A second ago, I was sitting on the toilet watching the news through my digital headset, and then everything went black. Did I pass out? Shiiiit, hope I wake up before anyone finds me collapsed on the toilet floor, with my dacks down and turd between my cheeks! Come on brain! Wake up… Wake up!
A notification, just like those in Infinite Fantasy Online, popped into my vision.
[Soul signature recognised. Linking character now.]
“Huh?” Out of nowhere, my demi-platypus character ZoohMyGod appeared from the darkness, and my mind entered the avatar. This is different somehow.
Race Traits: Humanoids*, lack the biological integrity to acquire and sustain high levels: Maximum level = 20.
Dropping level to 20…
[Error]
Limit Break 100: Beyond Infinity, grants the achiever access to level 91 and above.
[Error]
Limit Break 100 overrides race trait…
No further action required…
Okay then… well, I’m no idiot. Until I figure out exactly what’s going on, I should take things seriously. Okay, so what am I currently playing with.
As if in answer to my thoughts, my current stats popped into my vision.
Whoa, what? The health, mana and attack values were skew whiff, and there was a new parameter: END, probably endurance? Okay, whatever, this is bullshit! I’ve lost more than half of my max HP! Where the hell is the administrator button? There was no obvious spot to call the administrators. I sighed and continued with the character creation, believing the menu would appear after I blast through these steps.
Would you like to do the tutorial?
Yes/No?
What? Is this bugged or something? Hell no. Show me the player menu, I thought, and, as if by command, a white light flashed over my eyes, blinding me completely.
When I tried to move, my body felt disoriented and drunk. The world was dark and noisy, like a concert before the band comes on stage. My drunkenness wore off and my vision cleared. There were players everywhere, towering over me. We were in a giant cavernous room, darkness stretching up as far as the eye could see.
“What’s going on?” but no one hears me.
A kick to the shin gets a half-demon paladin’s attention. “What?!” He barked. “I have no fucking clue what’s going on! Leave me alone!” he screamed, then waded away from me through the crowd.
I never noticed my character’s duckbill, which was a little worrying, and my hands, or were they called paws? The blood pumped through them all the way towards the dark claws. They were a lot more claw-like and a lot less hand-like than the original character I once played. Breathe, breathe, which was perhaps the most astonishing thing—I hadn’t breathed such fresh air my entire life—more signs this was maybe not a game anymore. There was something in my chest that was definitely not on my avatar before. A quick peek down my scale mail reveals a strange orb embedded in there. Weird… Oh well. Perhaps I had died, and this was my version of heaven? That would explain the indistinguishable graphics, lifelike sensory inputs, and my character. Hmm, what’s this?
ZoohMyGod, Male Ornithorian, Mystic Knight, Level 100
Small (3'0") Ornithorian
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Armor Rating 225
Hit Points 5440
Mana Points 4740
Endurance 3370
Speed 960ft
STR
DEX
VIT
MAG
SPR
CHA
(+760)
(+1030)
(+560)
(+770)
(+400)
(+280)
Skills None
Combat Skills Greatsword +1
Magic Skills None
Spells Known: X%˚$v, 5œ∆F¥µT, kj#∑u# Ω≤LsM, 5ƒRC, ®d*% 9ƒ√0&2≤ 68œhR∑, ç4å%C*a, ttCB, 5h4øpµz, &ç$&∂∑˚, ®øø, µ®å@©@, ∂œ†Ω√ß∑∆, ∂∂π†∫®Ωø, ƒΩ∆†¥∂®&, ∫µßå∫©$µ, ∂&≤&*∑ß%, #≤å≤$*≤@, ©≤ç∂˚øß®, †®π$*≤≤ø, ƒπœ≤∂∂µ√, œœ&≤ƒ∑$%, %øœçßø∆ƒ, ∫©√ç∂
Job Abilities bL9kH, QS20JF7, RcUxjrhV, 3DlVUL, wGOzglZO, if91, T9eW3l, dBt8yxzM, sSibpwlRV, QNaXsk4H, 61UTV0, nJMLGrN, LzEEHvbwSs$9#, Fk7, yYnhyO5ewI, vxcGgBR, EkUbsB4, qI7f, 7LxtiPg, bHrbYAmlL7
Special Abilities ^&SBF*, BF&#H&
Senses Passive Perception
Languages: Common, Ornithorian, Demi-human
Attacks: Melee Claws 1, Poison 1 (1 point every hour for 1-10 hours)
Equipment: Ring of Mind and Magic x3, Elemental Ring, Ether Earring, Combat Caster’s Earring, Complete Armour Set of the War Mage, Heavenly Greatsword of Destiny Splitting
Racial Traits: Ability Score Modifier: Ornithorians are cute and quick (especially in the water), they have a keen sense of creature motives and are built to survive in the wild; but their feral lineage and small stature makes them dumber and weaker than most other races.
Danger Sense: Ornithorians are naturally sensitive, but your senses make you acutely aware of danger, including: sneak attacks, traps, and rockslides.
Total Experience: 2,000,000
Experience until next level: 200,000
There it was my full character sheet, but what caught in my throat was my original abilities, they were all corrupted! I stammered for the ‘Help’ menu and poked at the air wildly. When that didn’t work, I shouted, “Administrator menu! Help menu!” but nothing happened, except the weird looks I elicited from my fellow gamers. My eyes gaped as I stared blankly for a second. I had read of instances of VR gamers being trapped in a game and having to fight their way out, this could be just like that. The butterflies were exploding in my belly.
“Can we not logout?” I asked, voice threatening to break.
“Faark, what’s goin on?! I am going to sue the shit out da dis game!” An axe wielding warrior with tattoos all over his chest exclaimed. Guess I’m not alone at least.
I still had access to my character’s old skills and abilities. The descriptions might have been corrupted, but it was worth trying to see if they could still take effect. What spell would be best? There were too many tall arse players that I couldn’t see what was going on. My eyes darted wildly, searching my mind’s eye for the right spell from memory. Yes. That one might work.
“Float!” I shouted out. The sound of water on a hot frying pan sizzled from my hands and little else.
You fail to cast the spell “∫©√ç∂”; you are under the effects of ‘Silence’.
Err… That’s not good. Maybe I can try jumping, but these other characters are freaking huge! Will I even be able to jump high enough? A tiny skipping rope jump let me get the sense of my avatars weight. I squatted down and prepped my arms behind me. Oh well here goes! Glutes, quads, and calves tensed, and tensed altogether and I swung my arms for extra lift. Ooooooh! Shiiiiiiiit! My eyes burned, every centimetre of loose skin rippled in the air, and my armour rattled like a bin full of glass. Things slowed down, and a few backhand wipes cleared the tears from my eyes.
Darkness was all I saw above, my heart evacuated itself as my sight drew downwards. Y-you have got to be joking me! Tiny colourful dots packed the ginormous space, like it was the last concert of Queen or the Beetles. There were also two massive stone doors on either side of the cavern. Everything stopped for a second, it felt like what I thought a scuba diver might feel like, weightless, a quiet moment of serenity, before the breath was sucked right out and my guts were in my chest. No-no-no-no-no! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Shit-shit-shit-shit! I don’t want to hurt anyone! The ground came up fast, I only had enough time to shut my eyes and kiss my arse good bye.
‘BHOOOM!’ Debris, dust and liquid filled the air. ‘Cough-cough’ I spluttered, it felt as if Thor slogged me in the torso. Errrgh! How am I even alive? And actually… huh, the pain is gone… There was blood, but otherwise everything appeared to be where it should, and no bones were poking through the skin.
“Duuude, you just freakin messed that guy up!” a female Holy Mage cried out. The dust cleared and there on the ground lay a mess of blood, armour and limbs. “Oh-my-god, oh-my-god, oh-my-god, are you ok?!” he did not look ok. Slowly the gaping hole, which both my forearms must have opened, stitched back together, like he was Wolverine or something. “Errr, what happened?” the massive human gladiator groused, sitting up.
“Umm, thanks for breaking my fall,” I said, rubbing the back of my head, eyes glued to the floor. “You?!” he jumped up brandishing his huge battle-axe.
Reeling, “Easy, easy, it was an accident,” I said. A deep ominous roar filled the room. The white-noise of the crowd died in an instant.
“What was that?” the Holy Mage asked, looking up. We followed her gaze into the darkness, there was a glint, like light dancing through a diamond ring. The glint grew and grew.
“Get back!” Someone in the crowd shouted. A colossal diamond structure landed with a boom, sending debris flying in all directions.
When the dust settled we craned our necks up, and up to see a wall of sparkly diamond in the shape of a teardrop, with see-through streamers dancing over our heads. Another boom came from behind. It was also giant, but an obsidian humanoid wielding a giant black glass staff, the cracks over the creature’s body and at its joints glowed a deep orange lava and pulsated steam in rhythmic breaths.
“ a thief muttered under their breath. “The secret raid…”
“Why was it secret?” I asked.
He turned to me, his head wavering like a lost house fly. “When it was released, nobody could defeat it, the reason was it was never intended to be defeatable. A reddit group hypothesized that they did that because they wanted the players to always have something left uncompleted no matter how good they were, but some players started quitting so they removed it.”
“But, we’re here now…” I squeaked.
This is all too weird. If this is a raid, how come we have more than seventy-two players in the event? There’re thousands of us… It doesn’t make sense.
“Bring it on!” A berserker cried out, brandishing a sword in each hand. A giant thin crystal paper limb flashed by, and the berserker split in two, straight down the middle, blood sprayed into the air, a few drops landing on my face. My body tensed, and I held back the chunder. Players screamed. All I could think was… Why is there blood? Why are we in the…