I pause just outside the moisture laden door, taking a deep breath. If the Allfather lets my brother die.. I don't know if I could ever even think of trusting him.

Please, don't take him from me.

A peace comes over me I have rarely felt, and on the wave of relaxation it brings, I scratch at the door.

Heather opens it. Her eyes are pinched at the corners and exhaustion marks her face from her red-rimmed silver eyes to the dark circles beneath them and the paleness of her angular face.

I lick her hand in thanks, earning a small smile that brightens her silver gaze.

The emotions aren’t so prevalent in this form, so I don’t outright cry like a baby when I see my brother.

The grimy streaks of dirt and grime on Barry's face and in his hair having been washed away to reveal bruising and a split lip.

I sit and place my nose on the bed. I breathe in, the sweet and earthy herbal poultices almost overpowering the infection’s harsh rot-like smell. No boy should be in this position.

“We’ve given him a tincture of Arnica and bathed his wounds in yarrow. It wasn’t pretty, but he’s your brother. Believe in him,” Heather says, coming up and rubbing my head as my breath releases from my nose in a sigh.

It ruffles Barry’s blond locks and makes him scrunch his nose.

His eyes flutter, and my heart pounds in my chest as if I were running from a momma bear.

They flutter again, revealing dim blue eyes that cross when trying to focus on me. I lick his nose like I used to, and he laughs. My heart hasn’t heard such a beautiful sound in weeks.

It’s the piercing cry after that has me whimpering.

“Kino,” he whispers, his voice soft and broken. Kino... my nickname. So similar to kinko, but with a letter excluded, it came to compare me to a stubborn, sloth-like creature. It was once a joke but came to mean much more to me than what began. It annoyed the heck out of me at first. Now I can't wait to hear it again.

I whine again, and he moves one hand with a high-pitched moan of pain and sets it on my head before his eyes roll back into his head.

I don’t know how long I sit there, careful not to move from beneath his limp hand. My back legs tremble and the front paw I'm leaning on goes to sleep.

“Roland, Hon, ya need to eat and rest. I’ll watch ‘im for a turn,” Morgana says, easing the hand from my head and tucking it beneath the covers.

I move and stretch like a dog, my front paw on pins and needles as the blood rushes back to it.

“Change back, Flash will meet ya out there.” Morgana juts her wrinkled chin in the waterfall's direction.

I growl slightly, but she just gives me a bland look, entirely unimpressed at my need to assert my dominance. “Don’t give me that. I’ve seen your necked carcass and treated your blood and bone. Now git.”

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She shoos me out, closing the door firmly. I tuck my tail to keep it from getting hit.

I'm unsure exactly what to make of that crazy old croon—per usual.

I choose not to change, my wolf acceptance being much easier to handle than the human emotions. The pain is still there, sure, but it's muted beneath the ways of the animal. The knowledge that what is done, is done—and what will be, will be. There is nothing more I can do. Not right now.

I make my way out to the waterfall and beyond. The coolness of the water pounding against my coat is a balm to my overheated wolf. This thick fur isn’t meant to be enclosed next to a raging fire for hours on end.

I shake the water from my fur, looking up innocently on Flash’s unamused, dripping visage when I'm done slinging moisture.

Amusement makes my ears prick up as the cat in my friend shies from the water coating him. Speaking of… I’m highly surprised he followed me in that first time last night. He didn't even hesitate.

That’s when I notice the slick black coat tossed over his arm, the outside coated in something that smells similar to lard mixed with something earthy and sweet—like sap.

Heh. The cat didn’t get wet—he came prepared. That is... until now.

And the stink eye he’s giving me turns my lips into a wolven smile, showing off my pearly whites.

“Come on,” he says, shaking off with a shiver like a bird trying to lose a particularly foul smelling odor.

That just makes my smile grow. I need something to get my mind off the boy inside the cave.

“Cut it out. You know I don’t like water. It’s how we met.”

“Ok, I can ship this bromance and all, but the wolf needs breakfast and sleep. Healer’s orders.” Heather shakes out her long black hair and soaks Flash yet again.

He is still as a cat observing a delicate rabbit for all of two seconds.

“COME ON, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?”

My tail twitches in an almost wag. Heather snickers into her hand.

Flash stomps off, muttering under his breath about water loving dogs. Me and Heather share an amused glance.

I nod to her. She nods back with a soft smile that reaches her eyes. She moves to gather some gruel while I trot to the edge of the cliff, settling in to watch the sunrise.

This is the one place I had peace. The Master, once he ensured I couldn’t run, let me have a decent amount of freedom until training came. It chaffed that I was chained to him as his constant slave and trainee.

The only time I had true freedom was early morning, since The Master would always wish to train late into the night and sleep in until late morning.

Sunrise was mine.

And as I sit there, thinking of the freedom I now possess… I realize something.

I’m not that scared pup. Not anymore.

I’m an Alpha. I’m a Leader. I'm part of a family who showed me what it means to love.

And watching the sun paint the ocean orange and red, as the pastel colors blend into the brightening blue sky, further highlighting the emeralds of the forests and the soft greens of flowing meadows, I remember.

I’ve never left you, says the New Voice in my mind. Not the usual voice of cynicism and smart remarks. No. This voice is embalmed in warmth and brings a peace with it I can't quite touch but neither can I ignore.

I may not be the hero the others see in me, but I can be more than the monstrous villain of my past. I can grow past that.

For I’ve been down that dark road. I’m still trying to pull myself from it.

But now I want more. More than my pain. More than the assassin I was trained to be. More than the scared pup who bowed before insane and sociopathic creatures. More than the monster they created. For that is not who I am.

Not anymore.

Pa showed me something more in those years. Something different. A true unconditional love, based only on the fact he accepted me for who I was, but he also saw who I could be. And now, I want to be the man he saw buried beneath my past.

Perhaps my past stars aligned to lead me here, to this moment, where I could find myself in the juxtaposition and collision of my past and my present. And maybe, just maybe, my future.

For I was made to be more than my pain. The monster doesn’t define me anymore. Because that’s not who I am anymore.

Who I am... well, perhaps someday I'll find who I'm meant to be.