With a big ol’ yawn I open my eyes to find myself back in my Happy Place. I must have fallen asleep just as we were leaving because I don’t remember going through the outside again. Boooo, I wanted to see more outside.

It’s dark in my Happy Place, and I can hear a few of the pretties ‘singing’ that loud funny sound that they make when they nap.

Earlier today was really interesting, until Ugly made me throw everything up and poop myself, then just stared at me. I want to play with the little bigs again, but throwing up all my food wasn’t fun. And now that I think about it it must have made me really tired because I don’t remember coming home. And I haven’t had food. It’s dark and I haven’t eaten and they took my food. Now that I don’t like at all. Did Ugly do that to me because I made him laugh? Does he not like laughing? How did he do that to me? Well, then when I’m bigger I’m going to go there every day and bother him. Let’s consider this my first grudge. I will annoy him until he can’t eat either - no matter how many days it takes.

Vow succinctly made to myself, I consider myself, the darkness, and my body. Ugh, I’m so hungry but something feels more important. There’s something I feel like I’m missing.

Grudge against Ugly? That checks out. Gonna keep that because that sounds like a good time. But I really feel like something important happened. Let’s see…

Face Man came and got me and talked with Greyward –

Then they took me outside and I saw all the people, but fell asleep –

I woke up in the room with the high ceiling, walls that showed what was in the room. Oh yeah! I saw myself. I’m small. But that’s not important –

Ok, so I crawled around the room up on the soft floor that smelled like plants. Yeah, that’s how I found the mirrors and looked around –

The little bigs picked me up and spun me around. That was great. Great time –

Dizzy looking at ceiling when Ugly shouted and the little bigs got in a ring –

Ugly picked me up, I made noises at his ugly and he laughed hard, then he snapped and I vomited everywhere before Greyward took me out of the room and I woke up here –

Rolling back and forth I start making thinky noises. I really feel like I’m missing something important. Oh! The little bigs! They were sweating and some of them fell on their knees. And Cleric Stongjaw said something bad to Greyward. Hmmm… Well, I’m much too small and hungry for this to be my problem.

Opening my mouth I call out the magic words to summon a pretty, I want food! “Wa waaaa wooo!”

I wait a moment and start hearing a bit of shuffling, then a glowing light as Linshee (Leshy) came into view over my nap box. She’s human, I’m pretty sure. She’s a little shorter than Ariebella (Abweee), with long straight black hair, pale white skin without a single mark on it, a heart shaped face and dark eyes that always look like she’s sleepy. Leshy is tasty, like the rest of the pretties, but her food squishies are only as big as my head.

Picking me up to feed, she seems a bit sad and starts making noises at me. I get the general idea. They talked and things weren’t good, but they love me and I love them so everything is fine… “Poor little one. Today was supposed to be your big day. You were supposed to finally get your name, find your place, and give hope to those of us who have been left behind. I know you don’t understand me, but I want to tell you everything anyway.”

She cradles me with one arm, grabs the candle off the little table by my nap box, and walks over to sit on one of the couches in the middle of the room around where my blanket is. The pretties all sleep in boxes stacked three high with thick curtains around each box that can be opened and closed. The curtains are really pretty in the day with pictures of fish and grass and birds and sunsets and flowers. But in the dark right now the room feels especially big and empty. The normal funny noises are a lot more quiet and the room still feels a little like when Strwabdwa made that alive smell feeling.

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“We all practice our own special form of refinement. It has a lot of benefits. Keeps us young, beautiful, and able to produce the milk you so love on demand. It also takes away our ability to have our own children. It’s a forbidden technique that is only taught to those who have lost everything else. My husband died out beyond the wall and the grief caused me to lose my own child. I had nothing to live for and prayed, nay begged, for The Fist to give me purpose. That was when Cleric Strongjaw came to me - like he has all the others. He offered me a choice. To become a Mother-in-Waiting. For life is hard and many die and some babes are left without parents. Less these days, much less thank The Fist, but common enough to have one or two every few years.”

I pause eating and look up at Leshy. She’s usually so nice and her eyes always have a smile. But now she looks really really sad. I grab her thumb and squeeze. If I was bigger I would fight to protect her smile. She’s much prettier when she smiles.

Feeling that I’ve stopped eating, which is rare enough, and am now squeezing her thumb and staring unblinking into her eyes, she smiles. Much better! I smile at her and go back to eating, still holding her thumb.

Sighing, she continues to talk to me. “The thing about this forbidden technique is that, while it makes us beautiful and leads to a longer life span, we no longer grow, no longer age, and cannot get stronger. Our milk is meant to help strengthen and grow those still not weaned. We all were so excited to see how much you’ve grown - especially since you’ve had milk from all of us. Abyss, Merrygold has been a Mother to no less than 6 heroes and was so confident in you. That even she could be wrong…”

I’m getting the feeling that I may have done something wrong, but I can’t imagine what. I haven’t put anything new in my mouth… THE CLOUD! Oh no! I made everyone sad because I tried to eat Ugly’s yellow cloud? Well it’s not my fault it looked so tasty.

“Little one, know that no matter what happens tomorrow, you have brought us joy.” She wipes her eyes and just stares at me.

Having eaten my fill, I realize that I am deeply, deeply tired. I babble noises at her to let her know I’m full. She lifts me up and kisses my forehead as I fall back asleep.

— — —

I awake to the feeling of wind, the sounds of rapid footsteps, and hushed whispers.

*BANG BANG BANG*

Violet picks me up out of my nap box, quickly wraps me in a blanket, then rushes to a spot on the far side of the room. All the pretties are lined up in two rows, and wearing identical clothes for the first time. White robes with a pretty tree covered in pink leaves on the back, with different colored striped ribbons sewn around the sleeves and hems, but always starting with a black one. Merrygold’s has 6 additional stripes of color on it. Some of the other pretties have only one or two, but most just have the black ribbon stripe.

Violet is standing in the very front in front of the door, with the other pretties behind her, as the door swings open and Cleric Strongjaw enters.

Vawweb immediately starts shaking, and I can feel the other pretties tense. The sound of clenching teeth is audible as Cleric Strongjaw tangibly palpates with killing intent and bloodlust. That alive smell I associate with it pales in comparison to this. I recognize it on an instinctive, primal level. I can feel my body working to give out on me, to just quit and die. The sheer intensity of it is physical, visible, rolling off him and taking the color out of the air.

I have no idea why, but the feeling of imminent death, of knowing that this man - no this true monster - in front of me is so far beyond my understanding, so far beyond anything I can imagine, that his judgment is death, and that to disobey would somehow be worse than merely complying, seems to break something loose.

My body is shaking. I’ve peed myself. I’ve pooped myself. My hands won’t move. My legs are numb. My eyes are shaking. I can feel something wet and thick coming out of my eyes, ears, and nose.

I don’t care. Even if I am to die in but a breath, until that happens I am alive!

My face splits into a grin and I begin screaming in pure joy, “WEEEEEEEE HEEEE HE HE HE HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!”

As suddenly as it came, everything returns to normal. I snort a couple times and spit out something thick and red.

“What in the fuck Cleric! Are you trying to kill us all!?” Merrygold screeches, putting herself between me and Strwabdwa.

Strwabdwa starts to bellow out a deep baritone laugh, shutting up the noises of protest coming from the pretties.

“Raise him well.” Strongjaw turns on his heel and strides out, his laughter booming back into the room from the hallway, “and name the damned thing already!”