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Summon Imp!
47. Learning About Myself

47. Learning About Myself

When the light starts to brighten again it is time to summarize the gains of the night. First of all, I've come to the realization that I jump to conclusions. Not a problem most of the time since I'm usually right, but it's something to watch out for. I also have a tendency to think too much on my own. I am realizing the limitations of that now as I've run into the problem of not having enough information. I also lack reliable information sources. The first gain of tonight is the resolution to gather information everywhere, assume they're unreliable, and figure it out from there. This is very different from gathering information from just one or two unreliable sources. Mostly, it's a lot more effort.

That is the second gain. Realizing I am lazy. I would have said that I'm not, just a few hours ago. I keep training and improving my strengths, most of the time. But that is not what lazy is. Lazy is only doing what I enjoy doing and not doing the things I don't enjoy doing but should be doing anyway. It's time to push myself to do those things, like talking to people. It's not something I look forward to, or the sifting through everything for what is actually true, but the knowledge would be worth it.

So, what do I know?

Devils bring demons to a place like this. I'm sure it used to be a harsher place. Harijia is a good example of that attitude, I feel she'd use harsher punishments. Joacham pretty much confirmed it too. After 5 years, sometimes a bit less, sometimes more, the demons move on. Either to special recruiters to do who knows what or probably to the work crews. Is that it? This is one of the things I need more information about, what do demons actually get to do when they get out of here.

The demons in these places are ones that get summoned more often than ones outside, but it's been said that they don't get all of them. There are wild demons out there too. They say a lot of them die or go insane and then die or do something like my meditation and die. If I look back at how vulnerable I've been, I'm willing to believe it.

I'm sure that the main task of demons who move out of here is to fight or hunt. It's what we do best. Some may have an aptitude for rituals, like Harijia, or some other special capability. Most can fight and hunt, nothing more. Since hunting isn't high on the list here and fighting is what I do in most summons, it's more likely to be fighting.

I don't know why they don't keep demons down here longer. My first guess is about strength and intelligence. I'm ahead of the rest in smarts. If the others catch up, will they also feel restless? Will it be harder and harder to contain them? The stronger and smarter they get, the harder it will be to maintain this place. While one or two wouldn't be a problem, if there are hundreds even the stronger Keepers will be threatened. Better to move them on to somewhere else they can be useful and bring in fresh meat. I feel like I'm still missing information and confirmation here, but it's an assumption I'm willing to make. Another thing supporting this is the lack of strong species. The naturally strongest here are the bears, but I know there are more dangerous creatures out there. Either they can't get those, or they don't want those.

If we're supposed to move on to more challenging places, why not start training here? So far, the only official training I've seen was about knowledge. Which isn't bad, but how does it help? The only explanation I got was that it was to keep the summons going. Having weak and cheap fodder keeps it going. I don't buy it. The explanation feels unsatisfying. The only reason I can think of right now is that it weeds out the untalented and unmotivated. If you really don't do a thing and don't learn a thing unless you're forced to, they have no use for you. Again, this is just my own opinion and I need more information.

That leaves the question, what happens with the useless? There are no older demons here aside from those who are keepers. They must move on to somewhere. I think Harijia and Joacham have given me the information on that, though indirectly. Harijia has told me they can release me if I really want to. Somewhere where I won't be able to bother the devils and would probably die if I went as I am now. Joacham confirmed that he thinks I would die, which makes it credible.

What better place to send the other problems? Not just the trouble makers and unrest brewers, but also the ones doing nothing but grow older and lazier. Joacham gets to give them a crash-course to either redeem them or because he hates to send them off with absolutely no chance, and off they go. Some will survive, most will die. Yet again I need confirmation of this, but it seems like a sensible arrangement and one I approve of.

Then there are the devils themselves. Joacham is a decent sort, just like most of the Keepers who are devils. Harijia's master is not. Nor are most of the devils that come down here for whatever reason. The exception was that man. What was his name again? The one who taught me to punch stone? It doesn't matter. The difference between the two groups is that the Keepers are demons themselves too. What is the difference within the group of regular devils? I've found one possible explanation so far: age. The older they are, the more they look down on demons. The younger ones still look down on us, but not nearly as much. Harijia's master and the older devils look at us like we're animals not worthy of their time. The younger ones look at us like we're less than them, unimportant. Since they're here now, surrounded by us, they just have to put up with it. The exception was stone punch man. But until I find more like him I'll have to assume he's just that, an exception, and I shouldn't expect to find more like him. It would be nice if I did, though.

The questions remaining are: why not keep the new demons here longer, where are the stronger species, what happens after demons leave, why the devils treat us like this and not in a myriad of different ways, and how that affects me. The most important one to find an answer to is 'what happens after'. Finding an answer will have to wait until later, though, right now it's time to eat.

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When the swarm of swarmlings passes by I hop off my tree and join the group. It barely gets a reaction other than a few curious glances. Taking my usual place somewhat in the middle I stroll along. Having this many demons around me still rubs me the wrong way even though my sensitivity has gone down. It's a bit less because I've accepted them, sort of, but I feel myself becoming more agitated.

The feeding is a long and arduous affair for me this time around. I keep wanting to lash out at anyone surrounding me. Holding back makes me tired and the more tired I am the harder it is to hold back. It's a downward spiral where, for the first time ever, I'm happy when there is no more food to be had. Many of the swarmlings have picked up on my mood by now and give me a bit of extra space. I'm being treated like a dangerous and unpredictable creature, which is what I am right now I guess.

The trek back is not helping my mood. I feel like something is pulling on me, trying to get my attention. Every time it happens I look around, trying to see who it is, or what it is. The others are really starting to keep their distance by now, which should make it easier to figure out what is happening. No such luck. The grabbing and pulling continue unabated.

When we get to the clearing I split off and head for the nearest keeper who doesn't look very busy. He spots me heading for him and seems amused. His name is shiv, shil to something else starting with sh. I stop a body-length away and look up at him. It's putting some strain on my neck, which gives me the first-ever reason to try and stand on two feet instead of four. The added height could be advantageous sometimes. When weighed up against my superior stability, acceleration and maneuverability, I'll still choose my six limbs over their four. He regards me silently, clearly waiting for me to speak.

"Why didn't anyone ever try to get me away from Harijia?" It's the first question I can think of.

"That's what you want to ask?" the devil-demon asks in return. "Simple, if I meddle with one of hers, it's like giving her permission to meddle with mine. Not that she's a bad person or bad Keeper, but they're mine."

He bares his teeth in a less than friendly smile at the end in a display of aggression. It's like Keepers have a territory except that it's not defined by area, but by the demons they're responsible for.

"She can't stop it when you're the one reaching out, but you have to take the first step." His expression turns grumpy. "You cost me a month's wages. I figured you'd be tired of her months ago."

It takes a moment to sink in. "You were betting on me?" Despite myself, I can't help but ask the next question. "Who won the bet?"

"Of course we bet on you. Things are a bit boring here for the last few years. We bet on anything." His face gets even grumpier. "As to your question, Harijia won the bet." He glances my way. "She's a very experienced wily old snake, you would do well not to underestimate her."

His answer annoys me. Harijia may have been playing both a deeper game and a shallower game than I had thought. All that effort to win a bet?

"If I'd ask you to be my Keeper, what would that mean for me?" It's the real question I've been wanting to ask.

"A bad choice. I train big and heavy front-liners. Not too many of them in this area, so it's a slow job. I knew that before I took the job, though."

The demon is nodding to himself. I wonder why he came here, but that is of less importance. "Do you make them listen to the useless stories too?"

"What you call useless," he admonishes me, "is knowledge every devil child has and you don't. We're trying to prepare you as well as we can and as well as you allow for going outside. Now is the best time to give you a solid foundation, while you have little else to do. We all have some inherited memories, but it never covers everything. It's biased information we're giving you, I'm sure you're aware of that, but it's better than nothing."

"Why do you say I'm aware of the bias?" I ask. It's true, but I want to know how he came to that conclusion.

"Your tail does this irritated twist when someone tells you something you know you can't trust," he replies amused. "Harijia pointed it out to the rest of us. You're not as easy to read as you were, but let this be my lesson to you: Don't underestimate others. You need to realize your experience up to now is limited. Don't base your expectations only on what you know. A lot of the people and creatures you will meet are outside your experience and putting on them the limits of what you know may get you killed." He looks expectantly at me and sighs at my lack of reaction. "A more obvious example. You have to fight something big. You know big creatures are lumbering giants and can't be nimble. But it's not impossible and the moment you fight with the wrong expectation, you'll get hurt or die."

I let it sink in for a bit. It makes sense, but how to apply this to the current situation? "So, I expected to outsmart you?"

He nods. "Keepers have years of experience dealing with young demons. You've been judging us based on what you know of who you are. In other words, stop feeling annoyed when you can't hide things from us."

The advice leaves me annoyed which, judging by his grin, does not go unnoticed, which annoys me even more. As he begins to laugh I realize how futile it is and relax. "So who do you suggest I talk to?" I ask him when he calms down.

The grin doesn't quite leave his face as he answers. "As many as you can, but check out Ulvar. I'll let you figure out who that is and why."

Taking his suggestion I make a tour to two more Keepers. That's as many as my mood can take. Each points out a flaw they perceive in me whether I ask for it or not. It's all I can do to stay calm and nod. Worse is that I can see they know that I don't like it and they know I know and they don't care. I'm sure they enjoyed my humiliation and insulting me.

I hesitate mid-step. Or not. I learned this before. To improve, you first must know there is room to improve. In their view, they may be doing me a favor by pointing out my limitations, urging me to improve on them. If nothing else, I would do it to prove them wrong.

Suddenly the tugging at me and my attention is back. I know no-one is near me right now, but I narrow my eyes and look around. Carefully I open up my senses to the magical. Immediately the pulls become clearer and stronger and my eyes widen in recognition. The shock makes me lose concentration and the sensation fades. Summons, they're summons trying to take me. Did my introspection use up the available energy from the last summon? Tentatively I extend my senses to one of the weaker ones, trying to feel the shape of it. It turns out to be a mistake. Time seems to freeze as the world turns white and the familiar feeling of being transported somewhere strange grips me.