1st, Warrior, 771
I remember a dragon. He could take human form as many are capable. I worked for him during his stay, the king was trying to make an alliance. I have a feeling this ended badly, but the history books glaze over this emissary, as if no one quite remembers him. I can’t pinpoint his name in any of the memories I’ve recovered.
This is…perhaps connected with that white dragon behind the paint. But I don’t want to dig too deep yet, this memory has always been sensitive. I’ve woken up from nightmares ever since seeing the dragon two days ago, my mind isn’t as sharp as it should be, it’s dulling my thoughts.
5th, Warrior, 771
The weather is getting warmer. It’s been three weeks to the day since I arrived at Reiaran. Niun finally contacted me with thanks about the hiding spot, he said I could visit Jeref whenever, but I know there are memories hiding there, the painful kind. I need to settle some things first.
Eliax flipped through the notebook, alone in her room, feeling tension as she surfaced a memory by force. It took a bit of prodding for this one, but it wasn’t a painful memory, it was just more closely connected to the painful ones.
Beside her was a tray of cookies from Alsen, who had seemed rather worried about her. “You haven’t left the house all week!” She’d complained.
Eliax was simply busy, but she had thanked her for her concern anyway and took the cookies. Food was perhaps one of the greatest ways to get the resonance on her side.
She closed her eyes as she bit into one and let herself become someone else.
I remembered her voice. Mistress Raia. The things she’d taught us, calligraphy, self defense, the basics of housekeeping magic. She got us all tested for affinities, the things that everyone has. Most folks have two or three, some only have one but I have two. Even if one is more useless than a dragon’s favor.
I remembered her lessons, anything and everything that we might need to survive in this world. We had no parents, all we had was each other.
“Can anyone tell me why the dragons are so effective? They pillage and destroy, but what makes them so powerful?”
I raised my hand enthusiastically. “They’re super big! Lot’s of them breathe fire! All of them are reeeeaaaalllllly magical mages!”
Raia smiled, “Very good Foralen. Anyone else?”
“Oh! Is it because they’re all immortal?” Someone piped in.
Raia nodded, “Yes. Exactly. They’ve had hundreds of years to get more powerful.”
I shot the girl a look of hatred, how dare she steal the correct answer! “What does that have to do with anything! Don’t we have immortals too?”
Raia paused, “Well, have any of you heard of Alpitha?”
There was silence.
“Alpitha.” Lady Raia continued, “Was a dragon. One of the first ones. She had a unique ability that no one has ever been born with since. She could wish for anything and it would happen. They say Gium sealed her away, but before that happened she shaped the world as we know it. Alpitha separated the dragonlands from the rest of the world, she pulled Yera from the sea, she shaped the barriers between the isle of dreams and Sanaria. Her last act before she was taken away was a promise. A promise that every dragon would be given one wish to use through their entire lives.”
I raised my hand again, waiting for her to let me speak. “So.” I started at her nod, “They’re all powerful because their grandma gave them wishes?” I heard stifled laughter behind me and grinned. Filing away the joke as an effective one.
Lady Raia nodded slowly, “Sort of. A dragon’s wish can do anything. It can rewrite magic itself. But every dragon only gets one, and most of them use it to become immortal. Either that or to get Rebirth.”
“So they weren’t always immortal.” Which meant I was TOTALLY right. This was all because they were really magical mages. I sat contentedly through the rest of the class, barely paying attention beyond pointing out the fact that I’d been right to everyone who had ears.
Eliax opened her eyes and took another bite of the cookie, trying to remain calm. She opened her notebook and wrote two words: Draconic Rebirth. She paused and wrote another sentence: Fari was a brat.
She was at the library less than an hour later.
--
“Eliax?”
She glanced up from the pile of books, feeling rather lost. She had found very little about dragon wishes besides a more complete version of the myth that Raia had told Fari. Her eyes barely focused on Hivren, she blinked at him and stared past him for a moment, ugh, too much reading, it was screwing with her eyes now…
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“I haven’t seen you in a whole week! Are you alright? Illila said that you barely left your room the whole time.”
Eliax opened her mouth to respond, memories. I was looking through my memories. But the words wouldn’t come out. She closed it again. Sparks there wasn’t even a reason to keep these things secret. She was just tricking herself into believing that it could hurt someone.
But…couldn’t it? If people knew she had been Foralen? Wouldn’t they do something? Wouldn’t it put at least some people in danger? Probably? Eliax put her face in her hands and groaned. Her mind was…off. She couldn’t think properly.
“I’m…researching.”
“I can see that.” Hivren pointed out. He sat down across from her and tried to meet her eyes. Eliax wasn’t looking at him though. Her gaze was fixed resolutely on the table, tiredly pondering the question she’d come up with.
They sat in silence for a long while. “Do you ever try to remember something so hard that you’re scared it’s gone forever?”
Hivren nodded, “Of course.”
Eliax sighed and pushed the books away, Hivren gave one of them a dubious look. “You’re after children’s tales now?”
“I had a very weird childhood.” More than half of it was spent in bars with Estin, and the other half was moving to different places. Never mind the eight years when she hadn’t really existed. Or something. “I never really got any tales.” Fari had, but most of those memories legitimately faded with time. She wouldn’t get them back even if she pulled out the block in her mind.
“Well, what are you looking for?”
Eliax gave him an odd look. “I’m looking for any mention of draconic wishes being used, either that or draconic rebirth.”
Hivren blinked at her and then glanced back at the books, “You do realize that the dragons sure as heck don’t tell the historians about any of this. They hate each other.”
She gave him a look, “Hence why I have children's stories as my primary sources.”
He sighed, “I see.”
Eliax nodded, still not looking at him. “I feel like there are so many things I should know. Like, things I once knew a long time ago. It’s frustrating.”
“Yeah?” He prodded, was he trying to get her to keep talking?
Eliax simply grunted and let her weight fall onto the table under her. “I always think I’m done with the research, but then another thing like this pops up. I like going through books and searching for obscure things, but I feel like I shouldn’t like that. Like if I want to be the person I’m discovering I once was, I have to hate it.”
“Eliax, everyone changes, that’s how you know you’re alive. I think that who you are now takes precedence over who you once were.”
She was silent as she digested that, she’d heard things like it before, things like ‘be yourself!’ or ‘live in the present, it only lasts so long.’ But…She’d never really thought about them. At least not in context with herself. She agreed it was good advice, but was it good advice to her?
Maybe?
If she became Fari again, she doubted she would make any progress. Fari had been an enthusiastic slacker who loved talking, making friends, and being the center of attention. If she became Fari, she would be content to sit there and let the memories in the back of her mind fester for the rest of eternity.
But yet, Eliax wasn’t who she wanted to be either. She wasn’t progressing if she was only ever who she was now.
Hivren examined her for a long moment, sensing that she had something she needed to say. But…what should she say? She couldn’t just tell him, she couldn’t tell anyone. She didn’t want to lose any friends, or put anyone in danger, or…or anything.
She sat up in her chair and finally looked at him. Really looked at him. He was human, but she found she wasn’t holding that against him anymore. Fari hated humans because they were the ones who gave the royal bastards the idea to go to war with each other in the first place.
But she wasn’t Fari.
Eliax looked at Hivren and only saw concern on his face. He was worried about her, legitimately worried. Eliax looked back down at the table, “You once said the Hero saved your grandmother’s life. Can you tell me about that?” Eliax found it hard to believe that Fari would do that, save a human’s life.
Hivren blinked, apparently expecting something else. He complied though. “I…My father is a high ranking nobleman in Aubinere, just across the mountains. You know, the desert filled with poison.” Hivren laughed nervously, “He inherited the title from my grandmother. After making sure things in Aubinere were going alright and giving the title to my father, she moved over here, wanting to talk some sense into the Last King. The last thing she wanted was a war and she was scared that it was inevitable if she didn’t do anything about it. She was prepared to die to make him see reason.”
Eliax could probably see where this was going now.
Hivren smirked, “The King didn’t much like anyone telling him how to run things, no matter how high ranking she used to be, so he put her in the dungeon, ready to be executed once he got around to it.”
“And then he was killed.”
Hivren nodded, “Foralen killed the Last King and all his prisoners were set free, which included my grandmother.”
“I see…it was an accidental saving then.”
“Well, technically, but I believe the Hero would have freed them all anyway.”
Eliax stared at him for several moments, “Why?” She finally asked.
“Because she believed in justice. She killed the king for a reason, he wasn’t giving anyone that justice.”
“But the wars afterward-”
Hivren frowned, “No one intends for wars to happen. I know you hate the Hero, and I still don’t know why, but I believe she just wanted the world to be a better place. And she succeeded. The queen doesn’t imprison people who annoy her, she doesn’t execute someone when they’re inconvenient. She got her throne through blood, but the world is a better place now.”
“But what about the next monarch?” Eliax said quietly, “What about a hundred years from now, how do you know that we won’t just get another one of him?”
“Well, we don’t. If Gium wants us to have a good ruler, he’ll give us a good ruler. If he wants to punish us, he’ll give us a bad one. But life goes on anyway.”
A callous view. Fatalistic. Giving too much power to Gium. A deity shouldn’t decide who was in charge; a deity wasn’t down there with them to feel the consequences. Maybe that’s what Eliax hated about this. Fari had decided who was in charge, but she wasn’t the one who had felt the consequences.