"what do you mean A god?"

'i mean, there is a pantheon of gods in this world, they all what this world to end. they tried everything, but it only made the world more full of death, but also more full of life, this is their last attempt before just gassing or throwing a big rock at the planet. and I think you just accidentally made a new means of clearing the place out, without straight up killing, congradulations.'

"but-but why would they want to destroy the world?"

'This world is full of people with the powers they never earned, subjugating those without. you have not seen it yet, but the gods kept trying to fix the problems they kept introducing to fix previous problems; frankly, they're kind of fuckups. i know this, because why wouldn't I be informed of the plan? .'

"well, one: I already have power I never earned. two: why me, and three: why wasn't I told?"

'... let me tell you a story: there was an ugly girl, she was born to an unknown aristocratic family, but she was never allowed outside in fear of her embarrassing her family, so she read the entire library and played with her toys. her parents dressed her up as a poor jester and presented her as such. when times were tough for the family, they sold her to a circus, because at that time, she started to grow horns by that time, something that made her parents distance themselves further from her by that time. for a while, till she was 12, she was with the circus, first as a freak in the menagerie, then as a clown in the ring of the main tent, this circus gained fame because of the wide range of acts. so a king hired them for a private show, neglecting to tell them the employment was... permanent. after a few months, the girl stumbled upon the princess the same age as her, not just the same age, but similar features, because unbenounced to the girl herself, she had actually grown more beutifle as time went on in the circus. the princess was spoiled to the core, demanding the girl tighten her corset for her. the girl did as she was told, but a thought pinged into her twisted mind, and she continued to pull, and pull, pushing the princess down and putting her foot against the princess's head to keep her from screaming too loud. until a satisfying snap, crack and several pops, signifying the princess's death. the girl obviously knew her way around Makup and a nail file, so she was able to impersonate the princess that day. disposing of the body by putting it in the garbage incinerator with the foodscraps in the kitchen. that day forward the girl was the princess, reading all she wanted, getting an formal education, and all that, till she was 16, and was arranged to marry some Lorde. the girl didn't want to marry just yet, and not to some pompous blowhard. so she concocted another plan, the night after the marriage, she made sure the king and her suitor were good and drunk from the drinks she spiked with opium poppy extract. needless to say, she was deemed a lady, queen, widow, and orphan the next day. afterward she released her former companions from their forced indentured servitude. but stayed behind, keeping up appearances for the people for a few years, until the call of preforming became overwealing. so she just...left, with all the kingdoms riches in tow. to this day, she is performing for Crouds, with a circus troupe of her own, comprised of anyone that has been pushed down and spat upon by normal people...for her to steal everything from the sheep of the world, who look down, even on the wolf for having less of a flock, protected by the rams whenever someone speaks out against them.'

"...was that your story?"

'may~be~. it's a story I remember.'

"I have never read your book, so I don't know if that's your story, or your just a really good story teller."

'well, I AM a good story teller, but that's not the point. the point is that power given without effort is easily squandered and thrown away, what I worked hard for, my knowledge and wit, are what I cherish. you may have been given power enough to kill all the old problems, but you are still a kid-sized weakling jester with no naughty bits, you will eventually die from old age and can die from ya-know, being murdered. your army will also die with you, also sterile. in short: you are no hero, we are not even villains, we are the planetary equivalent of bug bombs...but I like to think of it more as a last performance on a stage, in a dilapidated theater scheduled for demolition or renovation.'

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he curls up on the hard ground and contemplates for some time, unmoving until he speaks up"...wait,..this world has..magic?" 'yes' "heroes?" 'e-yup' "a rpg-like system?" 'indeed' "...so our job is to get rid of isikaied people, any remanents of them, and the worlds cultures; so the ones in charge of this planet itself; can start it over?" 'thats what I said, yes.'

he digests this information for a minute

"i wonder if-. MENU...no...STAtus.....store?"

a window pops up in front of them, looking like a web page with a list of card packs and prices, as well as a cartoon shopkeeper on the top of the page, with a business expression, with his hand on a point counter.

"...there is a shop...DECK!

another window pops up, this one with two tables, one is currently bare, while the other is covered in cards.

"hah...who even told the gods about the game?...i wonder how much a specific card is?" a list of specific cards are displayed on the first window...needless to say, any worth getting are really pricy compared to the packs

"...might as well: omni-piper, bard of creation."

a price for the card is displayed next to an image of it. 4,999,999p. to put that in perspective, a pack is 10-15p, and he got 5 for the guy he turned into a card.

"...did I influence the gods? and now they made a whole new system just for me?"

'there are others, so not just for you. scoff, conceited much?'

"THERE ARE OTHERS?!"

'yep,6 others, 7 in total.'

sad"so I'm not even the only one."

happy"...I'm not the only one!"

'well, misery does loves company. haha.'

scrolls and checks categories

"what are the rules for how many points I get per person?"

a wall of text pops up, and auto scrolls to the relevant info

"good people give more points. well, that means I can convince you to not kill everybody...yey."

'aww poo~~~, well, whatever, I can't have you broken anyway, just twisted and bent.'

browses the pack sets, passing boosters, pe-mades, drafts"...oooooo-kay.....i-"

'HOLY SWEET CORN ON A COBBLESHED, THEY ARE EVEN SELLING THE UN-SETS!'

"REALLY?!" checks "oh-muh-guh...are...are they allowed?...like...they're not tournament legal."

'THIS IS NOT A TOURNAMENT, WIDE-LOAD, THIS IS REAL LIFE! AND REAL LIFE MEANS, WHEN WE OWN IT, WE CAN USE IT!'

he responds sadly"...I'm not a wide load, these short pants are just poofy."

'well, don't be such a pillock, you milksop.'

snaps back"I'm sorry, I don't speak pork banger, OR haggis." covers his mouth

'goo~d, goo~~d, let the insults flow through you.'

"I am not a jedi, and you are no epperer, so stop."

'no, but I'm an empress...somtimes.'

"that's right, you were a flip card....yeah, not gonna happen any time soon. it might mean you could invade other planes of existence, if you were changed into your queen form."

'aw, come aaaaaaaahhhhn... ceem-ahhhhhhhn...i would playfully poke you if i could.'

"no."

after a few seconds a notice pops them in the face...literally. apparently, the screens were diegetic, physical screens. it says: PATCH-NOTE: PLANES WALKERS ARE NOW UNABLE TO BREACH THE VALE OF REALITY TO INVADE OTHER REALMS.

'...you just HAD to say it aloud, ya mooncalf! now I can't have nice things, like a multidimensional empire, slash, circus...great going....now we are stuck in this world till we die.'

"thank you, it was great of me..."snaps out of his confident streak" I'm sorry, please don't kill me, or my brain. i like my brain, it's where i keep my happy memories of my childhood, there are not that many!"

'... ...i wouldn't, even if i could. but that also means you can trust me to be in the driver's seat. we have a reason not to kill everyone in the most brutal fashion possible...mind you, i will still do it to most of them.' is feeling the face he is making 'but i will still just bop the not-too-shitty people...after i scare the pants off of them.'

"...sigh...well, i guess that's all i can expect from you."

he finally stops scrolling after wishlisting some cards and packs. so he now with the help of his creatures continues looking for a gopher or something small he can capture, to consistently initiate a fight with, as to replace the broken circus wagon and create some more creatures to protect him.

after trying and failing he blurts out"...a trap!" he scrounges the trailer for a box, string, a short pole, and a vegetable. he finds a small crate, some rope, the wooden pole used to keep the window shutter open, and an unidentifiable vegetable. after setting up the most basic trap that everybody knows, he waits at the end of the rope, ready to pull. when a rodent is midway into munching on the vegetable, he pulls the rope, trapping it...except the rodent was stong enough to move the small crate as it tries to escape.

"SHIRT! CATCH IT! " the gang manages to catch it after some time.

"good" hyperventilate"how, lets just...get a cage for it., we have a long day ahead of us."