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I Can't Feel My Beard!

Maybe the dwarves have a curse? I mean, magic exists so that sounds plausible.

“It’ll kill them?” I repeated.

Brom nodded. “Eyup. They bleed somethin’ fierce if it gets cut in the wrong place. I asked Sanon about it and she said that they have highly trained barbers back home that can cut it in case of disease, but that’s apparently the only reason they’ll ever cut it.”

Why would they bleed from their hair? I know that birds tend to have blood in some of their feathers, but hair? That’s strange, though the individual hairs on Sanon are really large, flat like feathers themselves. Temperature regulation perhaps? Eh screw it — let’s go say hi.

“I’ll be back in just a moment Brom.” I said, waving back at the man as I approached Sanon.

Sanon noticed my approach as soon as I began moving toward her, actually. A bit strange, but I had seen much stranger things happen here so it was rather low on that list.

Getting closer to her, I noticed more detail in her hair-feathers, some of them being the same ruddy brown color as the rest of them, but with a certain degree of translucence to them.

“Hey there! Your name is Sanon, right? My name is Max!” I said, enthusiastically introducing myself.

Sanon focused her gaze on me even further than she already had. Her eyes were barely visible but I could feel the quiet intensity of her gaze boring a hole through me. “Nice meeting you… Max. You look strange.” she said bluntly, with a rather deep voice.

Speaks her mind does she? I can get behind that, should make things easy.

“This might come off as rude, but if I may, Sanon — you bleed from your hair, is that right?” I asked, cautious.

I had guessed that when she stayed silent for a moment, that she had been processing, because when she finished, the translucent hairs running down the sides of her face and arms in vertical lines flushed a deep red.

Is- is she blushing??

“Yes. Very rude. But not unexpected, so I will not fault you. We do bleed from our hair. Am I the first dwarf you’ve ever seen?” she explained rather curtly after clearing her throat.

“Yep. Am I the first human you’ve ever seen?” I asked in return.

“Ah, so you aren’t a bald elf? I had thought your ears were a bit small for one.” she mused.

I chuckled. “Well that’s definitely the first time I’ve ever been called bald, especially since I’ve got a full head of hair…”

At this she stepped forward, reaching out and grabbing a handful of my luscious golden locks. The skin of her palm looked very rough, almost scaly.

“Hey HEY! Watch the hair please…” I whimpered.

“I am sorry, Max. Dwarves do not have the best sight, so I hadn’t noticed that you had such hair. It feels very strange… like a girtablilu’s hair, actually…” she said as she continued to manhandle my hair… until she stuffed her face in my hair and began to take a deep sniff.

OKAY ENOUGH OF THAT.

I tried pulling myself away from Sanon, though to little effect. Sanon didn’t appear to have noticed my attempts, and so she continued sniffing my hair a moment longer before pulling away, seemingly satisfied.

“Our sense of smell is much better than our eyesight, so I wanted to get an idea of how you smelled. You smell bad.” she said, as if that justified her actions.

Oh so we’re playing that game huh? Well fine! I’ll be even more cordial because you clearly don’t mean anything by it!

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“Hey now. In my defense, I haven’t really had much of an opportunity to have a shower… I think.” I said pensively.

Wait, did I have an opportunity?

Sanon shook her head in disappointment. “Tokal had a bath house.”

“IT DID?!”

Fuck. Damn it I knew I should have explored other parts of the town.

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I had shamefully waddled back to the campfire where Brom and his associates were enjoying the stew they’d made. They greeted me as I sat down and had a bowl myself. The stew was indeed thick, with a savory sort of flavor. Almost like those canned beef stews you get at the supermarket, but less processed tasting. Not terribly flavorful, but it was enough to be palatable.

I had just finished my bowl when one of Brom’s associates that I hadn’t learned the name of spoke up. “So didja learn anything about Miss Sanon over there?” he asked while suppressing a laugh.

I shot him a look of exasperation, but relented with a sigh. “I feel violated.”

My reward for that statement was uproarious laughter amongst the campfire attendees.

Brom slapped me on the back before enlightening me somewhat. “Those dwarves tend to be very direct with their words and actions. Don’t get too mad at her though, she’s been through a lot. She’ll adapt eventually, I think. She’s a good kid.”

Kid?

“Kid?” I asked.

“Hm? Yeah she’s only 70.” he deadpanned.

Only???

In hindsight, I should have seen this coming.

“Wait wait wait. Dwarven lifespans aside, how long do elves live??” I questioned.

Brom seemed somewhat confused. “Ehh… on a good day an elf’ll live to about 200… 230 give or take. Why do you ask? How long do humans live?”

“Depending on the country, anywhere from 70 to 100. We don’t really have much time compared to you.” I said, laughing at humanity’s collective misfortune.

Brom gave a somewhat shocked gasp. “Boy, how old are you?”

“I am 23 years old.” I said matter-of-factly.

One of Brom’s associates whispered. “Poor young’un’s nearly a quarter through his life at that age. For shame, Goddess ought to be punished.”

Brom himself spoke up at this. “Now Max, at that age why are you out here doing all this? You’re a human so I know you’re an outworlder, but you could have settled over in Tokal.”

I shook my head. “As a human I’m already well into adulthood. On Earth I had been studying at a university, but since that got cut short, I’m going to have to make my way in this world. Magic seems like a good field of study to pursue if I want that.”

Brom sighed. “I suppose I cannot blame ya, nor will I stop ya. You’re a powerful asset on this journey, and as much as I hate to ask this of you, we would all very much appreciate it if you would continue lending your strength to us.”

“I would be more than happy to do that. That means more experience for me anyway, and that is something I need sorely.” I smiled, reminding myself of the several times I nearly saw God.

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We turned in for the night not much longer after that conversation, though just as I was about to enter the wagon, I was stopped by Sanon.

She brought me a small distance from the cart and made a slight curtsy. “I would like to apologize for my behavior earlier. I had not realized just how much I had offended you. You do not have to forgive me, but please acknowledge my regret.”

I had nearly patted her on the head before realizing what a transgression like that might do in this situation. “Sanon, it’s okay. I was just a little flustered in the moment. There isn’t any need to apologize.”

“But I-

“No buts! All I ask is that you ask permission next time you intend to touch me again. No hard feelings at all.”

To be honest the whole situation had me more fascinated than anything else. Considering the nature of “elves” and “dwarves”, I had been much more eager to learn than I would have been if they were your bog-standard Tolkien races.

Sanon seemed taken aback by this, and responded with concern lacing her voice. “Are you certain? Most non-dwarves back home would have been much angrier than you. I am willing to repay you with whatever it is you deem appropriate…”

Hmm. Anything? Hehehe.

“Alright… your hair. I would like to touch it.”

Sanon took a step back, her hairs flushing a deeper red than they had already. “N-no you shouldn’t… I know I said anything but that’s not… really…”

This is your time to shine Max! DO THE THING!

In that moment, I did my best puppy eyes I could muster. All those years of being called a twink are finally paying off! Show her what for, past me!

Sanon let out a rather annoyed sigh, really choreographing it. “Alright. Fine, you can touch my hair, but be very gentle. I will make you regret it if you violate my trust.”

And with that, I put my hand atop her head. It was headpat time, and I would not be stopped.