Adelfried

Chad lifted his glass to take a sip of a clear liquid that resembled corn syrup. The man sitting next to him then immediately took a sip out of the orange drink sitting in front of him.

“Why do you say that?” Adelfried responded, unconcerned by Chad’s irritation. He was past people telling him to wait.

Chad huffed and leaned forward. He put his elbow on the table and examined his empty glass. “If you have to ask that question, that is all the more reason why you shouldn’t.”

Adelfried jutted his chin out and raised his voice. “I am not afraid of all the scary things I have heard about him.”

Chad rolled his eyes and let out a small laugh. “Well, for one, he’s not a he, she’s a she, and believe me, you don’t want to get anywhere near Sahir.” He set his glass down. “Look, you all seem like nice people so just trust me on this, okay?”

“I can protect myself.” Adelfried continued with determination.

Chad stared at Adelfried intently before lifting his drink hoping for another taste, but it was empty. “Fine,” he said, gruffly. “Drinks are on you while we talk. And my tall glass of cognac sits next to me.” He pointed at Jim and patted the spot in the booth next to him. “I will then go into excruciating detail about why going to see Sahir is a bad idea. In fact, I can tell you why going to see most wizards is a bad idea. That is, if you can afford it, because we are drinking top shelf now. Do we have a deal?”

“Yes, fine,” Adelfried said in a hurry before Jim could respond. Jim threw Adelfried an annoyed glance but sat down at the booth and scooted in next to Chad. Ying filed in behind him, followed by Adelfried. Chad waved his hand at a waitress who floated up wearing a kind of jet pack and landed at the edge of the booth.

Chad smiled at the waitress. “Can we get four Toasty Anteaters, extra crunch and premium elixirs. Oh, and an orange juice for him.” He said, motioning to the muttering man sitting next to him.

The waitress replied, “you got it, that’ll be a hundred, hon.”

Chad tilted his head to Adelfried. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a pile of the ESH money. Unsure of how much that was, he dumped some in her hand.

The waitress, a little surprised at the amount of money in her hand replied, “oh wow, okay you want to just leave a tab open on this, hon?”

“Um, yes,” Adelfried said, not sure what that meant before redirecting his attention to Chad. “So, tell me of this Sahir.”

Chad's eyes were wide as he stared at the money Adelfried had just handed to the waitress. “Hmm, interesting. Okay, we are going to play a little game. We’ll take turns telling each other why they are wrong. I will tell you a reason why you shouldn’t go, and then you tell me a reason why you should. If you convince me, I will help you. If not, well…thanks for the drinks.”

“Fine, whatever, you go first.” Adelfried said, as he could feel his impatience building.

Chad leaned in towards Jim, twisting his handlebar mustache that was even more impressive up close, and said, “You hear that, pumpkin? We are going to be here a while.”

A forced smile appeared on Jim's face. "Great."

Chad turned to the man sitting on his other side, who was now crying a little, and said, “Alright, I guess I have to give them the speech, don’t I?”

The crying man did not reply.

With a loud clear voice like a professor addressing a classroom, Chad started, “Sahir does not want to talk to you, or you, or you,” he said, pointing at each one of them in turn. “She chose her place of residence, the Danakil Depression, one of the most extreme and inhospitable locations on earth, for one reason, and one reason only, so she wouldn’t have to talk to tourists or wizard groupies or whatever other cockamamy reasons people come up with like you all." He smiled. "Now class, let’s just for a moment consider the key points of the Danakil Depression, shall we? Point one, the temperature regularly gets to over one hundred and twenty degrees Fahrenheit. Point two, it’s surrounded by a desert wasteland. Point three, it has pools of sulfuric acid guarded by dangerous shrimp, and if that weren’t enough, an active volcano and open lava vents. Of course, everything I just mentioned, is the easy part. Finding the entrance, less so."

Adelfried straightened his posture and put as much confidence in his tone as possible. “Nothing you described worries me.” Though he was curious what shrimp were and if they were truly dangerous.

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Chad held his finger up. “I wasn’t done. Beyond that, is the maze filled with…let’s just say, obstacles designed to keep you out or kill you.”

Adelfried waved his hand dismissively. “I can handle it.”

“I have heard that way too many times.” Chad countered. “Besides, even if you survive, you still have yet to tell me why.”

Adelfried paused and looked Chad straight in the eye. “I am looking for knowledge that only he is likely to possess.”

“Well, if you do find her,” he said, shaking his head. “She will not just share her information with the likes of you.”

“You can’t possibly know that.” Adelfried said, in disbelief.

Chad placed his hands down flat on the table. Frustration vented out in his voice. “Where are those drinks?” He took a deep breath and let out a sigh. “See, you don't understand, wizards are not normal people. They are not like us. They don’t go to clubs and dance and sit at fancy booths chatting about their favorite movies. They are timeless beings. No one knows how old they are or how long they have existed, they are the closest thing to gods that we will ever know. Hell, some people worship them like gods. They are all, head up in the clouds type, and you…you are like a small little rain drop to them. If you are lucky enough to even land on their brow you might fetch a little speck of dirt of their wisdom, sure. The more likely scenario is you miss your target, hit the ground, and die. Or you do land on them, and they wipe you away without even realizing you are there, and then you die, or worse…” He swallowed as he put an arm around the man next to him.

The waitress landed at their booth with four of the most bizarre shaped brown objects on her tray, and a glass of orange juice with a straw. She set each one of the long-tapered objects down in front everyone, except for the man sitting next to Chad. He got the orange juice.

Adelfried saw the moment Jim’s magical buzz wore off, which was when the business end of the anteater head was placed down in front of him. It had an elongated snout, short brown coarse fur, a little black nose at the top and two small black eyes, which stared back at him.

“What the fu…” Jim started, but didn’t finish in obvious disgust.

Chad grew excited. “Ah, I see we have Toasty Anteater virgins with us. Don’t worry, they’re delicious and more importantly, not really made of anteaters.” Chad grabbed his anteater head cup with gusto, wrapped his lips around the tip of the elongated snout and sucked on it like a straw. As he drank, the cup seemed to close its eyes and smile. “Mmhmm, that is some good anteater. They really got the toasty part right.”

“Nope.” Jim frowned, turning to Ying. “Okay honey, this is your turn to shine.”

“Don’t be a baby,” Ying said, staring him directly in the eye as she picked up her cup and started to suck the snout like a champ. Jim shivered before taking deep breaths which started to morph into more of a hyperventilation. Adelfried couldn’t help but laugh a little at Jim’s reaction. Adelfried grabbed the anteater in front of him and took a long quaff. It had a creamy texture with bits of crunchy pulp in it. The flavor was salty, with a hint of sweetness and finally, a spicy finish. Not too bad, surprisingly.

Ying took another sip and swallowed. “Wow, that is so good!" She nudged Jim with an elbow, playfully. "Don’t worry, just take a sip, you’ll love it, I promise.”

“Here you go.” Chad said, picking up Jim’s cup and holding the anteater's snout close to his lips. Jim started to visibly sweat. “Just a little sip?” Chad added mockingly, as he pushed the snout into Jim’s mouth. Adelfried gave Jim a ‘play nicely with Chad’ stare.

“Suck it, suck it!” Ying yelled, obviously enjoying taunting him.

Jim took a deep breath and took a slug. “Okay…that is surprisingly good.” He took another sip. “Kind of like, butterscotch or hot buttered rum.”

“I could watch you drink that all day.” Chad smiled coyly before taking another drink of his.

“What are those little spicy bits?” Jim said, chewing.

“Why, the ants of course!” he replied, before turning back to Adelfried. “Now, where were we?”

“I’m sorry I asked,” Jim said, putting his drink down.

Adelfried continued, “I can counter any ESH that is thrown at me, so that is not an issue. And I am sure that alone would be an incentive for this wizard to talk to me, right?”

“Perhaps.” Chad said, eyeing Adelfried with growing curiosity. “Perhaps you can do that, and you survive. Perhaps you can make it past the wastelands, the traps, the maze. Perhaps you can make it past every last thing designed to keep you out. Even then, you still have to deal with the madness.”

“I already said I can block—”

“Yes, yes, I know what you said, but do you see Federico here?” Chad pointed to the man sitting next to him still looking down and muttering something incomprehensible to himself. “Federico is, or rather was, an honest to God mage. Not some wannabe, oh yeah, brag at parties and do a few fancy tricks mage, but an actual mage, and a strong one at that. He was well-schooled in the techniques and arts of ESH wielding. Hell, he used to teach them. Together, we made it. We made it through the surrounding wastelands, the maze, the traps, all of it. There she was, the great Sahir. I remember her long brown hair flowing in the wind even when there wasn’t any wind. She was stunning.” Chad paused, as if staring off at some great scene only he could see. “But she didn’t even look at us, I’m not even sure she could hear us. Well, Federico got a little closer, just a foot or two closer than me. And do you know what happened? His brain got fried, he went mad, insane, I don’t know what to call it. All I know is, he doesn’t talk to me anymore. He barely eats and drinks, he, he…” Chad started to tear up. He wiped his eyes before continuing. “Every once in a while, for a brief moment, you can almost talk to him, just for a minute or two. Like he breaks through his insanity and can speak a few words. Do you know what he says?” Chad’s voice was now strained, almost on the verge of sobbing. “He mourns the loss of his beloved.” He turned to Federico and started hugging him and kissing his chin as tears rolled down his cheek. “But I’m your beloved. I am right here, Federico! Can’t you see me?” He stopped to wipe the tears from his eyes and gather himself. “Who is this person he mourns for? Who is Aaaa—"

Black ESH ripped Chad’s head open. He slumped forward, dead.