The day had started well enough for Emily, with the warmth of her budding friendship with Lily still quite fresh in her mind. However, as the day progressed, there were moments when she felt unfamiliar emotions and instincts stirring inside her—feelings she wasn’t sure were entirely Daniel’s or someone else’s or both. There was something else in the background.
Consequently, in math class, Emily struggled with writing neatly. Her adult knowledge was intact, the exercises trivial, but her small hands found it difficult to manage the dexterity required for writing with a child's pencil. After years of sitting in padded office chairs as Daniel, her current unsupportive child-sized desk and chair felt awkward and uncomfortable, making it even harder for her to concentrate. As she awkwardly fumbled with her pencil, her worksheet became increasingly illegible. The ambient noise of the classroom seemed to grow louder, each sound amplifying her frustration. Her heart began to pound, and a faint ringing started in her ears.
Just as she was about to reach her breaking point, a boy sitting across the room noticed her struggle and began to laugh.
"Look at Emily! She writes like a baby!" he jeered, his voice carrying across the classroom.
Several other kids joined in, their laughter echoing in her ears. The mocking stung, and Emily felt waves of panic that felt foreign, yet oddly familiar, crashing against her. She almost let loose a torrent of curses that Daniel would have been accustomed to in his original life but something in her clashed - she froze. It was as though Daniel’s trauma was resonating but there was a gentle pushback, from somewhere deep within trying to soothe her.
The classroom teacher chided the children and the mocking ceased, but the damage was done—Daniel’s pushed through the voice trying to self soothe and awoke in its ugly glory within Emily. Her chest tightened, and her mind raced, bringing back memories of Daniel's lonely and humiliating moments in his adult life.
She froze, feeling the same paralysis that had gripped Daniel during moments of intense stress. The anger and frustration that followed were all too familiar as well. 'Why can’t I stand up for myself?' she thought, her mind spiraling into the same downward loop of self-loathing that Daniel had experienced countless times. 'I’m useless - as always.'
But a faint voice in her head, barely a whisper, said otherwise. It was small, but it was there - “You’re not useless! We are not useless!”
As Emily struggled to hold back tears in math class, she stared directly at her desk to avoid contact. 'Damn it, I can't let them see how much it hurts,' she thought, clenching her fists tightly.
Closing her eyes, she began the slow, deep breathing exercises that Daniel used to rely on during his anxiety attacks. 'Close your eyes, breathe deeply, count to ten—let the waves pass.' As she reached ten, however, the waves of anxiety stubbornly persisted, overwhelming Emily’s resolve. 'Why aren’t they passing?' she wondered, her breaths shallow and quickening despite her efforts. Her body seemed to resist Daniel’s usual coping mechanisms, almost like it wanted to do something else entirely, as though a secondary set of instincts wanted her to scream out.
Emily stumbled through the rest of the school day, barely holding it together. Each class felt like a marathon, her thoughts continually drifting back to the mocking laughter. During art class, normally her favorite, she struggled to concentrate, her hands trembling as she tried to draw. The usual solace she found in any and all creative activities was overshadowed by the anxiety gnawing at her.
At lunch, Emily sat quietly, picking at her food, her usual engagement absent. Just as Lily was about to ask her again if she was okay, Lucy appeared out of nowhere and threw her arms around Emily from behind.
"Hey, Emily! Why so quiet today?" Lucy said playfully, her voice light and cheerful.
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Emily forced a smile, trying to appreciate Lucy's enthusiasm, but the sudden hug made her feel like she was choking. Daniel’s usual discomfort swelled, but it was mixed with something else—an unfamiliar warmth that tried to break through.
Her body, Emily’s body, wasn’t entirely rejecting the hug, even if her mind still did.
She stiffened, feeling yet another fresh wave of panic wash over her. "Just tired…so..tired," she managed to say, her voice barely a whisper.
Lily noticed Emily's discomfort and Lucy's playful demeanor, sensing that something was off but choosing not to comment. "Yeah, we all have those days," Lily said softly, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe you’re... super tired…and just need a good night's sleep."
Lucy, oblivious to the tension, started chattering about her favorite TV show. Emily half-heartedly listened, grateful for the distraction but feeling overwhelmed by the attention Lucy's antics were drawing. She tried to shrink into herself, wishing she could disappear byt a second set of instincts fought to remain present, trying to engage, even as Daniel struggled to hold it all back.
The rest of the day was a blur of strained concentration and fleeting moments of panic. Every time someone laughed or whispered, Emily's heart raced, fearing they were talking about her. By the time she got home, the weight of the day had settled heavily on her shoulders, her energy completely drained.
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That night, as she lay in bed, the ghosts of Daniel’s life began to haunt her in earnest. But this time, it was different. The images and memories came, but a second observer was watching too quietly in the back of her mind.
They both remembered Daniel's bad health, his constant fear of the future, and the isolation that had come with his depression. The jeering of the boys at school had triggered something deep within her, a wound that had torn open again. But this wasn’t entirely Daniel’s pain—it felt split between them, like two people sharing the same wound.
Emily's mind drifted into a restless sleep, and she found herself in a nightmare. She was Daniel again, standing in front of a crowd, fumbling with papers as they laughed at him. The scene shifted to his office, where he struggled to keep up with the demands of his job, feeling increasingly overwhelmed and alone. He had endured a series of toxic workplaces, each one chipping away at his confidence. The last one had a particularly toxic manager, who seemed to take pleasure in pushing him to the edge. The walls seemed to close in on him, suffocating him with the weight of his own inadequacies, guilt, and self-loathing squeezing any hope or pleasure out of his existence.
Emily woke up screaming, her heart pounding in her chest. Her parents rushed into her room, their faces etched with worry.
"Emily, what's wrong?" Sarah asked, sitting on the edge of her bed and pulling her into a comforting embrace.
Emily couldn't find the words to explain the depth of her fear, or the strange duality of the memories swirling inside her. Where could she start by explaining the confusing circumstances of the past few days? She certainly did not know a means of explaining the vividness of her memories—of Daniel’s memories. She felt trapped, unsure of what to say—or how. She just clung to her mother, tears streaming down her face—enough grief for both Daniel and Emily being released across two lifespans.
"We're here for you, sweetheart," her father said softly, rubbing her back. "Whatever it is, we'll get through it together."
The kindness broke more barriers, and Emily howled into her mother’s arms—unloading the grief she felt at being jeered, her inadequacy about her handwriting, the fear that gnawed at her the entire day, not knowing whom to ask for help or how.
Emily's mother held her close, feeling the tremors in her daughter's body. "Oh Emily, I’m so sorry…that’s terrible. But you're safe, Emily. You’re safe right now. We love you," she whispered, brushing tears from Emily's cheek. Both parents held her in a protective cocoon, rocking her, reassuring her—as Emily slowly and finally drifted off to sleep.
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The next day at school, Emily felt the lingering effects of her nightmare. The jeering from the previous day still echoed in her mind, but there was a small part of her that felt a glimmer of hope. Despite the humiliation, she realized that she wasn't alone in this new life. Her parents were there for her even when they did not know how to help her, even when she couldn’t explain what she needed.
The path to healing from Daniel's trauma wouldn't be easy or quick, but Emily sensed that something deeper was shifting - so close to being born - someone that could bring balance between Daniel’s past and future. It was a small comfort, but in the face of her internal battles, it was something she could hold on to.
The path to healing from Daniel's trauma wouldn't be easy or quick, but Emily felt she had more support now than she ever did in her previous life. It was a small comfort, but in the face of her internal battles, it was something she could hold on to.