I recovered from the battle with the temple guardsmen over a few days. I then requested some further time off to focus on something that caught my attention. There was no problem with that request, my superior Ozias was still on his own mission.

I went to a tavern for breakfast and ordered food. I just got something cheap and with the nutrients I need. While eating I overheard a conversation with two soldiers that appeared to be from the royal guard.

“Did you hear? The commander was killed. Apparently, some unit from the republic got him.”

The leader of the royal guard was killed? From what I’ve heard they are really strong. Was it another temple guardsman? Or maybe the rest of the unit. Still, it doesn’t make sense for them to clash this early in the war.

“Yeah, I heard about that. Apparently, we are getting a new leader, someone hand-picked by his highness.”

Well, I don’t really have much interest in this. I will probably ask someone about the battle though. It can’t hurt to know more about the troops in the republic's army.

I go back to eating until I get the bill, tip the waitress, and head back to my estate. Dawn had just broken when I returned to the house I was staying in. Within the study, there are two weapons that I had Lucanus bring back for me.

The sword is not that interesting to me, it will likely be useful in some way after analyzing, but what truly is on my mind is the spear. Whatever ability it has is fascinating, not only that but understanding how it works could help significantly with increasing the lethality of my magic.

I start by pulling the blade close to my eye and looking it all over. I realize quickly that the material is extremely similar to my dagger. After comparing it, the only difference I see in their construction is that the metal on my blade seems much more pure. I didn’t have any evidence of a purity difference, but I definitely felt something like that.

Another thing that caught my mind was the inscriptions that could be found throughout the spear. It did not appear to be any language, but rather a string of symbols with an appearance of hieroglyphics. These however had no inferable aspects like hieroglyphics often have, and no clues regarding how to read them came.

While I thought of trying to replicate these symbols, I immediately realized that if replicating it were possible, the temple in Amidonia would have done so. While that temple made decisions that puzzled me, like giving such a valuable weapon to someone who lost to me, they would ignore the possibility of replicating something like this.

So I will act under the assumption that the means of replicating this enchantment are either non-existent or the conditions to do so are out of my reach. That does not mean I can’t replicate the effect.

I spent about 30 minutes trying to use the spear the way the guardsman used it but to no avail. There must be some sort of trick to it, but I don’t have any clue as to what that trick could be.

I try pouring mana into the weapon and focusing on a location but that doesn’t work. I try thrusting the blade in different ways, but that doesn’t work either. I do combinations of those two. I did every possible thing that could plausibly make this thing activate that came to my mind, but it just wouldn’t work.

I set the spear down for now and looked at the other weapon. I tried picking it up and running mana through it to no avail. I tried imagining myself as the target for blinding, but that didn’t work either.

I even used the same feeling of activating my burning magnesium magic but that didn’t work at all. I questioned my assumptions for a moment, perhaps it’s not the weapons themselves with those abilities but their users' magic?

No, that doesn’t make sense. During that fight, they didn’t use their abilities on anything other than their weapons when it could be advantageous to do otherwise. Plus, they didn’t use any magic other than that binding magic.

While I was working on figuring this stuff out, 3 pm came around. I can’t say for certain that was the time since there are no clocks in this area, but I can approximate it. Lucaunus entered the estate where I was staying, he appeared as if he just woke up.

“What is it?”

“I came to check up on you Cassius. You did get stabbed a few days ago after all. Or is your own mortality so inconsequential to you that you’d forget this?”

“Of course, I remember. Anyways, what can you tell me about that binding magic that was used against me? Was it from a magic item?”

“It was. Domitius told me he saw a ring glowing on the spearman's finger.”

“I see. Thank you for letting me know.”

So those weapons users are unable to cast magic? Then how do you activate these things?

“Lucanus, are you familiar with the method to activate magic items?”

“I have a little knowledge about them, so I’ll tell you what I can. Magic items essentially turn the process of imagining your spell into letters to a certain extent. You still need to have an understanding of the spell formula in order to use it. It tends to take a very long time to learn how to use weapons like this.”

“Is there anything I can do to learn it quicker?”

“You can try and gain some deeper understanding of how it works through research, but that tends to take longer than just practicing it like normal.”

“What does practicing with it look like?”

“Run your mana through the blade and swing it. For many, it takes years to learn how to use a weapon like this, many more to master it.”

“I see, thank you for your help.”

“Why do you want to learn how this blade works? Spears like this are definitely not your style, and you don’t need to use that sword since you have magic that does the same thing. This feels like a waste of time to me.”

“I am trying to master a magic that this spear reminds me of something.”

“I see, well if there is any other way for me to help please just say so.”

“Yeah.”

I went back to analyzing the spear for the rest of the day. I had some dinner made by Lucanus and went to bed. Whenever I lay down to sleep my thoughts race, I think about Cassius, that night, and so much else. After laying down for a few hours a new idea suddenly appeared in my mind.

I walked slowly to the study while thinking about it. When I grabbed the spear I closed my eyes for a few minutes just imagining how I would do this. I held the spear with the vivid image of my mind.

Connect the two locations, gather mana in front of your spear, and bend the space you are focused on. You are not trying to move your spear from one place to another. You are trying to move from one place to another place.

I focused as hard as possible, casting magic to aid me. I imagined my mana bending the space in front of me how I desired while waiting for that sensation. Minutes, tens of minutes, and hours, even more time passed of pure focus.

Then I felt it, my mana being pulled into the blade in front of me. I felt my mana being channeled through this blade, and in doing so something opened in front of me. I stabbed and then… it appeared.

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I had managed to make it activate, and the spear magic finally worked. The focus left me exhausted, but I managed to do it. More importantly, I could feel the sensation in my arms of the magic. With this, I am one step closer to recreating that spell.

A clank sounded behind me, it was the sound of a lantern. I saw Lucanus there looking shocked.

“You… in one day… learned how to use a spear like that? How is that physically possible…”

“I probably can’t use it in combat yet, but I managed to use the ability in this somewhat.”

“I see… you really are amazing Cassius. I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

I wasn’t really in the mood to hear more of his sentimental shit, but he did help me a bit. Well, I didn’t ask for help, so I really don’t have any reason to be grateful. But I will wait a bit before kicking him out.

We ate dinner together and went to bed. I slept only a few hours before the sun came up again. I usually slept until 1-2 pm in my old world and would be willing to do the same here, but sleeping longer than 5 hours at once is considered a blessing to me now.

I spent the next few weeks with a normal training regiment. I had expected my analysis of the spear to take much longer than it did, but that just meant I had spare time to spend on my training.

I added the spear to my regiment. I don’t see myself using it in battle necessarily, but I do want to understand the magic within it. Though it won’t hurt to take it onto the battlefield with me.

Having a two-handed weapon or a one-handed weapon that’s too heavy can get in the way of my attack magic casting. However, if I come across a battle where my magic is useless, I might use this spear as a last resort.

My other training is just like normal, pushing my body hard, then learning and understanding new magic. The spear gave me a clue about a certain type of magic that I have been wondering about for a long time now, so I am going to work hard at reverse-engineering that spell I have seen once before.

Lucanus and I are usually seen together during these weeks, mainly because I won’t leave my estate without him aside from meals. Or more like he forces me to go around town with him

Well, whatever, that was my life for a few weeks.

…

I was called to the headquarters two months into the invasion. Ozias had just gotten back from his mission. The king and princess were in the room when the two of us entered.

“You both did well on your missions. Cassius, I heard of your heroic actions of facing two temple guardsmen alone, well done. Ozias, you live up to my expectations once more. First and foremost I shall grant you your rewards. For Cassius I will give 10,000 Cleia and an honorary rank in the royal guard. For Ozias I will give 50,000 Cleia and 3 servants. Those rewards shall be sent to your estates.”

Honorary rank in the guard huh? Well I suppose this might make the enemy grant me more attention, which is advantageous to me.

“The republic's army has been raised and is on the move. Our supply lines are stable and we have enough surplus supplies to advance further into Amidonian territory. We will leave this city in one month to meet them. When we do I want you two, who are my best soldiers to be ready. Is this understood?”

“Yes” we both respond.

I guess we are finally going to be fighting? Well that’s good news to me. In a month I will officially be 13 years old. Things are moving pretty quickly, I don’t yet consider myself ready to fight the spider unit, but if I run away from this opportunity I may never get my revenge.

If I went into that battle alongside Ozias I am confident the two of us would destroy them. Frankly I can’t imagine Ozias losing to anyone, but that would be the coward's way out. My revenge is mine alone, I will not have my right to kill him taken away from me.

When we left the headquarters, Ozias decided to follow me back to catch up on everything. We moved to the yard immediately so that I could show him my training progress and discuss the battle I had while doing so.

“So you won the fight by quite a thin margin, huh? Another thing it sounds like to me is you were content with merely neutralizing their strategy. That taking advantage of the spearman's own technique was clever and all, but perhaps you should have done more to turn their plans against them.”

“Easy for you to say. You can best any opponent by simply overpowering them. I only have to fight like this because my muscles and body aren’t developed enough.”

“That may be true, but you are far from weak. Temple guardsmen train solely as warriors, and you kept up with them. You are better physically and magically than people in the top of each area. The reason you need to use your mind is not because you are physically weak, but because you so often fight at a disadvantage.”

“I guess what you’re saying is right. But those spider unit guys, they will be physically and magically stronger than me right?”

“For now yes, but remember, it will likely be over a year until you fight them. That isn’t enough time to surpass them necessarily, but if you keep training hard and gaining experience you should be able to keep up with them.”

“Experience? You are saying I should fight more from the temple guardsmen?”

“Exactly, you will have the opportunity in the next battle. I will leave a few of them alive for you to fight, so take the opportunity then.”

“You really are cocky for someone that will face one of the most elite units in the biggest country on earth.”

“They will not be the largest country for long. And there is nobody who can beat me Cassius, I know this all too well.”

“You don’t seem to care much about being the strongest. It’s as if you simply just are.”

“That’s exactly how it is. Cassius, it is nice to be powerful. I get almost anything I want: I kill the people who want to kill me, I sleep with beautiful women all the time, I eat the finest cuisine, I drink wine reserved for royalty, my coin purse is always full, I drown in pleasures daily, but…”

“But?”

“Even with this power I can’t get her back.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a long story.”

“I have time.”

Not understanding Ozias whatsoever kind of pissed me off. I am not going to give up this opportunity to get more information out of him.

“I used to be a monk. I was the strongest monk in the Grekia kingdom within the most prestigious temple. I was on a mission from the temple to kill a beast that was harassing a village when I met her. She was 20, the same age as me at the time. I was there just in time to stop the baby wyvern from killing her. She fled back to her village while I held it off.

It was a tough fight. Even if it was very young for a wyvern, those things are powerful. Even as I am today, wyverns and dragons may prove too tough to beat alone. Regardless, I managed to kill this one due to its youth.

I didn’t get a good look at her during the battle, so when I laid eyes on her in the village it was love at first sight. She was cute, gentle, kind, her smile radiated, her amber eyes drew me in, everything about her was perfect.

I asked her to come with me, and she accepted. Traveling to cities and towns alongside her was the happiest I had ever been. After only knowing her for a month I proposed. She happily agreed.

I had to leave the temple because of this, but it was fine. I moved to the countryside as an adventurer, making a stable living and spending our days together. I couldn’t ask for anything more, I prayed every night thanking God for what he gifted me.”

I didn’t speak up, I already knew the end to this story. He is here today alone, never praying, fucking women and treating them like just playthings. He loves alcohol and indulgence. A true degenerate hedonist to the core. Not that I’m very different.

“It was just 3 years after I met her, we were visiting a friend at their lumber mill celebrating her pregnancy. She was crouching by the log pile picking a dandelion she found. when a log rolled over on top of her torso, almost killing her instantly.

I ran and threw the log off of her. She was hurt badly, blood came out of her ears, nose, eyes, mouth, and from the ribs poking out of her stomach. She turned from the most beautiful woman in the world to a horrendous sight of gore.

I cast the most powerful healing magic I could. I felt the sensation of her life in my hands. With the power to feel this, I also felt the sensation of that life going away, the sensation of her death in my very hands.”

A falling log… I can hardly think of anything more devastating. Going from true happiness and bliss, to losing everything to such a random occurrence.

“You know exactly what I mean don’t you Cassius? This universe is absurd. There is no meaning behind any of this, all is random chance. Within this game of random chance there are only losers.

Happiness is only the short term dulling of pain. Once that pain reliever is gone, all the suffering you felt is magnified. All you can do is replace that method of dulling pain with another. Once you no longer have love and peace, alcohol and fucking are the only things that can possibly make the pain go away.

I don’t love or hate anything anymore. Nothing is good or bad anymore. There is only the avoidance of suffering. You understand don’t you?”

“No, I don’t care if I suffer. If I avoid suffering, then I will never achieve my goals.”

“I see, achieving revenge is your method of avoiding true suffering isn’t it.”

“This path has led me to be stabbed, clubbed, burned and more. I don’t sleep, I have killed innocent people, I have seen horrifying things. I have only suffered because of my goals, don’t say I’m avoiding anything!”

“Have you considered that deep down accepting their deaths would hurt much much more than what you have already experienced? That your surface level suffering is just the avoidance of a much deeper and more dreadful suffering?”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

I point my dagger at his throat.

He takes the hint and walks away.

And I fall to my knees exhausted from the talk.

I’m not running away from anything. I have accepted their deaths, this is something I am doing for them.

That's right, all of this is for their sake.