In the year 2022, a young office worker found himself at his desk with its surroundings filled with thick manuals, books, and self-made notes. They towered over the worker due to his small stature, at best he was about 5 feet tall when standing at attention. Unassuming as his build was, he rather liked being small, though the fact he was coping with his stunted growth was evident whenever the topic was brought up. That, and most people mistaken him as a lost or witless child

But he couldn’t help it. This self of his was fitting for his stereotypical Asian heritage, which was even present in his features. The young, lineless curves of his face gave him the air that adulthood was so far away, yet his actual age was of 27 years life experience. From outside of the room, you could see his disheveled black hair peeking over the mountains of books.

Sitting behind him–in a messy heap–were the tools of his trade. A computer and a bag of safety equipment stored in a corner of his office. It looked as if it had gotten too much use. The steel toed boots had its fair share of scratches, nicks, and faded smudges that looked of old grease.

The computer? Not so much, it was a delicate piece–a core of his everyday life. So the worker had a gentle touch at times. The sight of this kind of equipment seemed out of place for an office worker, but this was normal for him as he would have to crawl and climb through the ships he needed to inspect and then write the corresponding paperwork to make the repairs.

Operating a computer in a confined space had its dreary moment. Workers like him dreaded those long hours of claustrophobia. Although not him, he took it with a smile and a nod. As he was finishing up his most recent round of quiz questions with his mentor, he was elated that he would soon be able to cross off another requirement on his skills and training packet. Taking a test as a full time worker seemed like everything was going in circles. He was a student not that long ago who was cramming and studying his ass off.

Now he was doing the same. He grumbled, internally, yet he didn’t believe studying was the bane of his life. No, it was fantastic to always learn. To see and review and compare on and on, the worker could come to grips with things he hadn’t known before. His hands could make things take shape as he used everything he found to put into his brain. He was doing it even now. After the questioning review was done and tallied, his possible future evaluation would be another small step to his goal of truly becoming an expert in his field of study as a ship engineer.

He could see it, dream it; of one day being able to confidently do his work with enough proficiency and deft knowledge that he’d be able to work, not only well with his fellow coworkers, but entirely be in step with the others. They’d ensure the safety of the sailors of the ships they sailed, an honest goal.

Imagining himself among many colleagues, having discussions around a large table filled with ideas and thoughts, clashing words and concepts, just made it feel like his life was coming all together. His chest would burst with glee when they’d bounce off one another while also cracking a few jokes that’d inadvertently cause a round of laughter. The mood would lighten from their strict deadlines, it would be a pause of bliss that they could revel in the ever constant cycle of life. And at the end, at the end of the meeting, they would have come to a decision on their next plan of action. All in favor and all in agreement, as they say.

The office worker's hopeful imagination came to an end as his mentor began to close the conversation. She started her usual routine of post quiz questions. In the past, every time they would finish their review sessions, she would berate him for his failure to answer any of what the mentor believed were simple questions. Harsh as she was, she was true from her view as the mentor of over 10 years of experience. This was difficult for a new hire like himself, who had only been on the team for a single year. But at least I’ll try.

Except, no matter what he did to alleviate his mentor’s worries, the mentor, she.. she would always choose to be confrontational. Always, always there was a very conflicting tone, a venom in her eyes. Continuing to berate him and question him on how he’d specifically improve, she’d nitpick him. With history repeating itself, his mentor asked him these biting questions in a very forward manner, which the office worker could interpret had a hint of disdain and contempt, directed solely at him.

Mentally brushing off the negativity, the office worker spoke his answers. He wouldn’t let his dream die and if this was what it was like as an engineer, in this work space, then he needed to toughen up.

"Well.” He started to speak, thinking back on what work he did to prepare. “Previously the required readings and manuals this time were too much to remember due to the total pages in the manuals being over a hundred pages. A solution we discussed before was to write down notes to ensure I would understand. I have done so in a format that is more comprehensive to myself which I believe has helped me to improve. A few more adjustments and I should be able to handle the next review. The number of questions I can answer this time has increased and meets the required level of competency, don’t you agree?”

The mentor stared down at him.

The worker sweated, awkwardly moving on. “Ahem.. well, To further improve I want to include I"

"Let me stop you there.” Said the mentor, her eyes sharpening as if she was trying to kill him, “Show me your notes."

The office worker slightly stalled in hidden annoyance, but dutifully turned his attention to his computer. His focus seemingly honed in an instant, his eyelids noticeably widening as he swiftly moved his hands to operate the computer. Bringing up a 20 page long typed document, he scanned its contents along with the mentor. He always took notes, overly so, but writing out let it set in the mind. The pages were filled with only words in a single space format which left it almost devoid of white spaces.

The mentor had to squint to read it "So, these are your notes? The notes that should say or interpret what the manual says?" She asked skeptically, looking as if she was ready to spit in disgust.

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"Yes.” The worker replied. “I have done my best to note down as much important information that would relate to critical systems and contingent repairs. I--"

The office worker stopped himself, he was about to go into detail, except the frown on his mentor’s brow told him to shut up. He gulped and nodded, affirming his attention was on her. Pressuring him, the mentor responded by taking a couple minutes to read his notes with an intentional glare. She glanced at him, seeming finished with her reading. With a heavy tone, she suddenly shouted.

"YOU’RE LYING TO MEEE!"

The office worker's mind slightly shook at these words. He tried to keep his composure calm and gave a questioning look at his mentor to by time as he thought to himself.

What does she mean by lying? What have I done? Did I do something wrong? Well, I won't get any answers by keeping silent, so I better ask.

"What do you mean? Everything is in order, is there..”

"You have stated incorrect designations and terminologies in multiple sections of your notes.” The mentor interrupted, “It’s sloppy."

That was a stretch. The officer worker thought. He kept that to himself, though this was odd. Why are you always hostile with me?

The mentor pointed to a few words on the screen and the office worker just looked at them, confused again by why this would be an issue. He had related the information he read to a personally well-known idea or word that would make it easier for him to more quickly remember and readily understand the information. So what was the problem?

Oh.. must be that. He already knew and mentally sighed. She doesn’t like me, not at all. I thought we were getting along, but..

Unease seeped in. Knowing that he could bring up why he used these so-called incorrect designations and terminologies, he knew from the past time he had that he would again be met with even harder criticism on how he should do his work, and that he should not tell her what is right and wrong. He’d argue, it was his opinion, and she’d say it was still wrong, using heavy handed excuses and using her longer work experience to shut him up.

He had always agreed with his mentor's "advice" and chose to instead withhold his words again. He trusted in his mentor, he believed that she was doing this to help him improve. Call him naive, but learning from someone was a two way streak. There had to be trust.

"I see.” He said, “I'll be sure to use the exact wording next time.” He cracked a smile. “Best not to cause any future miscommunications from simple things like this, am I right?"

He let out a light chuckle, it was his attempt to joke and get the mood shifted in a nice direction. It didn’t work. The mentor scoffed at him. She looked at him as if she was looking at dust, something that would soon drift off out of sight, be gone and lost forever. To her fortune, she saw the time and so did the office worker. A lunch break was approaching, and she could finally have time to herself away from him. Not wanting to stay another minute, the mentor spoke to him hastily.

"We will review your incorrect answers after lunch, be ready. And change your notes, I don’t care about your interpretation. You’re wrong even if you might be half right."

The office worker smiled, keeping calm and humbling himself. "Sure thing and thanks again for your help."

The mentor stared, but instead of responding, she looked away and left the room. As she moved away, the office worker was able to see his fellow coworker–and desk neighbor–come into view. The wide frame of the office worker’s mentor was imposing, so seeing past it when she was here was impossible.

Regarding the neighbor with a smile, he recalled that he was his previous mentor. This man must’ve noticed his smile since his eyes slightly widened. No doubt, the neighbor was likely trying to keep his mouth from forming any discernible emotion, except his fear towards the other mentor was plain for the worker to see.

Oddly, there was disappointment in his neighbor’s eyes, then relief when the mentor left the room. Again, why? The office worker, not minding the looks of his two senior peers, went back to his computer and got to work in refining his review of his slight mistakes. In less than an hour he was able to answer all the questions he missed, with this he’d get a perfect score.

He quizzed himself to ensure that he would remember the key information, getting it all in his head. Letting his mind wander as he worked, he thought about tomorrow, how he was getting quite old. At the age of 27 he still did not have a girlfriend and all the friends he knew were somewhere else in the world chasing their dreams.

He had already lost contact with so many of them. They either stopped responding to his attempts to reach out or were in places where it was difficult to talk to them in a meaningful way. He did wish for time to go back to those hectic college and school days. Thinking that he would try again to reach out or find some free time to expand his horizons, he reminisced on the even younger days. There was warmth, joy, and the sweet tastes of many of his favorite foods.

BBQ meat on a hot summer day was his favorite thing to do back then with his family. He’d basked in the rays of the sun and eat as much fried food until he was sick. Such silly memories, but who could blame him, he was only a kid back then. He felt a cold of loneliness closing in. He wondered if the promises he made with his few friends would come to pass, that they were going to stay friends no matter what. Do they even remember? Probably not. Even still, the thought brought a joyful tear to his eyes that he did well in hiding away. This was the work place, tears had no space here.

A sudden voice called out to him.

"Excuse me, but please, come with me. We need to have an informal.. meeting with the branch head."

The worker stopped his typing and came back from his wandering line of thinking. He turned and saw that the supervisor's signature black hat was peeking around the corner of the framed entrance to the cubical. Under that hat was the supervisor's familiar face, it was warm and inviting.

The office worker hurriedly closed up. His hands moved to save his work on the official company hard drives. It was at this moment that the office worker felt that his life would change, he could feel it as if by instinct. Though.. Why was it chilly and cold? Was the AC turned up too high today? He shivered, his spine didn’t feel right, as if it wasn’t aligned, and a breath of air was caught in his throat at the mention of the branch head. That person only got involved when things got serious, this was getting ominous. All of this was compounded by the recollection of the supervisor's expression that conveyed warmth. Yes, the look his supervisor gave was welcoming, it always was. The worker couldn’t put his finger on what was bugging him.

All of this was quite foreboding, and the officer worker somewhat wanted to outwardly panic. He bottled the emotions up before he could, trying to keep himself looking like a professional.

I can do this. Keep it in. Don’t lose control.