The siege assault was more successful than Tanya's wildest dreams. Unlike every other stratagem attempted, this was the only one that completed their objective: buying Gobwin Knob a single extra turn.
Sure, croaking thousands of the Coalition's troops looked like it helped, but the bottleneck of their strength was the siege. Low move, but the most efficient way to deal with such a heavily fortified city. They can still take Gobwin Knob, but they are now forced to use the tunnel systems to do so.
Further, that lack of siege means that Gobwin Knob can hold off the remaining siege merely by stationing dwagons on the walls, in addition to in the tower zone with the archers. Much like siege towers, units on top of walls are linked with the walls in a form of natural Changemancy, reinforced with bonuses derived from Dirtamancy.
Units without siege or digger could attack walls, but they had to pay hits to do so. The ratio of hits to damage depended on the specific numbers matchup. Ranged attackers in walls provided less benefits to the wall on a per upkeep basis, because they were fragile with low defense and hits, but they can use their attacks on invaders directly. Flying and climbing units can similarly engage the wall-standing units directly.
Diggers could use Move instead of hits, and did more damage than normal infantry. Siege units could just keep attacking, paying nothing, unless ranged attacks or other defenses dealt with them. They typically did less damage than an equivalent amount of diggers, though, so having too few ran the real risk of running out of time to attack and being repelled into their previous hex.
Needless to say, the diggers in a siege tower have full move when they're wheeled close. Even one of those gigantic towers can go through a level 2 or 3 city's defenses if left unmolested.
But they could dedicate all melee infantry into the tunnels, and a purchase of three hundred additional Gobwin infantry finished popping this turn, both measures tripling the available forces in the tunnel zone between them.
Tanya was surprised that such a change was even an option before it was explained. Natural Allies were tribes of units with their own treasuries, they made long-term alliances and could theoretically break them. Instead of popping units through cities, they instead converted shmuckers directly into more units. Excellent for a last minute defense, even if it was expensive and required at least one turn of lead time: they ordered the popping last turn. If Ansom had executed the feint attack he had planned, they wouldn't have been there in time.
But their plan was successful, and he did not. Tanya was a little concerned about them breaking alliance, but Sizemore assuaged their worries: The gobwins were very proud to be part of a side named after them, and the Coalition's own natural Allies, marbits, had factional hatred for gobwins, and it was mutual. The only thing to be gained from cooperation was execution. The elves also hated the hobgobwins with equal fervor.
So Tanya took breakfast with Headmaster Isaac and Count Harbinger for the final turn of their contracts. Their breakfast, this turn, was another meal that made Tanya's heart ache with nostalgia. Ozouni, a noodle soup that was prepared exactly like their mother used to make, every new years. It was the last home cooked meal they ate in their last life, which, given that they were quite a few months into that year when they died, was rather pathetic in hindsight.
Laid on top of the plate of mochi that came with it was the other half of the tiara that popped last turn. Bogroll, who was standing at attention behind them as usual, swiftly procured the half he was holding, picking up the new piece with a level of care that one wouldn't expect from looking at the fat cyclopean attendant.
As Tanya ate, the twoll used his natural Dollamancy special to fuse the two halves together, creating a perfect match to Tanya's earrings and wand, gaudy but cute in a way that made the 'magical girl' theme of the items clear.
"I wonder what it does?" Count Harbinger said as he ate his own meal. His meal was, near as Tanya could tell, standard American fare, waffles and bacon with eggs. Headmaster Isaac instead ate muesli alone with a glass of water.
"It can wait until after breakfast." Tanya said, "the attunement process is rather involved." Well, it was distracting anyway. They couldn't really understand what they were feeling through their nascent magical senses, but they wanted to enjoy this meal.
Tanya wasn't sure if their tendency to use spare brainpower to consider the strategic situation was demanded by the summoning spell or if it was just their usual anxiety putting their mind on tangents, but it is what it is. Maggie was calmly seated next to the Headmaster with a full English breakfast, and Sizemore stayed in the tunnels overnight, as Tanya gave him the option to spare himself the stairs.
Wanda was supposed to be here, but she wasn't. Where? She was definitely still in the city, as the contract was still present and there was no way that she would leave the pliers behind nor leave the city.
Still, the delicious meal was finished, so it was time to see what this new magic item did. There was a feeling of finality in it; Tanya had a hunch that they wouldn't be getting any more. Now, what do their earrings have to say about this?
[Royal Tiara Magic: Royalty! Leadership! Protection!]
Tanya's mind immediately went to their speech to that recruiter whom they lost their temper at. Ah, right. The spell pulled them in because they, while not expecting it to do anything, did make an earnest plea to become an important leader. They also asked to become a princess… while that was more sarcastic than anything else, they couldn't say that such a thing would be a negative, in this world at least.
As Tanya coronated themselves, magic words spilled from her lips, in Japanese: "Royal Tiara Magic: Make Up!"
Tanya's skin took on a sparkling pink luster as her clothes dissolved into ribbons, the armored dress that Bogroll created for her turning into shimmering motes of light as a new set of magical raiment formed around Tanya, the whole sequence feeling like it took both minutes and an instant.
After the transformation completed, Tanya's wand was in her hand, she was in a suitably dramatic pose, and her audience was adequately awed by her new equipment.
"Fascinating." Headmaster Isaac said first.
"Fufufu… impressed?" Tanya asked. She felt great! Almost as if…
"You grew again." Count Harbinger said. "Also, I can see your points now."
Oh? Tanya looked down, sparing a moment to assess her new dress. It was mostly white, with silver accents. The skirt was shorter than the dress she was wearing before, but it was still most of the way down her thighs, stopping just short of her knees; a respectable length. The blouse was stiff, forming the shape of an armored cuirass, custom fitted to her torso. It radiated power.
Her earrings responded to her will.
[Princess Tanya von Degurechaff, level 6]
Combat: 37
Defense: 37
Hits: 10 [10]
Move: 56
Specials: Tanya, Royal, Leadership, Caster, Flight, Recon, Chief Warlord
Magical Bonuses: Leadership x2, Barrier, Analysis, Shockamancy
…Wow. “How much of this can you see?” Tanya asked, “The earring’s analysis special probably means I can see more than you.”
“I’m still allied with you for this turn, so I get your level, Attack, Defense, hits, and move.” Count Harbinger explained. “I also get that dittomancy bonus to your leadership from your in-hex Chief Warlord bonus.” After a moment, he added: “Ah, I can also see your name, but only if I learned it.”
Ah. “So it’s dittomancy?” Tanya asked.
Headmaster Isaac nodded. “Yes, it’s an advanced and expensive dittomancy spell, but it gives you a caster bonus, like ones that give bonuses to golems, and applies it in tandem with your leadership. I’m surprised it applies to your Chief Warlord bonus, however. That’s master-class, easily.” Tanya immediately translated that as ‘doesn’t stack with Wanda’s uncroaked bonus nor Sizemore’s golem bonus’.
Still, it applies to her living troops, so that’s still very nice. Still, as a test, Tanya passed her wand to Bogroll, noting the drop of fourteen points of Combat (the unarmed penalty was four, and she didn't have her backup weapon on her either) and removal of the Shockamancy special from her bonus board, picking it back up after she confirmed it. “Why did it level me up, though?”
Count Harbinger coughed. “Ah, I may not be as skilled as Prince Jack, but he did teach me a bit of weirdomancy. That would be because the Royal special lowers the experience threshold to level up. Which you now have.”
Tanya was about to ask about her ‘Recon’ special, but realized that she already knew: It allowed her to see adjacent hexes clearly, an advanced version of the scout special for flying units. Was that a function of the Analysis special, or did her transformation come with innate knowledge? She recalled that time she spotted that bat from an adjacent hex watching over her dance battle, on that first attack. Was that a usage of the Recon special?
Actually, did that mean that she could have spotted the veiled archons even before entering the hex they were in? From her new innate knowledge… She does get foolamancy spot checks even before entering a new hex. Neat.
She focused on the most mysterious special on the list: Why does she have a ‘Tanya’ special? Unfortunately, her knowledge on it was next to nothing: She knew it was related to being summoned from another world, but the exact mechanics of it was not something she could grasp. After a moment of thought, she decided that it was probably a representation of the various magics that made her function as a unit rather than a normal biological system, bridging the gap between evolution and the artificial construction of the rest of this world.
The barrier special’s details came easily, though. It gave her a secondary pool of hits that protected her from damage, and any damage in excess of its destruction is simply negated. This was fortunate, as her hits were… inadequate without this special. From Count Harbinger’s previous explanation, a ‘normal’ amount of hits for her level was 17. But that was for non-flying warlords, of which 10 hits was a normal amount for her level. “What is the normal amount of move for a level six flying warlord?” Tanya asked.
“You have more.” Count Harbinger confirmed. “It’s thirty-two for a normal flying warlord, fifty-two for a recon warlord. Your royalty stat bonus has clearly been applied to your move.”
“I never expected the Summon Perfect Warlord spell to create a Royal warlord…” Headmaster Isaac said, deep in thought. “Were you royalty before the summoning?”
Tanya hesitated. She could lie… “I’m not sure.” Tanya decided to say. She wouldn’t actually put it past Being X to make her some lost bastard of a royal line just to give her enemies. “Maybe?” an awkward silence stretched on.
"...I suppose it doesn't change anything in the grand scheme of things." Headmaster Isaac eventually said. "I should get to scouting."
"Check for veils." Tanya instructed. "Those archons could make an air attack successful."
---------------------------
Fortunately, those archons had left the battlespace, clearly only hired for the single turn. This made sense, as Charlie would likely charge outrageous sums to attack cities, which was a nonstarter when most of the RCC was there for spoils more than ideology.
In fact, it was probably only Jetstone that was there for ideology, if Princess Jillian’s assessment was accurate. Which it might be.
It was when she was in the middle of thinking about what calculations she needed from the Count that it happened. The contract broke. Fear bubbled in her chest as she realized that Wanda had still not reported to the situation room, but then she realized that it had broken in their favor. What? The only way that could happen on their turn is… if one of their stacks engaged Jillian and she attacked back instead of surrendering immediately. They were obligated to preserve her life, but now that the contract was broken… The question was… which units are engaged?
…Stanley. How Jillian managed to go ahead of Stanley and also have the cosmic luck required to encounter the man, Tanya didn’t know. But there was absolutely no way Jillian could have the forces to deal with Stanley on a stack of dwagons. She’d need at least four stacks of led gwiffons with knights and other high level warlords to even have a fifty-fifty shot.
Nevertheless, Tanya immediately ordered Maggie mentally to open up a thinkagram to Prince Ansom. She needed to jump on this while the iron was hot.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Ansom’s image appeared between Maggie’s fingers as she held them in a rectangular shape in front of her. He looked stressed, clearly having sensed the contract violation just as she did. From his eyes widening in shock, he clearly didn’t expect her new appearance.
Tanya went straight to the point. “Prince Ansom, nice to see you again. I’m sure you know what I’m calling about; so I’ll be direct: If you want the Arkenpliers to stay within your reach, you must-”
Gobwin Knob trembled, and information flooded Tanya’s senses, interrupting her train of thought as every unit within Gobwin Knob suddenly became points of light in her mind, and even… a few dwagons far away, which were rapidly croaking. About ninety hexes away, enough for two turns on dwagonback if it was a straight shot. She definitely expected Stanley’s stack to have made it further away than that… Did he get lost before croaking?
Wait. Sizemore had explained what happens when an heirless Overlord like Stanley croaked. She shouldn’t be thinking at all, much less sensing his old stack. The foolamancer was captured, winking out from her locational sense but still existing as a unit of Gobwin Knob.
“What just happened?” She said out loud.
“...You were a royal heir?” Ansom asked, as if he couldn’t believe it. “That’s a Queen’s Crown.” Huh, her tiara became a full crown… Tanya reflexively checked her stats.
[Queen Tanya von Degurechaff, level 6]
Combat: 31
Defense: 31
Hits: 10 [10]
Move: 56
Specials: Tanya, Royal, Leadership, Caster, Flight, Recon, Ruler
Magical Bonuses: Leadership x2, Barrier, Analysis, Shockamancy
Ah. Now she understood what was going on. Her side no longer has a Chief Warlord, so she lost her in-hex bonus. Because she was the ruler now. “...Yes.” Tanya said. “I am now at liberty to re-introduce myself. I am Queen Tanya von Degurechaff, Ruler of Gobwin Knob.” For some reason, it was extraordinarily easy to stay calm and collected; after all, she was telling the truth.
“I see.” Prince Ansom said without a trace of skepticism. He seemed to be adapting to this revelation rather well, in fact. “What are your demands?” He asked.
Well, she’d need to make sure she still had them, fortunately she could remotely order Wanda now without going through… Wanda was no longer a unit of Gobwin Knob. Thinking back, she didn’t sense any units in the Magic Kingdom from the start; was she waiting at the portal for the contract to break? With another sided unit on the other side to turn to before Stanley croaked?
…Marie. The precognitive. She wasn’t sided, though? Unless that changed in the last two turns. They clearly had a plan to abandon Stanley the second the Arkenpliers were available to spirit away.
…She’d feel scammed, but given how terrible of a boss Stanley is and how the odds of her keeping those pliers if she stayed on with Tanya… Yeah, it was a rational decision on Wanda’s part. Inconvenient to her, but she couldn’t call Wanda foolish for this. Even if it did make them lose both their uncroaked and Chief Warlord bonuses. Which made a solid third of their units, the uncroaked contingent, much less powerful.
She was pretty sure they had the numbers to overwhelm the defenses even before this loss, now? No chance. “One moment.” She turned to Count Harbinger, Maggie faintly nodding to her silent order to not transmit this sidebar. “Odds of them successfully taking the city through the tunnels next turn? Wanda’s gone.”
While Count Harbinger casted, Tanya spared a look at the new decor. Apparently, her livery was a symbol of a two-headed dwagon, one of which had whiskers, eerily reminiscent of the coat of arms of the Empire she had left behind. She liked it immediately.
“98.833% chance.” Count Harbinger said despondently. “You had a decent chance before losing those bonuses.”
Right. Now their only hope was diplomacy. Turning back to Ansom’s image, she continued. “The pliers are gone.” Tanya said, waving her hand breezily. “Wanda managed to enter the Magic Kingdom and turn to another side before I became the ruler.” She shrugged. “There are no Arkentools remaining in the battlespace.”
“Where is Stanley?” Ansom demanded.
“About ninety hexes north, deep in the Minty Mountains.” Tanya said, “He definitely was croaked by Princess Jillian, but how she managed to get in his way, I don’t know. How she managed to croak him, I’ve even less idea.”
“How do you know?” Ansom asked, calmer at Tanya’s forthright explanation.
“It fits the chain of events.” Tanya explained, “First, the contract broke, on our turn. The only event that could cause that is Jillian being found by some of our units then fighting back instead of surrendering. Then, Stanley croaked, and I became ruler. The engagement wasn’t finished, so I was able to use my ruler senses to locate what remained of his stack.” She scowled to make clear how much Wanda’s actions were not her idea. “I’d need to check the Magic Kingdom to get information on who Wanda turned to.” Or maybe hire a Findamancer? …Or she could just ask the Headmaster to scry the side. That could work.
Ansom stared at Tanya, assessing her words. “...I believe you.” He eventually said.
“In that case, perhaps the royal side of Gobwin Knob could join your Coalition, in the name of retrieving those Arkentools?” Tanya offered.
Ansom gave a wry smile. “Yes, it’s about time to discuss surrender terms.”
…Drat.
---------------------------
The Royal Crown Coalition was willing to sign a three-turn armistice for diplomatic talks at ruinous penalties, which Sizemore was sure to mention was a courtesy only extended because of Tanya’s ‘Royal’ special. They positioned their units surrounding the city, and the leadership, each accompanied by a single eight-stack of guards, were invited to Tanya’s new throne room (which Sizemore made, an unsettlingly familiar copy of the Chrysanthemum Throne) to proceed with the negotiations.
Headmaster Isaac, before leaving to the Magic Kingdom, was able to tell Tanya a little bit more detail on Stanley’s fate: He had fallen at a capital site, which was now occupied by a level 3 city owned by a side known as ‘Faq’. Terrifyingly, he was also able to determine that the side, run by Queen Jillian, had as its Chief Warlord… Stanley the Plaid, with Wanda as their Chief Caster. In the supplemental list of units, there was the expected Marie the predictamancer and Jack the foolamancer, as well as all twelve dwagons that Stanley had taken with him.
Wanda did say that she should be capable of creating “a superior form of uncroaked”. That certainly qualified. The numerous knights and two warlords that were distinctly familiar also explained what happened to the stash of bodies that were saved for Wanda. Apparently she had spent all morning getting them moved into the Magic Kingdom, and had hired another caster to schlep them into Faq’s portal.
Tanya tried to use the knowledge of where the Arkentools were in negotiations… which didn’t work like she’d hoped. Apparently, most of the other sides really wanted her croaked for the crime of being too effective as an opponent.
In a turn of events that really didn’t surprise her, Prince Ansom was the one that most ardently advocated for her survival. In one that was a surprise, Count Vinny Doombats was solidly on Ansom’s side, despite him revealing that Stately had promised them one of the Arkentools for their assistance.
It did make some sense, in hindsight: Transylvito didn’t spend much in the war, and was promised a great return. Having lost the prize was sure to be aggravating, but it was an inexpensive risk that didn’t pan out. Further, Tanya understood the culture of Transylvito to be more meritocratic than most royal sides, so they respected her as a worthy opponent.
…Did she always have this sharp sense for politics? She’d like to say so… But when she spouted some very specific greetings to each of the representatives, successfully welcoming them politely as if she had memorized courtly etiquette guides, she started second-guessing herself when it came to matters that were related to being a princess/queen. It was useful though, so she accepted it.
In the end, it was agreed to not croak her. Gobwin Knob would be reduced to a level 3 city, and the proceeds of that downgrade will be distributed to the members of the Royal Crown Coalition, with the exception of Jetstone. In return, Prince Ansom will take possession of the side of Gobwin Knob via Tanya turning the side to Jetstone, which will be followed by the Prince splitting off his own side, with Tanya as Chief Warlord. Gratifyingly, both Maggie and Sizemore were willing to stay on, despite Tanya offering them the chance to leave. The gobwins and hobgobwins were to be croaked to the last, a measure that Tanya could not convince them to budge on. She was fine with the similar disbanding of the remaining uncroaked though. With the expected peaceful state, they would just drain the treasury with their upkeep as they rotted into nothing.
However, to help the new Royal side get on its feet, a few of Gobwin Knob’s previous cities will be turned over to the new side, as well as rights to several city sites that were razed completely by the Coalition. In total, the side would boast nine city sites, with ten total city levels before Sizemore gets to rebuilding them. The natural allies were given a chance to join the new side, but all declined.
Naturally, the remaining eleven city sites Gobwin Knob had conquered before the Coalition formed would be distributed to the other members of the Coalition, Six of them to Unaroyal, who previously owned three of them.
So ended Tanya’s brief reign as Queen. It made sense, she only asked to be a princess, after all. Even if being forced to abdicate burned in her breast with a hatred that could only be sated by the dying screams of Duke Nozzle, the foremost advocate for her croaking.
---------------------------
King Stately was a short, portly man, even by the standards of the locals. Tanya had expected him, with his image displayed by Maggie, to be furious with Ansom for bringing absolutely nothing to benefit Jetstone, taking all the gains and separating off to his own side… But apparently the man was ecstatic, proud of his son’s accomplishments.
“Now son, we have an unbroken bloc of royal sides.” Stately said, joyous in the proclamation. “I never expected King Saline’s line to have continued. Imagine, Stanley the Worm being a Regent this whole time!” He laughed at the irony.
Tanya distinctly did not contradict their assumption. In fact, she had reinforced it, boldly claiming that Stanley had delayed her popping for as long as possible so he could rule for as long as possible. This was an actual mechanic, and handily explained her ruinously large upkeep. Both Stately and Ansom were flabbergasted at the idea of a warlord with casting, but she had created a gem from her (preemptively filled) purse right in front of Ansom to prove her claim.
Apparently, there was an actual proverb in Scripture about how new, never before seen things happen all the time, and one must adapt or croak. Tanya was thankful that the magical information infusion skipped over the details of Scripture, even if it would probably be useful. The idea of suddenly having an encyclopedic knowledge of proverbs and aphorisms of a religion seemed disturbing at a level she couldn’t quite explain.
“Yes Father, we did not expect that.” King Ansom said, smiling nervously. He didn’t seem comfortable in the throne, despite being literally born to sit there.
Ansom had decided to give her a chance to name the new side, as a concession to her proper ownership of it. Tanya had decided to name it ‘Yojo Mojo’, which was a variation of ‘Mahou Youjo’, which roughly translated as ‘A little girl’s magic’. If she was going to be a magical girl princess, she might as well lean into it. ‘Mojo’ was also, incidentally, a synonym for Juice, which she did not know until Sizemore mentioned it. She thought about ‘Shojo Mojo’, to better reflect her apparent age, but something about the diminutive spoke to her as fitting better.
So King Ansom was now the King of Yojo Mojo, which he didn’t dislike enough to overrule her on. Tanya didn’t explain the translation to him, which was probably why he didn’t dismiss it. It was just a rhyming name with magical connotations to him, which he accepted as possibly increasing their odds of popping additional casters.
“You’ve managed to keep two of the Worm’s casters, too.” Stanley added, his smile widening. “I had no idea he had a Dirtamancer!”
“Lord Rockwell will be indispensable for rebuilding, I agree.” King Ansom said, very clearly thinking about ending the call. Apparently, Sizemore was a Noble, popped under the reign of the King that Stanley served before the odd events that made him Overlord. Maggie was not; she was the only caster that was popped under Stanley’s reign, which went a long way to explain why she was so loyal to the man before he croaked.
Tanya decided to step in. “We must be wary of Faq, your majesty.” She pointed out. “The Arkenpliers and Arkenhammer are both attuned to the same side, and Queen Jillian is… quite volatile.” To be more precise, Wanda controls Jillian’s mind, and Wanda is quite volatile. The spell that was used to control Jillian definitely made her a very unreliable ally to the coalition, though. That was the whole point of the spell.
“Hrm. Yes.” King Stately said, frowning but still agreeing. “While she is a queen, I’ve never heard of this ‘Faq’ before. Which is strange, you’d think I would have.”
“I can confirm that she was heir to a kingdom of the same name.” Tanya said. Wanda did mention Faq was Jillian’s old side, after all. “Given that she knew exactly where an abandoned capital site was, I assume she founded it on the same one.” Where did she get the funds, though? It stank of yet another precognitive conspiracy from Marie.
“...There are no capital sites on record in the area you mentioned.” King Stately said. Unfortunately, without a map to focus her spatial sense of her units, she only had a vague idea of where exactly the site was. “Don King maintains ignorance on any such sites, but will send a scouting force to locate this queendom and establish a diplomatic dialogue.”
King Ansom hummed. “Well, I believe that concludes the relevant topics. It was a pleasure speaking to you as a peer, Father. Break.” King Stately’s image winked out, and Maggie calmly went back to a resting state.
King Ansom brooded silently, and Tanya felt her feet refuse to move, a silent order to remain while the King thought. “...Do you really think that Jillian betrayed us all?”
Tanya snorted. “Queen Jillian doesn’t have the capacity for this level of subterfuge.” she said insistently. Her enhanced political intuition was quite useful at times. “Wanda’s goal is to unite the Arkentools.” She said as much. “I have no reason to believe that the mental control spell that she put Jillian under has been dropped just because Wanda’s now her subordinate.” Really, the idea that Wanda would relish the opportunity to control her ruler was much more reasonable to Tanya’s mind. Ansom was surprisingly happy when he heard that Jillian was mentally compromised ever since she first got captured. “So we must assume that Jillian will be convinced that her best way forward would be to gain the strength to conquer Charlescomm.” And the reach to locate the Arkenshoes, which Wanda also mentioned as being the fourth and final known one.
Of course, she didn’t know 100% whether or not uncroaked Stanley was still attuned to the Arkenhammer, but it seemed likely.
King Ansom hummed in thought. “Well, there’s nothing we can do for now except wait and build up. Support Chief Caster Rockwell in whatever he needs, focus your magical efforts on spelling up all of our towers. Now that the armored dwagon has finished popping, I will be focusing our production efforts on building a scouting force.” While Ansom wasn’t the biggest fan of the units that could be popped from Gobwin Knob (the city still retained the name), Tanya had convinced him of the utility of them: Spidews were tunnel-capable heavy mounts with reasonably high speed, their wall-climbing ability allowed them to act as pseudo-siege units, Twolls were also tunnel capable heavies that could generate value with their Fabrication special, saving the side shmuckers in city upkeep, and dwagons… were dwagons. Enough said.
Tanya saluted her new boss. “Yes sir.”