"Gragh" it said as it shambled forward. The two people screamed as it approached them.

Jacob stared in awe as his old body made its way up the hill. The darkness didn’t seem to bother it. Jacob had a flash of anger and jealousy as it seemed to smoothly if slowly, ascend towards the screaming men.

Jacob floated up the hill, faster than the two living teenage guys and a shuffling undead creature. He supposed his old body was a zombie now, but it was the almost magical night vision that had Jacob in a tizzy.

So many nights he had walked into things. His left pinkie toe was actually a full 2mm shorter than his right because of how many times he had banged against random furniture at night.

Zombie seemed to swerve around rocks and sticks and bramble. The thing only had one good eye! The damn thing wasn’t even oriented properly! It was staring at its own nose.

No. Jacob was not happy.

The two guys were also not making the situation any better. The first one was athletic. A jock. He was a full two meters ahead of his friend but he was definitely six octaves higher on screams. Guy two was definitely frail, he was huffing and puffing as he simply outpaced the zombie. A nerd. If the glasses and jacket with a chess piece emblem. A rook if he wasn’t mistaken.

Seriously? The zombie moved at like landlocked walrus. All jiggles and had crap reactions. Sure the rotting corpse could walk around a stone or a tree stump. However, Jacob had seen a slow-moving tire trip it up.

“Just push him over!” Jacob said as he floated around the jock. His school jersey was dirty and torn, but the school was still visible. Not that it mattered since the poor night vision seems to also affect him as a ghost.

“You could literally poke him with this stick!” Jacob howled as he moved over to a nice broken branch. The thing would make a decent spear. His fat, rotting body was imbalanced at best! The only reason it was moving forward was that it was always falling forward!

The two huffed and puffed away from him.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

Jacob face-palmed as his zombie caught up to him.

It was the whistling noise that made him lookup. A fist-sized rock passed through his chest and Jacob looked up with hope.

At the top, the jock was bringing down the pain. Poorly.

Jacob stared as his zombie self seemed to be magically protected as the large rocks missed by a large margin. The pebbles did hit as the nerd joined in, but serious. How?

Jacob froze. The jock. He picked up a large rock and made to toss it, but pulled his back?

The jock screamed as he was chained to his own momentum. His hilarious pose was worthy of a Greek statue as he teetered over and began to tumble down the slope.

The jock rolled twice before he settled into a sad slide. A slide that Jacob stared at in total shock and horror. How!?

“Okay,” Jacob muttered through clench teeth. “You totally deserve to die to my fat, rotting, self.”

The jock slid past the zombie and to the zombie’s credit, it tried to grab at the idiot. Unfortunately, it missed. The jock did find the nice branch though! He had a fighting chance!

The zombie turned around to continue but wobbled as it lost its balance.

Jacob’s eyes lit up as he felt it. The moment. The moment when his tether to this mortal hell was going to expire. He would probably kill itself by falling onto the jock’s stick!

The wobble continued as the zombie finished its 360 spins and it's one eye locked onto the geek. Which means that…

Jacob wanted to cry as it began to ascend once more.

Why! God damn it, why!!

Jacob watched as the nerd began to have a meltdown and continued to toss pebbles at the zombie.

Jacob watched as the nerd stopped with the pebbles and then moved onto a nice big rock. A really big rock.

The nerd was screaming as the zombie made it within arm’s reach.

The nerd hit full fight mode. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and the rock budged.

Jacob was in fascination as the rock lifted a full centimeter. He could do this…

Or. The nerd could lose his grip, fly back from his tense muscles, and…

Jacob face-palmed. The nerd screamed. He howled. He gurgled.

Jacob peeked between his fingers and yup. He didn’t see wrong. The nerd had somehow impaled himself on a tree branch.

The screams quickly stopped as the zombie made it to the shish-geek-a-bob and proceeded to have a late-night snack.

“You. You all deserve to die,” Jacob sighed as he floated down to the jock. The idiot was trying to hobble away. Wow. A broken leg.

“How did you make it this far!?” Jacob screamed as he tried to haunt the big idiot. Sure, he was now tethered to his old body, but he had like what? Half a kilometer leeway?

He was going to get his money’s worth from this venting session.

Upon a hill, the zombie finished. Its fat, rotting, bloated corpse wobbled as it began to lurch forward. Hungry. So hungry.

A breeze passed by, and if one listened carefully enough. You could hear words.

“I hope you die of gangrene, you absolutely waste of human flesh. WHERE did you learn to throw… wait... does your jacket say, cheerleader!?”