It's proving a hard task to find a place for my introspection. Tirelessly prowling the expansive cavern, I have already missed one feeding time. Whenever I find a place where I'm not bothered by other demons, I get distracted by the energies flowing through the plants and trees. There is energy trapped in some of the rocks. Once, I pick a place high up the cavern walls, I can even feel something flowing through the walls. Behind the walls? More comes in with the water that goes through the cavern and seeps into the air.
If there is one benefit of all this it's that I've gotten better at sensing the magic in the air and all things alive. There is no sensible way to describe it, even to myself. It's the way a sparkle looks if it would flow over the skin like the wind and smell like... like its own special thing. I'm still not too good at static things, though. The rocks only make themselves clearer to me when I'm very close. Creatures I can sense from a little further. The lights above give off large amounts of energy, and not just light. They are mostly responsible for how this place 'feels' to this strange sense.
When I finally find a place with relatively little interference I lay down on my belly, trying to minimize contact with the ground. I've found the fewer things touching me, the better I focus. The first exercise is to feel my body. It makes me realize how much I'm usually focused on everything outside myself, ignoring the messages from my own body. Of course, food and danger are out there, so it makes sense to focus on the things I hear and see. Now I'm listening to what my body tells me. I'm more aware of my body than ever before. The way the muscles in my legs get pulled in this position, the tightness of the skin at the outside of my joints and the way it's compressed on the inside. I sense the build-up and release of a twitch of my ear as if it happens in slow motion. It feels so strange that the stimulation makes it twitch again, and again. Redirecting my attention to other parts I marvel at the messages my own body is constantly sending me. Where it tickles, which muscle isn't quite comfortable in its place, the air cooling me down and a small bruise I can't even recall getting. It is doing so much on its own too, without me ever being aware of it.
Slowly I breathe in. I can feel the air flowing in, carrying with it the energy. It tastes of various creatures, plants and what I think is what is coming from the lights. I can feel it moving through my nose, my throat and down to my lungs. On the way out it feels different, neutral. I think it's because I can't sense myself. I'm so used to being around myself that the sense of 'me' has faded. Another thing I can't feel is inside my body. My digestion I can feel when it works, and the muscles moving under my skin. Ara wants me to feel my blood. Feel it moving around my body, carrying my own magic around. There is no such feeling.
After a few days, I give up. The inaction is wearing on my temper and I get more and more distracted by stimulation around me or from my body. Stretching, I get up stiffly. Feels like I've been here longer than I thought. A look around me gives little in the way of confirmation. The light is fairly constant, only dimming in the evening and brightening in the morning. It's unsettling, I've never lost track of time this much before. My stomach alerts me that it's too long since it's been filled. After a final stretch, I set out to see if I can find anything. Before I get far, another need makes itself known. I'm thirsty. Parched, more like it. First I'll stop at the stream, then I'll see what's edible around there.
The world around me is so vivid, so real. I don't think I've realized how real this world that I call my home is, compared to the other places I visit. The scents are more visceral, the colors more vibrant and the sounds carry more depth.
My hunger and thirst continue to rise steadily as I walk. At the stream, I throw myself at the water and drink in great gulps. How long was it really? It felt like some days, but my body is telling me it has been at least twice as long. A sudden cramp gives me pause. The worst stomach pain I've ever had is making itself known. My vision turns blurry and my balance goes off-kilter as the first spasm moves through my body. All the water I just drank forces itself out and then some. It feels like an eternity before it subsides. Dizzy and confused, I wonder if something is wrong with the water. Taking a careful sip of clean-looking water, I thoroughly test it for strange tastes. Nothing. Well, nothing except a hint of my own bile, but it's hard to say if that's a taste still left in my mouth or in the water. Plus, it probably wasn't there before.
Taking my time to refresh myself, the cramps don't come back. Nor do I find what set them off to begin with. Stepping out of the small river, I break a small branch off a tree. It's not the tastiest or most nutritious, but it will do. Slowly chewing on the tough wood I stroll underneath the leafy boughs towards the central clearing. There are other demons around. When I focus on it, I can sense them from some distance. They can't ambush me that way anymore. For a long while, I want them to try. It feels like I'm itching all over and it takes all I have to not break into a run.
The taste of the branch I've been chewing on comes clearly into my mind. The sap, the bark, what it's made of. Even if I don't know what they're called, I know what they are. The moss tickling my feet and a light breeze ruffling the leaves. It's all a grand experience I'm in the middle of. The downside is that I slow down a lot when I focus on this. It's not a conscious thing, it just happens. I lose focus or gain too much focus, it depends on how I look at it. I become so aware of everything. It takes too much of my attention. Yet with so much to be aware of, it becomes hard to focus on any one thing. The fifth time I trip over a rock or a little unevenness of the ground, I decide to focus on moving first and experiencing second.
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Finally arriving at the clearing I look around for food or things, any things. I'm feeling a lot better already with my thirst slaked, but I could really do with some more to eat. Before I can tend to that, a new issue presents itself. The noise of the multitude of demons gathered here right now is grating on my ears. The light coming from above is too bright, now it's unfiltered by leaves. Smelling so many creatures at the same time is overloading my nose and the new sense I have of creatures paints an image of complexity and intensity in my mind. A tenseness grips my body. Slowly I start to back off, back towards the treeline.
Movement off to the side draws my attention and I hiss at the approaching creature. Scintillating colors blind me. I can barely make out a figure when I squint my eyes. As painful as the colors are, I can't look away from them either. The sounds and other things that irritated me fade. Then, I catch a familiar scent.
"Harijia?" I ask.
"Yes, it's me," I hear her reply as if from a great distance. "Follow me and keep looking at the colors. Only pay attention to me."
The colors change from the flaring brightness that caught my attention, to a shifting soothing pastel pattern. It's a relief for my overstimulated senses. Why were they overstimulated? Why were they so sensitive to the other demons, and even to the light? As if me thinking about them called them forth, I can once again hear, smell and sense the demons around me.
"Kragol!" Harijia's voice draws my attention back to her form, briefly visible behind the color pattern. "I'll explain, but for now you need to not be here. Focus on me."
Drawn by her voice and the soothing colors I walk in her direction. I don't know how far I walk, or in what direction. Any time my attention is drawn away I feel my tension rising. Every time it happens, Harijia calls my attention back to her. Something is wrong with me. I try to focus my attention on myself, but can't figure out what it is.
A slap from Harijia's tail almost bowls me over and brings me back to the here and now. The pain isn't actually that bad, but with how acutely I'm aware of everything at the moment, it's a whole new experience. The initial sting pierces deep, then a dull aching starts on the stricken part of my face.
"Kragol! Focus on me!"
The sound of Harijia's voice reaches my ears, tickling tiny things inside. It makes my ears turn towards the sound almost automatically. Then it reaches somewhere inside and I feel the sound as it arrives. How does it go from there?
"Kragol! Damn you, you idiot!"
A short burst of sound allows me to track the progress again, but again to no avail. Something picks me up off the ground. When did I lie down? I can feel my limbs hanging down and swinging from side to side as I'm lifted higher. The pull of my limbs on my shoulder and hip joints changes when my limbs swing. My back limbs are hanging down too. I've never had them this relaxed, since dragging them over the ground is very annoying. The way they pull on their joints a bit below my shoulders is an unfamiliar sensation.
Before I can explore this further, I feel myself flying through the air. Before I can spread my wings I hit the ground with a thump. Since when did I have wings? My head clears a little, enough to catch a glimpse of the immediate surroundings. It's a cell. It looks more like a cell than the summoning cell did, with completely smooth walls and a solid door with just a few slits at different heights to look through.
"Hello Harijia! What did you bring me this time? Swarmling type it looks like. What did it do?" It's a male voice, a devil, one I've heard before but I don't know his name.
"He's not here to get punished Joacham. He just got out of his first Inspection, hypersensitive." Harijia stresses the word 'he' and 'his'. I don't mind being called it, and I know she doesn't care about it either, so why is she acting like that?
My attention is diverted for a moment before I notice the strangeness of the room. The stone of the floor and the walls is as empty of energy as everything was before I could sense it. Any kind of energy that tries to enter the cell through the open door gets sucked away into some runes drawn around the doorframe. I'm fascinated by the streamers of oscillating light moving in a chaotic dance to their end.
"So you want me to keep it distracted so it doesn't dive into itself again, but not so stimulated it will go on a rampage. Why me? Why don't you do it?" Joacham sounds bored and annoyed.
"I've got work and this is your job. Throw him some food while you're at it, he hasn't eaten for a week," is the reply.
A week? It felt like just a few days.
"What about water?" There is a hint of concern in Joacham's voice now. I can also feel it softly radiating off of him, a hint of furry purple under the metallic ocean.
"He already drank. Puked and drank again. You'd be able to smell it if you had a working nose." There is a hint of tertiary blue disdain in Harijia's voice and aura.
"What is it doing now?" There is some interest in Joacham's voice.
"Sensing our aura's. Or magic in general. You know how it works with demons. Do your thing, Joacham, I have to go." With that Harijia slithers away.
I stare at her departing form. The muscles in her tail and lower body push her forward and slightly side to side. As I study the ripples to figure out how serpents move, a pair of legs move into my view. Looking up, I see the face of Joacham.
"So you're the one who's been annoying Harijia lately." He begins to grin. "I'm sure we'll get along fine."
Keeping track of my body I try to figure out what I feel about this. He doesn't seem hostile, but I don't trust him either. I don't trust any of them, really. He likes annoying Harijia, which is useful information. Doesn't seem to care about demons, though that is nothing new among devils. There is a growing feeling in my chest that tells me I want to taste his blood, though that could be the hunger.
A snap next to my ear makes me reflexively claw at the hand, but Joacham is faster and withdraws it unscathed. That finger-snapping thing is seriously one of the most annoying things people can do.
"None of that now, boy. No clawing and no drawing in on yourself. You're in a serious condition, and if you get too focused on yourself it could be the end for you. Now hold on while I get some food for you."