Let me tell you a little something about myself. I don’t lose my cool. I have been shot at over sea’s had my MRAP blown over in Iraq, had a nearly seven-foot-tall biker/ pit fighter come after me, and I never lost control. But this bitch freaked me out.

So, hell yeah I shot her.

“I bet you weren’t, ‘hungering for that touch’, were ya? Ya freaky whore.” I yelled with some satisfaction about my snark being at that level.

The .410 buckshot round hit her high on the shoulder, but rather than spin her around and put her down, she took it like I bro punched her and started at me again.

The second round was .45 ACP, so when it hit her, it has more of the impact I was hoping for, and she was blown off her feet as all the ball baring sized shot hit her dead center.

Marv, meanwhile, had come to his normal level of confusion, and was trying to get to his feet, and failing. But at least seeing him move I knew he wasn’t dead.

Porsha, on the other hand, was lying on the floor with smoke coiling up from between her perky boobs. I was pretty sure that glowing eyed bitch was dead.

“Star shaped areola’s? Really? What’s else do you tell them, that you have a heart-shaped ass, and diamond coochie? Maybe they should have called you Lucky Charms instead of naming yourself after a mid-list car,” I spat, then went over to help Marv.

“Marv, are you okay?” I asked, but he was blinking and shaking his head.

“You shot her? Why did you shoot her?” He asked dumbfounded.

“She was…” I started, then realized I had no idea what she had been doing. As I pondered, it quickly came to me that what I had done, in anyone’s eyes, was basically break into a woman’s house, kick in her door, then shot a unarmed, half nude woman who was merely gazing into the eyes of a would be lover.

“I knew you liked me, but what the hell Rhett, was it a jealous rage?” Marv asked flatly as he pushed himself to his feet.

I tried to come up with something smart ass to say, but a dread was sinking in. I was a murderer. I just killed a woman, and why? I couldn’t say it was because her eyes freaked me out.

“Oh fuck you Marv!”

“Wait, where is she?” he asked, and I spun around to find her body was just gone.

“Maybe she crawled away?” I said stunned, but there was no blood, let alone a blood trail.

“She couldn’t have gotten out the door without us seeing. Maybe she is in the bedroom?”

“Marv, I shot her with a .45 round and the .410 buck shot. I saw the holes between her tits,” I argued, he raised both hands palm up, and did that whole body shrug thing again with a “What do you want me to say?” expression on his face.

“This is why I work alone,” I complained.

“Men always get distracted by any hot chick with nice tits,” but then again I was the one going on about lucky charms.

I reloaded.

Sure, just a moment before I was worried about a murder charge, but that was before a woman with enough lead in her to act as a boat anchor got up and left the spot where she fell down dead.

Marv simply looked confused. “Haven’t you shot her enough?”

“Marv, if the glowing eyes wasn’t enough for you to get freaked out, then maybe the dead girl walking away should.”

I reached into my waistband and retrieved his Taurus and handed to him grip first.

“I think we should, you know, maybe call 911? She has to be wounded. If somehow you were wrong about hitting her, then we should find out, then get the hell out of here. This bounty isn’t worth it.”

Marv was nothing if not practical, so I nodded. But I sure as hell wasn’t putting away my gun. I’d figure out where she went, then call the Po Po. But that bitch was trying to kill me, I was certain of it. Something about her wasn’t right, and it wasn’t just the star-shaped nipples.

Moving toward the bedroom, I pushed myself against the wall and waited as Marv, who was still squinting and looking off kilter, moved to the other side. “Just stay put,” I whispered.

I am sure if she was inside, she would have heard me, but there was no way I wanted Marv bumbling in and accidentally shooting me. Not even with a .22.

Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself to find a dead body, or a living nutcase, and then rushed in.

I had proper training, but you don’t typically clear a room by yourself if at all possible. A three-person team is nice, one right, one left and one up the middle, but I didn’t have the luxury, so I came in and swung the pistol from right all the way to the left as I scanned for movement.

Not finding anyone I moved fully into the room, I ignored the bed spread with the tacky black, and red heart’s, and went for the closets. As it turned out that was silly, because they were tiny, and so stuff with clothing that nothing was fitting inside, and I wasn’t getting the door closed.

Scattered on the bed were plastic looking molds of small bottles. Red, yellow, blue hued, they looked like someone had bitten the top of each one, then tossed it away drained of whatever was inside.

Wax Bottles Candy Drinks (1 pound, 50 bottles) Fun Nostalgic Candy [https://m.media-amazon.com/images/W/IMAGERENDERING_521856-T1/images/I/41Fk7pNNWAL._SX300_SY300_QL70_FMwebp_.jpg]Amazon.com: Wax Vampire Teeth Fangs for Halloween (individually wrapped set of 12) Halloween Party Candy : Grocery & Gourmet Food [https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR1CtHqDloWCfU5Rxn_aCC4saaCCm20bI43Y83-tZlP7yRyMtznma0aEZyIiXCR57rd9-s&usqp=CAU]

"Nik-L-Nip Mini Drinks? What some rave-junky thing like sucking on pacifiers?" I thought to myself as I remembered the wax bottles filled with fruit flavored sugar water. I hadn't see those in years, but I couldn't say I was surprised to find a baby doll dressed whore with gimmick candy. Hell, Everything about the room screamed, “WHORE” from that tacky red silk bed spread, to the Hell O Kitty plush toys. When I looked under the bed, I wasn’t shocked at all to see the basket full of sex toys, but I was disappointed not to find the girl.

“Rooms clear, Marv.” I called, “But I am going to have to burn my clothes now. God only knows how many gross old fat guys have left---”

A loud crack proceeded a second thump, and I knew Marv was down again.

Rushing to the door I tried to explode into the room, maybe catch her in the act of attacking Marv. Of course, that was my mistake. She was ready for me this time, and as I got out the door that bitch clotheslined me, like some pro wrestling shit.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

She was still in her platform boots, so luckily her forearm impacted my forehead. The blow was enough to send me down, but more like my feet slide out from under me, then being punched, so I landed on my side. Quickly rolling forward to get out of the doorway, I tried to get to my feet, but she was on me in a flash.

My gun hand came up, but she blocked it easily, the impact sent the gun flying. She followed it up with a right-handed elbow. I guess she intended on knocking me senseless, but I had hand to hand combat training in the Airforce, so I knew how to fight like a girl, and kicked her in the hoo haa.

The move worked. Sort of. Instead of falling backward, she fell right on top of me, swinging like a crack house whore frighten for her corner.

"Yes fight me bitch! The more you fight the more powerful I'll become," she screamed.

She wasn’t trying to gain the mount, so that was good for me. Without having control, she was just taking what shots she could, and I wasn’t planning to let her land any.

“You interrupted my meal! But killing you will be just as delicious,” she screamed in frustration and rained down blows on my forearms as I protected my head.

"That sounded corny as hell, besides I did you a favor," I grunted. "You have no idea what that boy stuffed in his mouth," I retorted as I pulled her into my guard.

For those of you who don’t know, watch Mixed Martial Arts, that means I had her between my legs. I bet that got you pervert’s attention. I know how you are about girl and girl fights and such, but get your mind out of the gutter, you’re as bad as Marv.

Anyway, this allowed me to keep her from getting in a good position to rain down punches, and it allowed me to control her upper body. In that position she was my bitch!

Her anger was growing as her frustration built, and with each blow I realized she wasn’t tiring out. Each strike was making my arms heavier, and one even sent an electric searing pain in to my shoulder. How the scrawny bitch was able to hit so hard was beyond me, but I knew I needed to do something quick.

I leaned close, pulling my body up against hers, and pushed my head on to her chest. I knew she couldn’t hit me as hard like this, and it might give me a chance to think. Instead, I felt her teeth on the scalp. She actually bit my head!

Screaming in pain and confusions I lifted my head quickly and slammed it into her teeth with as much force as I could manage. The impact sent her back, and with her off balance I pressed the attack. Immediately I went to a full mount, meaning my legs were up past her hips, and started raining down blows on her.

Unlike me, she didn’t seem to have any modern fighting tactics because she dropped her forearms to her face to cover up but ignored the side of her head. So, I took advantage of her ignorance and slammed my elbow into her temple.

After a few blows, she moved her arms to cover the sides of her head, so I punched her in the face. It only took two before she was covering the front again, and I returned to hitting her temple. She squawked and started to make this hiccupping noise and I thought she was crying.

I figured I had to be hurting her, those blows should have knocked her out by now, but the chick did get shot twice and was still fighting me. I don't know how she was fighting me, maybe meth or something, but as unskilled as she was, she was tough!

That was when I realized she was actually laughing.

“You like getting a beat down?” I snapped, but she just laughed harder.

I hit her again, and that was when Marv’s large hands grabbed both of her wrists and pulled her hands up above her head. I was just as shocked as Porsha, because I paused and watched with amazement as Marv quickly looped a rope around her wrists and tied them together.

“Grab her feet!” he yelled, so I punched her a few more times in her exposed face, then slid down until I could get to her feet.

Marv was ahead of me, because once I got down far enough he flipped her on her belly and put a massive knee on the back of her neck, and tossed me a zip tie. I didn’t need any encouragement to zip tie her feet together.

Porsha wasn’t very interested in being tide up however, so she started to kick both legs. The whole thing looked like something that'd happen on the corner.

The scene would have looked bad had someone come in, but thankfully no one had. Here was this half nude girl, her hands tied over her head with a giant man sitting on her back. Meanwhile I was trying to get control of her feet as the woman was sobbing even though I knew she was laughing.

But, again, even as novice Bounty hunter, this wasn’t the first person I had to restrain. It took a few moments, but I got her wrapped up.

“Check her for wounds. We need to stop the bleeding if-“

Marv rolled her over, but where there should have been entry wounds was nothing but soft, supple skin. Working on instinct, Marv started running his hands over her frame, looking for any sign of blood or disfigurement, but nothing. Just tits that were too perky, and those damn star shaped areolas.

Porsha was giggling now, like Marv was tickling her, and literally grinned at me, even as her eyes fixed on me, “you can’t hurt me you pathetic human!” She said between chortles.

"I'm going to get so much experience for this one!"

I realized then that she didn’t have a mark on her. Not from the gunshots, not from the ground and pound I put on her. She was as right as rain and laughing at me.

“What in the hell, Marv?” I asked, but he looked just as confused as me, and far worse for wear.

Right off I could see the blood rolling down the side of his head, where he apparently got nailed with something heavy. On top of his head, a lump was forming grotesquely, and already coloring a bright red. I’d bet anything he had a hematoma forming, if not a concussion.

That reminded me that she'd fucking bitten me, and reaching up I felt the stinging wound. When I examined my hand there was only a little blood, but I'd need a rabies shot or something after this. God only knows what disease this meth whore had.

“I have no idea what the hell she is,” he muttered, and Porsha laughed harder. “That’s right you don’t have a clue, but you will. We’re just getting started kiddo’s.”

Suddenly, her eyes grew more intensely violet and seemed to have a pale glow.

“As much as I enjoy playing games with you, this has, like, become old and stuff,” she said in a valley girl drawl that made my stomach clench.

“So, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna, you know, end this,” she said with her voice going up in tone at the end, so it sounded like a question.

I felt like I was fighting with some kind of a monster valley girl from Southern California, and it was really a getting on my nerves.

“Marv, cut me loose, then kill her.” The sing song voice was still as light as ever, and I felt a smirk on my lips knowing Marv wouldn’t do any such thing. “Can you believe this---“

I started to say, but then realized Marv was letting go of her and struggling to get his knife out. “What’s going on Marv?” I asked but hurried to get to my feet.

Marv had a blank expression on his face, and he was moving without looking in any specific direction. It kind of reminded me of those old movies when they talked about zombies, not the shuffling dead rotten ones, the old ones that were more like people under a spell.

Whatever was going on, he quickly sliced through the ropes, then turned toward me.

I decided not to wait to find out what was going on and scurried to get The Judge. I hadn’t known where it had gone, but it only took me a brief glance to find it was resting behind Porsha.

Marv moved quick, something I thought impossible, and circled to get the couch between me and him. Only realized afterward that I'd put him between me and the door as well, which put Porsha to my left, and my gun out of reach without confronting one or the other.

Remember what I said about using Marv as an obstacle in case Porsha ran? Well, that logic remained true. Marv has long arms, and a lot of girths. It is difficult getting around him or passed him.

Of course, the unkillable glowing eyed stripper wasn’t exactly something I wanted to get caught up with either. The likely hood of doing any real damage to her before Marv was on me was low.

But maybe I didn’t have to.

Marv was moving toward me at every turn. Maybe if I ran toward Porsha, he would run the same way to intercept.

I put it to the test and sprinted right at Porsha.

Surprised, she flinched just a little, and as all three of us were about to collide I dropped, and skid passed her just as Marv slammed into her as he tried to grab me.

Just then Marv let out a high pitched whistler of a fart and collectively we all stopped and looked at him. "Fucking savage," Porsha growled, then her face went suddenly pale.

"What is that? What?" Porsha gagged as the scent of noxious kimchi- cheese fries farts slammed into her.

Suddenly her eyes were watering and she bent over at the waist gaging as she attempted to bury her nose in the corner of her shirt. But Marv was still entwined and as her body convulsed, Marv farted again and Porsha let out a scream.

"I'm gonna puke!" she roared and back handed Marv, which as it turns out was just enough to make him fall and take her with him.

The pair went down in a heap, but I had ‘The Judge’ in an instant. Going to a knee I fired a shot and hit her in the shoulder’s top, then adjusted fire. The second shot when right into the place where babies have their soft spot, the second and her the top of her head came apart like George Romero was directing the scene.

The silence that followed as almost worse than the stench, not quite, damn that boy is rotten on the inside!

Remember how I said I hate stakeouts? I hate sitting in the back of police vehicles more. Which is right where I found myself once the police arrived. What was I going to say?

"So there I was, Officer, Marv shit his pant's, the whore was dead, and I swear to the lord up high I swear she was a succubus!"