Another week passed. And things were starting to feel much better, we may have lost almost the entire camp but now, we had the numbers again.

I didn't ask to lead any goblins to Makur, since I didn't want to bother with it, to begin with, I spend any free time I had trying to make more medicine for Maeld instead, finally managing to make something that smelled similar and looked similar.

Fogosh and I trained the goblins together, he taught me how my training methods were ineffective. That if I wanted to teach something to a goblin, I had to demonstrate first and expect them to repeat it later, so I would beat one of them and then making repeat what he saw, this was a success.

In exchange for all the information and support he was giving me, Fogosh asked me to teach him how to deal with herbs more closely, so I agreed and we began searching for plants together, I kept a secret the medicine I was making for Maeld, but he helped me immensely in the collection of the important roots, herbs, and mushrooms I needed unknowingly.

Time spent with Maeld has been everything I ever wanted, and more. I still teach her words and try to make her learn, so we spend quite a bit of time together that doesn't go to waste. She sneaks a touch when Makur isn't looking, with a tender smile, and longing eyes...but then there is another problem, her scratching has grown worse.

I saw it occasionally at first but now is frequent, I have offered to make her an ointment but she insists is just the place she sleeps, and assures me that once we leave the tower the itch will go away.

My training with Makur continued, and by now he was healed enough to spar with me, and he was impressed by my quick learning of his moves, unaware it was all thanks to the trance. However, I found myself with a busy mind and being the attentive warrior he is, he noticed.

I fall to the ground hard as he swirls around and punches my stomach, I should have seen it coming.

"What is it? Your mind is not in the right place" Makur says stretching his hand out, lifting me with ease to my feet.

I lean against the stone wall of the ancient tower, placing a hand on the still sore spot where he hit me, and for the first time, I simply felt like letting it all out.

"I don't know how to feel about this, about any of this. I was a prisoner, and now I'm training with you after working on the goblins I went to gather with Fogosh" I say as he sits on the grass next to me, pulling me down forcefully so that I sit as well before speaking.

"You sounded very sure about this when you first agreed to join us" he raises an eyebrow with a serious expression, before lightening up and chuckling to himself "I don't know what is your story, but when we found you I thought you were no more than a very capable savage goblin we happened to stumble upon. Now I know we were wrong, just look at this," he says as he gestures to the field around us.

It is a small space between the tower and the forest, now fully covered with green leaves. But in it, goblins are sparing with each other diligently with the weapons they brought, as I instructed them.

"And not just that, but look at him," he says then pointing at Dubby, who is keeping watch of the new goblins, making sure they don't slack and guiding them when one struggles "I admit, I let him join us because I thought it was cute, like a pet for the warband. Now even he is looking like a capable warrior, stronger, secure. That's on you"

And he is right. Dubby has been trying very hard to please me, by constantly hanging around me awaiting any order and training each morning on his own with the spear. So even if it's done to leave a good impression on me, he is improving himself.

"As I said, I do not know what was your life before us. But I know that this is your life now, and you have a talent for it. I have seen your prowess in battle, and your talent when leading your men is proven right in front of us, this may not have been the life you pictured, but it is the life you get, so make the most of it" he squeezes my shoulder with a sincere smile, and I smile back.

"What about you? What is your story?" my question seems to sour the mood a bit, as he lets go of me and looks up, lost in memories for a brief moment.

"I was exiled. Kinslaying" he simply states, glancing at me as if to see my reaction before lowering his head, maybe in shame "My father is...a noble of our lands, so he was forced to exile me at least for a few years. I was justified in my actions, but the law is the law, and I have been wandering for a while in between the human lands and that of my people. One more year and I will return, with the woman to my side" Maeld's mention causes a smile to creep on his face "And I won't be Makur, lone in name, anymore"

While it makes me feel guilty. I look away from him.

"Keep teaching her, Ushkur. I want her to tell me her name herself" he slaps his hands together and stands up, grabbing his axe as well "If you survive with us another year, I would like to take you with me back home and make you a retainer of mine. Like Orokur, it would be unusual, but I'm curious to see how you develop and fight you at my fullest" he cracks a friendly smile, slapping the back of my head playfully as he laughs and walks away.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

I remain seated, his words weighing heavy in my mind. This was a life of battles, of murder, thievery, and yet...I was feeling at peace, comfortable, and welcomed. It was what I searched for and dreamed of after losing Ismeina.

How did things turn out this way? And I remembered that I was supposed to leave with Fogosh, find a witch and become human once more...but now I no longer knew, I am lost.

"For fuck's sake. You can't stay on one path now, can you? Dumb fuck. You should follow your own path, your own desires, free from any other influence! You just jump to whatever is more convenient, you lack conviction, and you are a COWARD!"

I'm trying to find happiness! Like we are all! And I'm trapped in this world that twists and corrupts trying to keep my humanity.

"I know you best than even yourself, and let me tell you...you don't have what it takes to be human, you never did. From the very beginning, you have been a monster"

I throw away the wolf pelt, its empty eyes looking right through me, making my blood boil with anger...until I see Dubby looking at me curiously, and I decided to approach him, maybe doing something together could ease my mind a bit.

Picking up reluctantly the wolf pelt I walk up to him, and when he sees me do that he perks up, ignoring the two goblins he was looking over and rushing to my side.

"Let's go hunting" My words may still sound sharp with my earlier anger because he loses his eager smile, but just for a moment before it grows back and he nods.

It is the first time I go hunting with Dubby, so I make sure to give him the basics of throwing a spear but he already knows them, turns out it wasn't his first time hunting. His confidence, however, disappears the moment I tell him to wait for me once we are deep inside the woods while I look for a deer or something to lure toward him.

"W-We hunt smaller game, perhaps? Bunny? Bird?"

"There are a lot of us, we need something larger. Do you want to go lure him instead?" I ask, gesturing forward with a spear in my hand.

"N-No, we stick together, safer that way" he grows anxious, I can see his chest raising quickly, his eyes looking all around as if we were surrounded by dangerous creatures "We are far, we look for game closer to home?"

"Fogosh is in charge of looking for danger, if any gnolls or something else lured close he would tell us. There is nothing to fear" I grow impatient, too on edge to endure his rambling "What is your problem? I thought you were strong enough" My words seem to cut deep, deeper than intended, his face becoming one of pure horror, almost cowering in front of me.

"I am, strong..." he whispers, holding the spear close to his chest as if his life depended on it, his breathing grows even more erratic.

"Hey" it's too much, he seems about to break down in tears. I reach out for him, grabbing him by the arm so he can support himself on me "Hey, calm down, what is wrong?"

"I...then, before. Lairs that like D-Me, that let me in " he swallows hard, looking away from me "They do, and they regret. Too weak, too dumb. Don't like Du-ME. Don't like ME no more" he struggles, trying to learn how to speak better even now "So, we go hunting. And me stay behind, watch for prey or wait here...Goodbye...Doobye...Dubbye...Dubby"

He looks...so incredibly vulnerable, so broken. Left behind for who knows many times I can't help but feel sorry. To be abandoned by probably the only ones who will ever tolerate you...I feel my frustration dissipate as I squeeze him closer.

"I won't leave you, Dubby" after all, I know too well what is like to be alone.

My words offer him some comfort as his incessant shaking stops, and his breathing normalizes, he looks at me with his eye full of hope, and a smile. All while the demon laughs, amused at Dubby's misfortune.

"Throw me far away when you decide to stick it in his willing ass HAHAHA!"

We don't hunt anything, and my objective to take my mind away from my thoughts is also never achieved. The opposite is true actually, as we walk around the woods, Dubby searching for bunnies, I can't stop thinking about what's to come.

I thought escaping this warband was the logical path to take, but I didn't count on Maeld preferring to stay here, or to grow close to me...or that I would come to befriend the one-eyed nerve wreck that is Dubby...even wishing to get to know Makur better.

Everything I thought I knew is wrong. At least for the most part.

Without a doubt, this warband will cause harm to innocents, but if I stick with them, maybe I can make a change, and save others by changing those near me. Maybe I was brought into this world for a reason and this is it.

With the soul of a man, maybe I can change monsters.

The sun leaves on the horizon as the night falls upon us, Dubby and I return to the tower empty-handed, but he is content, and I, with new resolve. So as soon as I see Fogosh returning from his scouting I approach him.

"Fogosh, we need to talk" he glances at the other goblins and jerks his head to the side, we walk a bit further away and when he leans against a tree, I don't beat around the bushes "I have thought about it, and I can't leave with you. I will stay with Makur and this warband"

This was not what he expected. He straightens his back and frowns, forcing me to step back as I almost feel like reaching for my war picks. There is a dangerous look in his eyes, but as soon as it came, it vanishes.

His entire self changes, taking a step back and looking at me shocked, and confused.

"What? But, I thought you wanted to be a human again" he analyzes me from head to toe as if checking for anything different "What made you change your mind?"

"I can't leave Makur or Dubby...I have a responsibility to them"

"Or the woman" is a statement, not a question. He shakes me, the words full of poison, how much does he know? "Let me know if you change your mind"

He says that and leaves me alone to my thoughts, if he knows too much I don't want to imagine what would happen if Makur knew, the consequences of it. And when I want to press for more, when I want to know if he meant it as a treat, Orokur steps out of the tower.

"Enjoy this place while it lasts, the day after tomorrow we leave!" he announces to everyone.

Fogosh glances at me as he approaches the tower, in his eyes, anger.