confidence that suggested that no matter what happened, he would be able to handle it. He was easygoing, as evidenced by his always knowing something fun that was going on in the area. All in all, he was great to spend time with, and I found myself quite enjoying exploring the Capital with him.
The four of us played games, watched various performances, learned random fun skills, and all in all had a good time. The only problem was that Leo apparently wasn’t sleeping too well lately. According to Sophia, whenever we returned to the subspace, Leo would spend a few hours in his shed, working on all of his various projects that he had, and between his enchanting work and making sure to spend plenty of…let’s say ‘personal time’ with Sophia, he’s only been getting a couple hours of sleep every night. When I heard this, guilt flooded through my body, along with a certain degree of warmth.
The only reason Leo has been coming to Earth after all, is due to the promise that he made me, that he wouldn’t leave me alone while in a Human area. I had no idea that in order to keep the promise that he’d made, he cut into his own sleep. He looks perfectly normal after all. This did however, slightly explain how he was able to repeatedly drain his mana pool without suffering the effects of mental exhaustion. If he was able to go for a month with such paltry amounts of sleep, and act perfectly normal the entire time, then mental exhaustion just truly must mean nothing to him. I wondered if I should try limiting the amount I sleep as well for a while, getting myself used to always being tired. Would that make it so that I could ignore mana drainage the way he does?
However, before doing any of that, the first situation I need to resolve is Leo. This man needs to actually sleep at night, and for that…
“Leo”, I called out to him when we arrived back at the subspace that night.
“Yo.” He responded.
“Look, I really appreciate that you’ve been looking after me, but…man you’re spreading yourself too thin.”
He tilted his head in confusion, before asking, “What do you mean?”
I sighed and responded, “Look dude, Sophia told me that you haven’t been sleeping.”
Leo nodded in understanding, and said, “Ahh, I see what you mean. But don’t worry about it, I’m used to it. And there’s no reason for you to feel guilty or anything either, after all, I’m the one who’s choosing to spend my nights working on enchanting stuff.”
I shook my head. “You’re doing that because I’m taking up all of your day time. So, tomorrow, we’re staying here, okay? You can spend the day getting caught up on sleep, and I already let X know not to expect us. And the day after that…I’ll go to Earth alone. Okay?”
Leo didn’t seem to react to my words, though I knew that he was staring at me. Trying to gauge my mental state. It really is unreasonably hard to figure out what he’s thinking when he doesn’t have eyes, but I’ve spent enough time with him to figure out how he’ll most likely react to things.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” He asked, a strong note of concern in his voice. I walked up and hugged him, resting my head against his chest, and feeling the weight of his chin on my head, and his arms on my shoulders.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I won’t be alone, I’ll have X there after all. Plus, I know you and Sophia will probably check in all the time anyway.” We laughed for a bit, him neither confirming nor denying my accusations, as we both knew they were true.
I felt Leo ruffling up my hair, before he spoke, in a mocking sort of voice, “Aww little Ash is all grown up and exploring the world on her own. I’m so proud. Or wait…are you just trying to be alone with X? You are planning on coming back to the subspace at night right? Or should we plan for you to show up the next morning instead?”
I slapped him away, my cheeks flushing as Leo laughed.