“Eliax!”
I felt the magical effect fizzle out as my door burst open. I hastily examined my desk just to be sure there was nothing incriminating laying around, but besides the Geneseri spell there wasn’t anything that might give me away. I stared at it for a moment and simply set my notebook on top, glancing back at Illila.
“I gave your thing to Niun if that’s what this is-”
“No! Eliax, you have to come with me right now.” She took my arm roughly, tugging me toward the door.
I blinked at her but held my ground, “What? Why?”
Illila started vibrating, “Didn’t you hear? The Queen herself announced that she’s going to be here next week! A team just arrived to tidy up the palace and all sorts of important people are going to be coming back early from their summer estates.”
I felt my mouth open, but for a long moment nothing came out. It had WORKED, sparks above I couldn’t believe it. She had to be here because of Foralen, right? Because she needed to see the Hero and gauge her allegiance. I stood up straighter and berated myself for having been unable to keep composed. “Really? That’s amazing? But that’s next week then, where are we going right now?”
Illila gave me the most dumbfounded look I’d ever seen, “Sparks, you’re serious. You have no idea. Eliax, This means there’s going to be a party. The queen always hosts parties when she visits and I am not going to be caught without a suitable dress again. I came to get you because I figured you needed help dressing like a person.”
I glanced at my simple coat and trousers, tilting my head at Illila, “I look like a person from what I can tell.”
“Eliax. We all know that you would be mistaken for a man if your antennae weren’t so big.”
“But my hair is-”
“I don’t know what it’s like where you’re from, but I’ve seen plenty of guys with longer hair.”
“Illila I wear dresses all the time.” If only to keep my legs warm, but she didn’t need to know that, “I just wear this more.” Ever since I’d read somewhere that most dimensionalists could use their feet too for binding and that was impractical to figure out in a dress.
“Well, if you wear that to the party I’m not talking to you again.”
I finally conceded, letting her drag me from the room. I was curious though, “So when was the last time she visited?”
Illila sighed in a dreamy way, “Six years ago. I still remember the fireworks and the lights…”
“And…did you hear why she’s visiting?”
Illila rolled her eyes, “The Hero is here, it’s a given that she wants to publicly thank her or give her a title or something. Or maybe she wants to tell her to knock it off with the public displays, who knows.”
I nodded slowly, getting my arm out of her grip when she realized I wasn’t going to struggle.
Eventually Illila spoke softly, “Did I tell you that the Hero talked to me?”
I shook my head, but I knew what she was talking about, “No, you didn’t tell me.”
“She asked me to project her voice to a crowd, which is baby stuff and I was happy to help, really. She was so rude about it though. She said thanks after but it didn’t feel sincere.” Illila sighed, “It’s fine and I never really looked up to her like some folks, but it’s still so strange.”
I examined her for a moment, “So would you say you hate her then?”
“Sparks Eliax, that's a bit of a hasty decision. No, I don’t hate her, it’s just that the way she acted didn’t sit right with me.”
I nodded, not really expecting more than that. I was the slightest bit…disappointed if I was being honest. Did I want her to hate me? No, but I did want insider knowledge from someone who did. I wanted to know the intricacies of why, I wanted to know what I could do to become better.
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“What, do you hate her?”
I blinked at Illila and glanced away, “I hate what she represents and I hate how easily she can simply appear and garner the attention of half the city.”
Maybe I wanted to meet someone who hated me so I could figure out why I hated myself. I mused on that for a bit and decided it couldn’t possibly be that simple. My life was too convoluted for that to be the case. I didn’t hate myself. At least not in the traditional sense of the word.
“Well, it doesn’t seem like it’ll stop anytime soon. If it makes you feel better she’ll probably slowly fade into a local curiosity.”
“Yeah…”
I wasn’t sure if I was excited for that day or worried for it.
-
I ended up getting a pretty nice dress. I expected the prices would only go up the closer to the party we got so I was glad Illila was so firmly inserted in the local gossip vine. If it was just me, I might not have even noticed the Queen was coming until she either arrived or I received an invitation.
It still cost a lot more than I wanted it to. It was less extravagant than Illila’s, tame enough that I could wear it around town without anyone looking at me weird or thinking I was a Noble. That’s all I needed really.
I could barely remember the last time I’d gotten a new item of clothing. Everything I had was what Eliax brought from Sanaria and that was plenty enough to live on. But why shouldn’t I take more than that? I had the money for it. Why shouldn’t I get everything I needed instead of barely scraping by?
I put a hand to my head, frowning as Illila pointed out a particularly fancy dress as she reminisced about her empty wallet.
Wasn’t I done with that? Where was the logic in this? Where was the logic in spending all my money on useless things that I didn’t really need? There wasn’t logic, that’s where it was. I clenched my teeth. If I didn’t have a real way to separate my desires and temporary whims from myself, then I didn’t have anything.
I marched out of the shop, Illila squeaking in surprise and rushing after me out the door, “Oh, come on, I was just looking!” She exclaimed, shifting the neatly folded bundle of fabric in her pair of smaller hands.
Sometimes, dear audience, the narrator forgets that Illila has four arms. But you see, I’d be willing to bet half a coconut and that goat I got the other day that none of you recalled that fact either. It’s a very rare trait in Tuvei after all. It didn’t used to be but I’m not the one you should ask about that fiasco, that would be Turste.
“Sorry Illila, I have to finish learning a spell and I’m kind of all over the place…”
Illila perked up, “Really? What kind of spell?”
“Ahhh, conjuration.”
Illila whistled lowly, “Nice, I think I know a conjuror somewhere but it’s a weird combination.”
It definitely was. “Do they actually have all the right affinities or did they just practice the heck out of everything?”
“I have no idea.” Illila shrugged, “But I haven’t seen him in five years and I’ve got no idea where he’s at these days. I mean, if you need help I could probably find out...but I’d honestly rather not.”
Yeah…I didn’t think I was capable of asking for help anyway. I was still waiting for someone to notice something off about me, but...no one had. I was probably hiding it too well, but I didn’t want to sabotage my secrets just because I was a bit frustrated. It just seemed like someone should be able to see.
“Thanks for the thought, but I’m past the point where advice would help me.”
Illila smiled and we stepped into the Lazy Dryad, “No problem, see you later I guess!”
I paused, “Wait, Illila, have you been avoiding me?”
The musician paused and glanced back at me, eyes wide, face shocked. Why shocked? “What? No! Sparks I’m sorry” She sputtered, “I’m just… Eliax do you ever wonder why I don’t have very many friends?” She sighed, waiting for an answer apparently.
“You don’t talk to them much?” I asked quietly, the realization dawning on me. I could easily see her not being there for someone because she got distracted. She wasn’t an air-head, but she did have a certain obliviousness to her.
“Yes. I just don’t think about them. I forget about someone for months on end and then I see them again and it feels like there was never a gap in time, but they remember the gap and I don’t. I’m a terrible friend.”
I blinked at her, “Huh. Alright then, that’s good to know, I was just wondering since I was avoiding you and it felt way too easy.”
“WHAT?” Illila gaped at me, her mouth going open so wide that I thought her face might burst. “Why?!”
I glanced at the mostly empty room, sending an apologetic look to the only patron there and casting a wary glance towards Alsen’s closet of cast iron woks. “I was mad at you for telling Starsbane that I was a dimensionalist. I know it was stupid, since you didn’t even know I was keeping it from them, but I was pretty salty about it.”
Illila stared at me for a long moment, “Okay then, We’re going to not do that again. I’ll not forget you exist -which by the way is very difficult when you hardly leave your room- and you will stop avoiding me.”
I nodded, “Yes, I agree.”
“Why were you hiding your affinity anyway?”
I sighed, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”