Chapter 8: The Aftermath.

The guards arrived on the scene about 15 minutes after Julius passed out. They performed basic first aid with a magician who was with them, but they made little progress.

Claudia arrived 10 minutes after the guards and stabilized him. He was still unconscious, but he would live. Brennos carried him back to the wall, where a carriage took over. Cassius, Octavia, and Theophania had already been escorted back to the estate well before Julius arrived. Though they simply sat in silence.

Julius was brought to his room, where Claudia cast complex spell after complex spell hoping to minimize the damage. It worked to a certain extent. He lost a lot of blood, and sustained organ damage it seems. He was stabilized, but left with a scar, and still unconscious.

While this happened, Brennos spoke with the three to find out what happened. It started with Cassius and Octavia’s perspective when it got to Theophania…

“I recognized the swordsman… I think we should talk in private Mr. Brennos.”

“No, we talk here. Who was he?” Cassius intervened.

“…very well. That man was named Christos… And he is a knight of the house Decimus. From what I overheard; they were after my lady Octavia’s life.”

Panic was the only way to describe Octavia’s face. Her knees gave out and the only way to describe her expression is ‘terrified’. It makes sense, just after almost getting killed, after almost losing the woman, she thinks of as a mother, she hears that a knight from her biological family is behind this.

“Are you certain?” Brennos checked.

“Yes, I am.”

Octavia’s breathing grew unsteady, she trembled violently. Theophania wrapped her arms around her. Cassius took her hand as well. This didn’t change anything, she stayed still, panicking and trembling, for hours.

Eventually, when she passed out Cassius returned to his brothers’ room. Claudia stayed beside him. There was nothing more that she could do except let him rest. I could not discern the emotions on her face. She stared blankly at Cassius as he entered.

“Cassius, tell me everything.”

He did, slowly and not skipping a single detail he said what he saw and what he learned from Brennos’ examination.

“I see, I think I understand everything. Good job Cassius, if you abandoned that girl, I would be disappointed in you. But you protected her. Learn from this experience. And now, house Decimus is our enemy. That was an assassination attempt, and they will be punished for this.”

Ah, she was repressing anger.

…

The next day came, and Octavia stopped trembling. She instead had a dark look on her face. It was obvious she was depressed, fragile, and any other emotion one would feel if abandoned by their family.

She doesn’t yet know it was for sure an assassination attempt, but they’ll have to tell her eventually. When that happens, she might be left truly broken.

Julius hasn’t woken up yet either. A doctor came and said he would wake up soon but never gave a timeframe. Apparently, he would have died if not for Claudia’s intervention. To cast so many complex spells so quickly one after another, I never realized how amazing she is.

Still, this is bad. I have no clue why her own family would want to kill her, but sleeping soundly will be damn near impossible knowing there are people out to get her. Claudia is pissed, Julius is recovering, and I have no clue when Marcus will get back.

Theophania blamed herself for the incident, but the other maid in the estate and Claudia took care of her. She is partially to blame for letting herself get kidnapped, but if anything, she got caught up in a scheme that was already occurring.

Cassius is going through a lot of emotions; he wants to help his friend but has no clue what to do. He is angry at her family for abandoning her. He is depressed when he thinks about Julius’ injury. Most of all, he is disappointed in himself.

He feels like he should have helped his brother. He feels like he should have been the one to defend his friend, not run away. He knew if he was stronger Julius wouldn’t have gotten hurt. He failed to realize Theophania was kidnapped. He was unable to persuade the attackers to leave. His magic was slow, and he couldn’t react to a blade. His magic wasn’t potent or fast enough to damage the attackers. He was helpless when his friend needed him the most.

With these feelings of inadequacy inside him, he stayed by Octavia’s side. He helped her eat, he cleaned up after her, he provided a handkerchief when she cried. He listened to everything she said. Whatever he could do to support her he did.

…

Another two days of this passed, and then Julius woke up. He would have to stay bedridden for a while, but at least he is alive. Cassius went to visit him, and Octavia too.

“Ah, thank goodness you’re okay.” These were the words Cassius was greeted with.

“Julius… I’m sorry, because of me you were hurt like this… I should have fought too.”

“Dummy, I won, didn’t I? If you were there the battle would have been over like that.” He snapped his fingers, “Besides, fighting is for adults. But if you insist, how about we start training together? Then we’ll truly be partners next time?”

Julius knew exactly what would cheer him up. Empty words wouldn’t help Cassius, what he needed was a promise of action.

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“Then… let’s do that,” Cassius responded.

“Mr. Julius, thank you… you saved me.” Octavia spoke up. She was clearly depressed still, but she had to thank the man who saved her.

“Ah, don’t get me wrong. I fought for Cassius, not you. I don’t approve of this arranged marriage thing, to be honest.” He paused for a bit, thinking. “But I see now. You are clearly not the same as the rest of your family. You aren’t a coward like they are… ugh, I guess it’s fine to be engaged to him. But don’t give in to your family’s cowardly tendencies, alright?”

“Um yes.”

She got caught up in his energy and responded naturally. Well, it seems like her courageous actions earned some favor points from Julius. But really Julius? You gave into accepting this? Am I really the only one here who sees a problem?

Anyway, Julius seems to be ok now. This lifted a load off Octavia’s chest, though she wasn’t close to ok herself. Cassius is trying to be there for her, but he can only do so much. After spending some more time with Julius in his room, they excused themselves. Eventually turning in for the night.

…

Cassius lay in bed preparing to go to sleep.

It’s been seven years since I came to this world huh? Since then, I don’t think I’ve truly processed death. I died once myself.

I wonder, did anyone cry when I perished? I know a lot of people were sad when my parents died. I was sad, but I didn’t give a speech at the funeral. I didn’t cry. I didn’t really mourn, I just stared at the caskets for a bit and went back to my seat.

People noticed, and if they weren’t avoiding me like I had the plague before, they were after that. I stopped caring about others a while before that. It was middle school, sometimes called junior high when it started.

I grew up with these two guys, James, and Eric. We lived by each other, that’s why we hung out. We played Halo and board games together usually. I almost always won; I was talented as a kid in everything not related to moving my body.

But guys that can come up with Settlers of Catan strategies aren’t popular with peers like football players are. My two friends were stars on the traveling football team. James the quarterback, Eric the running back.

In 8th grade, they started talking about me behind my back. It was subtle and I didn’t notice it at all. 9th grade came around and high school started. They continued to spread lies about me, until it accumulated to one big rumor.

They convinced my entire class I was masturbating in the cafeteria during lunch. I found out a couple of days after it spread completely. I told people they were lying, but I was the skinny ugly nerd. They were the handsome, strong, stars of the football team.

In response to others excluding me, I isolated myself and told myself it was me who didn’t want to be around them. It was a lie, I wanted friends, and I wanted to get along with others. But if I admitted that and kept trying to reach out to others, the façade would crumble.

Thus, I dove deeper and deeper into isolation. I isolated myself from neighbors, my extended family, and even my own parents. By the time of the funeral, I convinced myself that my parents were just strangers with a special title even though they paid for my food, shelter, and college. Often working overtime and penny-pinching to do so.

But in high school, at the end of junior year, a girl approached me. She saw me looking at the anime release calendar and asked me if I liked anime. I replied with my usual ego and indifference. But she pressed on and kept talking to me regardless.

I started paying attention to her about a month later. We got along well, I was an asshole to her, but she brushed it off and moved on. We talked often for a few months.

I couldn’t fathom it; I knew better than anyone how awful I was. Why? Why would she put up with someone like me? I somehow concluded that she must be in love with me. So, I asked her out. After getting turned down I spent the entire weekend in my room, theorizing. Trying to figure out why this all happened.

I determined she was just a 'Stacy', toying with my heart for fun. She was secretly laughing at me; she was just another bitch. I deluded myself into thinking she was some villain, and never spoke to her seriously again.

Now, I look at Cassius. I see him going through this effort to comfort someone. It reminds me of her. Outgoing, yet cautious around me. She saw me struggling and in pain and tried to help. Just like Cassius is for Octavia.

She didn’t even know me. She helped me regardless. Going through all that struggle just for some ugly nerd who she owed nothing to.

I see now. This is the type of person I am. I’m glad I killed myself when I did before I could hurt any other good people.

…

A week later, Julius was moving around again. He was even training his sword just like before, this time he did extra training with Cassius.

Claudia cut her lessons short so that she could do work on her own in the study, I don’t know what. I presume it has to do with the investigation into the assassination attempt.

Marcus should have gotten the letter by now and be on his way back. Brennos has reached out to some old friends to come back and work security alongside him. But they won’t be here for a while, so he is working extra to make sure that the house stays safe.

Cassius has continued to spend every waking moment looking after Octavia. Her behavior has started to resemble something I’ve seen before. The feeling of worthlessness, the feeling of being a burden, the belief that you just bring harm to others by existing. Poor kid, she is far too young to be thinking something like that.

I think Cassius has noticed this himself, or maybe he noticed this because I did. He responded by often telling her what he appreciated about her. Thanking her for everything she does for him. Complimenting her. But it’s unnatural. When you start doing stuff like that out of nowhere, people can tell it’s forced. It’s not inherently bad if it’s forced, but people often feel like forced compliments are inherently lies.

When I received kindness that felt forced, I believed it to be malicious. There is no reason to go out of your way to be nice to me unless you are trying to use me for something. That is what I thought. So, I rebelled against kindness itself, I responded to kindness with snark and anger. And people stopped doing nice things for me unless it was accidental or simply natural. This made me feel even more alone, but I thought being alone was for the best. Where did that leave me?

Octavia seems to feel conflicted about this too. I don’t know how she exactly feels, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s like how I felt. Cassius tiptoed around her until the end of the night when they talked by a tree.

“Cass, I’m sorry… I always cause trouble for you. You were forced into an engagement to me. You have to put up with me every day. You almost died because of me. Your brother almost died because of me. Even now you are going through trouble because of how I’m acting recently…”

“Octavia… You did nothing wrong; you were also forced into this engagement. You have to take care of me too. You were almost killed.”

“I like being with you! You are the only friend I ever had! And just because I’m hurting doesn’t mean you should be hurt too. If it happened only to me, it would be for the better.”

“Octavia…” He doesn’t know what to say to this. I wouldn’t either.

“But I know you won’t leave me alone. I don’t want to leave you either. So please, don’t pity me. And allow me to promise you, that someday I won’t need to be protected like a weak little girl.” Her meek voice contrasted with her strong words almost to a comical extent. “Someday, I won’t be a burden to you anymore. Please put up with me until that day comes.”

I couldn’t see strength in her eyes, or her expression when she spoke. She was depressed when saying all of this. So how? How did she think such strong thoughts?

Ah I see. I was wrong, we aren’t anything alike. She thinks she is worthless; she is troubled by pity. But she doesn't blame others. And she moves forward.

Self-acceptance is far better than forcing yourself to be something else. At least in this scenario, she is fine just the way she is, I’m sure. But no one is going to try and change the way she is currently thinking.

I made a mistake when I compared her to myself. She is strong.

Even at such a young age.

Just like Cassius, I’m sure. She will be something great someday.