"why. the fuck. am i. so small!" she looks around before walking to a stream, seeing her chubby cheeks and over big hair, covering her modesty. She squishes her face and tries to squish her body, but there is no squish on her body, just her face "well, im humanoid, I killed and ate a bear with my bare hands...ha-ha. I'm green, some cards appeared and disappeared in my hand, before I flinched and my body moved on it's own to kill a goddamn bear, I could of sworn I was taller when I was murdering the everloving fuck out of the bear." sees a gold amulet in the bear's stomach and tears it out and holds it close"I compulsively feel like hoarding gold,..eyup, I'm a dragon."get up and clops towards a castletown in the distance"might as well kidnap a princess."
before long she encounters an elf hunting in the forest, it senses her, and cards appear in her hand, without looking at the cards, she tries to use one as a distraction by throwing it into another bush, but after landing, a short stocky figure steps out of the bush, the elf recognizes the figure as a dwarf"hail, dwarf, fancy meeting you here, outside of your element of rocks and darkness under a mountain." the dwarf turns to the elf and gives him an irate look. the elf continues" well, I never, perrish the thought of one of my kind caring what you little hooligans do with your time. answer me-" the dwarf steps forward hard"LISTEN HERE YOU POLE-PROPORTIONED DENTROPHILE, IF YOU BESMERCH THE HONAR OF THE PROUD RACE THAT IS DWARFES ONE MORE TIME, IM GONNA TAKE YOUR FUCKING ARROWS AND SHOVE THEM IN BETWEEN YOUR PETTICURED TOENAILS AND FINGERNAILS! THEN IM GONNA TAKE THAT BOESTRING OF YOURS AND STRING YOU UP BY YOUR FUCKING FORESKIN UNTIL GRAVITY GIVES YOU A BOTCHED CIRCUMCISION, AND PLAY IT LIKE A GODAMN VIOLIN! THEN IM GONNA CRAFT A MAKESHIFT PIPE BAG OUT OF THE RANCID MATERIALS I HAVE HARVESTED FROM YOUR TWITCHING BODY, AND PLAY A NICE TUNE AT YOUR FUNERAL, BEFORE I PISS ON YOUR FUCKING GRANDMA!!!" the elf is taken aback by the instant hostility"what did you FUCKING SAY TO ME, YOU BEARED MORERAT?" the dwarf speaks at a normal volume"oh, I'm sorry, didn't mean to come off as rude. how was your day, friend?" the elf spitters in confusion, but Perpetua can't help but chuckle at what just happened. At that the elf's ear twitches"Reveil yourself, I know you are not an animal now." Perpetua stands up from the bush"okay, you caught me. hi, I'm perpetua, and I'm pretty sure I'm a dragon." the elf is confused at that statement, but raises his bow all the same. the dwarf shoves him in response "OOOOAAAHHHGG, LISTEN HERE YOU KNIFE EARED PIECE OF SHIT, IF YOU GO ANY FURTHER WITH YOUR PISS STAINED PUBIC HAIR YOU CALL A WIG, IM GONNA WRECK YOUR SHIRT SO HARD, YOU AINT GONNA BE ABLE TO WALK WITH YOUR LIMP DICK." the elf turns to him "what the hell are you talking about?" the dwarf grabs him "I am her ward, and I will not let anything hurt her!" jumps up and headbutts the elf, knocking them out.
the dragon girl gets out of the bush, and the dwarf kneels" i have incapacitated that twiggy elf, mistress." the girl double takes"M-mistress?! I am no ones mistress, I never even kissed somone other than my parents!" the dwarf protrates"i meant no disrespect, i meant it as the female version of master." Perpetua then makes a face of putting two and two together"oh, well, good, im only interested in princesses, if you know what i mean." still on the ground, but sitting up now "aye, I know ye only interested in bonny hens." she was expecting more pushback, but moves on"good....I'm gonna...do dragon stuff now...y'know, hoarding tresure and kidnapping a princess in her late teens- and it just occurred to me how problematic that sounds...I'm still gonna do it, but, I'm just following the compulsions I have in this body I have only had for half a day-...ahem...lets just get this over with; and not talk about it. I'm creating myself out."
she rushes ahead on all fours to the Castletown, the dwarf sitting on top of her. frankly, it looks kind of ridiculous, a tiny bearded man with a shaved head and tattoos on his scalp, riding a green ball of hair smaller than him through a forest. "might yu summon me a mount I can not feel weird ridin?" she stops, and the dwarf goes a record winning distance.and before he can get back, she somehow got in a fight with a squirrel."oh, yeah, you fucking nut gobbler, say that again, I DARE YOU" the squirrel chitters angrily, perpetual sets down a card, and a coarse-haired wild boar appears and stomps the squirrel to death"okay, now you got a mount" after a breath, the dwarf heartily laughs "yu woulda made a good dwarf! wa-ha-ha!" she twitches, but decides to process that as a compliment"it was nothing, I just figured if conflict is what makes the cards appear, then picking a fight with a foul mouthed rodent would be a safe way to summon something...in fact, lets stuff a swarm of squirrels in a sack, so we can use them as a quick means of summoning cards." the dwarf salutes with an "aye" before setting up some no-kill traps to check later. perpetua mutters to herself "hrumph, squirrels being the master race of this forest, what a joke." some of them heard her and sent word back to the squirrel cabal.
after some hours, and some squirrel murder to make some more creatures, some salamander-men, a pachysaurus for her to ride, and after placing down a few mana producer cards, a normal 4/4 red dragon, all join her in her short-term goal."all right boys and girls[the pachysaurus is a girl], lets get me some gold and a princess, so I can begin thinking about other things!" the castletown was more than a little surprised when a sudden raid happened. the wall guards barely having the time to get dressed, leaving some in their underwear and top armor. "HOLY SHIT, IS THAT A FUCKING DRAGON?!" "looks like it, but i'ver never seen whatever it is that leading them all, why does it have a green furball on it's back?" "sarge, i think that furball is moving!" said furball jumped off her mount, and flew into the wall through the embrasure closest to the ones who were talking; breaking the stone around it as well"i am NOT A FURBALL! i am dragon princess perpetua- and i just noticed that sounded WAY cooler in my head! fuck!" "dragon princess?" "dragons have royalty?" "she don't look like a dragon." "and yet she flew, and burst through the wall." she points at them"oye, don't talk like I'm not here!" as they lower their weapons to strike her, she jumps into one of their midsections, denting the armor inwards and after another continued, they got an awful fright when the girl suddenly grows to 6 ft tall, before tearing the wall down from the inside out. shrinking back down soon after, with her small army as they rush to the actual castle, bypassing most of the actual defenses by simply climbing the walls with their claws. the dwarf himself staying behind to patronize the local pub.
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
after busting into the throneroom with a army of reptilian combatants, she proclaims "I am a royal dragon, give me your princess, and all your gold!" she then sees as the dust settles the throneroom is full of thrones, one big one, and 9 others of smaller but equal size. the king, who looks a bit too young asks "...i would never let anyone take any of my 20 princesses!" the whole army, yes, even the ones that don't talk, bleat in unison"20?!" after a pregnant pause where the lizardfolk just restrain any guards that come in. she can't help but ask"...i...why-why-why so many? are you okay, are the...9 queens okay?" "how rude, I have so many, because I have so much love to give!" you need a vasectomy man! are there any in their late teens, I think I can only take 3 and I was planning on taking one in her late teens, like me." "listen, here, you mangy- wait, you're a girl, arent you?" ".,..yes? why are you asking?" "well, you seem quite strong, and I could always use a 10th-" she immediately spews fire from across the room into his face"I'm a lesbian, you lecherous twit!" she turns to the queens" hey,...you got any who you...don't want here for awhile or aren't into guys?" 3 of them just point to the royal living quarters and say 8, 12, and 17,only one being unaffected by what is happening. after rushing through the halls and into the rooms to snatch them up, she finds a 7-year-old with a pageboy cut, a 12yo with long hair, and a 18 yo with blue hair. when she gets back, the king is back up, looking no worse for wear, brandishing a glowing sword "stop right there, you will not deprive my kingdom of any of it's royalty this day" she sasses back"from what I've seen, this king-dom is plenty depraved." as he lunges towards her; she tries something, she remembers the game she played, and the character whos skin she is wearing, and she remembers that she isn't in her real form, so she uses stored mana points to bring herself into the fight.in response to a sword coming towards her, she grows and grows, reaching the size of a townhouse, looking like an adult now, breaking the room itself, the sword nearly even leaving a splinter, before leaving, she scoops up the contents of the treasury in one hand the amazement of all who saw her. her army following behind, the dwarf carrying 2 kegs in his arms.
before shrinking back down, she, or at least what one would expect was her, if not for the difference in speech and mannerisms, spoke to the 3 princesses"don't be too harsh on the me you will see, she is naught but a frightened, lonely girl, in need of something, or someone, to act as a point of stability. this is but a role she intends to play, the role of the classic dragon, but I know what she wants is be wanted...your dad also seems like a creep." the princesses don't argue the last point. after they are set down in the midst of her army, and she finishes shrinking, she returns to herself"what the actual hell was that? never mind, lets find a cave or cavern, or deralict fort to make my nest in. where I can sleep on my hoard of gold and wait for foolish knights to die to my flames, leaving behind all there shiny shit."
that night, the army celebrated, the oldest princess even getting to drink alcohol for the first time in her life. the middle one petting the pachysaurus, and the youngest asleep after tireing himself out after trying to slice the dragon with his toy sword, but only managing to massage the red dragon's haunches. after the royal trio get accustomed to the reptilian band enough, the oldest asks perpetua "so,... you are aware our dad was once called a hero, right?" she almost spits her bear, but swallows it whole instead"what he do?" the youngest, who, the whole while is trying to slash her hair covered hide, answers"he has killed hundreds of monsters and saved whole kingdoms in his wake! he will kill you too, dragon lady!" the middle one chimes in"or marries you.{swoon}" both Perpetua and the youngest make gagging noises in response. the green girl then wispers into the romantic girls ear "okay, let me put it gently: the only one I would feel attraction to, is your older sister here." points to the 18yo with her thumb."so if I'm gonna call him daddy, it's gonna be if I end up marrying her....IF romance naturally forms between us, I mean." in understanding, the middle child giggles, and runs off to try the feed perpetuas' mount some grass. the youngest being pealed off the dragon girl by some of the lizardfolk to play some games of knifey-spoony with the dwarf. leaving the dragon, and the acceptably aged princess to talk. a log is set down by the fire for them"...sooooo.....what are you into, princess?" "oh, I know how to sew, crochet, and brew a poison that'll kill a swamp behemoth." "well, that's a plus..."twiddles her thumbs"...are-...are you...iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnterested in... girls?" after sipping some of the party brew, the princess answers"...yes. but I only dare telling you that, because I suspect you are too. the only other one who knows is my sibling over there, and that one girl I was roommates with in the all girls academy I went to last year, if ya know wut I mean." they both laugh. another awkard pause"...I'm not seeing someone, if that's what your next question is."..."and I will not. i am still your captive, drake." "right,...my name's perpetua, the dragon princess; no parents, but the title still stands, because I claim this whole forest as my domain, despite what the squrrils say." surprised, the oldest resipricates"I'm brisney salomonson. and wait, what did you just say about squrrils?" "oh, I can understand animals apparently, the squrrils claim this forest is theirs to control. so I have had to...fight...any I cross paths with. even though it is one-sided." the princess thinks for a moment and leans into perpetua with what both see as bedroom eyes, in an attempt to coerce useful info from her"tell me, how did you get so many lizardfolk to coordinate like this? it must have been hard." the dragon girl is fooled for only a moment"not so fast, i see what you want, you want to know how to get an army like this for yourself. all i can tell you is-" sneakilly sets down 2 cards that appeared when the hostillaty of Britney thinking ' i could outsmart this dragon girl into telling how to destroy her army' triggered it to appear. because the mana-producing card was placed, she was able to summon a phoenix with help from ambient mana of the forest."- i can summon loyal minions" the firebird circled the two, before landing on perpetuas' arm ."cool, I know." britney is honestly astonished, the cards disappear when the oldest royal thinks 'if I could get her on my side, this would be advantageous. maybe I could at least pretend to warm up to this girl.' before scratching the phoenix's chin with a finger.