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Souls Unlimited Online: An Over-The-Top VR Comedy.
Chapter 3: When I Grow Up, I Want To Be...

Chapter 3: When I Grow Up, I Want To Be...

I and Gothra moved on to other more productive topics. I was kind enough to overlook her scandalous slander.

"Hahahaha! Filthy degenerate! Pervert! Buahahahahaha!"

Gothra, please let it go already!

"Hahahaha!" But I also ended up laughing with her. It was funny, and you know when someone's laughing hysterically and you end up being pulled along and laughing too? Yeah, that's what happened.

"Alright, calm down. Yes, yes, I have my tastes but I'm sure you do too." I said, defusing the situation.

"Yeah, of course, I'm just messing around."

Heh, gotcha!

"Oho? You do? So you admit that you DO have those intentions with Bereo!"

"Wha- I didn't say that!"

"Hahahahaha!"

"Don't just laugh- hehahaha!" She ended laughing herself mid-protest.

"But seriously," I moved the topic on along, "I'd love to just hang out of that's what you want, but it's the release day of a game! Let's kill some stuff!"

"Hmm, all right! I am down for killing some stuff!"

"That is the point of the game."

"Oh, I just meant in general."

...

"Kidding! Kyahahahaha!" Gothra laughed evilly. I'd not sure I buy that cutesy 'kidding'. No way.

"Anyway... we got like 5000 gold for starters. Should we get some equipment?"

"Alright! I want a gun! Big ones!" Gothra said with an honest smile. I looked at Bereo and... I can see what she has in mind. Why does he have a rifle!? Does The System even need such a primitive weapon?

Well, not that everything Ciraphim has is 'necessary' so I'm not one to talk...

But... "Does this game even have guns?"

"Eh?" Gothra turned from joy to utter disappointment. I mean it's a medieval fantasy setting... although I heard other realms with different biomes will show up eventually.

"There isn't!?" It sunk in and now she's freaking out.

"Hmm, well, I'm not sure but judging by how this starting point looks like a medieval village-"

Trtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrt!

Then came the roaring sound of machine-gun fire!

What?

Gothra, with a fierce look in her eye, activated her Unique Skill and ordered the materialized Bereo to shoot his gun, and... it worked!

What!?

That's already breaking the immersion of the game from the get-go!

"Ahh, so beautiful! Music to my ears!" Of course, Gothra couldn't care less.

"More, more! Tremble before Bereo's might! Face your powerlessness in the face of modern weaponry, you medieval fucks! Gahahahaha!"

Oh great, she's already off into her own little world, giving her own villain speech.

"Eh, what was that?"

"That gave me a heart attack!"

"There are guns in these games!?"

"What... how!?"

"Maybe a Unique Skill?"

"Oh, genius! How did I not think of that?"

"You're just an idiot!"

Oh great, now we've attracted a crowd. Oh boy...

If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

I quickly grabbed Gothra's arm and raced out of the village square.

"Wha- hey! My fans! My admirers! They call for me!"

"No, no, you just surprised everyone and made a scene!"

"Ah, so they were amazed!"

"No- well, you could say that but...."

"Hahaha! Admit it Fira! You thought it was amazing too!"

"Ah... it was kinda cool, I guess." I slumped down into the alley, sitting on the gravel as Githra followed my lead.

Neither of us are actually tired. This is a game after all. Although we do have MP, but no Stamina or anything, and our blue bars were still completely full. Can we just keep running forever?

"Whew, anyway Fira. What'd you think? Guns are possible right?"

"That... well, perhaps. There is an extensive crafting system, or so I've heard, so we could maybe get someone to make you one. And also, future realms might have a more futuristic motif to it."

"Great! That's what I want! Let's go get those gear crafted then!"

"Relax, relax! It's the first day of the game. There are no experienced crafters yet, other than NPCs who probably don't make guns."

"Oh... yeah, you're right. They're probably expensive too, custom made and all."

"Yep, exactly. So let's first use the stat points we have now and then kill some monsters to get ourselves some loot"

"Aye aye Cap'n!" Gothra gave me a salute, "Although Sire... what would a gunner specialize in? Like for damage. Is it calculated with strength, magic, or maybe it's actually speed because bullets are very fast?"

"That's... a really good question actually. I mean since it's a custom-made one, couldn't it be anything the creator wants it to-- well probably not otherwise we'll get clubs that damage based on speed or something. I would guess it'd be magic then, for a gun? Speed would be running with the gun, and strength would be swinging the gun around, but for shooting, well there's producing the explosion and then shooting the bullet which I can only see happening with magic."

"Sure, that makes sense. But then why are there games where bow damage is based on speed? Shouldn't it be strength because you have to pull a heavy bowstring?"

...

She's... right! Wow, I didn't think of that. Maybe it isn't magic, actually... but ah, we can't know until we actually get a gun!

"Oh, can't you find out with Bereo?"

"Nope. Bereo doesn't actually have any equipment according to the game. It's kinda like a part of him type of deal. You get it?"

"Oh... Yeah, I get it. Hmmm..."

We were back to thinking once again.

"Hey, Ciraphim, what do you think?"

"That is information that I cannot yet reveal because it would ruin the 'fun' of the game."

"Oh, no need to be sorry. I was just checking..." That's how System Avatars usually respond when it comes to game knowledge. They would be willing to tell you about anything that is public knowledge already, but otherwise, you'd have to discover it on your own. Since this game is new, not much has been revealed, and if the system discloses everything then that ruins the discovery.

Suddenly, Gothra looked at me with innocent puppy eyes.

"W-what do you want!?"

"No need to be mean, Fira-sama!"

"Okay, no need for the weeb speak."

"Ijiwarunaide, Fira-sama!"

Ugh, the cringe! Gah!

"Are you even sure that's correct!?" I asked.

"No! Not at all! Hahahaha!"

"Why are you happy over that...?" I sighed, facepalming.

"Right, well, partner, duo, my twin basically..."

"Okay, now I know for sure you want something. Out with it."

"Carry me until I get a gun!"

"What!? Eh...? No, no, how long would that take?"

"I don't knooooww... But come on! It's not like I'd be complete deadweight. I'd buy some starter weapons, and dump my stats on my defense, resilience, HP, and MP. Oh and also speed!"

"Eh? Well, then why do I have to carry you then? If you are using your stats anyway. Also are you doing a tank build?"

"What? No, you idiot! Those are just stats I'd need to have regardless in order to move around properly and not be one-shotted. And I get bonuses to my defenses so I might as well take advantage of that, people would assume I'm fragile. Though maybe I'd only spend a few on defense and resilience, HP and MP are more important for me, I think, since the former stats get buffed whenever Bereo dies anyway. I can play the tank role in the meantime though if that's what you want."

"Hmm... I see. That's actually well thought out. I'm impressed."

"Hehehe, praise me more!"

"Ignoring that, alright fine. You're free to add to strength as well because I heard it's essential for any type of heavy weaponry, and guns would probably be heavy."

"Alright, I'll spend a few on those. And maybe get a mace, or like a hammer. I don't actually like bows or crossbows which are like the predecessors of guns. The feel is just really different. If not that then I'd really rather just get up close and personal and smash my enemies to death."

"In a game."

"Whatever you say, partner." Gothra chuckled.

Mhm. A totally normal and not at all worrying response.

But well, I'm honestly having a lot of fun, and we haven't even played the goddamn game yet. We've only been dicking around.

"Anyway," she continued, "What about you? What are you building?"

"Oh me? Well... hmmm... My character is named Fira Dragonir because I wanted to do a classic fire dragon thing maybe, that's what came to mind. But thinking about it, I think I'd rather just go for a strong juggernaut. I've got a ridiculous amount of stats and all, so I can do it all! Dive right into enemy territory, soak all the damage while dealing it back! I think I can even squeeze in some ranged magic attacks too! That'd give me a lot of solo potential, but it'd also synergize well for whenever you get your build realized. I'll be frontline, you be backline, and I don't even have to worry about keeping the aggro on me because Bereo can protect you. If they dare rush past me then I'll just stab them in the back!"

Gothra seemed amazed for a moment, and then went deep into her own thoughts, pondering. "All right! I like it! Let's be the best duo there ever was Fira!"

"We'll sure as hell try!"

"And succeed! Does this game have friendly fire by the way? I was thinking of also trying to get explosives or grenades..."

"Hmm, I don't know. Ciraphim?"

"No, friendly fire is turned off for party members. There are AOE attacks in this game."

"Ohhhh, sweet! I guess we could go for that plan Gothra!"

"Alright, you got it!"

And like that, we decided on our planned builds. We didn't yet know at the time the assorted legends that will be born out of our exploits. Kidding! How would I know? I can't see into the future, hahaha!

(For those who do not recognize the famous phrase 'ijuwaranaide'. Consider retaking some courses. It means 'Don't be mean.' Everyone who's ever taken an english class knows that.)