--- FORA ---

I let out a long, content sigh as I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. I smiled, grinning up at the city wall above me. Apparently I’d fallen off it before actually dying.

~Sparks, Eliax, did you see how big that thing was?! It was big enough to swallow Reiaran whole!~ I paused, frowning up at the city, ~how in the world is this place still standing?~

Eliax sent annoyance, as she was prone to doing. ~Fora… You know what, how about you just come here? I’m in the between space.~

I sighed, looking up at the baffled guards who were peering down at me from the wall. ~Alright, alright…~ I drew a quick circle in the dirt with my feet, which wasn’t really very effective, but I didn’t have much else I could make do with.

A moment later I was blinking away spots in my vision—a consequence of the imperfect circle—and meeting the eyes of my annoyed clone. She had a stack of books in front of her, and quite a few thinweave seeds that I certainly didn’t remember putting in here.

She tapped her fingers on one of the books in a pattern, her expressionless gaze boring into my soul. “Eliax…” I started, giving the seeds a wary look, “What are you doing exactly?” I took an instinctual step away from her, eyeing the seeds as my eyes grew wider.

She tapped the book a few times before opening it up. I finally realized that it was a book about the magical use of plants and animals. She turned to a specific page and started reading aloud. “‘Thinweave leaves—in contrast to the roots—when prepared properly have the strange ability to manipulate time in a similar way to the roots. However, instead of forcing the body to go through years without experience, it places the body itself in stasis for those years, forcing it to grow older naturally. This experience is in a way more in line with spacial magics than time magics.’” She looked up from the book, still meeting my eyes with that annoyed glare. “I looked into it as much as I could, and this method won’t leave you addicted. I think it was the time magic involved last time that did it.”

I took another two steps back from my absolutely insane clone, “no no no, that is wayyy too risky.”

She raised an eyebrow, “more risky than literally dying becuase you wanted to see what exactly people were talking about when they said ‘beasts?’ Sparks Fora, you aren’t the only one who gets impacted by this type of thing you know? I want to grow up.” she slammed the book shut.

I swallowed thickly, “We grew up before, there’s not much different now, just more unfamiliar dangers, I’m sure I…” I trailed off at the look she was giving me and glanced downward. Sparks.

“Do you honestly think that you can refrain from doing something stupid for at least ten years without me there in your head to take over and stop you?” She sighed, “and it’s not that much a bad thing to keep on dying from stupid things, but Fora, I want to be able to get older. Can you just… not? For just eight years? Ten if you can? Maybe longer?”

I looked at her, feeling myself deflate at the words.

I…

Sparks. Eliax was trying, she was trying her hardest to find a solution that didn’t leave both of us miserable. I shuddered slightly and sat down, sighing. You’re so stupid, why can’t you think about more than just you? Eliax is here too. And what about the people in that city? You just died. You can’t even say that you were doing it to help them. You just died. You could have easily gotten away or lured the monster off somewhere else. You are a failure.

But what are you supposed to even do? You’re a failure already.

“I’m sorry if I’m just incapable of being a decent person.” I snapped, “And what do you want me to do about it exactly? You’ll make this dubious potion and choke it down my throat, but then I’ll just die again. You can’t stay summoned forever, and even then you won’t age, you’ll just be stuck at whatever age I get to, and there’s no telling that I won’t just die before that even happens!”

Eliax stiffened, “Well it’s certainly better than being stuck as a child for the rest of time! Okay? I’m so Sparking done with how people treat me! How I can’t get anything done because they won’t let me. I’m sparking tired of not being able to connect with people in any way that’s real. Okay?” She huffed, tears in her eyes. “All they can see is a stupid kid, and then that’s all I can see myself as. You’ve made it all the way to twenty eight before, but I’ve never even been able to finish growing! Eighteen. That’s the farthest I’ve ever gotten, and even then, I only died because of you.”

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Eliax glared at me, and then teleported away, apparently done with this.

I felt it as she blocked off the link between us.

I felt it as the room around me grew cold and painful.

I felt as a distinct whine began to sound in my ears, it took me a while to realize it was my own voice. I buried my face in my lap, my knees hugged to my chest.

And then a different voice appeared, calmer, quieter, more inviting than the critical one. Eliax is hurt, what can you do to fix that? What can you do for her? Eliax wasn’t even really real, how could someone who was just me but different even matter? Why did it matter if I’d failed her? Why did she hate me so much? But she’d… she’d existed before we’d met Taasen.

Does she hate you though?

Well of course she hated me, after what she said how could she not hate me? I wasn’t about to forget how eager she’d been every time I’d heard criticism about myself from others. I wasn’t about to forget that hard look in her eyes, merciless. Clearly she only cared about herself too.

But what did she do, what did she do that said that?

She’d tried to get me addicted to thinweave again, because all she cared about was herself. She’d… tried…

I stood up, approaching the desk of crystal and looking at the page again.

It was covered with notes. Notes in the margins, papers stuck into the spine. Drawings of the double triangle and speculations about the plant on the page. When I looked around the room I spotted a large pot of dirt with a small seedling sprouting out of it. Another pot of dirt was beside it, a dying plant in the center that I recognised as Thinweave, this one was larger. There were notes beside it, detailing what had been tried, and what hadn’t worked.

I looked back at the book and read a section of notes, ‘In every account I can find, the leaves aren’t addictive to dimensionalists. Be sure not to harvest the stems with the leaves, just in case.’

I looked down at that, only feeling regret.

I sighed as a weak presence appeared behind me, “You certainly managed to destabilize that. I thought it would happen sooner, but you kept it up for a whole month. It’s almost impressive.”

I glanced back at Astral, glaring at him, “Are you here to help, or are you here to make me feel worse?”

Astral strode around the room, taking in the chaos. “Neither. I was simply remarking that this was going to happen no matter what you did. The two of you are opposites in almost every sense.”

I huffed, sitting down at the desk and flopping on top of it, “That couldn’t be any more obvious to me. We’re opposites, we have absolutely nothing in common!”

Astral tilted his head, “If a mirror flips letters around, are they not the same letters?”

“What?”

“The two of you are made of the same things, but with different experiences. In this, there is a balance. You aren’t opposites, there is simply a mirror between you. In this, both are made of the same things.”

I scowled, “Then why does she hate me?”

“Do you hate her?”

“No! She’s just… frustrating.”

Astral smiled, “In this there is balance.” He started to disappear, “I believe that if you speak with her, you will find the feeling is mutual.”

And then he was gone.

Several heartbeats passed, and then the mental barrier lifted. A hesitant voice spoke in my mind. ~Fora, are you still there?~

I sent confirmation, not trusting myself with words. A moment passed and the air rippled in front of me. Eliax appeared, her eyes puffy as if she’d also been crying. I hadn’t realized that clones could cry. What were they even made of?

“Did… Astral come talk to you too?” Eliax asked, her gaze directed downward.

I nodded, still numb.

“I’m sorry.”

I blinked at her, finally taking in her anxious bearing, “I’m the one who started yelling.”

“I’m the one who brought it up in the first place.”

We both sighed. “We sure are messed up, aren’t we. People aren’t supposed to have a friend in their head. They certainly aren’t supposed to argue with it.”

Eliax smiled, but the expression still seemed strained, “...yeah.”

I finally realized that I’d never even wondered how she was taking all of this. She’d grown up with my body, all the while with me in her head, assuming she was just as real as everyone else. How had she never freaked out after realizing that wasn’t true? I mean… she was real. As real as anyone else. But to find out that your origins weren’t what you’d assumed?

I glanced at the thinweave seeds again, the plants she’d tried to grow. This was her way of trying to compromise. I glanced around the area before holding out a hand, “How about we try this a different way?”

Eliax raised an eyebrow at me. “How so?”

I hesitated slightly, my hand falling a bit, “We know how Geneseri works, but do we really know what its limitations are for us?” I gestured to my chest, “we both know that I probably won’t be able to keep from dying all the time,” I tapped my head, “but you’re in here too, whoever said that I’m the one who has to be in charge of our real body?”

Eliax gasped, her eyes going wide, “You’d… do that?”

I nodded, “And if I’m the clone… well maybe we can figure out how to summon me in a state we’ve been before, rather than how we are at the moment, I… kind of like being a kid, if I’m being honest. I’m sure it’s possible, it’s got to be. If it’s not, then we’ll just bug Astral until he makes it possible. He’s a god, they’ve got to be able to do crap like that!”

Eliax was still staring at me, baffled, “I- Fora!” she seemed to be tearing up again as she tackled me in a hug. “Thank you.”

I smiled, feeling warm inside.