Jim

As they meandered through the bazaar there did not appear to be a single bit of free space. Everything they could dream of seemed like it was available to be purchased from shoes to refrigerators to bird cages. The first booth had lines strung out to either side covered in an array of exquisite clothing that sparkled, shined, and even a few that had animated scenes playing out on them. One shirt looked like it had red and blue police sirens in the fabric that flashed. There was a sun dress that lit up like the sun and a pair of black jeans that appeared to be on fire but gave off no smoke.

“Yes, you can touch it, completely safe, they’re not really on fire.” The vendor said, smiling. “See?” He reached out and picked the pants up off the line they were hanging on and handed them to Ying.

“Hmm, denim.” She said, rubbing the fabric.

“I think I have your size, let me check.”

“Be careful with those, people are always throwing water on you because they think you are on fire.” Baba laughed. “Ask me how I know.”

The vendor dug around a little more before pulling out a pair in Ying’s size. “Only thirty Nummus.”

It was at this moment Jim noticed the sudden transformation in Ying. He witnessed her secret identity reveal itself as she went from the loving mother of two, who had been mostly raised in America, to the daughter of an immigrant who had learned that money is not easy, and that the ability to bargain was not only a critical marker of the quality of human you are but also a game of endless delight that she never got to play anymore.

Her accent came out instantly. “Thirty? I’ve seen better for twenty.” Ying said, repulsed. “Those are at best worth fifteen.”

The vendor looked away in disgust. “These are the finest fiery denim you will see on a garment, craftmanship like this is…is…is second to none. Perhaps you are used to looking at those cheap rags from other vendors, not this fine quality. No, the lowest I can do is twenty-five, and not a Nummus lower.”

“I bet those flames come out after what, one wash, don’t they?” Ying said, with a sly look. “Twenty, and that is my final offer because I am going to have to hand wash those, aren’t I?”

“How dare you.” The vendor, now livid, turned around and pouted before putting the pants back in the drawer in a huff.

“Okay, let’s go.” Ying started to walk away.

“Twenty-four?” The vendor said, giving up the feigned outrage.

“Twenty-two.” Ying countered, looking him straight in the eye.

“Twenty-three, I have a wife and kids, they need to eat.”

“Fine.” Ying replied, as she looked over the rest of his selection before asking. “How much for those shoes?”

“Honey, remember the SIM card? Our children?” Jim said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“It’ll only take a second,” she said, shrugging his hand off.

“It never takes a second, remember the flea market we went to last week?”

“We were only there an hour,” Ying said, examining the strap on the shoe.

“But we were only there to get a hat for yard work, remember?”

“What’s your point?”

Jim handed Federico’s towel leash to Adelfried so he could put his arms around Ying. “That you take forever to shop, and we don’t have time for that right now.”

Ying put the shoe down in a huff. “I don’t take forever.”

“Guess we’re not just under da’Nile but in denial,” Jim muttered.

“What?” She said, paying the vendor for the jeans.

“Nothing, let’s just go.” Jim said, tugging her along.

They passed a booth packed with liquids of every imaginable color on a rickety wooden shelf. The vendor held a jar in his hand filled with fluorescent greenish yellow-purple Jim swore couldn’t exist. The vendor shouted, “Problems in the bed or problems in the head, Eshaq’s Extra Special Elixirs has it all.” The vendor grabbed Jim by the shoulder. “Want to turn up the excitement in the sheets? I have a potion that can’t be beat. One drop in your drawers and she’ll be begging you for more.”

“I’m good, thanks.” Jim pulled away from the vendor’s grip.

“Maybe we should hear the man out?” Ying said, giving Jim a smile.

Jim grabbed her hand. “Come on.”

They turned past booths swarming with floating lamps followed by a stand chock full of jewelry. Hanging from the next booth were ropes of sausages ranging in color from blood red to black. The bearded vendor here was holding a tray of samples. “Finest sausage in all of Egypt. Guaranteed to stay fresh for a year, care to try?”

Ying looked at Jim. “Just a quick taste, okay?”

Jim nodded. “Fine but last stop.”

The vendor smiled and said, “Allow me.” A piece of sausage floated off the tray towards Ying’s mouth which she opened.

“Wow, that is really good,” Ying said, still chewing.

“We use only the freshest cave rat with our unique blend of herbs. Would the gentleman care to try?”

Jim retched. “Nope, I’m good.” He dragged Ying on. “Come on.”

Another booth featured nothing but eyeglasses of every imaginable design and feature. Ying slow walked past the booth doing her best to not stop, while taking in as much as she could. It wasn’t until Jim promised her they would return after they contacted their kids did she start walking again. After more stalls featuring fanciful lanterns casting dancing light, wood carvings that changed colors, and size changing baskets, they at last made it to the electronics booth.

“SIM card,” Baba said, pointing to where a lady sat reading a newspaper. “And this one has the best shawarma anywhere in the world.” He motioned to a booth a few paces away.

Jim handed Ying his phone. “Here, haggle away.” That is when Jim saw it, hiding out behind the counter, waiting for his arrival. A massive conical monolith of roasted meat, spinning and gleaming in perfection. The aromas of roasted beef and fresh baked pita were intoxicating. He watched as the woman behind the counter sensually sliced delicate bits of juicy meat from the heavenly cone which fell onto a waiting pillow of pita bread. She wrapped it lovingly in paper and handed the bundle of pure glory to a man who was waiting. He ripped the paper open and took a giant bite. The look of pure food bliss washed over the man’s face. Jim drooled a little.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

“Who else wants one?” Jim turned back and saw Ying deep into the negotiations with Adelfried watching closely. That was going to take forever. And he needed to take immediate steps to get his own bundle of glorious meaty divinity.

He felt around in his pocket. He still had a few ESH coins, or jewels, or whatever they were. A few nummus later and he had a shawarma in hand and immediately went back to join the group, who now had the SIM card. He unwrapped it in front of Ying who stared at him with the saddest look he had ever seen. He had seen Zarg pull this trick, where his eyes appeared ten times larger than normal with his ears back to accentuate the sad puppy dog look, but he had never seen Ying do it.

“What’s that?” Ying said, in a such a despondent voice, Jim swore all happiness had gone from her life.

“Shawarma.” Jim’s voice hardened, as he eyed her with suspicion. “My shawarma.”

“That looks really good.” Adelfried chimed in, dry swallowing and licking his lips.

“Can I have a bite…darling?” Ying said, with a sickening syrupy voice. That last word hung in the air like the strange sparkling orange and yellow smoke around them. The word ‘darling’ meant she was pulling out the big guns because it was a term reserved for only the most special occasions. Like when she wanted to go to the beach instead of letting Jim stay home and watch the baseball game on a rare day off or when she asked for emerald earrings for Christmas or when she wanted to buy the extra fancy blue couch that no one could sit on in the front room. ‘Darling’ meant it better happen or else, but in a half fun, half serious manner.

Jim’s eyes darted back and forth between the shawarma inches from his mouth and his wife. She had been a good wife, always supportive, if not sometimes too pushy, but always from a place of sincere love, respect, and understanding. She truly was his partner, but there was no possible scenario that ended up with her getting a bite of this shawarma. Jim jutted his finger towards the shawarma booth and looked her dead in the eye as he took the largest bite he could fit in his mouth. A tear of joy ran down his cheek as his mouth filled with culinary perfection.

After he finished chewing the most epic bite of his life and was about to go for another, she tried again. “Come on, I want a bite.” Her prey was escaping.

He felt his arm weaken for an instant as if he were about to hand it over. But an indignation welled up in him. She had pushed him to stay in night school, she had pushed him to let Adelfried stay in their house, she had pushed for them both to go on a date night and now their children were home alone. She had pushed and pushed but there was no pushing that would get him to hand over his sandwich. He wasn’t sure if it was the residual orange fog polluting his brain, or if he had just decided it was time to stand up to her, but either way it was time. “No!” he said with more heat than he had intended. He took another defiant bite and smacked over it with greed. “The booth is right there.” He again pointed towards the counter a mere ten feet away.

Yes, it was only a bite, but he had stood up for himself, he had struck a blow for all those people who refused to give in to their greedy partners demanding bites. No bite today, no being pushed around today, the line in the sand had been drawn, the sanctity of the meal and his pride won back. He basked in his glorious victory and swore he heard a crowd cheer. But it was just Ying calling him a “Jerk.” After realizing she wasn’t getting a bite, she unceremoniously shoved the SIM card and phone into his hand. “Here, call the kids.” A smug victorious smile spread across his face because he knew the snipe meant he had won. “Try not to eat it on accident,” she added in utter defeat.

He devoured his sandwich, which not only tasted amazing, but also like victory. After he was done basking in his own glory, he felt a little guilt at the fact that he now had a way to call his children but instead chose to finish his sandwich. But the lingering flavor of the shawarma in his mouth extinguished that guilt.

He quickly switched out his old sim card and within seconds the phone recognized it, but there wasn’t a signal. He started to move around hoping for a bar, but then remembered that he was under a river in an underground tunnel and had no chance.

He felt an unnerving disturbance in the air. Adelfried and Ying were striding towards him with an unusual amount of confidence, both a sandwich in one hand, and small containers of white sauce in the other.

“What…what’s that?” Jim said, realizing he may have made a huge mistake.

“Oh, this?” Ying held her little container of white victory high in the air like a trophy. “This is toum. It’s the garlic sauce you are supposed to put on your sandwich.” She poured the glistening gravy onto her sandwich slowly, to torture him, he was convinced. The rich ivory liquid worked its way into all the crevices between the meat and bread. How had he missed this critical component? He had eaten a husk of a sandwich, a shadow of what it could have been. There was no avoiding it, his sandwich was false. The worse part was he was now faced with a major dilemma. Should he become what he despised, should he become that sticky annoying gum on the heel of humanity’s boot, should he become the greedy partner demanding a bite? Or go on with his life knowing that the sandwich he had just eaten could have been better?

“You okay there, darling?” She said, twisting the knife in his back further. “You really should try this with the garlic sauce, you haven’t lived until you have.”

Jim started to sweat, he could feel the words forming in his throat, he felt his will weakening until Ying gave him the look of total victory. But that was her fatal mistake, it steeled his resolve, he would resist, he would be better than her.

But that is when the unexpected happened, a traitorous hand landed on his shoulder. “She’s right,” Adelfried said, as he took another bite from his own sandwich now dripping in that satiny white sauce of regret. “The sandwich is a sad shell without the sauce.”

“A sad shell?” Jim said to himself, surely this was an exaggeration to torment him. “I’m good, I’ll go get us some drinks,” Jim heard his voice say, but he didn’t want to believe it. He could always come back for another sandwich tomorrow he reasoned, but it didn’t make him feel any better as he trudged off to get drinks.

“How nice of a hotel are we talking?” Baba asked, sizing up the group.

Adelfried pulled out a fistful of glowing follis. “What will this get me?”

Baba smiled. “Right this way. Baba show you the best hotel in all of Cairo.” He marched them back through the bazaar and back through the arched hallway they had seen when they first arrived.

A hundred feet down the hallway they came to a doorway which led into a large domed room filled with heavy, braided metal cables, the kind you would expect to find spanning between towering electrical towers. These cables started in all parts of the walls and ceilings and ended up wrapped in an oversized spool situated in a pit in the floor. The room was like a giant hub for these massive cables. Built around the pit was a wide wooden platform that would allow access to the cables. Each one had a substantial metal tag attached to it with ESH writing on them, Jim presumed.

“Ever traveled by wire?” Baba asked.

“No,” Adelfried responded.

“It’s simple, just grip the wire firmly and feel the wire. Then merge with the wire, that’s the best way I can describe it. Once you get it, you’ll know what I mean. Anyway, once you do, you’ll just go right through, easy.” Baba looked at his students and realized they were lost.

“No problem.” Adelfried said, with a forced confidence. “We got it. You go ahead. We’ll join you on the other side.” Both Jim and Ying looked at him like he was insane.

“Okay…whatever you say, my friends, but this where I leave you. Take the Hotel Hathor line and if you need me, I’m always here. Just ask for Baba.” He put out his hand and stood there expectantly.

“Okay, thank you.” Adelfried said oblivious to the gesture.

“Here.” Jim said, dropping some money into his outstretched hand. “And, thank you.”

He looked the money over in his hand and smiled, waved and headed back to the market.

“Well, now what? Last time I checked I can’t go through powerlines,” Jim said, a little perturbed as he had just dismissed their guide in the last critical leg of their journey to a soft bed and a cell phone signal.

“Have no fear, I’ll figure it out.” He walked around looking at the different tags reading them aloud. “Great Pyramid of Giza, El Azhar Mosque, Fishawis…ah here, Hotel Hathor.”

“Great, well, let’s see it, I want to see you fly down that wire.” Jim said, with a smirk.

“Yes, well, let me see.” Adelfried grabbed the wire and closed his eyes and stood there for the next few minutes until an older couple came walking with a handful of bags. They nodded at the four of them. They both grabbed the same wire and, in an instant, disappeared like the last bit of a Slurpee being sucked up through a large metal straw.

“Well, that was both horrifying and fascinating at the same time,” Jim said, dumbfounded.

“No, that was amazing,” Ying said, examining the wire closely. “How did they transform? Not to mention, how did they reassemble. I just…I just don’t know. It’s like why did I even go to college at all? There is so much I just don’t know about whatever that was.”

After another few minutes of futility with Adelfried grunting and squeezing the wire like he was choking the life from it, Baba came strolling in with what looked like a children’s book, with actual ink on paper that Jim could see.

“Yes, yes. Baba figure as much. Here, this will teach you how to do it.” He handed the book to Jim. “Another five nummus and I’ll take you through, deal?”

“Deal,” Jim agreed, before Adelfried could scare him away. He dumped five nummus in his hand.

“Come on, everyone grab on to my arm,” he said, walking over to the wire Adelfried was gripping tightly. “You’re trying too hard. Here, take Baba’s hand.”

After everyone had a firm grip on Baba, he said “Whatever you do, don’t let go.”

“Why, what happens if—” They disappeared in a quick sip.