When I arrive at Harijia's place, she isn't there. Cautiously I explore a bit further inside. There are several demons in the cells, trying to see who just walked in. When they notice it's not Harijia they calm down. One of them has a glowing back of the head and will probably be released. It doesn't look like the demon is looking forward to it. The other cells have glowing runes, showing that they are active, but the demon inside has not been summoned yet.

At one of the empty cells I decide to try something. A long time ago I asked Harijia if my blood would work and I found her answer suspicious. With one claw I nick a limb and let some drops of my blood fall where I've seen Harijia drop hers. For a moment there is the tiniest of glows before it winks out again. It seems she wasn't telling a lie at least, but it also didn't completely fail. I turn around to find a place to wait. At the end of the corridor, before her room, I settle on the floor.

It's a few minutes before Harijia appears. She's slithering on at a normal pace. Somehow I had expected her to hurry. I can feel myself tensing, prepared to run away if it becomes too dangerous after all. I don't know where I'd run to, but I'll figure that out later. I may have made a mistake going inside, I should have waited outside when I found out she wasn't here. Too late now.

Her movements are a bit stiff, showing that she's tense, but not to a great degree. Her general posture indicates she is not here to fight and she is doing her best to prevent herself from showing anything but the friendly approach of a superior.

"I came as soon as Dellos told me you were on your way here. Have you taken care of your headache yet?" she begins in a calm and reasonable voice. "Do that first and go to my work room, then we can talk. I'll have to let Arnur out first."

After considering the alternatives, I do as she says. I'm not getting anywhere by causing trouble now. The headache has been fairly bearable, so the relief when it is gone is minor. I hear a cell door open and some soft conversation. Though I can't make out the words, the tone Harijia uses is soothing. It's putting me somewhat at easy. Even if she is better at hiding her emotions than other demons, I don't think she is good enough to fake all this. She seems upset, but determined to not let it influence her. Somewhat relieved I head for her room and look around. With a short jump I'm on the table. I've been there before and the table feels smaller now. A few moments later Harijia enters and rests her body on a seat made specifically for her.

Her next words surprise me.

"I feel like I should apologize," she states as she looks me in the eye. "Normally my charges are here for a few days and I get to talk with them and get to know them. I didn't even know you had a name already until Dellos told me. I feel like I've neglected you and failed my duty."

This is not what I expected. I expected her to be angry I had tried to evade coming here. I had expected punishment, not this, whatever this is. Harijia seems to be waiting for some kind of response, but I have none to give yet. Soon, she continues.

"This place is not here to hurt you. I'm not your enemy, the devils are not your enemy, we're here to help." Her demeanour gains a bit of intensity as she speaks. "You're safe here, with nothing to worry about. There is food, water, entertainment. If you have a bad summon, there are the Keepers to talk to. Do you know how many demons in the wild die, how many go insane? Even here, sometimes someone breaks."

Her intensity fades a bit, but I feel her gaze no longer sees me. As she talks on her voice slowly gets softer

"The experience of being helpless, having your body ripped apart, again and again, not everyone can deal with that. It helps to have a safe place to return to, someone to talk to." Louder again, Harijia continues. "Being confined here for a few years, isn't that worth it? The strength you lose from what is drained is trivial for us, it just means our path is slower, not that it has stopped. It's a small price to pay, Kragol."

It's hard to refute her words. Everything she says is true, but I also know it's not the entire truth. Unable to find a fitting reply, I remain silent.

Leaning a bit forward before speaking, Harijia's next words are more than interesting. "If you're worried about time, don't be. You're not even four months old. Swarmlings don't live long lives, but demons do. Where a normal swarmling takes one year to become an adult, you'll take two. Instead of being fully grown at two years, you'll reach that stage in four. But while a normal swarmling lives maybe twenty years, you'll have centuries."

This time I don't say anything because I'm shocked speechless. Centuries? How long is that even? My sense of time only gives a vague answer. I know how long a day, a week or a month feel, but I don't really have a sense of one year, let alone so many of them. Frantically I try to find any clue if Harijia was lying, but all I sense is truth.

Probably sensing my confusion, Harijia presses on. "So what if you have to give up a decade here. You have plenty of years! Now is the time to take it slow and steady and let others with more experience guide you. You're still young, there is much to learn."

"Then, once you've grown enough, you get to go outside again as hunter, companion or worker. There is so much more to explore, don't ruin it for yourself!" Soft and compelling, Harijia speaks on.

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The benefits of receiving a good report, what an agent can do for me, possible futures and how it depends on my behaviour. It's hard to get any words in and every time I raise an objection she manages to erase it or shows the benefits that weigh against it. It's frustrating. Both my talking and thinking are not on her level and soon I feel myself reluctantly nodding along.

"What we'll do is for you to come and meet me at the central clearing every morning and evening. We'll talk a while and you can tell me about your recent experiences, while I can help you decide what you can work on for your development. There are instructions on how to improve for almost anything, all you have to do is ask. Promise me." 

With that, she looks at me.

"I don't want to be here," is the last objection I manage to bring forth.

"Then you'll be released some distance away from here and left to fend for yourself." Harijia says in a matter of fact tone. "Don't get your hopes up, no swarm will accept you, you're too different. You'll be alone and vulnerable and will most likely be food within days."

For the briefest of moments I feel lost and empty. Part of me wants to scream a denial and tear Harijia to pieces. Another part of me knows that I am different and says it's true, I will never fit back there any more. The biggest part of me doesn't know what to think, but fears her words are true. That fear alone stops me from acting on my desires.

"You're taking this better than I expected," Harijia interrupts my thoughts.

"I promise,"

Harijia looks confused for a moment. "What?"

I don't know if she truly was confused or if she makes me repeat myself on purpose. "I promise to come every day to talk to you." I fidget a little under her stare. "To come every morning and evening to talk to you."

Harijia nods in confirmation. "That is all I ask. Now, I know this must have been tiring for you, so let's say we'll meet again tomorrow morning, alright?"

Her tone is gentle. Of course it is. She won, she can afford to be nice now.

I leave and immediately make my way to the rock punching area. There are some trace scents of Dellos, but it's obvious he isn't here any more. I take all my frustration out on a boulder, systematically chipping bits and pieces off until less than half of it remain. I want to speak better, be able to transform what I feel and the thoughts I almost grasp into words. During the talk I felt as helpless as if she had my neck in her jaws.

The next morning I do go to speak with her, It would be stupid now not to do so. I tell her a bit of my first experience and she is properly shocked.

"You were incredibly young, Kragol," she says. "I'm surprised you recovered mentally from that."

It gives a small amount of pleasure to hear her say that. I am slightly disgusted, but also curious. Since when did I care about her opinion? That evening she gives me some information on how big cats fight. It's similar enough to how I fight that I can imagine the movements.

I try to avoid talking much about Avebella and Tarvinder. I don't want to know what she thinks of my familiar situation and she doesn't need to know about the elixir, just in case there is something she can do about it. I do complain about how Mari treats me, but here Harijia shows less sympathy.

"You're a tool in their world, don't forget that. Her way of using you was unusual, but smart. You should try your best to learn from her," is her response, though her opinion changes somewhat when I tell her about my first time there.

Days pass and I feel my strength training is starting to pay off. My muscles remain less defined than my peers, but at least I can stand my ground now. A week long my motivation drops and I only work out enough not to lose any progress I made. I have no goal, no direction to aim for. A few days later, the routine is broken by Harijia.

"Come, Kragol, your mark has almost stopped glowing. You'll spend a few days with me." She cheerfully mentions when we meet.

There is no way to run now, so I follow meekly. I refuse to speak to her while I'm there and Harijia silently accepts my mood. I have the feeling she's more amused by it than bothered. Luckily it doesn't take long before the familiar sensations grip me.

Before I can see again, I know it's not Mari or Avebella who I'll see, I know the feeling of them. When I have my vision back, I notice it's a cave system again. The unknown summoner in front of me is small, only a bit bigger than me and half the size of a human. Yellow-green skin and a robe with holes in it. To my sides, more demons appear, mostly smaller than I am. The creature in front of me points behind me and shouts something I hear as "attack!"

Behind me is a mass of the yellow-green creatures, dozens, maybe a hundred, pushing against what looks like a metal wall blocking a narrow passage in the tunnel. As I turn around I occasionally see a sword being raised from the wall and cleaving down, followed by a death cry of one of the creatures. It's hard to see if the metal wall is made of humans or something else, but they're the right size for it.

The summoner, now behind me, is already starting a chant, perhaps to summon more demons. Some of the summoned creatures that can fly have already taken off before I start to move. My idea of using the wall and ceiling to advance is immediately shot down as arrows and magic quickly pick off anything that rises above the yellow-green creatures' height.

Slipping between the attackers I try to keep a low profile while I advance. More than once I injure one of them that doesn't get out of the way. When I near the front I have a clearer view of the opponent. It's a wall of shields with men standing behind wielding shorter swords than I've seen before. It makes sense with the narrower space, maybe?

There is a gap between the cavern floor and their shields, only their legs standing in my way. I slip through, raking my claws along an armored boot, drawing sparks. Before I can turn to climb up the man's back, metal coming towards me forces me to dodge. I throw myself to the side, but get blocked by yet another leg which barely moves from the impact. The spear that was thrust at me pierces my lower body instead of my chest, then it drags me along the ground. The last thing I see is a metal shod sole heading for my head. Pinned by the spear, I have no way to dodge and my vision explodes into white.

Soon enough I am back in the cell, the sensation of my head getting crushed mercifully cut short by my death in that world. I shudder for a moment and exhale. I hadn't even noticed I had been holding my breath. A moment later, Harijia appears at the cell she put me in.

"Bad summon?" she asks with a trace of sympathy.

"A wall of shields," I tell her. "I tried to slip through, but they were waiting for me."

Harijia nods while she waits for me to recover. Once I do I go to the back of the cell and give my head to its device. Harijia opens the cell for me and I walk out.

"See you tomorrow." She calls after me as I leave. I grunt in response.