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Chapter V: Killer Plans
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Ralph’s anger grew as he continued to stomp towards the opposite end of the village. Many different emotions filled his mind, yet his body was clearly on a mission. He soon passed hovel after hovel with no one insight, and he gripped his spoon tighter and tighter with each passing. It wasn’t until he neared some iron gates that he acknowledged the ever-present voice inside his head.
“Hey numbnuts, there are two flesh sacks in front of you!” exclaimed Eddy.
Ralph quickly ducked behind a woodpile nearing a hovel, and said, “Thanks Eddy. I almost lost it and charged those guards, ha…”
Eddy faced his bowl side to Ralph and said, “I’m down for killing, regardless of the reason. However, are you sure you can pull this off?”
Ralph smiled at his spoon and said, “Most people in the village are not even level one, let alone level two. The only person we need to worry about is the village captain, who’s at level three.”
“Right, I keep forgetting about these stupid levels,” sighed Eddy.
Ralph pointed Eddy at the two guards nearby and said, “Identify… Shit, these guys are both level two fighters,” and so he peered back down at Eddy with worried eyes.
Eddy vibrated in rage and yelled, “Fuck the blue box! Fuck your levels! I’ve seen men your size squash heads just by jumping on them a few times! Now, plan out how you’re gonna kill these pussies!”
“Okay, okay, I got it. When you scream in my head like that, I can’t even think. Listen to my thoughts and let me know if you think this plan will work, please,” said Ralph as he closed his eyes and mentally fed Eddy his ideas.
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Eddy gasped and said, “Hm, your plan is similar to how I used to ambush people. It seems you’re able to learn from the best after all.”
Ralph rolled his eyes and began to put his plan into action. With subtle movements, he crouched along the stone walls containing a mansion. He went closer and closer until one of the guards finally turned and noticed him. Before any words were spoken, Ralph cocked his arm back under the moonlight and released a spoon with all his might.
*Fling* *Splat*
“Oh, dear God! My eye! Get it out! Help!” cried a spearman as he withered on the ground.
Eddy burrowed into the eye socket of a man and said, “Ohh, it’s so nice in here! This has to be my favorite place to be, you know, inside the skull of the unwilling.”
“You there, stop! Come back here!” said the other spearman as he chased Ralph into a dark alley.
Ralph went full sprint and ran without looking back. He was waiting to see the message, ‘You have slain a human,’ to pop up, yet it never did. The thought of fighting two men at the same time flashed in his head, and it caused him to stumble a bit. And soon, his stumble turned into a full-on tumble.
*Plop* *Thud*
Ralph scrambled to pick himself up and yelled, “Eddy! Where the fuck are you?! I need you now!”
“You’re dead!” said a guard as he struck out at Ralph with his spear.
*Cling*
Hardening Activated
Ralph opened his eyes in surprise to see the spoon back in his hand and said, “Wow, Eddy, you really saved me!”
Eddy caused Ralph’s arm to strike out at the guardsman again, and he said, “Save you?! Nah. I’m just here because my other plaything stopped playing back.”
*Cling*
Ralph then dodged a thrust attack and said, “Whatever, you crazy maniac. Let's just get this over with,” and he tackled the guardsman to the ground.
Ralph then sat atop a screaming man as he readily jabbed his body with a rusty spoon. The heat of the moment caught up with Ralph, and with the assistance of Eddy, the man was struck a hundred times over. Soon, a bloody mess laid beneath him, and two boxes rang out.
You have slain a human
You have slain a human
Ralph came to his senses and said, “Oh my goodness… That was- Wait? How did the other guy pass just now?”
Eddy twirled himself inside of a chest cavity and said, “Eh, he probably bled out from the new face hole I gave him. It doesn’t really matter though… Anyways, we should probably move on to step two of our plan now.”
“Yes, we must avenge Mr. Fisherman,” said Ralph as he dragged a corpse into the darkness.
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