Angela pointed her damp nose through the foggy window into the captain’s study, fogging it up further to the point that Assafrass and Michael could barely see through.

Wow nice job Angela! Breathe much? I mean I can’t see anything! Assafrass thought at Angela assishly.

Wow Assafrass you sure are an ass!

Thanks I wasn’t aware.

Excreate mea, baut I caan saee quaite clearlay thaank yoau.

Great, Angela thought, Can you please tell us what you see then? Because neither of us can see shit.

Oakay, waell, thaere ais a daesk naear thae raight saide oaf thae—

Wow Angela you can’t see barely anything either?

Of course not my eyesight is shit anyway I’m a hamned dog for cock’s sake. But I can smell it from a mile away. It’s in the top left drawer of that desk that Michael can see with his magic eyes.

The animals looked and sniffed over by the edge of the door frame. A soft light inside the room was twitching like the leg of an upended roach while the foggy wind of the thick sky air danced around like a well seasoned soup.

Okay so he’s passed out in there for sure, Angela thought, His lamp only twitches like that when he falls asleep face first at his desk. It presses it up against the wall slightly unplugging the lamp. Trust me, I’m around him way more than anybody ought to.

Oh sweet then can you get me the cluck out of here? Assafrass mentally Whejaculated.

Cluck no! Do you see my beautiful fluffy body? Do I look like a miniature chicken to you or something?

I don’t know I haven’t seen a lot of miniature chickens Angela maybe you look exactly like one.

As if! Clearly you have no culture. Had you seen one twerk of Chickenerian stained glass you’d already know how rhetorical my question was.

Thae doaor ias crackaed aopen a liattle I coauld proabably pray iat oapen iaf I juast—

Why the cluck would I look at a bunch of colorful glass? Who does that? How much time do you have to stare at glass with stains all over it? I mean what the cluck is wrong with you. Really.

CREEEEEEE

You are such a clucking heathen. Stained glass is not ‘colorful glass’ you ass! It’s art! Something the captain loots from brain dead creatives sailing around the skies whacked out on psychedelic coconut juice all the motherclucking time. Which you would know if you were a cultured skyrate instead of some sort of a clucking deadbeat off stealting and drinking like hardly more than a mangy street urchin!

I gaot thae doaor oapen.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

How could an urchin even get mangey, Angela?

I don’t know I’m a dog cockhamnit it’s a dog insult you wouldn’t understand.

Eaxcrete mae baut I goat thea daoor opaen!

Wouldn’t understand? Angela I’m a clucking ass! What I am is a clucking insult!

Dog can be an insult too.

Would you rather be a dog or an ass, Angela?

Do you mean literally or figureatively? Because in both cases I’d like to be a dog, thank you very much.

Angela, you are such a clucking shallow vitch.

Thank you very much.

Cluck off! Vitch is totally an insult you ought to be offended.

Sao whaat exactlay arae wae lookaing foar ian thais daesk drawaer?

Shhh! You’re going to wake him up! whined Angela.

Wakae haim uap? Baut wae’re talkaing imagainarily!

Wow stop it Michael come on you’re going to wake him up!

Haow woauld yaou knaow whaether I’d wakae haim uap yaou daon’t knaow hais sleaep pattaerns!

Because Angela just said so you doofus! Come on! Like what if he reads thoughts or whatever. Assafrass paused to hack up a bit of garbage and then eat it again. Like we all obviously do.

Ias iat thais thaang? Thais raound blainky thaing?

Thanks for listening to me, Assafrass. I really appreciate that. The captain never listens to me. I bark that there’s a late night bedroom intruder, like one of his concubines, and he yells at me. I bark that he smells hood, he yells at me. I bark that he smells bad, he yells at me.

Sounds like a skyrate. You know, when I bray at my ass master he feeds me. Or he spanks me. Kind of a fifty fifty split.

Ass master? Sounds kind of suggestive.

Isn’t your name Angela? Sounds kind of suggestive.

How so?

I don’t know but your voice sounds congested.

Of course it does I’m a clucking dog aren’t I? I’ve got more mucus than you could ever dream of.

I guess so. I’ve never had a wealth of mucus.

I know. It shows.

Gauys gauys loaok whaat I goat! Michael thought, swelling with pride and joy as he trotted over with a small, round, neon blinking object in his mouth.

Oh my clucking god, mentally moaned Angela, That’s one of my clucking toys you cockhamned idiot! Why would I want you to steal that the captain gives me that toy to play with all the time!

Baut I thoaught yoau—

Shut the mental cluck up already cock hamn! If you listened at all you’d know that I’m looking for the small gray oil lamp that was right next to my toy in the top left shelf!

Yea you dummy, mentally laughed Assafrass, holding the small gray oil lamp in his mouth, Grow a brain already.

I caould taell yaou waere abaout tao caall mae a daumbass.

So what if I was? I caught wind of the irony and turned it around.

Yea Michael wow way to stoop low I mean that’s practically a slur think about who you’re talking to.

Sao whaat daoes thae baox do?

Angela snorted. Wouldn’t you like to know you wrinkly biscuit dog. Speaking of which, Assafrass, be careful about how you’re holding that in your mouth.

What you mean like this? Assafrass jokingly thought, lightly chomping on the lamp.

Stop it Assafrass stop it you’re going to cluck everything up stop!

Wow okay, Assafrass huffed as he stopped. I was just having fun.

Gaet oaver yaourself, Assaafrass, Michael thought-snorted, pawing for the box and tripping it out of Assafrass’ jaws.

Oh shit! thought screamed Angela with a non imaginary wimper, Now you’ve really clucked us.

Yea really nice job Michael you friggin’ shower head.

Suddenly a large, purple blast of wiggly, amoebalike energy boomed from the box.

SHHHHBBLLFFFFFFRRRRFSSSDQQQQFFF