A day had gone by since Shizu and Azi had exchanged their kiss of fealty. Usually, events like this cemented the bond between a knight and their apprentice. Not in their case though. In fact, it had put a strain on it, although the effects it had weren't all too heavy from an outward outlook. The occasional moments of awkwardness flared up during meals and such, besides that they were talking like usual, somewhat usual. If the two were trying to hide something, they were doing very well in not letting out what they felt on the inside.
But Kajima, the man of the house and in all his age, wasn’t blind. No, not the old man who knew his stuff when it came to understanding his fellow man and he knew Shizu especially well. As he was taking a break from the workshop during the early parts after lunch, he spent his time sitting in to watch Azi and Shizu spar outside the house. The one sided beatings his little niece would inflict on his apprentice were worrying, so he had made it a point watch and to limit how far she went. Today was one of those days that Shizua was pushing it, either from pent up emotions leaking out or in trying to bring out whatever she saw in Azi. The kid had potential in her eyes. For Kajima, he could see it except knew that sometimes reaching that potential couldn’t be fully reached, not unless.. They had to struggle for it.
“Gah!” Azi fell to his knees with pain on his face. His boots dug into the snow as he attempted to get up but flinched, his hand clutched at his obviously injured side.
Shizu had gotten a good hit in after parrying one of his lackluster thrusts with the wooden training sword. Kajima, understanding that Azi had had enough by how bad he was gasping for air, stood to end the match.
“Not! Yet!” Before he could, Azi yelled and launched himself at Shizu. He stomped hard into the snow covered ground, his print leaving a deep impression.
He was swift, but Shizu sidestepped his sword’s thrust, then tripped him up with her foot and pushed him over with a free hand. Azi tumbled into the snow, rolling on his side 3 times, before hastily getting up mid stagger and making for another attempt.
“Not yet!” He shouted again as he pulled up his wooden shield.
Azi’s persistence was admirable. Though useless in the end. With ease, Shizu spun to the side to avoid his charge yet again, and parried his follow up slash. A thrum of pain hit Azi’s sword hand and his weapon fell from his grip. He felt a kick to his stomach send him keeling over. He dry heaved pathetically, choking for breath. In desperation, he held his shield up in a last defense as a merciless downpour of strikes from Shizu assailed him.
Shizu frowned, obviously annoyed as she piled on the abuse. “Will you give it up, put that thing down already, you’ve lost.” After delivering a heavy vertical strike, she stopped and withdrew her sword, letting Azi catch his breath.
“No.. not yet.” Azi said panting, his face red with exertion. “I can still go on, Lady Shizu.”
Shizu breathed a heavy sigh. “Don’t call me that. There's no need for you to address me as Lady Shizu. Just Shizu.”
“But.. I have to.”
“No, you don’t.”
“But.”
“I said No.. you don’t.” Shizu punctuated her words with a menacing edge.
Azi’s lips tightened, then his head looked down to the ground in submission. “I.. understand.. Shizu.” He said softly, his attitude turning reserved.
His address was to Shizu’s liking in form. Except it wasn’t in tone. She could sense the tension in his voice, the formal appeal he was giving. Her continued frown only deepened.
“Good.” She said, throwing her training sword on the ground in front of him. “We’re done for today, clean up and then you’re free to go.”
“Yes.” Azi paused. “Thank you, Shizu.” Azi had frozen for a second, he hurriedly bowed before grabbing her sword from the ground to make his way inside the house.
Kajima patted him on the back as they crossed paths. Azi didn’t say anything.
Whatever this is? Kajima thought. It isn’t good. With that in mind he strode to the outcropping of snow covered foliage where Shizu had sat down to rest. The girl had a look that Kajima could already tell meant trouble, she was pissed.
“Has something happened between you two?” Kajima asked while sitting down next to her, “Since all day yesterday and today, you and the boy have been kind of passively abrasive?”
“We’re always abrasive.” Shizu said, not willing to make eye contact with her uncle.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Kajima leaned her head on his shoulder, just like whenever she was troubled when she was only a child.
Shizu grumbled for a moment, yielding and letting him rest her head on him. “I’m not a kid anymore uncle.” She pouted. “I don’t need coddling.”
“Oh but you do.” Kajima patted her head, smoothing out her bangs to reveal the somewhat dower eyes hidden behind. “Especially now.”He said, “You’re still young Little Shizu, a small fish in an ocean full of predators, and as your Big Uncle, I’m here for you. So why don’t you tell me about what’s getting to you.”
Shizu didn’t speak for a second, gazing up at the blue and white clouded sky as words began to take shape in her mind. Regret, guilt, and disappointment mixed on her lips. Snippets of what had happened that day came back to her, even the events when she had been drunk.
“It’s Azi.” She finally said. “He’s.. He’s putting up a barrier between us. He’s trying to act formal, and he’s not like himself when I’m around. But well.. We still talk, but there is always this.. This..” She groaned. “I just don’t know.. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like it. I don’t like how he talks sometimes. Even though it's almost the same as before, I know it's not. It’s not challenging or.. Or..” She sniffled, realizing just how upset she was.
It felt like she had lost a friend. Not from combat or a war, but from.. circumstance.
“I see.” Kajima said, nodding. “The kid hasn’t shown any of those changes during my lessons with him, but I do see it when he’s with you, so you’re probably on to something. Did anything in particular happen to cause this?”
“No..” Shizu shook her head. “Nothing that big of note.”
Kajima could tell she was lying. If she were really trying to deny something, then she’d say it outright instead of skirting around it. Her voice sounded troubled and her eyes kept glancing around, as if trying to seek an answer. He thought to push the question, but held back. While he had said he would be there for her, it was obvious by Shizu’s body language that she wasn’t ready to spill or talk about whatever was on her mind. Women needed their space, in a manner of speech.
He reached his arm behind his niece and gave her a hug. “Well.. if it’s nothing, then I suppose whatever is going on with you and Azi will be fixed in no time. If you want some advice, try acting all normal with him like you did before.”
“I have.” Shizu muttered into his chest, “But it hasn’t worked, he’s still all.. Weird, or well, weirder than before. He tries to be all courteous and submissive, he’s subtle about it, but I can tell.. And I don’t like it.”
Kajima patted her back, hoping to help comfort her. “Then keep trying to act normal around him.” Letting her think for a couple minutes, he helped Shizu up when she started to separate.
“Azi should be in his room by now.” Kajima said, “You can go pester him like you always do. If you keep it up, he might snap back to normal.”
“You really think that will work?”
“No.. but it's better than brooding and doing nothing.”
***
With the hearth lit in his room, Azi sat at his desk as he scrolled his eyes across a new book he had bought. In light of the recent incident with Shizu and the rising need to understand the local customs of Kujyurian society so that another incident wouldn’t happen, he had taken the liberty of reading up.
The knowledge he was looking for could always be found in books. He thought of them to be reliable, though the recent interaction he’d been having with Shizu hadn’t been all too fruitful. Even still, that meant he needed to do better. Not only in sparring, but how he presented himself and how he talked. At the moment Shizu disliked his courteous attitude and she had told him many times to drop it. But he couldn’t, he had to keep trying to figure out how to act correctly around her. She was a noble, so she was due his respect, even if it made him uncomfortable to be so uptight. Every time he called Shizu by name or wanted to speak to her in a normal fashion, a pang of guilt stopped him as he remembered how she regretted kissing, that she regretted exchanging a kiss a fealty with him. The thought of it emboldened him to consider how he’d say his words.
Azi wanted to show Shizu the respect and authority she now held over him as her apprentice and honor whatever promise this kiss of fealty meant. Sure, he could have receded his claim to the position and void the promise, but that was both rude and possibly a breach of norms. If he did, he might be sorry about the consequences. The further he read into the details of the kiss of fealty, the more he discovered about the tragic ends for those who broke it.
It was sparse information, tales and stories, a piece of the full picture. They were somewhat unreliable since the texts were biased, except they held some truth he could extrapolate. One such fact he came across was that a kiss of fealty was a deep promise that tied the two individuals. Of what kind? He didn’t know for sure, but what he did know were tales that told of how peasants and nobles alike were executed, exiled, or shamed for breaking them. It made him shiver to think what Shizu would do to him. The clear imagined thought of her cutting his head off had a stark clarity he couldn’t shake.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
Would she really do that? Azi found himself asking that in his head.
“Azi?” He heard a Shizu’s voice behind him and was startled, almost falling out of his chair as he turned to find Shizu in his room. He touched his neck in reflex. It was still connected, but.. His imagination of that scene had been so clear.
He cleared his head and went back to addressing the situation at hand. Shizu was patiently looking at him, he noted that he hadn’t heard her come in. Had he been so focused that he tuned everything out? Probably, I need to work on that.
He inwardly sighed, then got up and offered his seat. It was customary to not let your knight stand when you were sitting. Shizu also seemed anxious, so relaxing would do her some good.
“Uh.. please sit..” Azi said, gesturing for her to do so.
Shizu furrowed her brow. She sat and Azi went to grab a seat of his own, but was stopped as she grabbed his wrist.
Azi tilted his head in confusion. “Um.. What is Shizu?”
“Sit here.” Shizu said, then tapped her lap. “Like before.”
“Like? Before?” Azi was puzzled at what she meant. Realizing she was referring to the time she had barged into his room and made him sit in her lap so that she could mess with him, he shook his hands in refusal. “I can’t do that. I shouldn’t, it’s not right.”
“It’s fine.” Shizu patted her lap again, insisting. “I wanted to see what you’re working on.”
Azi hesitated. He stood there, his mind trying to figure out what was the right response, until Shizu tugged him into her lap by force. Well this was typical of her. So, in a twist of events, Azi found himself sitting there in her lap, as if he were her younger brother and she was the big sister who was going to read him a book.
It was mollifying to picture how this looked. Azi was older, and the pride he had in his age was waning every second that passed. Shizu urged him to get on with whatever he had been doing. Trying to not mess up and act out of line, Azi nodded. He went to focus on the book he had been reading. As his eyes rolled across the pages, he referred to one of his small brown notebooks propped up open on the table. It was his guide to reading the Kujyurian alphabet. He had trouble reading when Shizu began fiddling with his hair. She nuzzled her cheek and seemed to enjoy squeezing his waist close as if he were a pillow. This was par for the course, though Azi thought he should speak up.
“Shizu.. There is a bed if you’d like to sleep. I can set it up if you’re tired.” Azi suggested, trying to keep his composure, “It’s more comfortable than.. This.”
Shizu didn’t say a thing, she only continued to hold him and play with his hair. Azi feared to turn his head to see what kind of expression she was making. Not because he thought she was mad with him, but because he couldn’t come to confront her like he had in the past. He kept silent as he read his book. They stayed like that for several odd minutes. The mood was quiet, and seemed to only break when either Shizu let out a breath or when Azi turned a page.
“You don’t hate it?” Shizu finally asked with a weary tone.
“Hate what?” Azi replied courteously. “I don’t mind whatever you’re doing. It’s harmless, it’s not my concern.”
“Your.. concern? What do you mean by that?”
“I mean I shouldn’t..” Azi fished for the right words. “I shouldn't have a problem with whatever you’re doing.”
“Why’s that?” Shizu tugged at his waist a bit tighter. “I could squeeze you really hard and make you all uncomfortable.”
“Yes.. you could, or.. You can.” Azi admitted. “But I’ll just have to.. Deal with it.”
“Deal with it?” Shizu rolled the words off her lips, there was a sense of sadness with how she said it. She tightened her hug on him and Azi visibly tensed. His lips curled into a sharp wrinkling line of uncertain emotions. A heart racing second passed as sweat trickled down Azi’s brow. Then, all of a sudden, Shizu released him and got up.
Azi almost tumbled over his desk. He caught himself and glimpsed the glazed wet tint of Shizu's eyes as she left in hurry. Her hand came up to hide her expression, he could tell she was crying.. This was because of him.. He just knew it. Because of how.. How he had done something wrong. That had to be it.
Words came up from his throat and should’ve left his lips, instead he swallowed them, thinking they were too hasty to say. He wanted to apologize, except he second guessed himself, the words in his head sounded like an excuse and improper. Azi was left stunned as Shizu quickly disappeared out the door. When she was gone, Azi sat back down and tried to pull himself together.
Taking up a freshly sharpened charcoal pencil, he began to write into his notebook, making sure to get down and engrave the knowledge he had been reading into his brain. He wanted to push away the uncomfortable feelings in his chest, but who was he kidding himself, this was only a distraction. His fingers flexed in irritation and the pencil snapped in two as he lost control of how hard he was gripping it. He gritted his teeth and pounded his desk. His fist trembled, then loosened as he finally came down from his own anger.
“Damnit.” He quietly cursed, his head down and glaring at the worn out book he bought about etiquette and customs.
It wasn’t of any help. All he kept reading were words, only words. All he could take from them was that he wasn’t worthy, that he had no right to even stand by Shizu’s side. An apprentice to a knight was truly special, and special wasn’t how he’d describe himself. He didn’t have the pedigree of nobility or a rich upbringing.
Maybe I should give up on this.
Yet, when he thought about the option of distancing himself from Shizu or taking back the pact he had made, which would’ve been simple if he talked it through with her, a sudden surge of nausea overcame him. It spilled out from his heart, filling him with a quivering and a wavering in his eyes. He scrunched his face in pain, though there wasn’t any physical pain, no this was deeper than that. A soft tear fell and a thought came, a selfish thought.
I don’t.. I don’t want her to go. I don’t want to be.. alone.
Small circles of damp paper began to dot the book’s pages. He was disgruntled in more ways than one, and on top of that he had made a crack on the face of the desk, another shortcoming he found in himself.
I can’t even control myself. He sadly laughed at himself, wiping away the tears falling from his eyes.
He sighed, looking at the crack in his desk again, this time confused. “Was this desk really that fragile?” He knocked on its surface, he couldn’t tell.
Shaking his head, he knew he was getting off track. Sliding the books aside for safekeeping, he then tucked into bed. He was dizzy, upset, sad, and angry all at once. Sleeping like this wasn’t healthy. The night was long, and the next morning was dreary. As he suspected, he hadn’t gotten a wink of good sleep and he stumbled out of bed only half consciousness as his mind kept spinning about on how he’d fix things with Shizu. Feigning the best he could that nothing was wrong with him, he sat down at the table and noticed that Shizu was in the same state as him. Her eyes were visibly red and the shallow bags under them told of the sleeplessness she endured.
This is my fault. Azi thought, yet again. All I do is cause trouble.
“So Azi.” Kajima said, sitting himself down after laying out the last of breakfast. “I got no work for you today in the forge, so you can have the whole day off. I know that Shizu usually gives you sparring lessons in the afternoon, but let’s hold back for a while until your bruises heal up.” Being the straight man of their trio, he started the morning conversation off very well and candidly brought back everyone’s attention. He faced Shizu with a smile. “Is that alright with you?”
Shizu glanced at Azi, then back to her uncle. Kajima had a point, the number of times she had hit him were having their effects. In his attempts to land a hit on her in turn, Azi had piled on a number of small injuries that were in a constant state of healing as she kept putting pressure on him.
“For now.” Shizu said carefully, “I.. will need to rethink how to train him.”
“Good, then he can rest up.” Kajima grabbed the jug of water at the table and topped off Shizu’s cup. He gestured for Azi’s. “So, Azi, with your day off, where do you intend to go? The village, or are you planning to stay all snug in your room with your books?”
“I was thinking about the place you told me about.” Azi said as he handed him his cup. “I don’t remember the name, but it’s one of the other workshops you mentioned before. I need some material to get started on remaking Shizu’s weapon.”
“Oh?” Kajima sounded impressed. After topping off Azi’s cup he asked, “Have you figured out a solution to the problem I told you about?”
“Not really, more like a hypothesis. I need time to first figure out how to forge a sword and then how I can repair Shizu’s sword. Luckily it broke into two big pieces, but mending them is out of my experience. Making a new one will be easier.”
“Well, I wish you the best of luck.” Kajima nodded, returned Azi’s cup, then spooned some of his oatmeal porridge, “If you ever need help, let me know, and drop my name if you run into trouble at the workshops in the village. Plus, don’t forget the tips I gave you when it comes to interacting with those guys.”
Azi acknowledged his advice with a nod and got on with breakfast. The rest of the morning meal went well. While not as chatty as the days before, it was less awkward thanks to Kajima. After cleaning up, Azi got his things together and was on his way out. He passed by Shizu in the living room. She was occupied with documents spread across the low table they used for breakfast. The papers were likely related to matters beyond him, so he made sure to not stick his nose into where it shouldn’t be.
As he put his hand on the door, he realized that Shizu would usually be following him out to go on another of their outings she had so forcefully made herself a part of. Now she wasn’t. She was intently focused on her work, with obviously a lot on her mind, and he could tell it was impart due to him. He was a step away from leaving her behind, the thought of doing that tugged hard in his gut. He let out a breath and thought.. Why not? I shouldn’t.. I shouldn’t leave her alone. No one should be alone.
“Do you want to come?” Azi turned and asked, this time he dropped the formal tone and tried to soften his face into a smile, or well, the goofy smile Shizu had talked about when he got embarrassed or excited.
Shizu looked up from the papers on the table. Her expression changed from its serious mood to surprise. Seeing her caught off guard was new.
“You.. You’re sure?” Shizu asked him.
Azi didn’t think she needed to ask. He waved her over. “Yeah.. are you coming? Or do I have to walk over there and help you up? You already know your answer, right?” He wanted that to sound teasing, as though he had read her mind or was implying that she was beholden to him.
A second passed. Shizu scoffed, her facing turning into her natural grin as she started for the door. “I can walk on my own.” She told him pointedly, “Just don’t run off and get lost like an aimless puppy.”
Azi chuckled at the verbal jab as he got his boots on. “That sounds like a you problem, I don’t get lost, you’re just too slow with how you walk.”
Stepping out into the snow, he held the door for her and closed it behind them. Shizu was throwing a coat over herself as Azi inhaled deeply of the cold winter morning air. It chilled him all over, working its way in to soothe the rising heat in his chest and his cheeks. It also helped him keep calm as he offered his hand to Shizu.
Shizu eyed it. For a second Azi wondered if he had overstepped.
“W-What?” He asked, timidly, “If I don’t hold onto you then you’ll be lost in the crowds as we go.”
Shizu huffed. “As if that would happen.” She grabbed his hand and gave it a mean squeeze.
Azi winced. “Ouch! Okay.. I deserve that.”
He really thought he did. Here he was acting all chummy again with Shizu, his knight and her apprentice. His discourteous banter flew in the face of tradition and etiquette that noble society followered, and Azi was sure she wasn’t going to tolerate it in the future. He was saddened by that fact, not wanting to face it, to face that he’d miss Shizu when she got bored of him, and that nothing was going to stay the same between them forever. She would move on up in the political world of the Empire, gaining fame and status, while he eked out a life as a peasant after eventually losing his favor with her.
So I’ll at least relish it while I can. Azi thought. And I’ll try to stay with her for however long she’ll let me. We’re friends.. For now that is.