“You know, if you hadn’t shown up at our doorstep using ant spawn like tiny luggage camels, I might think you were making all of this up. But you aren’t, are you?”

Sean shook his head, and took another polite sip of tea. He wished he could taste it. Gel said it smelled amazing, and the slime took a whole moment of silence to soak it in each time he got more. They hadn’t gotten a buff or prompt from the beverage yet, but Sean was hopeful. The cup was almost finished.

“Lying is for humans.” Gel said, with a slight air of offense before seemingly realizing that the woman whose home they were in was a human. He quickly amended the statement. “Most humans, I mean. Besides, what we actually do is way more interesting than any lies – and you said you wanted valuable information.”

“That I did.”

“Which I provided.”

“That you did.” The not-witch agreed with a nod as she gestured for more vines to take her cup away and refill it. She crossed her fingers over the staff in her lap, smiling fondly down at the white puffs that meeped happily at her as they began to climb her fingers. Her eyes grew distant as they played.

A moment of silence passed, and then another. Finally, Gel’s patience ran out. Sean was impressed at how long it took.

“And… what was all of that worth to you? You said you would trade our words for your food, but we never came to any terms on what that actually… meant.” The slime’s tone was respectful, if a bit puzzled. Clearly the merchant in him didn’t particularly care for the order of those events.

“True, we did not.”

“Ask her why she cares about what happens around here.” Sean urged Gel, and the slime obliged.

“That information will cost you food that you could have bargained for.” The woman said, turning to face them once more. The white puffs playing along her staff rounded wide eyes on the pair of them at nearly the same time. “Are you sure you want it?”

Sean nodded in earnest, just as Gel let out an emphatic “nope!”.

The woman looked between the two of them, then laughed a wild laugh that fit in well with the rest of her house. She clapped a hand on the fur-covered table, causing the white puffs on her staff to meep once more and scatter all over the room.

“Hahahahh, you know what? I like you two!” She declared with a sudden ferocity that belied her otherwise small frame. She held up the same hand she’d just clapped with, marking each of her next few points with a finger. “First you run off from your master, slay a bunch of his minions, rob his house and his town, strike out into the desert on your own, and then carve your way through an entire colony of monsters just to save a group you’d never met, and a queen who would have happily killed you under probably any other circumstance.”

She leaned across the table, her smile widening into something savage. Her staff fell from her lap, but she caught it smoothly in her other hand as she stood up. She kept talking, ticking off the fingers that she had just raised as she went.

“You’re clever enough to bargain, wise enough to turn enemies you view as food into allies even when they’re at your mercy, brave enough to fight back against overwhelming odds, lucky enough to win when you do, and…”

She held her thumb up for emphasis, pointing it at herself. “... now you’ve found your way here. To me and my oasis for monsters.”

“I can’t wait to hear what you do next.”

A manic gleam entered her eyes, and her hair had started to dance up at the ends seemingly of its own accord. Sean wondered briefly if this woman was wholly ‘altogether’ upstairs.

Then again how many sane people decide to up and move out into the desert where they’ll be constantly surrounded by beasts? Sean had to admit that number was probably low. Wait, did she just say her oasis was for monsters?

“Well… we’ll be happy to tell you when we do it.” Gel continued for them, as if the woman’s enthusiastic reaction was simply a natural turn of the conversation. “Once we figure out how you’re paying us for it, of course.”

“Hahah, of course.” The woman laughed again, and extended a hand out towards them as she finally offered her name. “Tlachta, but everyone here calls me Auntie Ta.”

“Gel… and the silent one carrying us both around here goes by Sean.” The slime answered, as the gelaton shook her hand. Sean felt his friend consider trying to eat part of her during the exchange, but thankfully Gel restrained himself. “He’s not shy, I promise. Just can’t seem to, you know, talk.”

“Oh?” Auntie Ta asked, moving around the table and heading towards the kitchen once more. Sean drained the last of his cup, which seemed only polite now that the hostess was finished. No prompt appeared as had at the oasis, but her next words booted that disappointment from his mind. “Some compulsion left over from his former master?”

The gelaton almost dropped his cup. He stared down into it as the conversation in the room moved on to what the information they had provided was actually worth, though Sean didn’t hear a word of it.

Was that it? Bancroft was actually ordering me not to speak back then? Is that why I can’t fucking talk?! That rat-bearded bastard! Sean’s anger flared up inside for a moment as he recalled the only vivid memory he had of the man’s voice telling him to “Shut it, you”, and his already burning orbs blazed an even brighter crimson as he fumed. When we get our hands on him, I’m going to rip his fucking tongue out. Order me not to speak? Hope you like slime ala-carte you simpering, spineless, son of a–

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Sean’s brief mental detour continued for another moment as his nature fought against, and eventually quelled, his outrage. Not being able to speak had been a constant pain in his boney ass ever since they had found other people out here, and it looked like that particular issue wouldn’t be getting any better until they up and off’d the cause of it.

More’s the pity. Sean thought, his attention turning inward once more. He might have been lost in thoughts of plotting his future revenge for longer, were it not for what their host said next.

“Oh, he likes to cook for you, does he? Well bring it on over here then, creaker. Let Auntie Ta teach you a few things while she gets Rastegar’s meals ready.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Auntie’ Ta, Tlachta, sole Druid of the Sohl Desert, watched the undead creature moving about her kitchen as if it were its own. She had already stopped trying to give it basic advice. The ‘creaker’ she had invited in clearly didn’t need it. Instead, she had begun giving it advice on how and where it could improve its own skills.

Skills which Tlachta wouldn’t have believed a combat-oriented monster could have acquired in so short a time if her own magic hadn’t shown the undead to be less than a month old.

Maybe it was a chef before it died? Tlachta had seen such things before. Remnant skills, fragmented memories… she was no necromancer, but a well-rounded mage studied many things. And if there was one thing she had bought herself by coming out here to the desert, it was time.

Time and good company. Never have enough of either.

The druid mused to herself some more, eventually pointing a vine to correct the creaker’s technique with a flourish of its own and stop the undead from adding a fast-burning spice too early. It was an amateur’s mistake, but this was probably its first time adding greenroot shavings. She could well recall Rastegar’s complaints the first few times she had scorched the valuable spice right into the meat’s charring.

How alike these two are to how he was back in the day. Always talking. Always curious.

She let the pair work their way through another entree from one of the recipes she had written down for them, Glazed Nermite Flambe, before taking over once more. Monsters were hands-on learners, in her experience. It was good to let them try out new things for themselves. Saved her having to explain herself more than once.

But this was Auntie’s kitchen, and she had not earned her titles by sitting on her soft parts while others worked. Now that the stage had been set, it was time to show the creaker what she could really do.

To impart the knowledge its companion Gel had traded her for, even turning down entire bushels and trees’ worth of the oasis’s fruits to obtain. To do what she had never done before.

It was time for her to teach an undead how to cook up some real magic.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sean was in awe.

The olive-skinned Auntie Ta took over the dish he had been working on right before he finished, and immediately went about adding in some flourishes of her own. And as she worked, she explained what she was doing.

“Now, everyone thinks that the key to creating magical dishes is to just add some magic. As if anything were ever that easy!” Auntie Ta cackled, and the tip of her staff leaned up against the wall glowed with a faint green light as if in response to her mirth. “People will tell you chefs imbue mana into their food to make it so good for you, and while they’re not entirely wrong they’re not entirely right, either. Type, amount, and method of addition matter just as much for mana as they do for any other seasoning when it comes to determining the final product, you see.”

The gelaton didn’t, not yet, but he didn’t interrupt. They had paid for this lesson, and he was determined to get the most from it.

“There are many methods to go about imbuing your mana into food, and they vary widely depending on what type you have on hand. Since I sense only death and chaos about you, I’m going to assume those will be your primary choices – leaving aside the concentrated bottles in your pack. Now, look here.”

Auntie Ta pointed to the still-sizzling dish in front of her, where the last dregs of the spirits they had poured in were quickly evaporating away. Sean and Gel both leaned in, the slime having manifested eyeballs on his shoulder for a better view.

“When imbuing mana directly through touch, you have to keep in mind the timing. Right now the dish is nearly complete, so this is the most auspicious time to add in some death mana without affecting the final taste as much. Death mana is all about patience, you see. So wait until the end has come, then tap each piece and give it as much as your recipe needs – but no more than that! Otherwise it’ll spoil the result right along with your food, and you’ll be starting right over again with disappointment in your belly.”

“Disappointment is the last thing I want in my belly.” Gel commented, and the petite woman before them chuckled before she continued.

“Now, if you were to imbue chaos mana into this dish – then you could have done so at any point. Even now, actually. Chaos is less about the when and more about the doing, you see. It likes to act, so just toss it in whenever feels right to you… and you’ll find that’s usually the right time. Might be the same every time, might not, it all sort of depends. Are you following?”

Sean nodded, continuing to stare intently at the popping meat in her pan. So far everything seemed to be lining up. Add death mana at the end, and toss some chaos in whenever. Seemed logical, in its own way. What the druid was saying also felt right, on a fundamental level that he didn’t quite have the words for.

The gelaton didn’t question it. He simply waited to see how she was planning on doing it. Was it really that easy? Just boop the food and bam, it’s imbued? He was eager to see the trick of it.

“Now, this dish is actually already imbued.” Auntie Ta continued, and Sean’s hopes fell. “Nature mana likes to grow you see, and so I stuff it in there before the meat ever touches the pan. Preferably a day or more before, if I can manage it. Longer is better for more powerful recipes.”

Sean had pulled the meat, as well as some of the other ingredients, from a frost-covered box inscribed all over with runes inside one of her larger cabinets. It didn’t appear to be powered in the way he was familiar with, but the box’s function as some kind of magical fridge had been obvious. Naturally he now had to have one, and had immediately told Gel to add that to their list of future must-haves. The slime had consented, though Gel had still expressed some confusion over why anyone would wait to eat something they already had on hand.

“So, what is this recipe?” Sean asked through Gel. “What sort of buff does it give?”

“This one has two effects, the first is a natural age-related resilience. Keeps him in his prime, as manticores typically age faster than most. The second effect enhances alertness.” Auntie Ta explained, raising a finger whose tip began to glow with a soft, emerald light that matched her outfit. She began tapping the individual pieces of nermite flambe as she continued. “Rastegar spends much of his time out there by the water, and it gets rather dreary most days I’m afraid. A boon like this keeps him from falling asleep, which keeps me from sending Warabe out there to keep the rest of our visitors in line.”

Auntie Ta leaned over conspiratorially, and Sean noticed for the first time the wrinkles at the edges of her eyes. It was the first hint of age he had seen on the otherwise youthful-looking woman, and he wondered just how long she had been around if she could just whip up youth-in-a-pan.

‘Age-related resilience’? How long do people actually live out here? Sean wondered if natural lifespans were the same here with mana at play. He had a feeling they weren’t.

“Warabe doesn’t care much for rudeness. My kitchen stores are always fuller when he takes a turn upstairs.” Auntie Ta confided with a wicked grin, and Gel cackled in response.

“I knew I liked that turtle guy. I’ll bet he’s stylish and scrumptious.” Gel shot up to Sean, careful not to say that that last bit out loud.

“Maybe we’ll find another you can have later that won’t get us banned from the oasis if you eat him, or cost us our only shot at learning how food magic works from a real chef.” Sean shot back. “This is a priceless opportunity!”

“Oh, it has a price.” Gel assured him. “Do you want to know what it was? Because I know you weren’t paying attention, but my stomach certainly was. I can break it down for you by fruit if you like.”

“Whatever it was, it was worth it. Trust me.” Sean cracked his neck and started looking about the kitchen, eager to grab the ingredients for their next dish. She did promise at least three.

Auntie Ta leaned down and handed off the plated flambe to a handful of white puffs, who dutifully rolled the dish out the door. Sean wondered how the little guys were going to make it all the way to Rastegar, but maybe they were just taking it out to Warabe. Or maybe the puffs were more capable than he was giving them credit for.

Sean shook his head, refocusing back on the lesson as Auntie Ta began speaking again. All the while, in the slime-filled void where his heart had once been, the gelaton felt excitement bloom.

Progress towards achieving the Magichef title: 35%

Hell yeah!