Jim

Jim awoke early from a fitful sleep. After what his family had endured the previous night, restful sleep wasn’t in the cards for him. The early morning sun cast a melancholy orange light through the windows. It didn’t help his general uneasiness, but coffee might. He was anxious to see if the events from the previous night ended up making the paper. Zarg lay curled up in the front room with Adelfried who was sitting on the very same blue couch he had slept on his first night. He had Evan’s tablet but kept glancing out the front window as if on guard duty. Zarg wagged his tail when Jim leaned down to give him a scratch.

“Blue couch privileges have been reinstated,” Adelfried said, with a smile.

“Come on Zarg, let’s go get the paper.” Zarg unfolded himself in a series of awkward contortions before ambling behind him out the front door. When Jim leaned down to pick the paper up, Zarg started to flop about on the ground like a fish out of water, grunting with excitement. This was followed by a roll onto his back and a full body sideways wiggle with his long legs jutting straight into the air.

“Zarg, what are you rolling in?” Jim said, not looking forward to having to give him a bath this early in the morning. Zarg popped up, wagging his tail, and let out a few barks of excitement before diving back, nose first, into whatever wonderfully smelly curiosity he had found.

“Stop it!” Jim yelled, running over to shoo Zarg away from what turned out to be a dead squirrel. Zarg escaped to another part of the yard, only to continue his nose-diving antics at another spot. Jim sighed and walked over to find yet another dead squirrel. Near the garage was another dead squirrel and a dead bird. Trying to stop Zarg from applying his new critter-cologne was now pointless, he had too many to choose from. He trod back into the house hoping to get a better understanding of what was going on. He had a hunch it was going to involve a certain individual sitting on the blue couch.

“There are three dead squirrels and a dead bird in the yard. Any idea why?” He was afraid of the answer.

“Yes,” Adelfried said, without looking up from the tablet.

“Care to enlighten me.”

“Shield.” Adelfried grunted, still fixated on the tablet.

“Shield?”

“Shield.”

Movement through the window caught Jim’s attention as Zarg tossed one of the squirrels into the air playing fetch with himself. “What does that mean?” Jim cringed when Zarg started to shake one of the dead squirrels vigorously like a chew toy.

“I put a protective shield around the house, it instantly kills anything that crosses it,” Adelfried replied casually, scrolling the tablet with his finger.

Jim rubbed his eyes, not just because it was still early in the morning and his dog was playing a rousing game of dead squirrel fetch with himself, but also because of the murder wall now surrounding his house. “So, just now, if I had decided to step over the curb I’d be as dead as that squirrel out there?”

“No, of course not,” Adelfried said, looking a little hurt. “I made sure everyone in the family can pass freely.” He stopped to take a sip of water from the glass sitting next to him. “Zarg, too,” he added cheerfully.

This was good to hear. Jim relaxed and made for the coffee pot. But his brain was still crawling at early morning speed, and before he made it to the kitchen, something hit him, and he went back. “And what happens if Mrs. Robinson decides to come over to borrow a cup of sugar? Is it so long, Mrs. Robinson?”

“Does she come over for sugar often?”

“Well, no…”

“Then I don’t see a problem.” Adelfried said, still way too calm for Jim’s liking.

“You don’t see a problem with a force field of death surrounding the house?

“Do you feel she can be trusted?”

“Feel she can be trusted?” Anger only numbed by the early hour started to bubble up. “She’s been our neighbor for seven years, I’m pretty sure she isn’t trying to kill us.”

“Yes, I would agree that she isn’t trying to kill us.” Adelfried paused a beat perhaps expecting Jim would calm down. “But is she after the Root?”

Jim grimaced. “How would she even know about the Root?”

“She could have discovered it or sensed it. I don’t know. Do you?”

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He fought the urge to yell. “Mrs. Robinson is not an evil wizard out to get the Root. You’re the only magicky person around here, heck you’re the only magicky person we’ve ever met!”

Zarg was now rubbing the top of his head into the bird carcass, like he was trying to wear it like a hat. He looked up, meeting Jim’s resigned gaze through the window and sneezed a little before darting back to a squirrel for a quick chest rub.

Adelfried shook his head. “Well, yesterday would prove that is not true.”

He was right. Damn it. But that still didn’t justify the force field. “Fine. Up until last night, you are the only one we have ever met.”

“Fine.” Adelfried continued in a dismissive tone. “I will make sure Mrs. Robinson can pass unharmed, but only because you vouched for her. Anything else?”

Jim rubbed his eyes. It was too early for this shit. “Anything else? You are completely missing the point. We can’t have a murder wall surrounding the house. What if the neighbor’s kid accidentally knocks the ball into our yard? You can’t go around murdering children to protect the Root.”

“Okay, it won’t harm anyone under, what a hundred pounds? That should include all children I would think.”

Jim squeezed his forehead. “I can’t believe I am having a conversation about who dies from stepping into my yard,” he muttered. “Adelfried, you can’t kill people for stepping on the grass. Take the death field down.”

“If you insist.”

“I insist!”

Zarg performed an impressive upside-down head twisting dive into a squirrel.

“Okay.” Adelfried went back to his reading.

Jim sighed and decided it was best to dispose of Zarg’s newly acquired menagerie of deceased critters sooner rather than later. He also needed to get away from Adelfried before he throttled him. After depositing the last carcass in a trashcan, he needed that cup of coffee more than ever, too bad it was surely cold by now. Heading back to the garage something grazed his cheek. It bounced off his shoulder and hit the ground with a soft thump. On the ground by his right foot was a slightly singed piece of bird jerky. He stared dumbfounded at the newest addition to his dead animal collection. He dropped the trashcan and stomped back into the house.

“Well?” Jim said, almost starting go numb to having a wizard living in his house.

“Well, what?” Adelfried continued thumbing through his article.

“The death field is still up.”

“No. You are mistaken.” Adelfried said, dismissively.

“The dead bird which hit me in the head that Zarg is now playing with leads me to believe it is still up.” He plucked an errant bird feather from his shoulder and held it up to Adelfried. “See?”

“Did someone die?”

“A bird died.”

“Did someone, like a person, die?”

“No, I just said a bird.”

Adelfried flopped the tablet down and huffed. “Then why do you think it is still up?”

“Because Zarg’s new chew toy is dead.”

“Right.’ Adelfried shook his head staring back at the tablet. “But it only affects animals, not humans.”

“Alright…” Jim stepped towards the front yard, but paused. “Wait what if the neighbor’s cat, uh…Buddy, comes over?”

Adelfried cocked his head. “Dead, it’s an animal.”

“Okay…” Jim rubbed his eyes hoping this conversation would just go away, but when he opened them, it hadn’t. “No death field in the yard of any kind. Do I make myself clear?”

“That is your decision, but in my world, people use animals as weapons. So, it’s risky. Ever had to fight off a dragon or a sphinx? No thank you. A shield is better.”

Jim started to laugh at the absurdity of the entire situation. “Fine, you can leave the death shield up for dragons and sphinxes. Okay?”

“What about ghouls, chimeras, manticores, and trolls?”

“Yeah, sure, fine, all those can die in the yard…Oh and don’t forget unicorns…and griffins…and harpies…” Jim continued to chuckle.

Adelfried looked up at Jim with a sour expression. “You are mocking me, aren’t you? This is that sarcasm that Evan told me about.”

“Sorry, Adelfried, there are no such things as dragons in this world,” Jim said, laughing.

“Well our worlds appear to be connected, so I wouldn’t be so sure.” Adelfried said, as he looked back down at the tablet.

“Sorry, made up. If there were there would be fossils or something. Have you seen a dragon before?”

“Well, no, they are very rare.”

“Okay, well, take a picture the next time you see one. Okay?” Jim smirked. “So, death field down, yes?”

“Yes, the field will no longer kill anyone…” Jim tilted his head at Adelfried waiting for him to complete that sentence. “…or any non-magical animals,” he added.

“Great, thank you.” Jim made his way to the front yard, then paused. Something was nagging him, like there was some logic loophole still left by which Adelfried could drive a large exception through. “So just to be crystal clear, what will the field do?”

Adelfried let out a deliberate sigh of frustration. “We already went through this, it won’t kill anyone, just magical creatures. Humans and non-magical creatures will only be stunned. Now, can I get back to my article?”

Jim grabbed his head with both hands and slowly started to rub his temples. “Adelfried.”

“Yes?”

“No stunning!”

“Well, then what are we supposed to do?”

“Nothing. No stunning, murdering, killing, decapitating, zapping, poking, prodding, sending people to sleep, okay? Nothing!”

Zarg burst in through the open front door, carrying a dead bird and flew upstairs.

“Fine, when some magic-wielding crazy person knocks on the front door, don’t blame me,” Adelfried grumped.

“I already survived one, I think I can survive another!” Jim yelled, as he charged upstairs after Zarg.

After cornering Zarg into the bathroom upstairs, Jim had to enlist Adelfried’s help to remove the dead bird from Zarg in one piece, which was a great improvement over the last time Jim and Zarg had a disagreement over a dead animal. With the effervescent greyhound now secured in the bathroom Jim knocked on Evan’s bedroom door. “Your dog was rolling around in dead animal again,” he yelled, before heading down to his coffee which was almost assuredly ice cold.

After warming his coffee in the microwave, he could, at last, sit down with the newspaper.

Rogue Tornado Causes Natural Gas Line to Explode

As the Houston Astros staged a miraculous come from behind win, a freak weather occurrence occurred outside Minute Maid Park. A rogue tornado sent cars flying and ruptured a gas line at the corner of—

Someone knocked on the front door. Jim slapped the paper down on the kitchen table. There’s no way.