"Hey, Rob! What's your answer?" asked Lisa, my younger and much newer coworker. Her hands firmly on her hips while her eyes strike mine with her stern gaze.
"Yeah, sure. Why not?" smiled back at her with a clear answer. As troublesome as it is to spend time outside of work with a coworker, it might be okay once in a while. Do not like to create unnecessary habits.
Was the end of my shift and normally I would either go home or go to the one local cafe I frequent for coffee and occasionally a snack. But this day is going to be an exception as Lisa wants me to go to the cafe with her since both of us got off at the same time. She also happens to frequent that very cafe and yet I do not recall ever seeing a girl like her. Honestly, most people I have gotten surrounded by never stood out to me. The times anybody did has either annoyed me or I genuinely got along well with them. Most people fit the former.
Been working at Michael Donald's, the fast food chain for about four years. My folks have pestered me before to get a degree and find a better job with it. Lisa on the other hand has worked for a little over a month now. During her early time here, I was the one responsible for training her. Whenever she needed help or anything related she would come to me. It was only natural I was to become her main interaction at the workplace. Not like that matters. Just get some work experience and get out. You do not want to end up getting stuck in a position like this and have nowhere else to turn.
Lisa's intact gaze morphs into that of a smile. "If it's a yes then let's go!"
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Our walk to the cafe. The sun was bright with very few clouds to fill the rest of the sky. The streets were on the quieter side of the city. Air between us was quiet for the moment. I was not the type to start conversations and instead would have the other party, Lisa right now, to initiate the talk.
"So...what do you do outside of work?" she asked me.
"I don't do a whole lot. Like to keep life simple," I smile at her. "I do enjoy watching movies and drinking out from time to time. Don't worry, I assure you I'm not an alcoholic."
She giggles. "You don't seem like the type to get blackout drunk. I see you as the type to drink cocktails and craft beer."
"You nailed it! Although that does sound like a very...elitist thing, I assure you I'm not some snobby elitist. Just not my thing."
Was rather quick when we found ourselves inside the cafe. The aroma of coffee filled the interior. There were not many people today. Just a couple near the windows and a single person with their laptop open on the opposite side of them.
"Welcome!" the waitress greeted us. "Sit anywhere you like!"
Lisa walks ahead and finds herself a table next to the windows. The sun shining away from the windows thankfully. She seats herself elegantly as though she was getting ready for some royal meeting of some sort. A funny sight. Treating this economy class joint as though it was first class. Regardless, I take myself a seat, opposite from hers. Noticed she had a strange, mischievous smile on her as if a child had set a prank, ready to be initiated. She was definitely smiling in a manner such as that.
"So...do you like anybody?" she said in a jolly manner. What an unexpected question. Does it have any importance?
"No. At least not at the moment," I tell her as I shift my view away from the sun's rays coming in from the window. Must have been moving without realizing. Remembered back in junior high that practically both the boys and girls love to do: hear about who has a crush on who. It never clicked with me. Are you going to help with whoever to win the heart of the person in question? Perhaps you are going to tell everyone around the school? People like Lisa are simply childish and I do not like childish behavior.
From the corner of my eyes I see the waitress coming over. Was thinking about getting something other than coffee but I could not make a decision fast enough.
"Decided on what you like?" the waitress cheerfully beams at us. Must get tired doing that after an entire day.
Lisa was on it and ready, "Yes, can I get a vanilla latte."
"Of course! And for you, sir?" the waitress's brown tinted eyes are directed towards my presence.
"Coffee. Black," was the answer I was able to provide.
"Can do. I'll be back in a jiffy,"
"Thank you!" Lisa said as she smiled with sunshine. My gaze turned past the windows of this cafe. The sight of another simple day, only this time I have some company.
"Rob, you barely talk during work, and when you do, you're actually a pretty fun guy. This is the most I've heard from you. Maybe you should open up a bit?" Lisa tells me as she leans forward on the table. I am noticing my own thirst for coffee is growing strong. "It's just that I feel like I haven't really done a good job trying to get to know anyone around work, you know. The only person I really did any talking with was with you."
"I just don't like to talk much. Especially if it's at work," I tell her. "Or unnecessary," I muttered that part very quietly. I did not mean to say that. It simply came out on its own. I do not believe she noticed.
"Hmm..." Lisa's eyes begin to dart up and down. Examining me as if she is looking for something in my body language. Perhaps she heard my muttering? I doubt it.
The waitress reappears with a tray of two familiar drinks. "Vanilla latte for you, and a black coffee for you. Enjoy!"
"Thank you!" Lisa said as she smiled with sunshine yet again. I can almost see the rays shining from her.
The waitress makes a smile back and leaves to attend to whatever her duties are. Lisa's line of sight is back directed at me.
"Tell me. Do you have any dreams?" Lisa asks me out of nowhere.
I answer, "No. Not really."
"My dream is to become a big, maybe famous musician. I play the acoustic guitar if you didn't know. It's a passion of mine."
"And how's that going?"
"Not much as of right now but I got things working down the road."
Thought so. It ends up like this more often than not. I lift up my coffee and let myself take a sip.
"Maybe you should look into something that isn't so tough to get in," I tell her with an unintentional sharp tone in my voice as though I was a company's boss lecturing an employer, unintentionally.
"Whoa, Rob. That's quite the mean thing to say. Are you sure you should go around saying something like that?"
"I don't know... Dreams make people blind from what I've seen. It's better to do something that's actually practical and worthwhile. I mean, just forget about the whole passion thing."
"Well, I'm going to work hard on my dream and make it a reality and I'm going to do it just to prove that it really is worthwhile."
"Work hard? I am not sure if that is enough for something as big as becoming a famous musician? What are you doing to work on it?"
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"I've been playing at a venue twice or three times a month."
"Like where?"
"The Charles and Pals Club."
"And that shack is going to help you with the exposure and attention necessary to kick-start your wonderful career?"
"Rob... What's wrong with you?"
Realized I let the conscience I desperately kept hidden had been leaking out. These cracks will have to be sealed fast.
"...Sorry, I'm just not feeling too well. Felt like it was a long day," I tell her with a smile. May look like from the nervous variety but that was all I could pull off for now.
Lisa did not show emotions of anger or sorrow. What I received instead was that of concern and a pinch of sympathy. "You seemed to have a lot to say just now. Did something happen?"
"No. Nothing big or anything in particular. Just feeling a bit heavy these days. Maybe I'm getting old or along those lines," brushed off.
"...I guess it was kinda busy today...right?" Lisa's words did not come out quite clear as before. Struggling to find the right words out? It was inappropriate to keep the air between us so odd after my slip.
"Oh yeah, Lisa. If you're big into music, I can't help but wonder what genres you're into."
"Me? I'll let you know I play a lot of folk and pop on the acoustic, especially at the venue, but I'm not shy from the heavy and the metal! They don't let me play that kind of stuff at the venue though..."
And so Lisa conversed with me on music and other various topics over my coffee and her latte for the next hour. Did not bring up the subject of any dreams or my slip for the rest of the time. It did not feel awful being able to talk about something such as music. I have to say the time with her was rather passable. It's been a time spread apart too far.
We said our goodbyes afterwards and went back to our daily lives. Work tomorrow. I will be seeing Lisa again. Would not mind going for coffee again, with her or even somebody else.
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The classroom walls were painted using various bright, vibrant colors that can fill the rainbow. Floor scattered with drawings of classmates. But despite the familiar feeling of the classroom, the atmosphere was strangely foreign. To be honest, I always dreaded bright colors like this in school. An attempt to give off a welcoming feeling for unsuspecting students. The arts and crafts decorated the walls to give off the individuality and creativity of the children. But nobody cared. The old always get thrown into the trash to make way for the newer students and the process simply repeats itself. We are disposable. I am disposable. But it could have been tolerable, if it was not for them. The bullies always picked on me. They rarely gave me a break. What was worse was their faces were always blank. An unnatural view into what can only be described as a glimpse into oblivion. The classroom had only me and three of the bullies. The first bully swipes away my latest painting I was able to create from my arm. The second and third bully lean in to take a look themselves. Felt like a whole hour of just them judging my work. The faceless void did not change. There was no telling what they were thinking but I could feel it was not good. Felt like it was almost sucking me into its realm.
"It's stupid," the first bully broke the silence. The voice was heavy as though the voice itself weighed me down greatly. I was being suffocated.
The second bully joins in, "Nobody will like this."
"You're wasting your time," the third bully said.
I realized I had no control over myself. I could not move! What the hell is going on!?
The words from the bullies continued into me and there was no resisting. "Who makes this garbage?"
"You're drawing more of these? Just throw it in the trash where it belongs."
"Idiot!"
Shut up... Be quiet... Why can nobody leave me alone?
They did not stop.
"Loser!"
"Freak!"
"You're pathetic!"
I had enough.
"Just shut up!" was what burst out of me. The boom echoed throughout the classroom, giving anything in its way a violent shake. The shaking did not stop. In fact the world around me was losing its color. With each vibration the colors became more and more lost revealing nothing but an endless darkness. Soon enough, everything around me has faded. I was left alone in the never-ending field of black. Scared. Frightened. Confused. Yes, the dreadful pain has taken ahold of me. Just when I thought I was going to wither and become a part of the darkness, I could hear.
"Rob?" I heard and felt the presence of Mother but she herself was nowhere.
"Honestly, could you please stop your little 'hobby' of yours?" the voice of Father I heard and felt but just like Mother's, he was nowhere to be seen.
"Your grades are lower than ever! Isn't it because you never focus on your studies?"
"You need to stop with this nonsense!"
"Aren't you getting old playing these childish games? You're not going to survive in the real world like this."
"You can't go on like this! You've got to stop!"
"Why can't you be better?"
I am trying. I am really trying...
My parents' presence fades into the darkness that surrounds me. The grim feeling has attached itself to me and refused to let go. I was left alone in this oblivion.
"Elizabeth!" I cry out her name. The one person who ever gave me hope. The one person who cared for what I do. In an instant I see her before me. Back faced towards me.
"..."
"Elizabeth! Thank you for coming back! I thought I would never see you again!"
"..."
Elizabeth did not move a single bit. It was as though her lifeless statue that stood before me.
"Elizabeth?" as I called out her name one last time, bit by bit her body became dust. Falling down slowly and growing smaller and smaller with every drop until they were not visible to the eyes. With that she was gone.
Alone again. Trapped in this hell. No way out. Wanted to run. Get away from it all. Far away from it. The next moment, without thinking, my legs moved on their own. I bolted even further into this nightmare that I was consumed by. I could not stop. No matter how unchanged my surroundings were, no matter how much I knew I was in a helpless situation, I could not stop. That is until I was stopped by a mirror.
It was one of those that showed the whole body from the top to bottom. Its design was made elegant and traditional. The sides had multiple branches stuck out and curled up like the twist of a spiral. Its appearance was similar to that of Victorian architecture. A smooth and silver flair emitted from the mirror an air of being otherworldly. As I stood before it, I could not see the reflection of the child that was supposed to be me. What the mirror showed instead was a familiar person that I could not fully remember. A man in his twenties. Had to look up to see he had a very gloomy look to him that was supported by his unkempt hair and the tired expression on his face as though he had not slept. His dark colored hoodie seemed loose for his own body and his jeans felt very sloppy as though he does not put any care into his appearance. Despite knowing this was not a normal situation, seeing someone other than yourself in the mirror, I was not frightened. Could not put my finger on who he is but he looked awfully familiar.
"Just stop what you are doing," the man in the mirror spoke with his expression remaining dull and unenthusiastic as if what he said was repeated a thousand times before, "You are trying to take comfort by believing in a hoax made for gullible people."
"No!" I roared at the man's disgusting statement. "I am not going to give up! Everything is going to work out someday! Just have to be patient for good times to come!"
"Be patient and wait? Are you expecting for something to simply happen? Out of nowhere? Do you really think waiting is going to help?"
"No, that is not all. I am going to work harder than before! I am going to work and work and make everything work!"
"But you are not going to... You do not feel like it. You do not have the motivation. Not have the drive. Not have the strength. The weight is too heavy for you to carry and because of that, you are not going to do anything... Anything and everything that should push you forward will cease to move and there is nothing that can be done."
"Then I am going to do something about it! I am going to do something about everything and then it will all work!"
"If only that happened..."
With the man in the mirror's last words, the mirror shattered into a million tiny pieces as if it was dust leaving only the frame unharmed. Through the frame was a pile of drawings at a near distance of maybe a few feet. Stacked in a messy pile, the height of it was half my own height. As I stared at all the drawings I soon realized they were not just any drawings from nowhere. Those drawings were mine. I did not do anything but let the image soak in. My work, my creation, my future all collected and stacked there for me to see. What was the meaning to this?
That is when I got my answer. Without warning, the pile burst into a raging fire. Second by second my work was becoming unidentifiable ash. The flames were burning hot that I could feel the entire front portion of my body heating but I was still cold at the sight. Could not move. Could not turn. I could not look away. This is what my life has amounted to.
"But it was supposed to come true..." the words escaped my mouth. The image in front of me came to a halt as everything has become pitch black. Senses began to rush throughout and my motors started to move once again. Eyelids slowly crawled back as I was welcomed by the bleak ceiling of my room. Body covered in sweat and tears. Tried to remember what I had witnessed but it was all drained out of my system. Nothing but the vague image of a mirror and fire stayed with me. Whatever it was, I should not worry about it. Focus on reality. I should be happy in reality.