“Uh. No disrespect or anything… but what do I even have that you would want?”

The goddess seemed confused. Or at least that’s how it felt, since I couldn’t see her. Still, I just got this feeling that she held some form of confusion, yet somehow it felt distant and alien, almost like a human couldn’t possibly comprehend the nature of such an emotion.

“Is it not clear as mine own form is to your own eyes? What you lack in experience, you more than make up for in freedom to use your knowledge for my benefit! Knowledge, that stifling bastard, will have no way to stop you from spreading your wings! Wait, do humans even have wings?” flourished the goddess, confusedly.

I blinked. “No… we don’t.” I smiled. “And I don’t really know much about magic. My ‘knowledge’ mostly pertains to things like technology. Is there something you want me to make?”

I felt a staccato rumbling of some kind, but not from the ground or the air. It was like it was from the very fabric of reality, or perhaps from the mana within me.

Is she laughing?

My question was promptly answered by a satisfied sigh, like after someone finishes a laughing fit that put them on the floor. The goddess continued her speech immediately after the sigh. “You are very close to the truth, young human! Too close, might I add!” There was a short pause.

“Yes, I would like you to make things for me. All manner of things, for I have conceived an idea most ingenious!”

…

“And what is that idea, if I may?”

“A most ingenious contract!”

Sus. That is so sus. But sure, let’s see where this goes.

“Hmm… a contract… what are the terms?”

The goddess clapped her… well she didn’t really have a visible form, but she did clap. “I think you will find the terms quite agreeable! You will exist here in my dream space and produce new and novel ways to use and think about magic! Then I will take them, and file them away into my repository!”

Upon her saying this, the wall in front of me fell away, exposing an infinite void. Moments later, a similarly infinite — and massive — filing cabinet filled that space.

“Simply wonderful, isn’t it? You will work during a 24-hour period, and you will be allotted two hours of time for individual activity untethered to my whims, and six hours of sleep! And! I will also provide you with as much energy-blessed food and drink as your human heart could ever finitely desire!”

Holy shit. That is the worst contract I’ve ever heard. I thought.

“Holy shit. That is the worst contract I’ve ever heard.” I said.

Shit. Cold. Air’s cold. Shit I forgot she’s a god.

“How dare-” She stopped herself, and in turn warmth returned to the air. She spoke again, though she sounded very irritated. “Is there something wrong with my contract?”

I decided to reign myself in, seeing that this goddess was probably a degree or fifty more powerful than Jokes or Technology. “Respectfully, pretty much everything. I’m a person! I can’t just stay in one place and work for all of eternity!”

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

The goddess scoffed. “Of course you can! The elves in service of Ocean do all the time!”

Oh boy. Here we go.

“Do the elves in service of Ocean ever die?” I asked.

This time she sighed. “Yes, but only because their mortal bodies simply do not last. I’m sure there are some out there that might! I’m confident you would last just fine.

Deranged. She’s deranged. I’m not even gonna challenge that.

“Would I even get paid?”

“In experience!” said the goddess, like she was giving me the offer of a lifetime… literally.

Yeah fuck this. Just gotta figure out how to tell this bitch no without getting atomized.

I put my hands together, almost in a namaste pose below my face, slowly inhaling, before turning them downward to point in front of me, and sharply exhaling. “If I were to decline your offer, hypothetically- not saying that I would! But if I did, how would you respond?”

“Oh! A wonderful question from a most wonderful mortal! I would simply rend your body apart until only particles of particles remained!” said the goddess as though what she had said was completely normal and sane. “But you would never do that. I know it! Your heart bleeds at the sight of a goddess in desperate need of an acolyte!”

Mmmkay. So directly declining is a no-go.

“Is there any chance I could get some time to think over your offer?” I probed.

“But of course! I can offer you a literal eternity to decide! I know you won’t die when making such an important decision, so I am more than willing to offer you as long as you need! An infinite amount of time to decide the most important decision of your infinite life!”

The game was rigged from the start. Fuck it. Hail mary.

There was a short silence before I smiled my best customer service smile. “That will not be necessary, but thank you for offering me so much time to consider your offer!”

“You are most welcome! Daresay, have you come to a decision?”

“After a long and arduous application and consideration process, I have decided to decline your offer! Please, kindly. Fuck. Off.”

Glass shattered. “I… see. You will be rightfully punished for your transgression, but would you like to know why I chose you?”

“You already explai-”

“CEASE.”

The air froze, and I ceased. Absolute zero. I did not move. I did not speak. I did not breathe. I did not blink. I Couldn’t.

“I chose you because every. Single. Other. Mortal. Has been thoroughly scrutinized and watched by Knowledge since the beginning of time. You are the only mortal to ever escape his gaze! I dare not trespass on his domain, for he dares not trespass on mine. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO DO MY JOB WHEN HIS JOB OVERLAPS MINE?! You humans come from a world so different from this one. With so many different ideas and technologies. And yet Knowledge keeps it all! He dangles it ever so tantalizingly out of reach with that INFURIATING bravado of his. None of this matters!” She chuckled. Audibly. Menacingly. “This is all a game to us gods, those who exist so high above you! And yet here you are, my only chance at knowledge and innovations beyond what even us gods can create! How is it that you get to deny me my RIGHT?! Gods are omniscient. We know everything. And yet. You know things we don’t. So many humans know things we don’t. If you will not give your knowledge to me, you will give it to no one.”

Absolute zero no more. The air became hot. Hotter. So hot, so hot that the pressure of the room became unbearable. I did not die. The pressure increased. More. More. More. The air transitioned to plasma. The pressure increased. It was blinding. It burned. I could feel myself burning up over and over. Annihilation. A star is made, and I am unmade.