I blink slowly, amazed by my sudden ability to see again. As I lay here staring up from my awkward angle on the floor two faces push themselves, upside down, into my field of view. I’m going to assume that Jobi is the one with a soft tan and smooth features, a mane of green hair that I swear is braided grass, and crazy half-glasses/half-goggles things that are distorting her face so bad I’m not sure she really has eyes. On the other side there’s Vorben, I hope, who has a massive nose - not big and bulbus but more like it’s designed to hold the halves of his sun-starved pale face together, black goggles, greasy short spiky hair, and a perfectly trimmed goatee that’s half as long as his face is. Oh, and all his hair, head and face, are a salt-and-pepper red and white.

They’re staring at me like a degenerate gambler watching a luck wheel he bet his freedom on.

“Hello world?” I utter blankly. Of all the dumb things to be my first words, it’s ‘hello world’? Is there a joke I’m missing here?

“Gadzooks! It can talk!”// “HAHAHA it speak!” They screamed on top of each other - right in my blasted face.

Ughhh… Nope, not gonna play this game. I reach up and shove them away.

Shove might be an understatement as they’re now airborne and flying backwards. Shit!

*CRASH* Vorben smashes into a pile of broken wood and Jobi into some crystal and metal pillar thing. I really hope I’m getting their names right or this is gonna be embarrassing.

There’s a brief flash of light around Jobi and a weird shimmer around Vorben before they both land on their feet unharmed. Faces glowing they rush towards each other, grab hands, and start jumping around in a circle laughing hysterically and babbling about me being alive and mobile.

*Sigh* I roll from my back to my stomach, slide down the wall, and prop myself up. Let’s see, where exactly am I? That must be the thing they called a stasis field over there where Jobi landed. It’s a big old shiny concentric circle made of precious metals and gems with two crystal pillars. The room is built in a cube with a half-sphere back - that’s what I was laying on - that’s made of some dark material. The rest is all gray and perfectly smooth save the built-in shelves. Weird things on the shelves - jars, empty jars, jars with who knows what, jars containing colors, some books, labeled boxes, unlabeled boxes, and some odd sticks?, devices?, gizmomoters?, uhhh… things. Around the room are metal and stone tables covered in paper, ink, more boxes stacked to the ceiling, things piled under the boxes, and snacks. Near the door is a pile of broken boards that must be the cart Vorben brought in - and smashed into when I tossed him - that had my body on it.

Oh yeah, my body. What do I look like… why am I naked? Oh yeah, golem. Wait, why does a golem have a penis? Wonder what Vorben’s hobbies include if his golems… you know what, none of my business.

I groan as I start to stand, and abruptly slam my head into the ceiling. Ringing bells and stars, I’m huge!

The sound snaps the two revelers out of their excitement as they look at me with a wince.

“Maybe yous should just sits, ya knows?” Came the sage advice from Vorben, advice I heartily agree with.

As I just sink down and cross my legs Vorben walks around me looking me up and down with pride while Jobi rummages through a series of unlabeled boxes and grabs up a double armful of things.

The one I really hope is named Jobi approaches and bows her head slightly towards me, “Now before we begin, I believe proper introductions are in order. I am Jobi and this is my esteemed colleague Vorben. You can think of us as your parents, and if you would like you can simply call me Mom and him Dad - although we’re not technically a couple, despite stress relief during failed experiments.” She started strong but began stammering and rambling at the idea of being my mom. Normally I’d say someone half your size with green hair and that figure turning red is adorable, but the image was a bit ruined by the rasp in her high-pitched voice. Did she gargle acid as a kid?

“I’d prefer to just call you Jobi and Vorben. No offense.” I replied distractedly as Vorben started poking me and rubbing my muscles.

“Pay it no mind, son. I be just checkin’ yous reflexes.” He drawls as he picks up my arm and turns it over.

“Well, be that as it may.” Jobi coughs awkwardly, “But I would absolutely love to run some non-invasive tests to try and understand more about you. If we could replicate your creation it could mean a whole new revolution in magical engineering and invention.”

“You know what, knock yourselves out. It’s not like I have anything better to do.” I shrug at them. I mean, hell, I really don’t.

As they’re poking me, prodding me, and asking me questions I can’t begin to answer - seriously, who memorizes PI? - I take a better look at them.

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Jobi is as toned and tanned as a woman can possibly get, while somehow still sporting disproportionately large and perky breasts underneath a jerkin, coveralls, and leather apron. Her face is soft, and I think her eyes are green too, but her nose is massive. It’s not ugly, just different, and currently being used to hold up an apparatus of glass and levers with a good 30+ disks that can be slid in and out. Some shimmer and glow in a way that can’t be just a trick of the light, while others are made of a variety of colors and patterns. Her gloves are skin-tight white silk that seem to be unable to get dirty.

Vorben is so pale I wonder if he knows there is an outside…oh damn there better be an outside. His body is built and honed in a way that makes me imagine he’s used to hard labor and heavy lifting. His clothes are similar to Jobi's but instead of leather they’re some sort of black shaggy hide. His black goggles shimmer when I glance at them and seem to cover his entire field of vision. On his hands are a pair of refined and thin metal gauntlets that run up his arms with all sorts of small boxes attached.

“Guys, what’s up with the lenses on Jobi’s face thing, glasses?, and the black goggles? Also, Vorben, what do those gauntlets do?” I’m not gonna figure this out on my own.

Jobi perks up in-front of me as she fidgets and swears at some disk on a stick. “Before I answer, are there any of my lenses that catch your attention?” Oh that’s that testing ‘I want you to know I know you know’ tone of voice.

I tapped on a couple of the ones that looked the most off to me, “Those three are the strangest but there are more.”

“Eyyy, I knew gettin dose Monodrone eyes was worth da trade.” Vorben chuckled from behind me.

“Ok, now I have more questions, but first questions, first answers.” I glowered at Jobi.

Her face split into a grin, “They show me different magical resonances - Elements, Plains, Intensities, etc. This one,” she pointed to a pair with a swirling engraving on it, “allows me to see soul frequencies for my work. Vorben’s goggles focus his sight to the most minute of details for his work modifying and creating chimeras, cadavers, and flesh sculpting.”

I hesitated. Something about her demeanor threw me off. “Before I fire off a slew of other questions, and trust me there are many, do you two not have anyone else to talk about your research with?” Ok, so I take it them both freezing in place like that, looking at the floor, and then glancing at each other sheepishly is a yes? They look slightly ashamed and proud… this is gonna be some story.

Jobi inhales deeply then sighs with a smirk, “Very will. I suppose your inquiry possesses sufficient curiosity, and it's not like myself nor Vorban are ashamed. A few years ago we were called the twin rising stars of the Galactic College of Enlightenment.”

“The what?” I interrupted. “Galactic?”

“Oh no, nothing like that. You see, the college is named such because the founder was obsessed with figuring out how to travel between planes of existence. It’s assumed such a thing has never been possible, but he acquired the backing of multiple kingdoms and founded an institute of higher learning with that goal. Verily, that was centuries ago and, well, the name has stayed but it is now a powerful entity unto its own that procures those with magical talent at a young age and raises them into weapons to sell to the highest bidder.” I couldn’t help myself, her wistful reminiscence pulled a smirk from me.

“Tangents notwithstanding, Vorben and I were rising stars - heroes and idols to our peers.” I hear Vorben ‘mmm-humph’ from behind me. “But despite this the old codgers who run the place kept all the good research behind lock and key. Suffice to say, we broke into the vaults and stole everything we could get our hands on, fled the continent, and built our own laboratory.” She finished as if this was the most natural thing in the world. Supervillain ‘parents’? I did say I love it here already, right?

I just give them a thumbs up, “Baller! So what do you two actually do here then?”

“Ell, I ‘ave created a few ol’ monstrosities and loosed em’ into the wild. Mostly, me mixes creatures and throw in demon blood to see what kinda’ beasties they be. Jobi ‘dare plays with live and dead.” He chuckled from behind me.

Jeez, these two. Mad mages indeed. They both just make me think of an unbridled imagination, genius, and complete lack of scruples.

“Transmogrification and Necromancy, eh? Maybe I could learn a bit. Oh, right… what am I made out of, and is there something I should know? I assume as experiment 0 there’s no self-destruct switch built in. Also, I have no feeling or compulsion to follow either of you or your orders - no calling people master or some shit. Thoughts along those lines?” Physically, I can probably just reach out and snap both their necks but neither of them seem to have any wariness.

Jobi waved me to silence. “Oh hush. If we wanted slaves we wouldn’t reside in a bunker in the wilds. Good deduction with the schools of magic.”

Vorben walks back around me and starts poking my chest, “Dunno. Was just’a flesh golem I was stitchin up outta parts. But ummm… ya done sometin’ odd to et. Ifn I was gon guess, I’d say yous a Terran, but with all that there others’ blood in ya, meh.” That grunt said it all. “Oh! Yous bones be adamantite though. Yup, unbreakable. Oh, lemme grab dat mirror.” As he snaps his fingers and backs out of the room while talking.

Swee~et! I have a new life with unbreakable bones and a magic body. I wonder what I look like.

Jobi seemed to zone out of the conversation at some point since she’s now engrossed with her disk on a stick. It keeps giving off waves of translucent colors that roll through me and back. Then she writes down something, twists the dial, and here the colors come again. The frustration on her face is kinda cute. My best guess is she has less of an idea of what I am than I do right now. Wonder if I should let her know I’m not artificial.

Oh, here comes Vorben with the mirror, I wonder what I look like… FUCKING WHAT!? Is this me? I was expecting to look like a monster. This is not a monster. My body looks perfect - perfectly symmetrical, perfectly toned, perfectly proportioned. Each hair on my body looks like it’s been designed to go there, just enough to look alive and healthy, but lacking enough to look sleek and young. The muscle definition is refined, and I’m sure there is literally no fat on me. My face is chiseled with a strong jaw, sharp eyebrows, flawless ratios, slightly pointed ears, and a mop of hair that looks messy yet stylish. My skin is a golden tan without a single freckle or splotch. And my eyes, they’re a bright turquoise with a black ring.

Vorben caught my gaze before shyly scratching the back of his head. “I was tryin’ to practice my art ya knows.” He coughs and then smirks at me. “Try and change sumthin’.”

Change something? What would I want to change?

I try to fall into my body, focusing on what it looks like in my mind’s eye. Let’s see, what if my hair was, I dunno, the same color as my eyes? It takes a bit of concentration but I get the picture to stabilize with turquoise hair and open my eyes. It worked! I look over and see Vorben flash me some hand sign that I assume means good job.

“Argh!” There’s a smashing sound and bits of gears and crystal fly in all directions. “To the abyss with this thing!” Jobi screams at the ceiling before whirling on me. She jabs a finger into my nose, shakes, turns, and bangs her head on the table. “All that work. Finally I succeeded, and there’s no way to prove it. The apparatus, the circles, all of it drained and destroyed. The formulae have become inert and don’t resonate anymore. To compound the situation, you just scan as a generic hominid Terran.” Jobi chokes and starts to sob. Should I pat her back, I’m gonna pat her back. As I rub her shoulders she calms down and sighs.

I eye Vorben who just shrugs in reply. After a couple minutes Jobi calms down, straightens her shoulders, and then smiles at me with a vicious smirk that makes my spine tingle. “Vorben, I believe we still have an experiment that hasn’t been fully assessed.”