I can't really say that this is my first time experiencing my body moving on its own. Within my mind, Al was busy guiding the 'disappointment' in how he should do things while I was watching from the side. Apparently, they are capable of communicating with each other, which I still don't know how since only the 'disappointment' knows how to do it and he taught Al. I don't know if Al would be willing to teach it to me without the consent of the 'disappointment'. Hopefully, he does, otherwise, I'd have to act a bit more amicable to this 'disappointment' which I really wouldn't want.

This may as well be the first time the 'disappointment' had to actually work. If it wasn't for Al telling him what to do or say, then he would've messed up already with the first patient. Although I couldn't hear his thoughts or see his face, the sound of his voice and the numerous times he dropped or fumbled the [Sphere of Truth] could no longer be counted with a person's hands. The times he failed to invoke arcanes due to nervousness, thus slightly hurting the body due to it was almost impossible to count. It's a good thing that whenever he failed to, Al would do it himself by controlling the body and invoking it instead. The failure to invoke arcanes would cause a backlash of arcana within the body, and to describe the feeling, it would be similar to my [Arcana Intoxication] starting to weaken my body but instead of the feeling of losing strength, the body a jolt of numbing pain and it would be difficult to move in the first few seconds until it subsides. Although [Stabilize] could immediately help with the backlash, it only prevents the state of difficult movement but the pain will still be felt.

I originally thought that only they couldn't hear my thoughts, but I guess that also applies to me. I hear the words that the 'disappointment' says while he controls the body, but I do not know what he's thinking. In fact, I think that this is all pretty convenient as my inner thoughts and outer thoughts could be freely controlled and separated. The words that I am really thinking and my active thoughts are not one and the same. The fact that this space in my mind is so quiet may as well prove that theory. Is this really how the human brain works, a side effect of my mental abnormalities, or is this just a normal situation for people with dissociative identity disorder? Well, I remember reading back then of incidents where each identity has its own set of memories that no other identity can access, there were also incidents when all separate identities share the same memories and the only difference is a demeanor that they display. The memories of Al that were shared to me, unfortunately, did not indicate any books, researches, or study involving psychology. That word may not even exist in this world. Maybe I can pull a Tyrian and introduce psychology to this world.

Now that I'm in a position similar to what the 'disappointment' is usually in, I really have to say that this is pretty boring. Sure I don't have to be hassled with interacting with patients and the members of the church, but actively doing something is better than watching things on the side. Also, his constant mistakes are really taking a toll on my reputation, especially in the eyes of Astor Noblesa. Will he start doubting my qualifications as the future Saint? Would he recommend that I'm not a good choice and I'll get kicked out of the Church of Hure due to being incompetent? I wish that would be the case, but I'm sure both Al and Alkef wouldn't allow that to actually happen. Al will probably just be in control and take care of things himself. Patch everything up to undo the mistakes that the 'disappointment' did.

Well, my intention in making the 'disappointment' do all these is so to at least further decrease the suspicion directed towards me. As long as I portray myself with the capability that matches my age, then even fewer people would view me as extraordinary. In the eyes of others, it's best to be underestimated than overestimated after all. That's how I laid low as Samuel Tuckerman; average and unremarkable to the point that when I surrendered myself to the authorities and presented the evidence, they first doubted everything and even asked me if I forgot to take my medication. I know how to act like an average adult, as I've observed and conversed with them all throughout my past life, but I haven't really observed or absorbed how children act, nor am I that good of an actor to naturally act like a child.

It's easy to simulate calmness and stillness of any age, but it is difficult to replicate the fear and anxiety a child would have. It's nervousness that need not be seen or told, but it can be felt by any adult who had been dealing with children a lot. I remember those very words from her. I wonder how she is. Did she mourn when I died or was she relieved? Okay, this inactivity has made become sentimental once again.

As I did not want my thoughts to wander further in this topic, I went up to Al and tapped his shoulder.

"Tell him to get some rest."

Surprised by my suggestion, Al paused for a bit before he responded, "Really?"

"Yeah, I'm getting tired of watching him make mistakes, also, I'm getting bored. Just tell him that he can rest once his short break time later is over, and I'll take over from there."

Sighing as if a huge burden has been lifted on him, Al then smiled and thanked me.

"Also, teach me how to communicate with you two without the need for a mental meeting."

"I'm capable of teaching you but I'd rather get Alkef's approval on that one."

"Sure. But if he doesn't want to, at least try and convince him."

"Okay."

Although this wasn't part of my plan, the sheer incompetence of the 'disappointment' is just astounding enough that it even became a problem for Al to deal with. So I guess I'll take advantage of a problem that I made for them, and make them owe me for it.

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After some time, another me appeared within the space in my mind. It was no one else than the 'disappointment'.

"So, how was your day?"

"You saw how it went..."

"Yes. You failed spectacularly, and without Al, might've failed catastrophically."

"I told you I'd mess things up."

"True. But I'm sure despite those mistakes, you learned something from them, right?"

"That's... right."

"So, can you do this tomorrow as well? Reflect on the things that happened today, and then improve yourself for tomorrow?"

Before the 'disappointment' could voice his possible disapproval, I immediately had myself leave the mind space. Since this feels like some sort of superpower at this point, I might as well give it a good name. I'll just call it the Lacuna.

I opened my eyes once more and feel full control of my body. I was outside the church seated on the many chairs outside the residential building. I eventually see Marcs and Hasibo coming towards me. I smile at them as I stood up from my seat.

"You seem rested enough.", Hasibo commented.

"And you seem like you need to rest a lot."

"That's right."

As I'm standing on my own two feet once again, I feel the pain slowly enveloping my body.

"Marcs, can you tell me where High Priest Noblesa is currently at? I need to tell him something."

"I can lead you there, but don't tell me that you're going to ask for a transfer."

"Of course not, I'd just like to talk to him about something and it might be helpful for you guys as well."

"Okay then, follow me.", Marcs said as he started walking. Hasibo didn't come with us, as he simply sat on one of the seats and immediately fell asleep.

Upon observing Marcs, although he didn't show it, it was clear he was tired both physically and mentally. He may put up a strong facade, but his noticeable swaying from side to side and struggle to straighten up made me wonder if he'll be able to manage to endure five more years of this. Apparently, for normal human bodies, arcana is generated by the mind and stored in the body, and only arcana that is stored can be used to invoke arcanes. Because of this process, physical exhaustion is thus brought by the constant generation and storage of arcana, while mental exhaustion is brought by the constant invocation of arcanes. However, for elven bodies that I sort of have, they also generate arcana in greater amount but it is released to the environment and is not stored in their bodies. Due to this, they don't feel much physical exhaustion as they don't need to store the arcana, and since elves have a high affinity with arcana, they can willfully manipulate and utilize it in the environment; although I don't know how to do that as I have no one to teach me. This doesn't mean that elves do not have any difficulty with invoking arcana, as it would require them more mental effort to invoke arcanes since they have to manipulate something that is outside their bodies, and elves would practically be powerless in an environment that is low on arcana or is depleted of such.

Uncle Terpet may have been right in calling the condition I am currently suffering from as [Arcana Intoxication], but he's not entirely correct. Only when High Priest Tianle truly observed my condition is when the truth regarding my body was uncovered. As I have elven blood, brain, and heart, my [Arcanaflow] is higher than usual, which makes me generate more arcana than usual. As the rest of my body is human, the storage of arcana takes priority before it is released in the environment, which means that I could still feel a degree of physical exhaustion, but not at the same amount as that of a human. That would've been the case for an adult me, but as I'm still just a child, my body is not developed enough to endure too much physical exhaustion and that includes the already mitigated exhaustion brought by my unique physique. My elven arcana generation and manipulation may be helpful with my current tasks as a healer in the Church of Hure, but it doesn't necessarily mean that my very young human body could keep up with it.

Adding the fact that the 'disappointment' messed up so many times in invocation, I can say upon feeling my current physical state right now, that I'm at my limit. Thankfully, I can continuously bless myself with [Stamina Boost] and [Stabilize], but physical exhaustion that is reduced by arcanes doesn't necessarily mean that the body has rested; it just means that arcana is being utilized to allow the movement of the body. I may be able to move, but every movement is constant pain.

We eventually arrived at the chamber of Astor Noblesa. I decided to introduce myself after I knocked on the [Barrier].

"High Priest Noblesa, this is Acolyte Alkef Asketon. I'd like to speak to you about something."

Noticing my formal way of speaking, he responded accordingly.

"Acolyte Alkef, you may enter."

When I entered the chamber, the [Barrier] was immediately put up once again, leaving Marcs outside. Upon my arrival, I immediately surveyed the room and went to the nearest chair. Looking at my current state, Astor perceptively commented.

"You seem to be in a lot of pain."

"I'm sure you've been told of the current state of my body, sir."

"I was. It's quite an anatomical marvel."

"Well sir, it has a lot of problems."

"And one of them is the feeling of pain all over your body?"

"That's one, but this may as well be a consequence of a new experience, sir."

"Can you elaborate?"

"This was the first time I've constantly had to invoke arcanes, sir, and I'm not physically developed yet to endure the physical exhaustion brought by my unique [Arcanaflow]. Due to the constant pain, I frequently make mistakes in my invocation an-"

"And with your frequent failures, the pain worsens.", Astor decided to conclude for me.

"Yes, sir."

While I was discussing this with Astor, that's when a sudden thought hit me. I thought that the 'disappointment' was enduring all this pain when doing all that earlier, but the sigh of relief from Al made me now realize what he was really doing. Although the 'disappointment' was doing the speaking and some basic movement, the body was in Al's full control, which meant that he was the one enduring all that pain. I only felt slight jolts of pain that would immediately subside when there was an invocation failure. If Al hadn't taken it all in himself, then even I would suffer as well. When I told him that I would take over, he was basically passing the agonizing torch to me, believing that I could endure it. That's why he was willing to try and convince the 'disappointment'!

Al was actually the one messing up with the invocations as he had to do so while enduring this torment, and now he expects me to do everything myself. Al, you overestimate me!

"I can understand the problems you are currently facing, but I'm sure you didn't endure going here only to tell me all this, right?"

"Yes, sir. I actually have a proposition."

I can foresee the worst future if this body would have to constantly endure this on a daily basis. This stress would certainly be harmful to my development. Young children that are usually exposed to stressful situations are found to have fewer growth hormones. This would mean my growth would be stunted!

I'd rather die than live the rest of my life with most people towering over me!