Broderica stormed through the thronging crowd, pushing vengeful cloaked figures aside as if they were pieces of pastry as she grew closer and closer to where Krumbumbum and her would be lover were undoubtedly off necking. The bartender whose name no one knew demanded Broderica repay them for the enchanted gold coins that were actually mud didn’t even get a reaction and was left magicing rather unimportant. The nearly incomprehensible jabbering of the scorned ostrich jockey prompted her to maliciously crop dust him. The cloaked, wrathful sumo stance of Thurmsabold had no meaning apart from its irritatingness, and Broderica promptly grabbed a disappointingly watery drink from the hands of a crossdressed waitress and smashed it against his groin as if she were christening a skyship.

As Thurmsabold rolled around like a freshly testicless upended beetle Broderica spied the hallway that was her quarry. She stole two more weak drinks, smashed the glasses on the floor, and trudged up towards a dark doorway.

SHQK SHQK SHQK SHQK

Broderica threw up in her mouth a little. Then, determined, squeezed both her hands into fists as she heard a faint, twangy voice—

“O’wuh m’ah c’awck!”

She threw up in her mouth a little more as she kicked open the door, seeing two figures enraptured on a dimly lit, stainy bed.

“Y’yer gawd ’s h’yooj!”

“Hands off my woman, woman!” Broderica rasped, freezing as she noticed something. Krumbumbum was a wrinkly old man once again. “You clucking bass turd!”

The esteemed wizard Dr. Krumbunculus flopped over the woman protectively and then shuddered like a hooked herring.

“B-Broderica!” Krumbumbum tossed the woman aside like a couple of sacks of potatoes, walking towards Broderica with trembling steps. “L-look, it’s amazing, I f-figured out h-how to turn back into a—”

“You clucking insult to humanity. You clucking weasel faced sinister floating manatee clucker.”

“Again with the manatees. I really never understood what is was with you and mana—”

“This is not about me and my trauma you clucking bass turd! This is about betrayal! I love her, cock hammit!!”

The woman pulled herself up to look at Broderica. “H’hew a’awur y’oo a’agayn?”

“See come on how can you love her Broderica she doesn’t even know you!”

“Don’t you come at me with that you…you…clucking creepy old man! Even as much as I love her—”

“L’loowuk, i’iyfns w’ee m’eyut a’ah t’troolay d’dawn’t r’ruhmembur iyt, a’ayn f’futhuwrmawr—”

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“Shut up you two faced skank I don’t care what you think!!”

“Great chickens, Broderica. That’s how you’d talk to someone you love?”

“Stop clucking talking over me!! I know everything! I’ve talked with Jeffrey with a G! He told me how to uncast your clucked up spell!”

“Well it would’ve been nice if you had done that earlier! You know at first she hardly believed I was originally a man for some reason?”

“You’re still clucking talking like a woman and as far as I’m concerned you might as well still be one!”

“Well you still talk like a drunken idiot! And actually that’s really nice to hear because now that I know how to change back I’m missing how much younger I seemed as a woman.”

“If by younger you mean whoreish.”

“Oh cluck off. Why are you so mad at me anyways Broderica I mean I’d be happy to turn you back into a man now.”

“Why am I mad?! Is your brain infested with nemotoads?!”

“I’m not sure I haven’t cast my nemotoad cleaning spell in quite a while but I’m honestly beginning to wonder if it was ever necessary and instead might rather just take life as it comes and—”

“Cluck off you’re not my clucking life coach!! And you might be a man again but you’ll always be a vitch!”

“Avast! Everything alright weth ye in ‘earrg?” grumbked a skyrate with a strikingly familiar long, thin cigar dangling out of his bearded mouth.

Broderica swiveled around and gasped, unwittingly thursting her titties out of her dress.

The captain nodded at Broderica’s heaving rack and then looked at the esteemed wizard Dr. Krumbunculus and gave a shuddering dry heave. Then, he saw the woman flopped on the bed.

“Jealous wife, aye?” the cap’n nodded at the esteemed wizard Dr. Krumbunculus, then sauntered up and patted him on a naked shoulder, hugging him far too tightly. “Aye know how ‘at goes. Clucking women, aye hate ‘em. Jus’ kiddarrng! Aye do hate women though.”

The esteemed wizard Dr. Krumbunculus pushed the capatain away from him and shuddered, covering himself with his now defunct dress.

“Saye,” mused the captain, squeezing the esteemed wizard Dr. Krumbunculus tighi’ter, “What are ye doin’ on me ship again?”

“O-oh, well, I’m, you see, I’m a wizard—”

“Aah! Ye must be the warlock aye’ve hiarrrged fer arrr midpielight marrrgic show!”

Every muscle in the esteemed wizard Dr. Krumbunculus’ body tensed at the word ‘warlock.” Broderica held back a cackle.

“Well, finish yerself up in ‘ere and get yer magic suit on an’ we’ll see ye onstage soon enough.”

The captain patted the esteemed wizard Dr. Krumbunculus on the ass cheek twice and then sauntered off in a proud smoky cloud. Broderica wailed and cackled and nearly bruised her palms as she manicly slapped her knees.

“Oh my clucking cock!” Broderica wheezed. “This is the best day of my clucking life!”

“Must’ve been a terrible life you’ve led then, Broderica.”

“Not really. I just love seeing you in pain. Should’ve asked the captain where your magic suit is though I’m sure they’ll be very disappointed if you don’t wear it.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m going to go through with this absolute farce and put on a clucking magic suit.”

“Look, you clucking cur, do you know who that was?”

“A very handsy asshole?”

“Yes. But also the captain.”

“Why do I care whether he was the captain or not?!”

“The captain who stole my ass, Krumbumbu—Krumbunculus. The captain who—ehrm, indirectly—burned your house and all your magic books down.”

“Broderica we both know it was you who unwittingly burned my house and all my possessions.”

“But it was because I was trying to fling literal shit at him and his cronies!”

“Who gives an ass’s rat anyways. I don’t care about this clucking shit. I just want to take a nap and enjoy being able to stand up to pee again.”

“Krumbumbu—Krumbunculus, he clucking called you a warlock! And he squeezed your ass like you were his concubine! Which you surely weren’t expecting or hoping for now that you’re a man again! We’re so close!”

“We were so close, too,” whined the esteemed wizard Dr. Krumbunculus as he looked over to the woman on the bed, who had actually already left.

Broderica snorted.

“Cock hamn it, Broderica. You’re right. Let’s cluck them up.”