CHAPTER 22 - YES, YES, I’M A GUY. I KNOW. UNBELIEVABLE.

Alabaster skin, translucent enough to see what looked to be brown veins intertwined and running through my body if you looked hard enough. Peeking out from between them was a white, hard substance, possibly bones, which retained the form of the arm and allowed flexibility. Each hand had five fingers, all of which I was able to flex and clench into a fist.

It was the same with my lower body. Burly thighs led down to well-built calves, which were connected to perfectly normal human feet. I ran my hands across the skin and found that it was surprisingly cold. With those legs, I slowly rose up and stood for the first time. It was a little shaky, but thankfully, my knees didn’t buckle under my weight.

I stared at my hands for a while, turning them over as I raised them up in the air.

I felt it.

I felt the soft breeze.

I felt the warm sun shining down.

I felt alive.

And then the shocked voices brought me back to reality.

“You’re a guy?” Jay asked, a hand covering his mouth in horror.

“Y-yes?” Instinctively, I touched my face and felt the chiseled grooves of my jaw, nose and eyes.

Wait. Did this mean…?

I covered my eyes with my hands.

Darkness.

My sight was back. I didn’t know how I failed to notice it before, but I could no longer see in a radius around me. This was probably because I never really used the area of awareness to see more than one thing at once, but whatever. My eyes worked. I was human.

And damn, was I a good looking one too.

I felt my rock hard abs, something I’d never had in my past life, and smiled. Like, really smiled. It was a weird feeling, but I was sure I’d become accustomed to it in no time.

“Damn…” Edith said, stroking his beard. “Nice cock.”

Oh.

OH.

I stared down at the incredibly large sausage shaped piece of flesh hanging from my groin.

God damn.

That truly was a beast.

“You are June, right?” Jay asked, checking out my body.

“I am.” I said. That was the second time I spoke. Out loud. Not with the help of ‘mind speech’. Also, for some reason, my voice was strangely deep. Deeper than my old life’s one, at least. That brought up another question. Whose body was this? It was certainly not the body from my old life. That one was much, much fatter and never had abs. Of any kind.

But my hair, which came slightly over my eyes at the present moment, was a similar blonde colour to what I had back then.

“Jay, what colour are my eyes?” I asked slowly, covering up my crotch that Edith was staring intensely at.

“Uhh, blue? Why do you ask?”

Blue. Same as before.

It was at this unfortunate moment that Verity decided to walk around the tree to where I was standing.

“What are you guys doing? And where is June- OH GOD!” She turned around and shielded her eyes in disgust. “Who is that? And why is he naked?”

“That? Oh that’s June. Why?” Edith asked nonchalantly.

“Wh-what do you mean why? Why do you think? Isn’t he supposed to be a potato? Put some damn clothes on, too!” Slowly, she turned around and peeked out from behind her arm. Her face turned scarlet.

Shrugging, Edith slid off his thick, blood stained jacket and handed it to me.

“Thanks.” I said, and tied it around my waist.

Satisfied that the part that was not meant to be seen was covered, Verity put down her arm and walked forward until she was right in front of me.

I looked down at her curiously.

“Wow, I’m tall.” Was all I managed to say.

“What is this? Some kind of skill?” She asked, flipping my hand over and tracing her finger across my palm.

“Uh, yeah… At least, I think so.” It hit me that I hadn’t looked at the skill information yet. But before that, Verity’s status window caught my eye.

___________________________________________

Verity Glade

Level: 42

Type: Gifted

Class: Ranger

Path: N/A

Applied Faith: 19

Combat Power: 413%

___________________________________________

Her applied faith had significantly increased, but that wasn’t what shocked me. What shocked me was the percentage beside her combat power.

413%.

Last it’d been, what, close to five thousand? What could’ve made it decrease so far? This body? No way. Surely just having a human body made me this much stronger-

I instinctively stepped backwards, only for my heel to snag an exposed tree root. Unaccustomed to my new body, I flailed about for a second, frantically grabbing at anything that could stop my fall.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

My hand reached out and caught Verity’s wrist, pulling her down with me.

Thud.

“Oww…” I groaned, rubbing the back of my head. It hurt. Pain. Another thing I hadn’t felt in such a long time.

‘Hm? Something soft is pressing against my chest.’ I thought to myself, sitting up. A lewd smirk stretched across my face- my first facial expression, as I righted Verity.

“Looks like you’re not that flat, after all.” I teased.

For some reason, she turned away instead of shouting angrily at me, like she would’ve normally done. “Idiot…” I heard her mumble before striding away.

I looked at Edith and Jay, but they seemed just as confused. “What was that all about? She didn’t even help me up.”

“I don’t know, man. Can I call you that? Judging by your abs- I mean, appearance, it seems like you’re around our age…” Jay said, still checking out my muscles.

“Um, sure?” I replied. This was the first time anyone had called me ‘man’. Back then, it’d always been ‘sir’ or ‘master’.

Argh! I needed to stop getting distracted and figure out this damn skill already.

‘A.S.S, show me the skill information for ‘Potato Body’.’

___________________________________________

Potato Body

Lvl: 1/20

Category: Race

Type: Active

Xera Cost: 100 on activation, 1/s to sustain

Potatoes have been rumored to be able to sustain life. When activated, it creates a ‘body’ surrounding the host potato. This body can vary in size and shape and may restrict certain skills from being used. The host potato will reside in the body’s core. Creatable potato bodies:

* Human (Original)

Human. Creates a replica of the human body you are most familiar with, but at its peak performance level. Some aspects may be slightly altered from the original species.

Potato roots run through the body to re-enable touch, smell, hearing, sight, taste, and sense of pain. The host potato resides in the chest of this body, where the heart is. If the host potato is removed, the skill will end.

This body prevents the use of: [Germinate], [Area Of Awareness]

* Human (Opposite)

Identical to [Human (Original)] except for gender.

Upon reaching the required level, new bodies may be unlocked.

___________________________________________

I clutched my chest, and just as expected, didn’t feel the rhythmic beating of a human heart. Inside there was my potato body- pardon the pun. That explained why my body was so cold.

“I knew there was something off about her- I mean him! Girls don’t don’t get called ‘papa’ by their children.” Raul shouted excitedly, dragging me out of my thoughts.

Mox face-palmed and dragged him away by the ear as quick as they had arrived.

The other two, Kearan and Winter, were staring at me like I was some kind of strange creature.

“Oh, come on, guys. Surely this body isn’t half as strange as seeing a talking potato.” I sighed and stood up slowly. The others still hadn’t said anything, still busy gawking at me. “Um, could I borrow someone’s clothes?”

Slowly, Kearan shook her head. “You being naked is only half the reason why we’re staring.”

I sighed again, starting to get a little frustrated. “Alright, then what’s the problem?”

“Here. I suppose it’ll be easier to just show you.” He placed his palm flat out in front of my face. “A little help, Winter?”

“Oh, yeah. Why do I get the feeling I’ve seen you somewhere before?” She asked, before swiping her hand over Kearan’s.

Choosing to ignore the question, I looked back at where Kearan’s hand had been just moments ago. In its place was a thin, floating rectangle made of a silver reflective material.

My jaw dropped, for real, this time.

But only partly because I was amazed by the spell.

The majority was because of the person gazing back at me in the mirror.

Because he was fucking handsome as hell.

()()()()()()()

After receiving an oversized set of tunic and trousers from Edith- he was the one who had the most spare clothes, since accidentally setting them on fire was a habit he had, I was most literally interrogated by the group.

“Ahem.” Kearan cleared his throat and folded his arms pompously across his chest. “To begin, let’s start with a simple question. If you really are the June I know, what was the threat I issued to you when I first saw you?”

I blanched. “How could I forget? You said you’d turn me into a mash potato. Is this really necessary?”

“Hmmm….” He pretended to stroke a non-existent beard and contemplated it for a minute. “Yep, but if you can answer this last question, I’ll admit that you’re the real June.”

“Alright, let’s just get this over and done with. What’s the question?” I was already bored, and had begun to pick at my unnaturally smooth skin.

“How many e-potatoes have you produced? Ever?” He asked, his expression unchanging.

“How many… what? How am I supposed to answer that?” I replied, dumbfounded. “That’s such a stupid question.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. What a shame, I guess you aren’t the real June, then.” An awkward silence fell, but was broken in a moment. “Just kidding. June wouldn't've been able to answer that, anyways.”

I sighed. “And I thought I made bad jokes.”

“So how long can you hold that form for?” Mox butted in, a curious expression on his face.

“Um, indefinitely? My xera regeneration rate is faster than the drainage.”

“Ohh??” Mox’s eyes sparkled in excitement. “And I’m assuming you can do everything a normal human can.”

“I am human.” I said flatly.

“But aren’t you a potato?”

“I was a human, in the form of a potato. And now I’m back to normal.” I explained, leaving out the part that this was not actually my real human body.

Everyone’s mouth except Kearan’s opened and a resounding: “Ohhhhhhhh.” filled the forest.

I sighed again. “Seriously, sometimes I wonder if you guys are actually children.”

“One more question?” Mox pleaded, and edged slightly closer.

“What? Fine.” For some reason, I felt seriously uncomfortable with everyone’s attention on me like this.

“So if you’re a human now, where did that potato body go?”

“Huh?” That was a question I hadn’t been expecting. “Oh, it’s inside me. Where my heart normally is.”

Everyone gasped.

“B-but doesn’t that mean…” Winter began. “That you’re actually a potato, and this human body is just a form you’ve taken?”

Everyone nodded furiously in agreement.

Oops. I might have revealed too much. “Uhhhh, did you know that being in this body also prevents me from using some of my skills?” I asked, trying to change the subject. “For example, I can’t use my skill ‘Germinate’ which is the skill that allows me to produce e-potatoes and-”

“Ahem.”

Kearan threw back his hood, revealing a very serious expression. “I hate to stop you there, but I have a very pressing question I need answered.”

I gulped. “Y-yes?”

“Will you…” He began dramatically. “Revert back to your original form and be able to use your skill ‘Germinate’ if your potato body is extracted from this human form?”

“I- Yes? I think so? Why would you even ask a question like that anyways-”

“You might want to close your eyes. Edith?”

“Wait!” Why would I want to close my eyes?

Splurt.

A sudden, overwhelming pain spread through my chest and I looked down slowly. Edith’s hairy arm was stuck halfway through it, up to the point where his elbow was just under my chin. With another sickening splurch, he drew his arm back out, my slimy potato body in hand.

“Why would you…” I managed to mumble before my vision dimmed and the feeling left my body.

“Sorry…” I heard Kearan say as he prodded my eyelids open. “You’re a food source first, remember?”