The government had decided against sending JSDF goons along with their representative, which was a good sign. The one dispatched was a diplomat, which was also a good sign. It was a low-ranking diplomat, though, which was not so good of a sign. Meant he was disposable.
Hiraga was the picture of politeness as Mother served tea, alone but the limousine he came in had a pair of analysts supporting him, as well as a single police officer that looked very nervous. Naturally, Tanya had gussied up a bit: She was already using her artifacts as part of her streamer persona, but she gave herself a go over with the cleaning wand and touched up her makeup with her signamancy wand, conveying a sense of maturity and control through her appearance, in direct contrast to the friendly, youthful setup she had while streaming.
Because this was Japan, getting to the point took about ten minutes, but it did eventually happen. Fortunately, the Royal special still fed her the necessary knowledge to comport herself well, which was good because the knowledge she did have about this sort of thing was entirely inappropriate for her new social status.
“Now, Empress Tanya.” Hiraga said, getting to the point. “My presence here is merely to open a dialogue between our states.” He paused, before proceeding. “Although first steps would be, of course, to establish the veracity of your identity.”
“There is absolutely nothing I can provide you that would prove my status that I could not fake.” Tanya said bluntly, “I could rattle off statistical information on my Empire, such and such number of cities, number of soldiers, etcetera, but such numbers would not impress mighty Japan.” Except, she supposed, how fast those soldiers can be replaced. Her Empire has, between the four sides, about fifty cities, and each of those can pop eight pikers per turn before Elya gets to them. “Practices vis a vis symbology are different, and political entities are much smaller than you’d find here. What I do have is the magical artifact that is my crown, which is my badge of office.” She brought out her wand from below the table, plucking it from beneath her skirt. “Due to the limited nature of the magic that lets me go between worlds, there’s little difference between dealing with me personally, as someone who can act as an intermediary between our worlds, and dealing with me as a sovereign ruler.”
Hiraga placidly listened to her words, turning the concepts over in his mind. “How do you travel between worlds?” He asked.
“Magic, of course.” Tanya said vaguely. “Specifically, one of the magical artifacts in my possession.” She distinctly did not glance at the Arkenshoes, which were still sitting by the door. “It’s picky about which users it lends its full powers to, using parameters that I do not understand.” She suspects, however, that anyone from another world would work. “What I do understand is how it directs its teleportation power, and thus how to manipulate the destination. Normally, it can only go to one place: Home.”
“...Home?” Hiraga asked, inviting elaboration.
“First, may I ask how you found me?” Tanya asked, “Was it merely tracking my streaming location? Or did you speak to those I interacted with on that first day?” She still talked to Mizuki, but only through online chat programs and while playing multiplayer games.
“...We are aware of who you claim to be.” Hiraga said vaguely, which was enough.
Tanya nodded, it was as she suspected. “I died eight years ago, and reincarnated in another world. Through means that aren’t particularly relevant, I came into possession of the artifact in question, and was able to use it to come back home.” She summarized, “I’m perfectly willing to provide whatever my world can offer in return for a fair exchange of resources; off the top of my head, I know a man that has a belt buckle that can stop a bullet, and he can make more items to that effect.” After a moment, she clarified: “That is, it can stop one bullet. The magical barrier would shatter after the one hit.”
Hiraga seemed very interested in that. “Oh really? How many could be made?”
Tanya took a moment to consider. “It’s difficult to say. It would depend on the parameters of the barrier in question. My own Barrier item is top of the line: It can apply to any kind of damage, from bullets to lightning strikes, even falls. It’s tied to my life, so if you do enough damage to kill me and break it, then I can start getting hurt.” She used foolamancy to let him see her barrier as a layer of hexagons around her, for her own amusement. “It would be less expensive to create a Barrier that was more limited in scope, but nevertheless, Jack’s still under contract for a while longer, so if we assume the absolute minimum just to protect against bullets…” She had spoken with him on the subject of bullet-only barriers for her infantry, and while he wasn’t sure if he could make them, infantry typically could only wear about half a caster level worth of equipment each. “Jack could probably make twenty a day on his own, but the thing about magical artisans is that they tend to react poorly to the idea of mass production. It’s boring, and variety is essential for them to advance their craft. It’s why magic items tend to be reserved for elite forces instead of rank and file.” Dollamancers hated outfitting infantry. Although guns did change the equation substantially.
“...Would they only work once?” He asked.
Tanya took a moment to think about it. “...I’m not actually sure. Under normal circumstances, they’d recharge every day. But in this world, without…” She still benefited from the daily healing, but her understanding of magic… There’s a reason higher upkeep units can use more accessories. “Maybe not? Testing would be required. Or we could just make one-use accessories on purpose, I suppose. Increase the throughput.” She shook her head, refocusing on her conversational partner. “My point, of course, is that while trade throughput would be limited enough that we wouldn’t be a viable source of anything that would be measured in tons, there are valuable products that can be traded that you couldn’t get anywhere else.” In other words, no there’s not some massive quantity of resources that can be turned into a “Co-Prosperity Sphere”, but there are things that could personally benefit the rich and government officials. “Not just barriers, but other things as well.”
The representative’s eyes gleamed with greed. He was clearly imagining the accolades that he could receive for brokering some kind of deal. ”I see. Do you have materials prepared for such a deal?”
“I’m afraid not.” Tanya said, “I wanted to gather additional information relevant to such before trying to tackle interdimensional currency exchanges.” She pretended to be more embarrassed than she actually was at the diplomat’s skeptical look. “I may have gotten distracted from my aims.” She lies.
“I see.” Hiraga deadpanned. “So, what’s the next step, then?”
“There is a form of magic that centers around the concept of money.” Tanya summarized, “Items with value can be converted into a universal currency that has no physical presence, and this can be used in so many ways. I’m quite skilled with it. Using it, I can do… this.” She emptied her ten thousand shmucker purse to create one hundred grams of gold, holding the large coin in her palm. “Do not think this is free. Each kilogram could feed an army. With magic, literally.” The natural moneymancy of upkeep totally counts as magic, and a hundred thousand shmuckers per turn in upkeep is an immensely large army, but still within the realm of possibility. Her old side produced more or less as many shmuckers per turn that it was possible to produce without absurd mining luck, and it was only two hundred thousand ish per turn. “This is merely how much of that ephemeral currency I can carry personally without drawing from my metaphorical vaults.” She converted the coin back into shmuckers and returned it to her purse. “What I do not know is whether or not the gold from here is so easily turned into the ephemeral currency of account that the magic relies on.” Food worked, although the conversion rate was… odd. It wasn’t based on calories, at least. An entire konbini bento was worth about five shmuckers, but an extra serving of sushi at the nice restaurant she went to last week, despite having objectively less food, was worth twenty-five. It also wasn’t a direct ratio to the cost of the food, either, but it was a far more accurate figure than counting calories was.
The analysts were heavily discussing the implications of Tanya’s statements. “Are you saying that you could turn food into gold?” Hiraga asked curiously after receiving instruction to ask it from his analysts.
“You’d be better off with the food, and there’s a conversion cost with anything that isn’t gold or special gems, but yes.” Tanya said, “In the other dimension, there’s a certain level of fundamental differences between the laws of physics that complicates any interactions between that magic and third world. Conservation of Mass does not exist, for example. They have a different law instead.” The Conservation of Numbers, to be specific. Poetically, Zero always calls. Some claim that Fate’s primary duty is to correct large imbalances.
Imbalances that importing shmuckers from another world would create. She did wonder if Fate would have something to say for her doing so… but changing her actions in fear of an all-powerful entity that she didn’t understand the motives of was exactly what Being X would want, so she was inclined to dare Fate to stop her rather than attempt to appease it.
The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
The analysts were chattering excitedly at that tidbit, as she expected. “I believe I have heard enough for now.” Hiraga said simply, “As discussed, we will file paperwork that will allow you to legally engage in commerce, and we will get back in touch to discuss any potential government procurement.”
“It was a pleasure to meet you.” Tanya said honestly, bowing ever so slightly to be polite.
Once they left, Tanya wandered back to her computer, and took a moment to breathe deeply, letting her composure break. After she calmed herself down, she turned her stream back on. “Welcome back!” She said cheerily, slipping into her streaming persona. “The government didn’t tell me to go back to my own dimension, so we’re good!”
After reviewing the chat, which surged quickly, she chuckled. “Oh, I just dangled magic bullet shields in front of them, and naturally they’re pretty interested in that. I mean, unless I figure out another way, the only route between here and there is me personally teleporting over with whatever I can stuff in my dress. I can fit a lot of stuff in this dress, but it sharply limits what can be moved between worlds. Magical accessories and outfits are pretty much the best I can do on that front.” Changemancy apparatuses are also potentially a thing, but she couldn’t draw juice from random power poles, so she’d need to see if there was some way to convert electricity in the power grid into juice before she’d try and sell those.
Starting up the strategy game, she started to train her units using this particular iteration’s teaching gimmick. “Don’t get me wrong, clearly some magic stuff works here, or I wouldn’t be able to fly. But flying is different here, so it’s clearly affected somehow. It’ll be a lengthy process of testing and negotiation, and until that stuff begins I have nothing better to do than play videogames with all of you, my new friends.” Tanya made sure to smile brightly at the camera at saying that.
Nothing was more indicative of how her audience was a bunch of lonely nerds by how they reacted to the slightest hint of sincere appreciation. It wasn’t that sincere, but Tanya was happy with her new life, and she conveyed that at least.
Easy money.
---------------------------
She couldn’t put things off forever, though: she had to return to Erf eventually. “There’s no place like Erf. There’s no place like doomed, warmongering Erf. There’s no place like home.” She intoned, focusing intently on the date-a-mancy strings that led to her best friends.
As expected, she arrived in her Imperial Bedroom, and while she didn’t use it for very long, it was exactly as she left it.
Visha was lying in her bedclothes in Tanya’s bed, listlessly staring at the ceiling. At the popping sound, she perked up, and immediately launched herself out of bed to tackle Tanya in a hug. “Your Majesty!” She proclaimed happily.
Tanya chuckled at the affection. “Visha, you have your own capital to sleep in.” She said chidingly.
“The Count said you were coming back today.” Visha said, pushing her fingers together. “So I slept here.”
“Hm. He’s dabbling in Predictamancy, then?” She asked.
“I don’t know.” Visha admitted as she changed clothes, “Maybe.”
She supposed it wasn’t really important. “Well, I’m back for at least a few turns.” She said, “I’ve confirmed that I can get shmuckers from the other world,” The government was willing to spare a 24 karat coin they had to test the method of payment, and she created a new coin from the shmuckers with no issue. “So I need some test products to sell to them.” At extremely inflated prices.
Visha nodded, falling into the same position she used to when she was an adjutant instead of a ruler, but as she was still a subordinate, it was still technically within etiquette. Tanya walked towards the portal room, and as she went, the garrison troops saluted her firmly and with a fire in their eyes, putting a spring in her step as she beheld her city.
Eventually, she came across the meeting room, and saw most of her friends. “I’m back!” Tanya announced, creating a few fireworks and sparkles with foolamancy.
“Reporting as ordered, your majesty.” Jack said, sarcastic. He was still under contract for sparing his life during the war, which was good because they needed more.
Tanya was about to start issuing orders, but paused. “...Who is that?” She asked.
There was a new person at the table, wearing white face paint with a black and white striped shirt and a beret, with the only color in his whole outfit being a red neckerchief. Why was there a mime at her table?
Maggie coughed. “Ah, she would be Mary So, the ruler of SilentCo. The newest client state in the Empire.” The mime was a girl? She winked at Tanya.
“Did you have a war without telling me?” Tanya asked, not really sure what to feel about that.
“Is it really a war if it’s over in two turns?” Elya asked rhetorically. “But yes. SilentCo attempted to invade us, so we sent a strike force and captured their capital. I turned the ruler, and she signed the treaty to join up as a fifth side.”
“...Okay, sure. What casters do they have?” Tanya asked.
“A healomancer and a hat magician.” Maggie replied. Mary So adjusted their beret proudly. “If you’ll permit us some time with your crown, I believe with a link we can enchant a special message hat that will be able to reach you at any distance.”
“While we’re on the subject, Nero popped a caster last turn.” Elya added, “A Findamancer.” Good, there wasn’t enough to go around last time, so Nero was left without a caster at all.
“Good.” Tanya said firmly. “We may have had access to Andrew, but having in-house Findamancy will be assuredly helpful.” Admittedly, she wasn’t quite clear on how useful they would be, but that was really more Nero’s problem. They’ll give Nero easy access to the Magic Kingdom though, which is good enough.
Now, is there anything else? Tanya went over her menus. “...Elya.” She deadpanned. “I distinctly recall, twenty turns ago, setting production on an heir, at a one hundred twenty turn timer.” The maximum allowable amount, in fact. Adding extra turns of production increased the chances of them popping with a cool special, or being a caster. It was the second-most reliable way to pop a caster, in fact, with the most reliable still being ‘pop as many warlords as possible’. The chance was higher, but not twenty-four times higher.
“I recall that too, your Majesty.” Elya said agreeably.
“Then why, perchance, are they now set to pop tomorrow?” Tanya said, eye twitching.
Elya beamed with pride. “I didn’t have anything better to do!” She practically shouted, the subtitles clearly shouting ‘PRAISE ME’. Tanya could think of at least four things she could have been doing instead of ensuring the Imperial succession. Which, given that framing, was probably a good decision for the group of sides.
Nevertheless Tanya snorted with laughter at the mental image of Elya as a peppy anime supporting character. “Okay, I understand. I assume Maggie helped at some point?”
“Absolutely.” Elya confirmed. “Count Harbinger said you’d be here two turns ago, so we linked up for the last two turns so they’ll pop when you’re here.” Well, she’s about to be a mother. Lovely. The very idea makes her vaguely nauseous. At least it’s the very sanitary process of popping rather than the alternative. Mother will probably be thrilled.
“Well, I’ll need to accelerate that research then.” Tanya said, mentally re-arranging things. “Okay, so is there anything related to the administration of my empire that requires my attention? Or are we still just rebuilding? Everything seems to be in order in my menus.”
“It would be nice if you could whip the new digger corps into shape…” Maggie said, coughing. “You always seemed to have a knack in getting the infantry to adopt proper rifle tactics. They’re doing okay when it comes to fortifying positions, but…” She trailed off.
“Alright, just get them in one place and I’ll do my best.” The Arkenshoes did actually allow her to train multiple groups in one turn, it was just… a bit tricky.
“We never did see what the level 3 unit is for your personal signamancy.” Janis said peaceably. “We talked about adjusting your capital to that unit table, but never finalized anything.” Yes, she probably should do that before her heir pops.
What was currently on her pop table, anyway? She checked: so this was the unit set that popped the Lyfts, but these other units… she could pop three Twitches, an advanced infantry unit of some kind, or a heavy Scot.
“Hey Janis, you ever hear of a Twitch, or a Scot?” She asked idly.
“Twitches are units with natural eyemancy.” Janis replied, “They’re scouts, but they have an advanced version called the Stream special.”
“They naturally network with each other.” Jack said, helpfully. “Any one of them can project what any other is seeing so everyone can watch. It’s a decadent luxury, honestly. Most Warlords don’t like them because they have twice the upkeep of a scout but they’re as attention seeking as any CanTour. Their Only Fans are royals who don’t like leaving their capitals and prefer the company of two-dimensional women. Twitches don’t have much personality.”
This world… “Scots?”
“Very contentious units.” Janis said immediately. “They have an odd… Well, it’s a Flower Power special. It confounds the senses, makes it difficult for units in a big battle to tell friend from foe. Hippies and Scots are natural enemies. Like Infantry and Scots. Or Knights and Scots. Or Scots and other Scots.”
“They’re dance-fighters, though.” Jack added, “Very haunting natural music, wordless too.”
“Not interested.” She checks her menus. “Okay, so we have seven cities with this unit list.” Tanya said, “I think we have plenty of scouting, and I don’t see the need to pay such a high upkeep for courtesans, so we can safely discard this unit list for my natural one. Whirlybirds are better for us than Lyfts.” It was a lot cheaper to basically re-found a city to the ruler’s signamancy than it was to make a tailored unit list like they did in Stalling Glade.
She continued: “We can do that today, then I’ll start training units. If we pop mostly Tricksies over the next few turns, I can then do a linked training montage with a big group of them on the turn I go back home.” If they pull out all the stops, she can get the vast majority of a group of fresh level 1s to level 2 in a single turn, and quite a few into level 3s. Given how important level is to units with juice, this was a big deal. Granted, those units cannot ordinarily be trained… but foolamancers and rhyme-o-mancers can train anything, and she’s both.
They executed the plan, paying Janis for her services of course. Sizemore was called in from his drug-fueled haze, sobered up, and the two of them worked together to adjust the cities to better defend against firearms, particularly rifle-toting Archons.
But as it turned out, she had one weapon against Archons that she would never expect.
“I can pop Archons!?”