Penciel sat down at his desk precisely seven minutes past the ‘official’ start to his shift. He had spent those seven minutes well, acquiring a day-shift-sized tankard of exquisitely brewed spring-roast coffee. Wafts of soul-affirming energy rose up from it in steady, invigorating waves, and he inhaled the aroma with eyes closed, letting it wash away the last vestiges of sleep. After a moment’s silent meditation he lifted the tankard to his lips, inhaling the actual brew within for the first time that morning.
Words could not describe the subtle, yet powerful tableau of flavor brought forth by the liquid. Praise, no matter how high, would only fall short. In his experience, the only satisfactory response was a physical one. A single tear escaped one shuttered eye at the liquid’s majesty, and the angel was not ashamed of it.
“Javiel needs a raise.” Penciel murmured to nobody in particular, waiting until the beverage had fully cleared his mouth before daring to take another sip. “Mmm.. maybe two.”
“I’ll put in for three.” Shepiel said, tossing his first assignment of the day over to him. Penciel caught the parchment without looking, and his boss continued walking past him. “But only if you actually finish something today.”
“It’s called unrealistic error investigations for a reason.” Penciel called after her swiftly retreating form, again without opening his eyes. The holy liquid before him was too benevolent not to give his full attention. “You can’t come over here expecting realistic and timely results, that’s madness! Madness, I tell you!”
He didn’t have to open his eyes to see Shepiel’s roll in her head as she snorted in a very un-angelic way and opened the door to her own office.
“Yeah, well when you’ve got something that’s actually mad, I want to see it.” Shepiel called back. “Besides that face of yours in the mirror, I mean.”
“Spicy.” Penciel muttered into his brew. “Someone woke up on the right side of her cloud this morning.”
When the tankard was wholly empty, and not a moment prior, Penciel finally opened his eyes. As his first order of duty for the day he set the blessed beverage’s container down in its sacred resting place – a small table crafted specifically for that purpose. The other two tankards he had brought in with him were already waiting, though each remained tightly sealed for now.
Ten and two o’clock appointments set. Penciel thought, winking at the ornately carved containers as if they could hear his inner dialogue. Now, on to business.
Lacing his fingers together and cracking his knuckles with a series of loud pops, Penciel set about his second order of duty: reviewing his current assignments. There were two leftover from yesterday’s shift yet remaining on his desk. Frowning, the angel found he couldn’t quite remember the details of either off the top of his head. Perhaps he had never read these particular files?
Chalking the memory loss up to the troubles of waking early, Penciel lifted the first sprawled parchment and quickly skimmed over its contents.
System Report
Ticket Title: Hungry Vent-monster, Alarming Consumption (HVAC)
Ticket Classification: Potential Unique Ruling Event (URE)
Ticket Urgency: Minor (escalation possible)
Description: An air purification slime of the cuboid variety reported to have somehow escaped its confines has melted its way through several underground dens of lesser monsters. A potential glitch or URE was reported by the system shortly thereafter. Consumption of rare materials or encounter with a mana convergence are the likely culprits. Its evolution rate is currently unchecked, leading to an impressive clear-speed as it travels the subterranean countryside mowing down all in its path. Current trajectory has it heading towards a relatively small duchy, should the creature somehow manage to find its way to the surface.
Penciel chuckled and shook his head at the irony of an air purification slime escaping its confines only to start purging the many tunnels that ran unseen, and often unknown, below ground. If he recalled correctly at the last meeting, the URE for this event had involved some rather complex math which the angel wasn’t feeling particularly up to for a ‘first morning task’.
Setting this headache down for his post-10 o’clock self, the angel lifted the second sprawled-out piece of parchment with his other hand and skimmed it over as well.
System Report
Ticket Title: Potential Goblin King Re-emergence Report #207
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Ticket Classification: Rising Inconsistencies
Ticket Urgency: Unblockable (+1/+1 bonus for final resolution)
Description: An unusually high concentration of Chaos has been reported following the accidental rediscovery of the Goblin King’s Labyrinth by a small tribe of otherwise inconsequential goblins. System has since reported ‘inconsistencies’ appearing in the area with increasing regularity. Other goblins appear to be drawn to the region, and it is possible that artifacts from the reign of King Bowie may have been discovered. The tribe is currently in the midst of conflict with a nearby village, and the current trajectory of said conflict is unknown.
Penciel shook his head at the ‘+1/+1 bonus' their boss was offering for closing out this particular ticket. The report number alone showed there had already been 206 attempts at a ‘final resolution, so there was no reason to think his involvement would manage it no matter how high the prize was.
Fat chance. The angel mentally scoffed, well aware of the high requirements behind actually proving that a ‘final resolution’ had been achieved. You’d have to eliminate every goblin in the land to do that.
Penciel’s department didn’t have that kind of authority. Even if they did, whether they even could was doubtful in and of itself. Goblins were a slippery, unpredictable race even at the lowest of levels. While they rarely managed it, whenever one of the green-skinned loons actually managed to rally a decent number of their own kind together it often meant late nights for his team were not far behind.
Which was probably why the God of Systems had assigned this particular ticket’s priority as “Unblockable”. No matter what Penciel’s personal feelings on goblins might be, there was no ignoring this particular item. The angel mentally assigned it as a task for his post-two o’clock beverage self and set it to the side before finally unraveling the scroll Shepiel had tossed him. His first ‘new’ assignment of the day.
Should be an easy on–.
System Report
Ticket Title: ???
Ticket Classification: Cascading System Anomaly
Ticket Urgency: IIR - Immediate Intervention Required
Description: An Outworlder from beyond the Veil immediately and irrevocably bound himself to a parasitic slime, and proceeded to trigger multiple symbiotic evolutions shortly thereafter. While the first caused no known issues, an unknown factor in the second evolution has caused the ‘status’ system for both creatures to generate a cascading system anomaly. Immediate intervention is required in order to prevent irreparable harm to the two beings, and possible (though unlikely) self-replicating system damage.
Penciel’s recently blessed angelic throat dried up as if he had just swallowed a handful of harsh sand. He leapt to his feet and over his desk in the same motion. The action knocked the coffee table to the side and spilled the priceless contents of his precious beverages all over the floor, but the angel spared the mess not a glance as he rushed Shepiel’s door like a tempest wind.
“Boss? I’m coming in!” Abandoning protocol and not giving her any time to respond, Penciel shouldered his superior’s door open with all of his considerable might.
If the angel had done that to a door made of any ordinary wood, there would be nothing but splinters left. Not of the door, not of the wall, and potentially not even of the hardwood floor. Against the rich, ornate wood their office was built of however, the door merely glided open at an only slightly swifter-than-normal pace. He spared a moment of irritation for the delay.
“Penciel!” Shepiel chided him immediately, but the look on his face cut her off before her anger could fully form.
“I need the intervention room.” Penciel blurted out, shoving the scroll she had given him just moments ago at her face. “I need it right. Now.”
His boss’s expression went from approaching outrage, to sudden confusion, and then wide-eyed alarm as Shepiel read the wide scroll’s contents in a blink. While the ‘spread sheets’ of parchment given to their department were effective for information dissemination and analysis, they were each individually addressed to, and reserved solely for, their intended recipient. Shepiel may have been the one to deliver it to him, but the system report’s contents had been assigned to Penciel by the God of Systems himself.
Until he personally shared the information within, no other being in their entire department could know its contents. Even if they tried and somehow succeeded, doing so would have been utter blasphemy. But now that he had shared it, Penciel could see the ticket’s urgency sink into his boss’s features.
“Key.” Shepiel said, retrieving a scripted golden key from her wrist and tossing it to him in a blur of motion. “Do you need containment?”
“I don’t know.” Penciel admitted, already rushing out of the room. He was halfway across the floor before he called back. “But if the anomaly is already cascading, then it couldn’t hurt!”
As he used his mana to activate the intricate, layered rituals embedded within the intervention room, Penciel couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person would show up in a new world only to immediately bind themselves to an ever-hungry, all-consuming monster like a slime. Not to mention one made up entirely of chaos mana. And to then evolve with such a creature…
I suppose I’ll find out.
Celestial words poured from his mouth as the angel began chanting, and only two utterances from his lips might have been understood by mortals. A pair of names. Simple ones, monosyllabic, and yet names that would allow his magic to contact them across unimaginable distances to see just what exactly the pair had managed to break in his God’s otherwise perfect system.
“Sean. Gel.” Penciel called out through the room and across space, hoping to reach the pair before either checked their new, distorted status page too closely. His next words were not directed at them, but the spell itself.
“Special Investigations System Angel #2, requesting immediate access and intervention privileges.”