Consultation 1.
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“God of Shitty Life Counselling, what do I do? Please guide me.”
Those were the first words I heard when I woke up today.
I looked over, squinted my eyes, and sized up what appeared to be my next client. Long black hair, scary amber eyes, coupled with a frightening smile.
“Tch. Why not just go die instead of asking me for life counseling? Maybe you’ll reincarnate as a better waifu.”
“No way, you half-baked joke of a god, give me some proper advice.”
“You want proper advice? Here’s some advice, don’t ask me for advice and you’ll live a much happier life.”
“If I could live a happier life do you think I’d be consulting you on my problem?”
“Your problem? I haven’t even heard what your problem is.”
“You mean you weren’t listening when I was explaining it just now? I’ve spent the last six hours explaining my situation you know. Oh well, it can’t be helped I’ll start from the beginning.”
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
“S-six hours? Are you shitting me? Bitch, you have one sentence. Go.”
“Eh? One sentence? How can I encapsulate the entirety of my extremely complicated problem in one sentence?”
“Not my problem. Take it or leave it.”
“Then… my problem is that… I’d like to know how to get my husband to be okay with me NTRing him.”
“Go die. Seriously, just go jump off a bridge you stupid skank.”
“What? I came here for advice and you tell me to die and call me a skank?”
“That is really the best advice I can offer a dumb bitch like you.”
“I’m not leaving until I get a proper solution to my problem. I paid good money for this consultation time. I’ll report you for not doing your job.”
“Tsk. Fine. You really want my shit-tier advice? The answer is very simple. Hold a knife up to his throat and tell him you want to fuck another guy in front of him and if he doesn’t accept that you’ll cut his dick off.”
The black-haired waifu with the scary amber eyes jaw dropped.
“Look, obviously you can’t go and do that. My advice is always shit so you shouldn’t expect much from a counseling session with me.”
“No, God of Shitty Life Counselling, you’re actually onto something. You’re a genius. The answer was so obvious, why didn’t I think of this sooner? To think the answer was something so simple. Thank you God of Shitty Life Counselling for your guidance, I will be sure to recommend you to all of my friends.”
“Eh? What? No, seriously can you listen to me for a second?”
She didn’t hesitate. She immediately stood up and left the room.