“Why am I doing this?” I asked, and Squirrel pushed the character sheet in front of me.

“You need to become familiar with your L,S,A.--- Levels, Skill, and Abilities,” he said and opened the Game Master’s Guide in front of him.

The man still reminded me of a Viking, but as he sucked on his long-stemmed vape-pipe, he took on a slightly wiser presence. All he needed was a wide-brimmed hat and he’d of made the prefect hillbilly elder.

“I know what skills and abilities I have,” I said.

“No, you know that you have them, not what level they are, or how developed. You certainly don’t know how much EXP or experience points you currently possess, or how to allocate them,” Squirrel said. Then made a circle with his lips and blew at the same time, he punched his tongue through the smoke making the worst smoke ring I’d ever seen.

Medium humanoid (any race), any alignment

Armor Class 18 (hunter plate)

Hit Points 82

Speed 30 ft.

Str

Dex

HT

IQ

Wis

Cha

11

12

13

9

13

12

Saving Throws Str +7, Dex +6

Advantages Tactical movement +6, Athletics +7, Insight +4, Perception+4, Street Smart +6

Senses Hearing +3., Passive Perception 14

Languages English

Level 2 (300 XP)

Special Traits

* Inscrutable. The bounty hunter is immune to any effect that would sense its emotions or read its thoughts, as well as any divination spell that it refuses.

* Magic Resistance. The bounty hunter has the advantage of resistance to spells and other magical effects.

Actions

* Multi-attack. The bounty hunter makes two attacks.

* Quick draw pistol. Weapon Attack: -2 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 9. The Judge can fire .410 caliber and .45 caliber rounds +3 to hit with .410

* Semi-automatic Rifle. Ranged Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, range 20/400 meters., one target. Hit: 7 piercing damage. (+4 blunt force trauma)

* Compound Bow. Ranged Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, range 80/320 ft., one target. Hit: 7 piercing damage.

About

One of the most expensive warriors for hire is the bounty hunter. These skilled fighters are trained to hunt down their prey and bring them back. They usually succeed on their missions and local citizens know to stay out of the way. Most people in the city have never even heard of a bounty hunter losing a fight before.

Warrior for Hire. They are focused on making as much gold as they can. Evil bounty hunters can be paid to do almost anything.

Wondrous Weapon. A bounty hunter’s magical weapon (N/A)

Heavy Metal. Bounty hunters wear ceramic plate. The armor covers the chest and back of the bounty hunter.

“On your left are your attributes, Strength, Dexterity, IQ, Healthy, and Wisdom,” Mog explained, but she seemed much more interested in the panel guest list than what I was doing.

For the first hour and a half while Squirrel “transferred my character sheet” from the realm overlay. Whatever that meant. Meanwhile, Mog periodically exclaimed, “Susan GreyPheonix- Gonzalez is here?” or, “Lawrance Pitt is a D-Bag, but I do like his Goblin Weapons Tech in---” whatever non-sense she was on about.

“Your base stats help determine how fast you get tired, or how much damage you can take before you succumb to your injuries.

“What the hell? My IQ is nine?” I complained.

“Yes, IQ , your magic aptitude, and the spell level is how you---”

“I know spells?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Squirrel paused and looked at me for a long second, then shook his head. “No, so I guess that’s not important. Besides, you really don’t have the build for the spell caster class.”

“Then what do I have the ‘Build’ for?” I asked and sat up straight, squaring my shoulders. I expected him to say I was a warrior, or maybe one of those Paladins or something. Instead, I realized he was staring at my boobs in rapt fascination.

Chloe walked behind him, her hand sliding out and connecting with the side of his head just hard enough to jar him. “William Earl Jennings, you can’t use the costume excuse this time. Stop being a perv,” she said and hurried over to a girl with a cart of posters.

Her cos-play was next level, with a golden crown just under her mousy brown hair, that some how seemed to match her amber eyes. Something about her seem both young and alive, but also old and wise, and the people around her all came off as child like an joyous to a fault. Even Squirrel had that manic, good natured energy which made me wonder who was affecting who?

Clotho of the virtuous [https://images.nightcafe.studio/jobs/VKpl4JMT7uG2I4rKrBBP/VKpl4JMT7uG2I4rKrBBP--4--7ubw5.jpg?tr=w-1600,c-at_max]

‘Yeah, so as I was saying you have a health of thirteen, and a dexterity of twelve, so you’re agile and quick,” Squirrel said but there was a red blush in his cheeks.

“But what class am I?” I pressed.

“Oh, you’re a bounty hunter, level two, I thought you knew that already,” he looked at Mogwai, but she wasn’t interested. Henry appeared to be sleeping with his hat over his eyes and feet kicked up on another chair, so he found no help there, either.

“Don’t I get to have some cool class, like Barbarian or Street Samurai or something?” I asked.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

Squirrel was giving me a confused look again. It was like he was talking motor sports, and I was asking about pretty paint jobs.

“No, red doesn’t make it go faster. Not even if it has flames on the fenders, I’m sorry!” or something like that.

“You aren’t any of those things. You’re a trained soldier with some higher-level combat training,” he said, pointing at first my advantages, then skills categories on the sheet.

“Your weapons proficiencies are rifles, pistols, ---modern--- and for some reason you have a half point in the skills, archaic weapons design, primitive survival, and baking,” he said.

I could have explained all of that, but I didn’t want to. Not the summers spent at Cherry Gulch Survival Jamboree, or the baking class I took during the pandemic. Fuck that, I wasn’t explaining a list of hundreds of minor skills, either.

“You have a greater than normal about of quarter point allocations to skills. You really should have tried to focus on something earlier in life.

You know, that really is the difference between a Tech Industry CEO and a factory worker? A factory spends all their experience points leaning a thousand things that get them nowhere,” he said and once more Chloe appeared to jostle him.

“William doesn’t mean to be an ass, sweetheart, he’s just a stat-nerd,” she explained with an embarrassed laugh.

“He also gets thick headed when he is around real women. You should have seen him when the Vindictus MMORPG Cosplayers were here. He kept running around to each group, introducing himself and screwing up magic tricks,” Mog said, still sounding unimpressed.

Squirrel somehow got a shade redder.

“Can we focus on the character sheet?” he asked, but his eyes were studying the table.

“Okay sure, what are Disadvantages and Quirks?” I asked.

“Good, question. Disadvantages are things that hurt you. Like on your sheet, it says, “Tactless, -1 and alcoholic tendencies -1.

Those negative points can increase other stats. Like, your intimidation skill is a solid 5, which is impressive for a woman,” he said, then as if realizing he screwed up he ducked just as Chloe’s hand went for the back of his head.

“QUIRKS!” Squirrel almost shouted as he looked around nervously.

“What about Quirks?” I asked, but I was feeling my amusement outweighing my irritation. While the night wasn’t going like I’d planned, it was still more interesting than sitting at home drinking wine.

“Some can be mild, like my own lack of awareness,” he said and straightened up in his seat.

“Thats mild?” I asked with a laugh.

“Others, like Mogwai’s emotional placidity, can be crippling,” he turned to look at Mogwai, who was clearly annoyed.

“So more negative points?” I asked, and Squirrel nodded slowly.

“Yes, but when un-naturals choose their build, they know that too many quirks and disadvantages can work against them. A racial build of a goblin, with little self-awareness, and the blundering oaf disadvantage is going to end up roadkill, or eaten by a stray cat,” he explained, or tried to explain, but I got the gist of it.

“Okay, so all of this is just biscuits and gravy, but why do I care?” I asked and wondered again if there was an overpriced beer cart somewhere in this maze of booths, venders, and lovable weirdos.

“It’s important to know how they level up. Their one goal here is to hunt and fight high level humans and wildlife. If you look at your sheet, you only need another two hundred EXP in order to level up your bounty hunter skill,” he sat back as if he’d explained everything, and was pleased with a job well done.

I was missing something. Sure, my big old IQ of nine might have been slowing me down, but everyone else seemed to think it was obvious.

“You have a bounty of two thousand EXP on your head,” Mog said as if reading my mind.

Sitting back, it finally hit me. Sure, they’d explained it, but now I saw the real motivation behind why they were all acting like it was such a big deal. We weren’t talking about just a run in with some bikers, there would be more monsters after me, a lot more.

“You mean if they kill me, they go up like two hundred levels, making themselves nearly gods or something?”

From the corner Henry laughed slowly, cynically, and again I wanted to punch him in his fat, fuzzy face.

“Not really. You have that bounty because you killed a succubus. That artificially boosted your standing,” he was giving me that knowing look again--- I hated that look.

“Explain it Barney the Big Purple Dinosaur style, to me,” I laughed manically.

Henry pulled his hat off his head and looked at me with a smirk. “Please forgive Ms. Remington, Squirrel. She is not a gaming person,” he dropped his feet to the floor, then stood and stretched.

“These low-level mobs are under the impression that your victory over Porsha was a fluke. Therefor they see you as easy prey and they are coming to collect what they think is,” Henry looked up to the sky and pursed his hands, “clearly, manna from heaven.”

“I still don’t understand why I need to have a character sheet? What am I supposed to do with it?”

“My dear, the un-natural beings have an advantage over their mortal prey. They have a Heads Up Display, if you will, and so they know exactly where their points are going, how their health looks, and so forth,” Henry explained.

“Exactly! They get notification if they gain a skill, and they can see your health and level,” Squirrel cut in.

“They also get aiming bonuses, and modifiers, for their weapon of choice. Humans do not,” Henry concluded.

“Well, that’s horseshit. No magic. No HUD, and a Satyr horde waiting to take me down? Am I just supposed to go on the run?” I said now peeved.

“They’re Chort, but that’s despite the point,” Henry’s desperado smile returned as he fished in his pocket and withdrew some paperwork.

“You are forgetting my very generous offer. Come work for me at the S.C.P Fugitive Recovery Department,” he lay the papers on the table.

“You want me to track down monsters and bring them in while being hunted for experience points? “ I asked baffled at his offer.

“Oh no, no, no—” Henry laughed as he shook his head at the absurdity of the question it seemed.

“Once you are engaged with my department, the mobs won’t dream of coming after the bounty. To do so would earn them their own bounty, and we can collect in their realm, I assure you,” Henry winked.

“What would I have to do, exactly?” I asked, but I felt like I was treading on dangerous ground.

“Our realm, the earth realm is an unsophistication place, or was until that last two hundred years or so. The only reason un-naturals would come here was to hunt the wildlife, earth does have some tasty flora and fauna, or to hide out,” he explained.

“So JFK as a fluke?” I asked with a scowl.

“I don’t think you understand,” Squirrel interjected. “JFK, Bruce and Brandon Lee, and many others weren’t from this realm, not initially. It’s complicated, but Bruce Lee’s father came here to learn martial arts, with plans to take that skill back to his own realm.”

“But he didn’t go back, why?” I asked.

“Oh, the same reason any man does anything destructive. He met a woman,” Henry drawled, and winked at Squirrel.

I gaped as I looked at Squirrel. He didn’t look like an un-natural, at first glance, but I could see it. Sasquatch, Forest child, it explained a lot.

“Oh, screw you, Henry!” Squirrel said and shook his head. “Not me,” he said and glanced over at Chloe.

“Yes, of course. Chloe is the reason we have this nice neutral space. Unlike Bruce Lee’s father, she found a way she could stay and not get the Bounty Hunters after her,” he admitted with a nod.

“Which is why we have Chort at the Cyber Squad booth,“ Mogwai said as if an afterthought.

“Wait? What?” I swung my head to where Mogwai stood by the curtain, peering out intently.

“Looks like the whole gang. They fit in really well with the World of Warfare co-players,” Mog was saying as I hurried over toward the curtain.

“How did they get inside?” I barked at Henry.

“Neutral territory means all can entry, none may cause problems,” the sweet voice of Chloe informed me from the dais she was setting up.

Peaking through the cracks above Mog, I could see the group walking around, clearly looking for me. They were brandishing melee weapons, mostly hammers and chains.

Mog was right, they fit in with the World of Warfare crowd, though the biker vests with all the patches were kind of throwing off their nerd vibe.

“They won’t cause problems here. Trust me, they know better than to cross Chloe,” Squirrel said, looking firm and a little menacing.

“They don’t have to attack us here, they just have to find us. Then they can follow us and we are screwed,” I said, and felt that butterfly in my stomach I only ever felt when shit was about to go down.

“Well, if you sign on with me, once we get the documents certified, you won’t have to worry about such things,” Henry said and I heard a lid from his pen pop, and knew if I looked behind myself he’d be standing there.

“I know nothing about monsters,” I said as the biggest butthead of them all pushed a guy dressed in oner of those fan driven T-Rex outfits to the ground, “accidentally”.

“We’ll train you,” Henry said, his cheshire cat smile returning.

“I don’t have the weapons, or kit,” I shot back.

“We’ll supply you with the required armaments,” Henry moved closer and until I could feel the warmth from him as he peaked out the curtain.

The large Chort casually knocked down someone’s book display, then stared at the man behind the stand, daring him to say something.

“He is a rather large insufferable brute isn’t he? I wonder if he lifts weights?” Henry said, his amused drawl that much more pronounced given my situation.

Snatching the pen from his hand, I marched over to the table and scrawled my name on the contract.

“There, can we get out of here now?” I asked, and Henry signature over and looked down at my signature.

“You forgot to initial the qualifiers, here and here,” he said, and growling I reached down and scrawled my initials.

“And date it, today is the 8th of August, and I believe you know the year,” he motioned to the document again, and growing pissed I put down the date.

“Now can I leave?” I spat.

“Of course you can leave, but the Chort will chase you down,” Henry pocketed the contract and laughed a little.

“You said if I signed we’d be protected!” I hissed, reaching for my gun.

“No, I said once it was certified they wouldn’t risk it. It is not yet certified. Head office will open in the morning.”

I wanted to kill him, but Squirrel was up and had a hand on my gun arm. “No violence! Chloe’s wrath isn’t directional,” he said, then looked around for a moment.

“How do I get out of here?” I growled.

“I think I have a way,” Mogwai said, then turned around offering me the creepiest grin ever. “You ever cos-play?”