P.O.V Hidan
I am just a simple mass murderer and Jashinist with his stylish fur jacket and killer scythe walking around Hotspring Country, when 3 fucking weirdos blocked my way.
At first that fucking blue-haired bitch completely baited me with her gorgeous body and I had already prepared myself for a good fucking session of painful moaning, when that other weird wire guy and red-eyes appeared.
I swear that with their completely homo-robes they could have been a musician group or something.
So I did the only thing a good Jashin follow who do: Start a fucking slaughter.
I started out with attacking the wire guy who shot his freaking arm at me!
This guy is fucking cool!
He can split his body up and reconnect them with his wires. How freaking cool is that?!
Anyway once I got his blood on my scythe I prepared the ritual and stabbed myself in the heart to sacrifies that cool fucker.
But you know what that guy did?
He removed his own heart from his body and told me that he still has three spare ones left.
Fucking. Awesome.
That sucker is immortal like me!
Today I can finally torture someone immortal just like me!
Unfortunately red-eyes stopped our fight and that blue bitch started preaching about their organisation.
They had me the moment they started talking about paid slaugther and destruction, but I still played hard to get.
You never know what benefits that will give me.
Anyway we have been walking for a while now towards Rain Country to meet our leader.
I used that time to get information on these stupid heathens and I don't like them at all.
They plan to threaten the world with a weapon capable of mass destruction, which is fucking awesome by the way, but instead of using it to kill everyone they plan to enforce peace.
Boring~
I already prepared myself to kill all these heathens to get my hands on that weapon. I am sure Jashin will be greatly pleased to know that I fucking destroyed this world. Maybe I will even be able to die too?
Red eyes is a boring idiot that does not like to talk. I also heard of these red eyes before. Something about them being good at genjutsu and predicting the future.
It was then that I remembered something about a massacre in Konoha and I started liking him until that idiot just grunted when I asked him how his victims suffered. Boring heathen that simply needs a little push into the right direction. Maybe he will kill everyone next time. At least that sounds like a good plan to pursue in the future! I am sure once that heathen learns of Jashin's great ways he will instantly convert and murder his own family.
Kakuzu, wire guy, is the best one out of everyone here. He still fucking sucks as he only kills for money, but at least he is as awesome as me. I am sure if I can convert that old geezer then that will greatly please Jashin and get me closer to spread Jashin's name.
Then there is that fucking stucked up bitch.
'You will do what Pain tells you to do'. Bitch I am doing what I want to.
'You will not murder your fellow Akatsuki member unless Pain tells you to.' Fuck you bitch. I kill who I want to and especially my 'fellow members' as Jashin sacrifies the blood of my neighbours. Right, she probably does not know of Jashin's words of wisdom that encourage to kill your family, friends, neighbours and well fucking everyone.
'Blablabla Pain- Leader- Pain- Leader- Blabla' I get it you are so annoying and in fucking love with that guy. A shame that a devoted woman like her is a heathen.
Damn. That reminds me that the last woman I enjoyed has been weeks ago. It is rare after all to get a fine specimen to torture.
Fuck that leader guy!
He started introducing all these idiots one by one, with everyone being more weirder than the last one. I mean blue skin? Is that guy a fucking shark? Then there is even a walking plant and that hipster teenager with suicidal tendencies.
'Art is an explosion.'- you have no idea what you are talking about, retard. The only beautiful thing is pain and if you truly enjoy pain then you fucking live it. You cause pain and you wholeheartly accept pain. You just have to love suffering.
Where is that idiots love for his explosives?! Is he even ready to fucking jump into his own fucking explosions?!
Anyway screw them all. Especially that leader.
Who does he think he is and proclaim himself a god?!
Jashin is the only true god!
Just you wait sucker. I kill you, torture your woman and then take your weapon of mass destruction and bring about the end of the world. Fuck yeah, that sounds like a great plan!
"Scew you and your weird ring eyes. I will still spread Jashin's name everywhere I go."
"Do what you must Hidan."
"So, where is that last fucking member? We have been waiting for a few minutes now."
"You are really impatient, un!"
"Fuck you blondie."
"She is here."
I turn to the opening door and see the most beautiful female specimen in my whole immortal life.
Dark blue, shoulder long hair, two long horns that could probably pierce through somebody's chest and an enormous chest with tall build. Damn! She even has a freaking blindfold! Wait what are those things floating around her head? Are those 'Sin Demons'!?
In the 'Teachings of Pain' is a describtion of a goddess that Jashin personally named his 'Priestess of Pain'. She is described as a woman with a tall build, long black horns, a voluptous chest, long black nails and bat-like wings. The priestess is also said to be blind and able to see the future, which is foreseen by Jashin and she is able to conjure so-called 'Sin Demons' that would devour her enemies.
These 'Sin Demons' were described as white creatures closely resembling animals to lower their preys guard and they would then transform into monstrous beings twice the size of houses and kill everything around them. They are said to be created by humanities suffering and the only way to use them is through the priestess.
Could this woman right there be the priestess that our cult has been looking for years now? True she has no white hair and no fucking bat wings, but I am sure her body is still growing and changing. And then there are the 'Sin Demons'!.
Well I am not sure if they really are demons, but I will still have to test her!
If she is a devote follower of Jashin then I will have my fucking answer!
"Oi. You slut over there. How dare you make me waste my time that I could have been slaugthering fucking heathens?!"
----------------------------------------
P.O.V. Hinata
Everyone is giving me weird looks.
I am sure that I am not that late, so there must be something different going on, which is why I take a closer look at Itachi through my blindfold.
His eyes seem to be focused on something around my head and that something is moving.
I look at that thing flying around my head and am greeted with the cutest expression a baby rabbit could ever make. Two pairs of big round eyes are staring upwards to me.
Crap.
In the past whenever I had been cooking, drawing or just doing something that is not killing, I have been maintaining two certain chakra constructs to train my energy control. Over the years that turned into an unconcious thought that I passively maintained.
Two chakra construct.
One is a representation of Sir. Fluffykins that was controlled by Usagi and another is the baby rabbit called Muffinwaffle that I had created to make my training more worthwile. I totally did not create Muffinwaffle to make both look even cuter together!
Now they have seen it. My darkest secret.
Everyone knows about it.
"Mai... is that Sir. Fluffykins? And possibly his child?"
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
NOOOOOO ITACHI.
Just pretend that they never existed! How can you even remember Sir.Fluffykins?! I only showed him to you one time. One time!
This is so embarassing!
"..Hn."
"Don't you want to introduce them to us, Mai?"
I am so going to poison you again Itachi!
Fuck it! Now that they know I will have to fully embrace it! I am not going to back down now!
"Hn. This is Sir. Fluffykins" and show them they perfect representation of my Sir. Fluffykins plushie only in white as it is created by my Qi and then slowly lower Muffinwaffle to the ground and have her cutely hop in front of me "and this is his daugther Muffinwaffle."
Everyone is dumbfounded, well everyone except Konan, Itachi and Zetsu, who are trying not to laugh their asses off, and Deidara.
"..cute."
Oi. Konan stop giving me that intense stare!
"Adorable, un! Now they only need to explode and they would be perfect!"
Don't make me explode Sir Fluffykins and Muffinwaffle!
"Who would have thought that our Horned Reaper would have such a cute side to her."
"You wouldn't be saying that, Kisame, if you knew wha-"
"Oi. You slut over there. How dare you make me waste my time that I could have been slaugthering fucking heathens?!"
Who the hell called me slut. Wait, is that Hidan?! No one calls me a slut.
"What did you call me, old man?!"
"Old man?!"
"Yeah just take a look at yourself. With that retarded grey hair you are obviously... what? A hundred years old? You should just retire, old man."
"You. Bitch! I will fucking kill you!"
"Oho~ didn't your parents teach you to set a good example for others and not use those dirty words? I am really sorry for your parents to have cared for such a vulgar old man."
"Get. The. Fuck. Over. Here! Meet my beloved scythe!"
Hidan takes out his scythe and jumps into the air towards me. I still remember that requires a drop of my blood to really be a danger to me, which is why instead of fighting him in close range, I make use of my energy training and expand Sir. Fluffykins to his battle size during training.
Sir. Fluffykins is now two meters tall and standing on two legs. With his front paws he is holding onto a gigantic double-axe and blocks Hidan's attack, making him fly back to where he came from.
"It transformed?"
Everyone is slightly surprised by Sir. Fluffykins change, but the two most surprised are Sasori and ...somehow Hidan?
"What are you going to do now old man?!"
Without even answering he rushes back into the fight and tries to beat up Sir. Fluffykins.
The emphasis is one 'tries' as everyone of his swings are blocked by Sir. Fluffykins axe and make it impossible for Hidan to advance.
It is really sad to see Hidan struggling that much against Sir. Fluffykins.
True, I have to keep pushing Qi into Sir. Fluffykins everytime he is hit and parts of his body disperses, but the really sad thing is seeing a supposedly S-rank shinobi struggling against a white-chakra construct, which looks like a humanoid rabbit with a super cute face and ears.
"Pain. I want one of those creatures. They are so cute and look really fluffy.... and of course it would be good to have other strong members on our side!"
Oi Konan the persona you have built up over years is crumbling.
"Old man... is swinging your 'love tool' everything you can do?"
"Fuck you bitch!"
"And again with your vulgar words. Itachi? Is that our new member?"
"Hn. He is supposedly immortal."
"Immortal, hm? Hey old man. Are you really immortal?"
Another attack from Hidan is deflected and I have Sir. Fluffykins stop attack and slowly repair his body.
"Of course you heathen! Jashin has granted me with the perfect body to fulfill his orders!"
That reminds me of something. I take a closer look at Hidan's body with my Tenseigan and can make out another type of energy radiating from his body than chakra. Similar to how every cell in my body is filled with Qi, his black energy is filling his whole body too. That energy is probably what keeps him alive. Interesting.
Guess I will have some fun with him for now.
"Leader? Is it alright to test our new member? He is somehow really weak."
"...Do it."
Guess Pain is also slightly irritated by him.
It is a shame that I left most of my equipment in my room, but it should be quite simple to test Hidan's body.
I split up my conciousness with one part taking control of Sir. Fluffykins and another readies itself to trap Hidan in a genjutsu, while the main body closes the distance to Hidan.
Hidan, surprised that I would rush to him, takes a moment to prepare for an attack and is hit by my genjutsu. He should be seeing multiple versions of me closing in on him, while the room around him is now only an empty and black space. That genjutsu is actually inspired by the Second Hokage's 'Bringer of Darkness Technique'. The original robs someone of their eyesight and has them struggle blindly around the battlefield, but unlike the original my version simply modifies the area around them. The biggest benefit is that instead of simply robbing someone's vision I can trick it and have myself disappear and reappear.
Unfortunately that technique is expensive to maintain.
Hidan is swinging around his scythe to kill my clones and it only takes a short moment for him to realize that he has completely lost sight of me, or anyone else for that matter.
Everyone else outside can see me casually walking over to him with Sir. Fluffykins at my side, who is ready to grab Hidan for my experiment.
"Bitch! Where are you!? Come and face your suffering!"
Seriously... that guy is way to arrogant. He obviously does not care that he is trapped inside of my genjutsu and ignores any possible danger.
Well, he is immortal after all.
"Old man~ I wonder how many body parts you can lose and still talk with that dirty mouth of yours~"
"Come on then bitch! Try me!"
I extend a Qi thread towards Hidan's right shoulder and tap it sligthly. He immediately overreacts and swings with his scythe into empty space.
During his swing Sir. Fluffykins' axe disappears, and with it the Qi it is made out of returns to me, and grabs Hidan's arms.
Hidan tries to free himself and ultimately fails even keeping grab of his weapon.
Now that Hidan is perfectly held in place by Sir. Fluffykins, I have the genjutsu dissolve and inspect his scythe.
The scythe has three red blades and at the end of it is connected to an iron cable, which is bound to Hidan's hips. His weapon is also really heavy and makes it hard to wield.
"Oi Bitch! Don't you dare touch my weapon! Wait until I get out of here! I will fucking murder your ass with my scythe!!!"
"Oh come on and shut up. You are way too pathetic for that. It took me one genjutsu to beat you. Don't you think that is pathetic? Or did you think your immortality will save you from me?"
Seeing as Hidan still tries to free himself from Sir. Fluffykins, I start with the experiment to determine the effects of this weird black energy on him.
Writing tools and a small notebook are released from one of my storages scrolls and hand them to Muffinwaffle who readies itself to write down test results. She obviously looks super adorable trying to hold a pencil with her paws.
I create a shortsword made out of Qi and try to slice off one of his legs. It takes me three swings to completely sever his legs from his body.
"IT HURTS!!!"
"Sturdy skin, dense muscles and improved bone structure. Roughly 250 to 280 to slice off in one swing." Everything I say is noted down by Mufinwaffle.
"Subject feels pain and loses blood."
I take another swing and remove part of his thigh.
"AARRGH"
Both missing parts are then held together by myself and I can see the energy flowing inside of them.
The black energy is trying to connect with itself and actually speeds up the healing process.
"Enhanced regeneration. Possible to reconnect lost limbs."
With my Tenseigan I can also see that the energy is even connected to Hidan's main body and trying to reconnect with it even though the missing leg is currently 3 meters away from the main body.
"I will now start testing if you can recover body parts that are completely destroyed."
Hidan is now looking at me with a slightly different look than before. He must not have expected me to truly test the limits of his body.
Well what should I say? He pissed me off and I am really curious how his immortality works.
"Oi. Bitch. Can't we just stop this?"
"Nope and now keep your mouth shut, unless I am asking you a question."
I raise my shortsword and combine it with the Explosion Fist to completely destroy his other leg.
"AAAARRGHH BITCH!! IT FUCKING HURTS! HURTS HURTS HURTS!"
His leg is shredded into multiple pieces and the black energy from those cells is slowly moving into Hidan's direction.
Does that mean he can regenerate his lost body parts? Wouldn't that mean that the Hidan from the original story would have eventually recovered his whole body?
"Hmm. Say, do your limbs regrow?"
"FUCKING HELL YES. NOW RELEASE ME!"
"In this case there is an easy solution to kill you."
I swing at his body and swing and swing and swing until his whole body is cut into multiple little pieces.
I spread his body parts all around the room and analyze their energy flow. It behaves the same way with the first lost limb and the energy stays with their respective body parts.
"Body parts cannot regrow as long as a copy of it exists. Write that down Muffinwaffle." Who in turn flaps her ears at me.
"Sasori do you want to take a look at his body too? Finding out about other ways of immortality might be a great help for your studies."
Many of the Akatsuki members is put off by Hidan's screams and my bloody appearance, except of course Zetsu, who seems to be salivating, and Sasori, who must be used to these sights.
I actually expected Deidara to be used to seeing exploded body parts, but he somehow is avoiding to look at me.
"Girl, you are willing to share your specimen with me?"
"Of course. Is it not our duty to tell Hidan all about his limitation and get rid of his misplaced arrogance? Having a body that does not die is in no way a reason to grow arrogant, especially not when you are a pathetic loser. Besides his whole body is a interesting puzzle to solve!"
"You are right. We would be doing him a disservice to not tell him about his own abilities and limiations."
"I am also thinking that in the case our subject suddenly stops living that you could have him join the ranks your puppets."
"...girl. You know how to deal with this old man."
Sasori is coming closer to Hidan's body pieces and I start explaining to him what I could 'feel' from his body parts. We both discuss for a while what that black energy might be until even Kisame joins the fray.
"Samehada describes that energy as rotten and bloodthirsty."
"Hmm. Could it be related to his faith? I could see his spiritual chakra being transformed and affected by his faith for his god, which in turn has that weird effect on his body. Maybe that is also the reason why Hidan is not using any jutsu, because he simply can't with his twisted chakra. Spiritual energy to hold his body together and physical energy to boost and recover his body."
"Possibly. That would make him a unique specimen for my puppets."
"True. Anyway maybe we should put him back together again. His insults and screaming stopped a few minutes ago and it might be that destroying his body like this could have negative effects on his psyche."
"Girl. He is your victim."
"Meh. I could also first try to fry his whole body and then have it try to regenerate. Fufufufufu."
"... Mai you are really evil."
"You are almost on Orochimaru's level."
I throw all of Hidan's pieces into one of the rooms corners and clean myself with my Qi, when Pain starts speaking.
"Are you finally done with testing our new member?"
"Yes and he is pathetically weak. I am sorry for whoever is going to be his partner."
"That will be Kakuzu."
Kakuzu is clearly not amused, while Konan is still giving me that intense stare of hers.
"Now that we found our last member, we can finally start with our main goal: The capture of all biju. Sasori and Deidara will be preparing themselves for the One-Tails and Three-Tails. Hidan and Kakuzu will go after the Two-Tails and the Seven-Tails. Kisame and Zetsu will prepare themselves for the capture of the Four-Tails and Eight-Tails. Konan and I will be going after the Five-Tails and Six-Tails, while Itachi and Mai will be capturing the Jinchuriki of the Nine-Tails."
And I will bet with you that whatever plan Pain prepared for the retrieval for the biju will greatly change in the future.
"We are right now lacking on information about the whereabouts of their Jinchuriki and their abilities, which is why this will be your responsibility for the upcoming years: Intel and preparation. During that time I want you all to keep fulfilling missions to destabilize the shinobi village's economy and try to find information about Orochimaru's whereabouts. We won't let traitors live. You are dismissed for now. I will let you know about your missions in a few days after Hidan completely recovered..."
He is only saying that to make me feel bad about my actions.
Everyone quickly leaves the room except for Konan and Itachi (and of course the flesh lump in one of the corners).
"Mai...could I pet your pets?"
"Sure."
I didn't expect Konan to dissolve into paper and instantly reappear beside Muffinwaffle.
Guess I will be forced to keep maintaing Muffinwaffle until Konan is satisfied.
"Mai. How long do you think will Hidan take to recover?"
"I don't know Itachi. My estimate would be around a day to two days at most. We could also try asking him."
"Hn."
"Hidan? You awake there?"
His eyes take on a fearful look once he notices me.
"...fucking bitch. Why are you here?"
"Just seeing how you are doing."
"Fuck you. Are you sure that you are not a jashinist? No normal human would torture someone like that."
"Oh you~ I would do that only to people that really piss me off. Besides we only spent a short while together. Imagine what fun we could have when I start dissecting you for days~"
Ok. That went too far. Hidan is now starting to look really creepy. Is that lust in his eyes? Damn.
"Anyway. Itachi want to eat something? I made some dango again."
"Hn."
"See you Hidan."
"Fuck you bitch!"
Right before leaving the room and deactivating Muffinwaffle Hidan says something I couldn't quite understand from the distance.
"She has to be the priestess!"