When did it happen? When did I become what I am today?

I wasn’t always like this, I promise.

Once I was winning awards for my analysis. There was a time I was getting offers for graduate schools.

I was always alone, well not always, but for most of my life I was all by myself. For the most part this was ok, it was ok because I had some people who loved me. I took them for granted, yet they still cared about me.

It’s a curious thing, what being a parent does. I don’t have kids, I wouldn’t know. What’s so special about a human that carries chromosomes you provided?

Regardless, because of this perceived value they had for me, they put up with my shit despite everything and continued to provide for me all through college. They even paid for all of my college.

I was quite a skilled leech.

Then they died.

As the only child I inherited everything, the house, life insurance, 401k, Roth IRA, everything.

Like the leech I am, I lived off that without getting a job. More like I couldn’t get a job, nor could I go to grad school. I was too depressed too empty.

I am weak, I needed someone to help me, but I had no one.

So I just stayed empty. Reading, watching anime, watching tv, masturbating, watching the news, on days I’m feeling better than normal, I’ll even play chess.

But it was all fruitless, nothing truly eased the pain, I simply found the most effective way to pass time quickly. It was all about getting through the day.

Self-pity, self-medicating, self-destructing, whatever it can be called.

But I was tired of it. Tired of playing along with the world that rejected me. My peers rejected me, women rejected me, society rejected me, only my family accepted me out of obligation.

But that was good enough.

For a while.

Then the universe took them away.

And all became melancholy.

Now here I stand, out of money, mortgage defaulted, house foreclosed, homeless.

I know its my fault, I’m my harshest critic. I see myself for what everyone sees me as: a bum, loser, failure, unemployed, ugly, freak. The only difference is they think I can change if I pull myself up by my bootstraps. But I know I can’t change, I tried.

26 years brought me where? Just enough successes, just enough comments about me being bright to get a swollen enough head to think I was special. Only to end up like this.

Maybe if I had a wife supporting me, someone who truly saw me for who I am and loved me all the same. No, in our society that could never happen. Girls these days don’t want a good decent man. They just want a douchebag with muscles who’ll sate their whorish tendencies until they get cheated on for another generic bitch.

All the while society tells men to be effeminate cucks. What fucking bullshit, even if I tried there’s not even a decent woman out there anyways.

So I’m destined to be alone.

Whatever

It’s not going to matter soon anyways.

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There’s a knocking at my door, as suspected it’s the police. I was supposed to leave 2 weeks ago, so they are finally trespassing me.

“Come on kid, you got to get out of here… I don’t want to send you to jail.”

The black police officer tells me. Black police officer huh, pretty fucking ironic.

“Fuck off” I respond to the pig.

Trying to kick me out of my own home, what the fuck?

But it’s not like I can resist.

A moment later I was standing doorway, staring at the only thing I had left except my empty wallet and phone with no plan.

“Look kid, I know you’re in a tough spot. Do you have anyone you can rely on? I’ll call them for you.”

Who does he think he is?

“fuck off” the only words I can think of repeat themselves.

“Alright, even if there is no one you can talk to I can connect you with a shelter. They will provide you with a place to stay, jo-“

“I SAID FUCK OFF MAN!”

I slam my fist against the wall. The same spot I hit when arguing with my parents once.

God he reminds me of them.

I stumble out of the garbage riddled suburban home and start walking.

A few minutes in and my legs get tired. I was never really suited for exercise.

What the hell am I going to do?

No I know what I’m going to do.

It’s the only option left.

I hope God has mercy on me.

My feet ache from the 30 minutes of walking. My shoes are worn out, I barely use them so I saw no point in buying new ones.

The houses all look the same to me, with a few exceptions like some have big gardens.

Others have multiple trees in the front yard.

Everything is a bright green, its summer after all.

The sun is bright, and that kind of sucks. I can hardly see after all, and it burns my eyes to even look at the sky. I wish it was dark all the time.

I stop by a McDonalds, fapping one more time in the bathroom before its time to go. I watched my favorite video while doing it.

Spent my last 2 dollars on a coke.

I get to the street my high school was on.

There is a big park to the left of it with basketball courts, a playground, baseball fields, a small pond.

I keep walking down the street.

Come to think of it I had friends once in elementary and middle school, with one in high school how is she doing?

No, I stopped caring when she rejected me after the bitch got my hopes up.

At the end of the street there is a big bridge that crosses a river. I used to fantasize about jumping off it.

I start the process of climbing up it while thinking back on everything.

All of this was meaningless wasn’t it? Any more effort will be meaningless too.

So I must make the logical choice.

And jump.

I closed my eyes so I couldn’t see how fast I was falling.

But I can tell from the wind on my skin that I was going pretty quick.

But the fall was surprisingly slow, biological reaction?

Fuck I’m scared.

Why did I do this?

I hit the water, I feel weird.

Oh well.

At least it’s over.

I close my eyes.

…

…….

………

What the hell? I’m still conscious?

Is heaven real?

No, I should be in hell.

Did I survive?

I open my eyes.

My ears adjust, and I hear screaming.

The scene in front of me is chaotic, a woman with her legs spread open and a women fixed between them, hand reaching where her vagina is.

It’s my first time seeing one in person, but I didn’t want it to be like this.

A man is holding her hand, he comes off as the normie type.

No, more like the hot guy type, except blue hair? What’s up with that, it looks natural too.

The walls are made of either stone or some type of cement. I can’t really tell what, but it looked like the kind of villa I saw in games about ancient Rome.

The floor was intricately designed.

The style of the house was very open, and a lot of fresh air came in.

The woman kept screaming, and shouting in a language I didn’t understand. I looked around and saw one unoccupied woman, she looked like she was standing at the ready for orders anxiously.

“What is going on here? Did I get put in the same room as woman delivering?”

She ignored me.

God I don’t need this shit right now!

I grab her shoulder.

Or at least I thought I did, but my hand went through.

What the fuck?

I look down, and my body is there. I grab again but alas I go through. Eventually I throw my whole body at her only to fall.

I try to run out the door to find anything helpful. But I can’t leave the room, something is stopping me.

What the fuck is going on?

Then the screaming stops.

A baby is being held by the woman preforming the delivery, the woman giving birth looks exhausted. The person I think is a doctor hands over the baby into the woman’s arms.

Both the guy and girl look proud, they seem about my age too.

Lucky.

I get curious and walk over.

The baby is a boy, when I look into it’s eyes something comes over me. A strange emotion I can’t describe, but I’ll hang around it for a while.

It’s staring at me, is this boy the only one who can see me?

I don’t know, I have no clue what is going on.

Among all the foreign chatter I make out one thing, both the man and woman say.

“Cassius”

Is that the boy’s name?

I have so many questions, but I’ll just need to stay calm and observe.

Anyways, I can’t help but be captivated by this boy…