(Valkjure POV)

The sun blares above us as I lead the way through the forest, though the greenery seemed to be getting more sparse than before.

"Hey, where are we going anyway?" Came a question from Fira.

...

Both he and Gothra, the latter now perched on Bereo's shoulders, have been following me since yesterday.

Did I not mention our destination?

Then where did they think we were going?

Pfft!

I couldn't help but release a small chuckle. Gothra was right about Fira being just as big an idiot as she is. Ah, in a good way. I'm having a lot of fun, and man, I think this is becoming a very high point for my stream. Better than usual, at least.

"We're going to a goblin nest," I answered the question, "there are thousands of them."

"Wow. A thousand rapists..."

...

Why is that the first on your mind, Gothra!? Again!

"I-I don't know about them being rapists..."

"Just look at their faces!"

"Ah... Errr... Don't judge a book by its cover?"

"That's the problem! They don't have a cover! Hide those ugly mugs!"

Pfft!

[Follow the queen!]

[Exterminate them!]

[I know someone that actually wants to fuck goblins.]

[Ewww...]

[Okay, hear me out. What if goblin, but hot?]

[I mean hear my friend out. He is very shy.]

My chat was having a field day over what Gothra is saying. Seriously, she would kill it as a streamer. And if she did, we'd become streamer buddies and have so much fun together...!

Ah, but I shouldn't get ahead of myself. This line of work isn't for everyone.

I got into it long before The System came to being, and it was really hard at first. But it was the only job I ever saw myself enjoying, so I stuck with it, and somehow I succeeded in making a name for myself.

Though I suppose with Gothra and the newer generation, they don't have to worry about such things...

Not that I want them to! But it would've been so much better for me if I had that too. Although I do realize that I'm already lucky to even have succeeded and managed to make a living out of it back then when that was still a necessity.

"Kekekekekeke!"

A shrill and hideous laughter interrupted my thoughts.

"Kill! Kill!"

"Muuuuuurder! Murderder!"

Hmm?

I looked up from my daze to find my enemies clustering together, a bunch of people wearing weapons and armor.

Ah, they were holding their weapons. Not wearing them. That would be weird.

Players...? Their status bar indicated otherwise, and one look at their faces...

"Nope, they're not human." I ended up making that comment, to which Gothra readily agreed.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

"Dirty Filthy bandits! But why so ugly?"

"Bandits are ugly creatures," observed Fira, "But well, it's probably to make them appear more antagonistic and like monsters? SO players have an easier time killing them."

"Ehhh?? But I would rather kill some hot motherfuckers! Watch as their finely chiseled visage gets slowly twisted apart, ultimately exploding into a bloody mess!" Gothra's eyes took on a dangerous glint as she trailed off.

To her outrageous remarks, I chuckled at some of the responses she got from my community.

[Destroying an already ruined building isn't satisfying.]

[It's just self-masturbation.]

[Is there any masturbation that isn't self?]

[Wow so much to ponder.]

[She not only steps on people but is also a philosopher?]

[Scholar Gothra!]

"Actually, you know what?" Gothra had an almost inquisitive look, almost as if responding to the chat that was currently only visible to me, "I have a theory."

"Oh great, here we go again," Fira tried to sound exasperated, but a smile was forming on his face. Gothra was spot on about him being a tsundere!

"Let's hear her out," I chimed in. It could be fun, and I'm honestly very curious as to what she'll say next. "Besides, Fira... You may act like that, but you're not any better than Gothra alright?"

"What!?"

"There's no way this idiot is as amazing as I am!"

They both shouted at my provocation, albeit for different reasons. Hahaha.

"Okay, let's hear Gothra's theory out. I'm sure that'd make it clear that I'm quite nice and pure. While she... Damn."

"For once we agree Fira. You are not nearly smart enough to come up with this theory!"

We all laughed merrily among ourselves as we joked around, completely ignoring the bandits.

Ooops.

Gothra freaked out and almost ordered Bereo to shoot, but thankfully I managed to stop her in time!

Goddamn, we don't need a repeat of last night. The day creatures aren't as bad, but still. Guns are way too conspicuous!

I asked her if it was possible to create a silencer, and she just frowned at me, saying, "But what about the wonderful tururut-tururut sounds!? What's the point of using a gun then!?"

"Okay then, here's my theory---"

"Hiya!" I cut her off as a bandit approached. I cut her good, and then cut and cut again.

Fira, to his credit, went towards the main group. He knocked down the bandits that stood on his path, all the while dodging the arrows shot by those from afar.

We are facing about 15 of them, and I'd say they're basically just taller goblins.

"BANDITS ARE INBRED!!!"

What...!?

That sudden shout came from Gothra as she jumped off Bereo and darted off in order to knock down once more the bandits who were just getting back up!

Crash! Smash! Bash!

Shoot!

I was so distracted by Gothra shouting stupid things and running headfirst into battle that I failed to dodge an arrow launched by a bandit from the back!

Fuck Gothra! I lost my focus!

I mean... It's fine, but...

I followed behind Gothra as she nodded and started getting all the bandits to follow her, forming a packed line like a bunch of schoolers in a cafeteria.

She led them to me and I launched a [Destructive Shockwave] towards the group!

CRASH!

And then my clone launched another one!

BAM!

That took care of most of them, leaving 1 or 2 strugglers.

One ran up to me, but I merely grabbed him and used his body as a shield against an arrow fired at me. That was their last archer, and his head got easily smashed in by Fira who had gotten to his side right after.

On my end, the bandit I used as a shield didn't suffer damage. Monsters also have friendly fire turned off for their kind it seems.

Or wait, are they humans? I'm confused.

"I... kill... you...!"

And, this one is still alive.

Stab!

A sword to the heart quickly fixed that problem.

And then the remaining one was finished off by Gothra and she's now beating on his corpse.

Yikes.

I inched away slowly, just enough so she wouldn't notice.

It's even worse with such human-looking... allegedly, opponents.

"So, as I was saying," she got done beating a literal dead horse-- or well, dead bandit, and then turned towards me and Fira, "These bandits are inbred!"

...

"Okay, hear me out you guys! You know how like royalty of the old world did the inbreeding shit and got real ugly motherfuckers to come out?"

"Uh-huh..." answered Fira, stuffing the enemy corpses and drops into his inventory. Oh, he got some bandit leather armor so he went ahead and put it on. Cool. Maybe I should've bought him a better set, but he declined. Truly a tsundere.

"Right, right. Well, get this. They are living in this remote place, right? Those bandits."

"I guess...?," I also got to collecting the loot. Gothra just had Bereo do it for her, choosing to chat away instead...

"Right. Then who else would they fuck but themselves?"

We spent a peaceful day killing monsters and moving through the forest.

"Hey, you guys listening to me?"

It was truly a blissful time, and we managed to rack up plenty of levels, and even some skills. How nice.

"It's bandits fucking! Those ugly bandits! Don't you want to watch!?"

"So that's what you were after all along!" I shouted at her!

"No...! It was... It's because you guys were ignoring me!!"

"So that's why your true intentions came out?" Fira wondered.

"Yes! I mean, no! It's not-- I don't want to fuck them!"

"Here, here," Fira picked one of the corpses and shoved it towards Gothra.

"Ah! Get it away! Nooo!!" She ordered Bereo to point his gun into the air!

"Oi, oi that's not funny!" The color drained from Fira's face and mine.

"That's right Gothra, think this through carefully. We have families waiting for us at home."

"I don't," she gave a curt reply. That... has to be one of her jokes right?

"Uuhhhh... Gothra..."

"So try me," she dared.

...Yeah, alright, we'll leave you alone--

"Ugly Bastard Fetish."

Trtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrt!

Ah, how lucky we are.

So many enemies to face.

So much loot, so much EXP, so much gold!

Such fun is it to grind... against hordes... upon hordes... upon hordes, of enemies.