Chapter 54: Boogers, Showers, and Cream

When: Present

Where: Barrier Strait

Who: Kolin Khalsyz

I was still feeling the effects of the transport portal days after arriving. The faint nausea never left me, hovering in the background. It was a small price to pay, way better than a week’s travel by steedle-back. The four-legged, curly-furred mounts always smelled like dung, the foul matter clinging to them relentlessly. I hated riding on them. One had tried to gore me with its antlers when I was a kid.

“Still looking a little green, ha-ha-he-ha!,” Baltha cackled, living up to her [Class] as a [Hedge Witch]. The short, dirty, female of an indeterminate age, mostly due to the dirt and matted hair, never tired of giving me grief.

“Watch it, Baltha. I have already said I was sorry for retching on your boots.” I had also offered to clean them, but she told me that it gave them ‘character’. To be fair, the addition was hardly noticeable. “Keep it up, and I’ll ask my friend Book to stop making scrolls for you.”

It was an empty threat and she knew it, alas.

“Now, now, my handsome, there is no need for that.”

I had to repress a shudder whenever I heard her call me that. When I had told Tess about the nickname, shamelessly hoping she would get mad and put a stop to it, my girlfriend had laughed about it for the next three days. Mother of Trees, I wished she was here with me. Bless her Roots.

“Like Rolf would stop buying them, he! Or your friend stop selling them. Goldy-gold-gold,” Baltha sing-songed the rest of our way back to camp with the rations for our next assignment. She didn’t even stop, only intensifying in pitch as I skirted around a hobbled pack of steedles. The one with the black ring around its left eye was mine, assigned for our stint on patrol.

So far the job has been nothing but boring. We spent most of our time training, getting some experience sparring with the different team makeups that had all taken on the quest. Quest was a bit of a misnomer, in my opinion.

One Team we’d trained with had consisted of all caster types, far too specialized to be effective. I’m not sure how they managed a name as on official Guild Team. New Teams were always trying to mix up the standard Team dynamic, thinking that they are one’s bound to break the mold. It rarely worked. I liked the classic setup better, as it was a classic for a reason.

“About time, hunh.” Rolf’s impatience was nothing new, so I let it roll off my back easily enough. “Gear up; we head out in twenty.”

“I will get the steedles ready,” said Quyn, our [Rogue]. “Toss me the rations, I’ll divide them in the saddle bags.”

We handed the supplies over, and I was personally glad to spend as little time as possible with foul-smelling mounts. I ducked into the large canvas tent we shared, heading to my corner against the back wall and next to the mildew stain shaped like a teardrop. Newbie country, the others called it.

It didn’t take me long to kit up, pulling my chain mail shirt over my head and resettling my sword belt over the long protective armor. I bloused it a bit over the belt, giving myself more freedom of motion, letting the lower half, with slits up the sides, act as skirting. I rolled up my bedding, stuffed it in my pack, clapped my helmet on my head, and ducked back out of the tent. I was ready.

Rolf looked at me, gave me a “hunh” of approval, and headed over to our hobbled steedles. Jaxxon—[Ranger], scout, and archer—kicked dirt over the fire, then shouldered his own pack and followed Rolf. Baltha picked her nose with a grubby finger, inspected it, and then wiped the goo on the seat of her robes. She mumbled her way to the mounts, and I was careful not to listen to the words.

That was Team Brawn, a classic makeup adventuring Team. Rolf, [Bulwark], heavy warrior; Me, [Swordsman], medium fighter; Jaxxon, [Ranger], scout and long-range damage; Quyn, [Rogue], aspiring to evolve his [Class] to [Shadow-blade]; Baltha the Filthy, [Hedge Witch], [mana] caster and the closest we had to a [Healer]. Classic.

I approached my steedle from the side, trying to keep an eye on both its hind legs and antlered head at the same time.

“Kolin,” said Jaxxon. “The more nervous you are, the pricklier the beast is going to be. Relax. It’s all part of the adventuring life.”

Baltha cackled at me, before hiking up her robes—too high!—and belly flopped over her saddle, then swung her legs around to grip the beast.

There was nothing to do but grit my teeth and swing up on my own mount. I’m proud to say that I did so with more grace than the [Hedge Witch].

“Hunh,” Rolf gave the command, and we headed out on patrol.

“I hope something actually happens, this time,” I said. All of the patrols had been a bore since we arrived.

The sounds of creaking leather accompanied the hard stares the rest of the Team gave me, as they swiveled around in their seats.

“What?”

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When: Present

Where: Oakheart

Who: Theresa “Tess” Armstrong

“Huh..wha’…ah shit.”

I woke from the dream, confused and filled with an unknown dread. I really hated waking up this way.

I glanced out the window, checking the time. I had long ago removed the digital time display on my HUD, preferring not to be ruled by the clock. I still used the stopwatch function, however. Gotta check those running times. The sky was gray, with a glow low on the horizon. Good, just before dawn.

I took a long, hot shower—there was no way I was going to give up this apartment if the showers in the new building weren’t set up with Book’s innovation.

“Hey, Sai, you there?” I spoke aloud, being alone in the shower. That was another thing, the thought of communal showers was a big selling point for me. Enough room for me and Kolin…

//Of course, Miss Tess. I am always here//

“Yeah, sure. Anyway, how close to [level; 3] am I?” Sure, I could pull up what Book calls a character sheet, but why when I could just ask? I wasn’t into all that stat stuff.

//Except when you are training//

“Obviously. But that is different.”

//Ah, not entirely factual//

It was, to me. Writing crap down on a D&D spell sheet—or whatever it was called—was totally different than tracking physical performance.

//If you say so, Miss//

“I do. It is just practical.”

//Of course. You are one [Skill] from advancing, or two [spell]s//

“Yeah, getting those [spell]s are a right bitch. I was lucky to get the first one.” I toweled off and dressed, pulling a light tunic over my head and slipping into a pair of tight-fitting linen pants. I need to upgrade to more durable leather. And sweet Mother of Trees—Book was coaching me on the lingo—it was time to pick up my weapons and armor from Vitor’s shop. Happy days!

“Which [Skill] is closest?” I would like another [Spell], but getting two was a long shot. Speaking of [Spell]s, [PFK] used to be classified as one, which never made sense to me. In my mind, it was a [Skill], one I’d learned in my past life. My martial [Skill]s were now in the right place. Book said his AI messed up on letters at first, I guess my Sai had screwed the pooch on where to place my abilities.

//Merely working out the initial kinks, Miss Tess. I have since rectified the matter, as you well know//

“Yankin’ your chain, dude.”

//Very good//

Somehow, my [Mark .07] manifested as a British butler. Go figure. At least he wasn’t a class A snark like Book’s.

//Your praise is well received//

And he wasn’t sarcastic about it, but sincere.

//Back to the matter at hand, [Long Jump] is approximately 87% perfected, while [Mule Kick] is 93% along to reaching good quality//

“OK, I’ll push [MK]. Just don’t let me cross over; warn me at 99% so I can stop and go get Book. I am not going through the [level] up by myself. Not after what happened to Book. Yikes.”

//Very good//

“Very good, very good,” I mumbled, aware that I was out in public now. Why did I get the staid butler? After naming my AI Sai, I’d kinda been hoping for a Zen master, but no.

I broke into a ground-eating jog, using my [Courier] training to weave around other pedestrians. I felt the urge to use [spurt], and go all out, but resisted. I didn’t want to arrive at Vitor’s looking desperate and sweaty.

My blood was pumping nicely by the time I reached the smith’s shop, and I imagined a nice sheen to my skin. I opened the door, expecting to be blasted by heat, like the first time. Instead, I was treated to one of Book’s scroll creations; a cool, rose-scented breeze greeted me. The heavy bell over the door announced my arrival, Vitor turning from his forge to see who graced his shop.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

‘’Ah, custom leather and chain armor, and let me see; ‘meteor hammer’ and ‘sai’ a pair of them. Am I right?” The big elf asked me with a smile.

I woulda’ rather he remembered me for, well, me. Mother, he was beautiful. Bless her Roots.’Did I get that right?’

//Very good, Miss Tess//

“That’s me.”

His smile broadened. It didn’t feel like one of Tak’s professional ‘sales’ smiles, at least to me.

“Tess, was it? Give me a moment and I will get your order.”

My own smile took on a life of its own, splitting my face and flushing my cheeks. Sorry Kolin, but I can still look. And speaking of looking, Vitor was bare-chested—does the guy even own a shirt?—his back muscles rippling as he turned and opened the door on his side of the counter. He was sweating from the heat over there, and I marveled again at the efficacy of the scrolls Book had paid Vitor with. Good job, buddy.

A couple of minutes of rustling and Vitor returned to his counter, arms loaded down and biceps bulging with the weight.

Mother’s Bark, Kolin, get your ass back here fast.

He shook out the armor, holding it up for me to see. It was beautiful, the leather was dyed a deep, marine blue, and the chain reinforcements were a mahogany brown that matched my eyes. The chain mail covered the vital spots; under the pits, down the sides, and a narrow strip along the spine. A chain hood lay at the back of the collar—I got my hoodie back!—below the waist, it flared into a studded kilt that reached my knees. Definitely need some leather pants to go under it. I wanted to keep my soft-soled boots, but maybe add some shin guards. They were running boots, flexible and cushioned, and a part of every [Courier]s uniform. They let you feel the ground but were also exceptionally sturdy to protect the bottoms of your feet. For someone like myself, focusing on speed, they were indispensable.

“I took the liberty of fashioning some arm-guards, as well as shin protectors.”

Dude, I could kiss you. For the equipment, too.

“The chain fastens up both sides, doubled up for strength, and the kilt hooks on the left. You can get in and out of it without any help. Try it on?”

“Oh, yeah.”

It was as easy as he said to put on, pulling it over my head like a tabard and buttoning the sides, double-breasted jacket style, secure the kilt, and there you have it. Next came the weapons belt, long, sharp-edged sai on either side. They were perfectly balanced, ready for attack and parry. I wrapped the long chain of the meteor hammer around me, alternating between over the shoulder and taking turns around my waist. One heavy ball hung from my hip, the other behind my shoulder. Perfect.

Was that…? The top head secured to my shoulder blade, somehow. Nice! It won’t bounce when I run, and, yep, it comes right away when I snag it off my shoulder. The guy was a genius.

Completely decked out, I felt like a warrior princess. Or an Anime girl, but lacking the bunny ears.

“Does it need any adjusting?” Vitor asked, the certainty in his tone belying the actual words. He knew his worth.

“Nah, s’good! What do I owe you for the extra guards?”

“Fully paid, and then some. These scrolls from your friend are more than worth the trade. In fact, I should return some of the gold you paid me.”

“Nah, keep it. Who knows when I’ll need something repaired?”

“All my work is guaranteed,” Vitor frowned at my temerity, thinking I was implying shoddy work.

“Dude, of course! No doubts; I’m talking if I get creamed by a giant, or a boulder, dragon, whatever.”

“Ha, funny.” Sweet, I was back on his good side. “If you run across one of those, aside from the boulder that is, and get ‘creamed’, then I will issue a full refund…to your heir.”

“Aha, nice. It’s a deal.”

And talk about getting ‘creamed’…

//Miss Tess!//

I left the shop a happy woman.

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[Name] Theresa “Tess” Armstrong

[Race] Elf??/Human??

[Class] [Courier; apprentice] / [Fighter; un-classed]

(Contract bonded by Jezzica Biehl, Journeyman) / (non-bonded)

[Level; 2] [Progress], 16 / 16

Display

[Solar Time]

(calculation of the passage of time based on the position of the Sun in the sky based on the synodic day {the period for a celestial object to rotate once in relation to the star it is orbiting, and is the basis of solar time})

Placement: (hidden)

Type: Alpha Numerical

[Mini-map]

Active Range: 30 meters

(highlights all living creatures in a defined radius in real-time; filters available; customizable)

Passive Range: 300 meters

(detail mapping of visited locations in defined radius; scrollable; filters available; customizable)

Placement: Upper right corner of vision

Type: Graphic

[Status]

Health meter: red bar

(representation of current physical health, measured in percentages of full health {100%} with decreasing gradients lowering until collapse {10%} and death of physical body {0%})

Fatigue: green bar

((representation of current physical energy, measured in percentages of full energy {100%} with decreasing gradients lowering until physical and mental impairments, ranging from low motivation {50%}, muscle weakness {40%}, slowed reflexes and responses/impaired hand-to-eye ordination {30%}; headache and dizziness/impaired decision-making and judgment {25%}, blurry vision/short term memory loss {20%}, collapse {10%}, and death of physical body {0%})

[Mana] reserves: blue bar

(representation of current absorbed, ephemeral, energy force of creationism *divine energy, if religiously inclined*, measured in percentages available from maximum {100%} with decreasing gradients lowering until collapse {10%} and death of physical body {0%})

Placement: lower right corner of vision

Type: Graphic

[Quick-key]

(assignment of an action shortcut, ranging from {1} to {4}; customizable binding; upgradeable by two per level)

Placement: Lower center of vision

Type: Numerical

{1}[Flurry; common]<-[Spell)]<-[Folder]

{2}[Auto Pilot; common]<-[Skill]<-[Folder]

{3}[Long Jump; good]<-[Long Jump; common]<-[Skill]<-[Folder]

{4}[Mule Kick; common]<-[Skill (2)]<-[Folder]

[Vision]

(toggle options ranging from {low light}, {thermal}, {high contrast}, {[mana] saturation}, {[health] meter}, and {friend/foe}; customizable; upgradeable by level)

Placement: Lower left of vision

Type: Graphical <@>

[Folder]

(representation of storage locations for routines and sub-routines)

Placement: middle right of vision

Type: Icon

[Folder]->[Skill]-> 1. [Translation; superior](The ability to understand *auditory/written* known or downloaded languages) 2. [Spurt; greater]<-[Spurt; good]<-[spurt; common](The ability to increase speed to maximum in an instant enhanced by the user’s [mana], activated automatically by intent) 3. [Auto Pilot; common](The ability to select a destination on [mini-map], automatically letting your body follow direction without direct control.) 4. [Long Jump; good]<-[Long Jump; common](the ability to jump great distances {8-10 meters]enhanced by the user’s [mana]; activated automatically by intent; upgradeable by level) 5. [open]

[Folder]->[Skill (2)]-> 1. [Powered Front Kick; greater]<-[powered Front Kick; good]<-[Powered Front Kick; common](Execute a front-facing kick, enhanced by the user’s [mana]. This [Skill] can be upgraded. The next evolution will enable [variable] strength levels.) 2. [Flying Side Kick; good]<-[Flying Side Kick; common](Execute a running-jumping side kick, enhanced by the user’s [mana]. This [Skill] can be upgraded. The next evolution will enable [variable] strength levels.) 3. [Spinning Kick; good]<-[Spinning Kick; common](Execute a spinning kick, enhanced by the user’s [mana]. This [Skill]can be upgraded. The next evolution will enable [variable] strength levels.) 4. [Mule Kick; common]: Execute a reverse kick, enhanced by the user’s [mana]. This can [Skill] be upgraded. The next evolution will enable [variable] strength levels. 5. [Open]

[Folder]->[Spell]-> 1. [Flurry; common](Unleash a tumultuous flurry of punches, pushing [mana] hardened air in front of your fists, striking the target with [mana] enhanced speed and power.) 2. [Open] 3. [Open]

[Folder]->[Title] 1. [V.I.P.] (Versatile, Intrepid, Persistent; you are flexible in mind, body, and talents, being able to quickly pick up new abilities without fear and never giving up; +10% to learning and/or upgrading existing [Skill]s and [Spell]s.) 2. [Open]