Leaving Elder Sung’s store was supposed to have calmed them down. Instead, Azi and Shizu were kicked up into a fuss. While neither of them showed it externally.. Not much that is.. Most of their real turmoil was spinning inside themselves, and they could seemingly sense it from each other. All of it was at least buttoned up and hidden from the public. It was like a terrible secret they both didn’t want to ever share, better yet encasing it in a chest and throwing it into the ocean seemed like the best way to bury it.
Yet, they couldn’t do that, what they were hiding wasn’t physical.
Okay, so what do I do now?
Azi’s mind trembled. He had said he needed to be somewhere. In reality it was a spur of the moment decision, words he hadn’t fully thought to say. He needed a place to sit, to relax and clear his head about what had happened. By the looks of Shizu, who was as red faced as he was, she was in the same boat as him, wanting to throw that chest of hidden secrets overboard, except it was chain to her as it was to him.
The word privacy was fitting for their moods and they needed it quickly. The lid could open at any time, so he headed to the outskirts of the village that bordered the vast fields they used to feed themselves. It was winter, so they were barren and the last time he was there, there were a few places they could have a moment to themselves.
Eventually he settled on sitting at a small restaurant. It wasn’t crowded and only had a couple tables and chairs out, it was also rural. As successful establishments went, it wasn’t much to look at, so it was perfect for them.
Azi was about to raise his hand to call out to any of the workers, suddenly he realized both his hands were occupied. One was holding the things he bought from Elder Sung while the other was holding Shizu’s hand.
To his surprise, he had been leading her on forcefully. Usually she’d complain and throw off his hand, complaining that she didn’t like to be dragged around. They’d then get into an argument about who was in charge, but now? Now her grip was tight and firm, she.. She didn’t want to let go, Azi could tell.
With an unusual reluctance, Azi unclasped his hand from her’s. Shizu’s eyes widened as her chin inclined up. A hint of light dawned back in her eyes and she sat herself down hastily, not minding if the establishment’s workers had a say or not.
Following her lead, Azi seated himself across from her. As if timed, they let out a simultaneous breath. For a second they chuckled with each other but immediately grew shy as their eyes met.
Shizu kept her gaze down at the table, she was able to recompose herself somewhat, she could feel that the color of her face had returned to normal, and just in time. An establishment’s worker finally came out to take their order, wholly unknowing of what had transpired.
The small establishment endorsed outdoor dining and mainly had their staff working in the wide stall nearby. No doubt, it was a family run restaurant, a tiny business done on the side to supplement a living through the winter time. The table and chairs placed in front of the stall weren’t in the best of condition, but did well enough.
“Oh! Lady Shizu, It is an honor to have you here.” The server gave a small bow, recognizing Shizu as a noble by her apparent apparel. Nobles wore exotic or heavily patterned clothes, so it was common practice to show courtesy to those better dressed. “Please, what can I get you?”
“Uh.. yes.. Thank you.. Give me a moment.” Shizu wasn’t prepared and glanced at Azi. “Do you want to order anything?”
“Sure.. Uh.. I can.. I can eat..” With a quick eye, Azi went through the menu listed on wooden tablets hung along one side of the stall’s wall. This establishment seemed to change the menu out daily. “I’ll try that and that.” He pointed and the waiter nodded along.
While it looked like Azi knew what he was ordering, he in truth had no clue. His understanding of the Yamaton language was getting there, but he had yet to fully master it. The symbols used for the menu were unique, so he gave it his best guess from what he knew so far.
Turning back to Shizu, he asked. “How about you?”
“The same.” She said, then coughed, albeit awkwardly. Shizu regarded the server with a sidelong eye, as if saying that will be all and to go away. “I thank you sir. Please, take your time with our order.”
The server flushed and bowed courteously. “As you wish, please, enjoy your time.”
When the server left, silence suddenly fell at the table. The outdoor air and bustle of the village was oddly softer today. It made their inner thoughts all too louder than before.
Shizu was beginning to come to grips with how their current situation seemed like a date, in fact all their past outings had been dates if she thought deeply about it. She hadn’t believed so the last few times they had eaten out before. What made today different was because of.. That. They had both kissed each other out of nowhere.
Again, Shizu reminded herself that it was only a ceremonial kiss. It was done to bind Azi to her through the traditions practiced in the empire. But would it really? Azi’s lack of understanding of the custom meant that he could disregard it in the future, so her reasoning in binding him to her with a formal promise seemed moot if it could be easily shrugged away.
The real question was what drove her to kiss him. Was it really an attraction she had for him? Or her childish curiosity about love? As a young lady in the prime of her life, marriage and love were the two concepts that dominated her everyday thoughts, that and her beloved little sister, Rulu.
But that’s besides the point, Shizu didn’t want to admit that she had let her emotions on the concept of love run out of control. She was a good judge of men, so what made her think it was okay? There was no suitable answer she could think of. The persisting silence between them reached a peak that she could no longer bear it. Her lips parted slowly, carefully, and somewhat softly so as to not belie any agitation.
"So ummm was this where you wanted to go next?” She asked. “I thought it would be the market, you know.. Because.. You umm.. Well.. yeah.. You know.”
“I did.” Azi said, stuttering, “or.. Yeah, I.. I uh? I get what you mean. I had thought of going there, but it seemed about the right time to eat, so grabbing a bite seemed right.”
“I see.” Shizu said. “I suppose it was a good choice, but about earlier.. Did you.. Did you bring me here for another reason? Was there anything you wanted to say to me?”
Immediately as she said that, her words trailed off, it was her unconscious effort in trying to stop herself from touching on the topic. But it was too late. She frowned at herself.
Damnit.. She thought, What is wrong with me? Am I really that worked up?
Azi’s mouth tightened and he looked away. The silence between them had come back. Shizu righted herself in her chair, back tense and taut, looking all the noble she was, except her thoughts had begun spiraling again.
It seemed continuing the conversation wasn’t ideal. That was fine. Shizu could take the time to awkwardly process and reflect on the emotions she felt in those moments in Elder Sung’s shop. It was a level of closeness that could not compare to the time she had accidentally nibbled on Azi’s neck, which was only thickening her inner blush.
As Shizu was reflecting, Azi was doing much the same. That calm feeling that suddenly welled up inside him was mysterious. He tried to understand why that intimate compulsion of his took over. It befuddled him to think he would be that daring and kiss Shizu back.
He should’ve kissed her hand like Elder Sung told him to.. Or on the cheek. But no.. he messed up. What was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to act with Shizu? Should he act like it didn’t happen? There was no way in hell that was possible, not with how intense he had kissed her. He knew what he had implied with his actions and he wasn’t sure if he could handle what came next. Dealing with a noble was trouble and while Shizu was an exception that he got along with, he still needed to keep a level of caution.
On top of that, he knew very little about the topic of love and could only remember from his few memories of a crush he once had. A sour mood swelled in him. He, of all things to recall now, remembered a deep loss in stark clarity, yet not the reason. As memories went, that one wasn’t helpful at all as he reflected. Depressing was all he could say it was, it returned a hole he didn’t know was in his heart, or understood how it got there.
Azi thought back to his feelings when his lips finally touched with Shizu’s. The hole had closed up for a moment. Letting the faint remembrance of that moment with her made him feel a spark of happiness and an awkward smile crept onto his face.
The two stewed in their thoughts as minutes went by. A delicious smell in the air eventually broke the mood as the waiter came with their food. Served piping hot, freshly grilled skewers of an assortment of meat, fish, and veg, with a selection of dipping sauces laid on the table between them. Portion wise, the amount seemed more than enough for two, in fact it could feed 4 by Shizu’s guess.
She didn’t miss that and offered her thanks to the cook who was leaning out behind the door of the establishment. Again, Azi was reminded that Shizu was a noble. People looked up to her and admired her as a leader. She was talented and had an outward appearance of a straight laced and no nonsense attitude. She was intimidating, yet inspiring at the same time. It was hard for Azi to believe that her usual personality was being the brash, heavy handed, and annoying at times girl who always pesters him.
“You’re thinking something rude, aren’t you.” Shizu said, as if reading his mind.. Or.. was his smile showing.
Azi didn’t answer, he didn’t know if she could read his mind, though he knew women could read the mood better than men. Taking his attention away from her, he stayed silent and forked a piece of meat, dipped it into one of the selections of sauces and ate it in one bite. He tried to not think about anything, except the glare he kept glimpsing from Shizu sent a chill down his spine.
They ate in silence until Azi had had enough and finally spoke. "About what happened before, uh. I am sorry. I should not have done that to you, I shouldn’t have overstepped. If you wanna hit me you can, but please do it after we get back to Kajima's house."
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With confusion in her eyes, Shizu wondered why he would apologize. “What are you talking about?” She asked.
“Well.. I.. I uh.” Azi had no clear response, except another, “Sorry” slipped out.
Shizu sighed, Azi had nothing to be sorry for. They both agreed to perform the kiss of fealty and nothing bad had happened, it wasn’t like a bad omen had revealed itself. It was hard to admit to herself, but the kiss.. The kiss was enjoyable. Still, she caught his meaning. Azi was implying how out of line he was from a social standpoint. She agreed, and hated it. She didn’t want him to worry so much about social norms, not now that is, he was still adjusting to living in the empire, so some slack was in order. Wrinkling her brow she came up with a retort to clarify. Before she could, Azi interrupted again, this time changing his demeanor with a formal apology. He bowed his head so far that it was inches from touching the table’s surface.
"I am truly sorry for my behavior. I’ll do what I can to not let it happen again."
Not sure what to say next, Shizu’s head began to ache. That tone of his, that overly courteous tone was drawing a line between them. Not only that, she could see a pain in Azi’s expression. His lips were creased strongly and his brow furrowed uncharacteristically close.
She sighed. “Raise your head.” Shizu said.
Azi did so, his expression unchanged. In less than a moment, a distance that wasn’t there before had opened up. The meal went on and for a third time silence prevailed. Why was this so awkward? Eating together had become commonplace for them, now they couldn’t stand each other, or be comfortable in the others presence. The food was tasting duller by the minute.
“Shizu?” A voice cut the air.
Shizu turned to it, where a familiar man showed himself. “Manu? What are you doing here?”
“I should be asking the same. This place isn’t all that busy and is pretty niche. I come here to eat when I have time since a friend owns the place.” Manu jerked his head toward the stall where the cook was waving back.
Shizu saw Manu return the cook’s gesture. “So you know the owner.” she said, “I guess that explains it.”
Manu was a well built man, somewhat chubby, yet with the arms of a man who could wield a sword and had an intelligently endowed face. “Yeah well,” He said as he flashed a gesture to the cook, likely asking for his usual. “This place might not be as popular as the ones further in the village, but it has good food that I grew up on, anyway, how about you? What brings you here today?”
Shizu gave a glance at Azi, who was busying himself with his food. He visibly tensed up when Manu arrived, seemingly trying to keep an air of courtesy and his head down. He really didn’t need to in Shizu’s opinion.
“Well, as you can see.” Shizu forked a random piece of meat and chomped on it. “I’m having an early dinner. And, how do I know the place? That answer lies with him.” She pointed her utensil at Azi. “My new apprentice here chose it on a whim.”
“I see.” Manu took stock of Azi, specifically his height and facial features.
He doesn’t seem that old, but is he really 27? That question lingered on his lips, but then as he reviewed what Shizu had said, his eyes went wide.
“Wait.. Apprentice?” He asked in a shocked tone, “When did that happen?”
“Oh.. A few days ago.” Shizu said, shrugging as she tried to not bring up what had happened earlier. “It was about when we came back from the investigation with Yashimu.”
“You’re sure?” Manu asked, “He meets your standards?”
Shizu chuckled. “No, not exactly, it’s more like I did it out of curiosity.”
Manu exhaled heavily and shot Azi a look. Azi returned it and, like the time with Yashimu, for a moment they felt a kind of kinship with each other. A bond understanding that they were in the know of Shizu’s ghastly and true demeanor at.. Those times.
“Hmmmm.. So it seems.” Manu said. “Well if you don’t mind, could I join you for a meal?”
Shizu nodded. “Sure. I don’t see a problem, how about you Azi?”
“None here.” Azi said softly, somewhat fidgeting with his wooden fork.
“Something wrong?” Manu asked him. “You seem bothered, I can get my own table if needed.”
“Uh.. Um.. No.. It’s nothing like that, um Sir, Manu?”
Manu let out an amused laugh. “Heh, there is no need for that Azi. Just call me Manu.”
“But you're the village chief, shouldn’t I show you respect, you’re nobility.”
“Yes, you are technically right. I am a noble but I’m pretty low in the rankings. You don’t have to address me as Sir or Lord, I’m not that special, so Manu will do just fine.”
“Oh.. Alright. Then please, join us Manu. I’ll call over the waiter.”
“No need, the workers here already know my usual.” Manu held up three fingers to the waiter who shouted over another order to the cook at the stall. Seating himself, he began chatting with Shizu.
Azi listened but didn’t have much to add. The chat was about political and village matters, things wholly out of his jurisdiction. Not wanting to interrupt or hear something he shouldn’t have, Azi pulled out a book from his pack he had set next to his seat. The meal went on somewhat better than before. Manu and Shizu were talking up a storm and laughing all the while. The two of them seemed close in Azi’s opinion. Shizu regarded the village chief in a manner that seemed sisterly.
That was a shock to him. He couldn’t keep himself from watching. The two made a great pair and he heavily noted that they were also closer in age. Out of nowhere, a sudden deep pinch tugged at his heart whenever Shizu smiled at Manu. A part of him wished she’d smile at him that way, with those soft lips and caring eyes, instead of the usual teasing and taunting. More food arrived and the table was stocked plate to plate from edge to edge.
It was only a matter of time until drinks were ordered and the simple meal turned into a session of drinking. Manu was on his 3rd cup and Shizu on her 4th. Azi himself had foregone alcohol, he wasn’t in the mood. When the cold came around as the sun began to set, Azi had to bring an end to the party, though doing so was easier said than done. Trying to get the two lightly hammered and slurry duo away from their bantering was like trying to talk over a blizzard.
There was so much upbeat laughter going around since the drinks had taken the restraints off of them. Luckily, not many people saw these two nobles getting drunk, and Azi could see why Manu liked to eat here. He could imagine him coming here to drink alone after a hard day of work, a place of peace without prying eyes.
“Master?”
Azi heard a newcomer. By the higher tone it was a woman and neatly dressed one at that. The frilly white apron and long black skirt gave her the appearance of a lady in waiting, or servant. The word Maid came to Azi’s mind.
“Master, did you get drunk again?” The maid asked, her eyes sharpening on Manu.
So that was it. The master was Manu.
Azi spoke up and bowed to her. “Yes, Apologies about that, I should’ve stopped these two but I couldn’t interrupt them.”
“Oh, it’s no issue.” The maid said, “If you please, I’ll take Master away now, he told me he’d be out for only an hour though as you can see, he didn’t keep his promise.” She glared at Manu, who was half dazed from all the drinks. “Come now master, it’s time to head home, let’s not bother anyone tonight.”
“Oh.. Uh.. Yeah.. Heh, bye bye.” The drunken reply Manu gave didn’t sit well with the Maid. She tugged him up to his feet hard, getting a substantial oof out of him. Then, as if the village chief weighed nothing, she flipped him onto her shoulder as if he were a bag of flour. “I’ll be off now.” The maid waved to Azi, “Thank you for watching out for my master, he would’ve wandered off if you and Lady Shizu hadn’t been here. Due tell, what is your name?”
“It.. Uh.. it’s Azi.”
The Maid hummed softly and did a curtsy. “I will remember it. Good day.” She was dazzling, scary, but radiant with such refined etiquette.
Azi watched on as she departed, and only when he was elbowed in the side did he stop. “Ow.. What was that for?” He grimaced as he rubbed the sore spot.
Shizu was towering over him, standing up from her seat. The red of her glazed eyes told both of a light stupor and irritation.
“Hmph! Let’s get going.” She said, and tried to walk off. A second later she began toppling to the side.
“Whoa! Hold on! Wait!” Azi moved over and helped her keep her from falling. “Jeez.” He tiredly sighed, “You need to control yourself next time.”
“Then how about you keep your eyes to yourself.” Shizu whispered.
“What?”
“Nothing. Let’s go home.” Shizu's voice was oddly cold and quiet, Azi didn’t hear her.
After paying the tab, Azi helped Shizu along. It was a handful. One of his hands was already full with his belongings he bought, while his other had to contend with keeping Shizu upright. She could walk but needed a shoulder to lean on. If not, she’d probably be face first in the snow.
Still being her usual annoying self, Shizu nuzzled her face against his head and played with his hair the entire time they were walking back. It was nerve wracking.
“Could you stop that?” Azi asked. “If you’re going to be difficult then I’ll leave you here you know.”
“Aww.. come on.. Don’t be so stiff. It’s only hair, and I’m not doing anything wrong.”
“Don’t you mean you’re just doing anything you want?”
Shizu paused.. That or she fell asleep. But by how she was still walking along, that meant she was somewhat in her right mind.
“Come on.” Azi groaned. “We’re almost there.”
Shizu made a Hmm sound as they started across the last length to Kajima’s house. The sun was setting and luckily the path was well lit by the moonlight. Not a soul was in sight.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Shizu mumbled all of a sudden, “What was I thinking?”
For a few seconds Azi stopped in his tracks. What she said struck him, and it hit deep this time. Though he couldn’t deny that she was wrong. Why choose him as an apprentice? He wasn’t the strong warrior she thought him to be. He wasn’t the most cordial, nor did he think he was as smart as Shizu and Kajima said he was.
In truth, Azi saw himself as inadequate, that no matter how much he studied, he wasn’t special, he wasn’t smart, he was just a curious sort, an irregular, a weirdo.
“Yeah.. you're right.” He muttered to himself and then got back to helping Shizu walk. “I can at least do this to make it up to you. That.. and your katana.”
It was a long, somber, and slow trek back. For Azi that is. When they arrived Shizu was out cold and the fireplace was put out in the house, meaning Kajima was already asleep. Being as quiet as he could, Azi got Shizu in bed. He laid her down on her futon and covered her in a blanket as gently as possible.
Just as he was about to leave, her face caught his attention. Before, Shizu had described Azi’s sleeping face as goofy and such. So maybe now was a time to tease her on that, maybe then they could go back to being the way they were before today. In complete silence, he waited next to her, expecting that she’d probably be a terrible snorer. If she was then he’d talk about it tomorrow and get a good laugh out of it.
Underwhelmingly though, Shizu wasn’t and was a perfect sleeper. Not a spot of drool or any weird unconscious habits. Azi glanced at her and again had to accept how beautiful she looked when she wasn’t tormenting him.
Again he felt bad for what he did to her. He kissed a noble when he wasn’t supposed to, when he didn’t mean to. A kiss of fealty wasn’t done on the lips, it didn’t have to be. While not explicitly said, he had perhaps proclaimed the highest promise with Shizu, a promise he didn’t think he could keep or be true to.
The way Shizu reacted also made him realize just how big a deal this was. The kiss could’ve meant something more in Kujyurian custom. He wasn’t worthy, Shizu had said it herself, she shouldn’t have kissed him. Unable to stay next to her any longer, Azi left her room and dove into bed, trying to come to grips with his blunder.
I really hate myself. He knew this was self deprecation, that it was all in his head, but he couldn’t deny it. I’m the worst.
The next couple days went by in a blur. Kajima was beginning to notice a change. Azi seemed to be talking less with Shizu and